She was too confused by the action to move. When Julius spoke, his voice was rougher, and he choked on the last word.
Then he kissed her hair.
She closed her eyes as guilt started to eat at her. He was truly worried. Beyond worried, it seemed. She was almost sure she’d broken him in some way. She could feel his heart. It punched against her ear where he held her. She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m all right.”
He didn’t answer at first, but then he began to rock her. “You could have died.”
She hadn’t planned to stab herself. She’d actually planned to faint and remain on the ground until Julius went away.
Why she’d thought he’d leave, she didn’t know. Julius may have thought poorly of her mind, but he clearly cared. The guilt rose again.
She rubbed his back. “It’s all right. You…” Should she tell him the truth? She feared his reaction too greatly for that. He clearly became quite emotional at the thought of her death. It made a special part of her warm, knowing he cared this much. “You saved me.”
His fingers moved to her hair, gently detangling the mess she’d purposefully created an hour ago. His other hand cradled her back, keeping her close. “Perhaps… Bedlam is the right place for you.”
“No.” She struggled in his hold to meet his eyes. There were still enough candles lit for her to make out his face. “I don’t want to go back.”
He frowned. “Then you need to be with someone who can protect you, Maura.” He shook his head and moved so he was cradling her back. “None of them will protect you with the same obstinacy that I would.”
Maura lowered her brows and considered his words. He was a rather stubborn man. Natalia had told her that Julius had agreed to keep away from her, yet here he was. “You couldn’t protect me if we lived in separate places.”
“Then we’ll live together.” He clamped his jaw together as though the thought pained him. A muscle in his cheek twitched. “We’d have to share a room as well if I’m to make sure you never do this again at night.”
Maura’s eyes widened. The same room? This situation was getting better by the moment. Still, he’d never love her. “Why do I matter so much?”
“We’re friends, and I’m desperately tired of losing the people I care for. Natalia and Lorenzo just returned to my life. I don’t want to lose anyone else.” His expression was intense.
She looked away from it and bit her lip.
He guided her gaze back to him. “Say you’ll marry me, Maura. I received word from the vicar. He can be here in two to three days.”
She touched his chest and pushed away. “No.”
His eyes became dark. “You’ll never get one of them to agree to a marriage in such haste.”
“Anthony has already proposed.” She nearly smiled at the surprise that came on his face.
She’d spoken to Anthony in the hall at Adair’s house. He understood the game that was being played. He’d told her what Julius had said about her state of mind, which had angered her, but then he’d surprised her by letting her know he didn’t mind having an eccentric wife in the least. He’d had enough women in his life to know a common lady would bore him. Maura, he found fascinating.
Anthony said he’d woo Maura after they married and then promised her whatever she wished for. That included his body and his seed. He’d promised all of this while he’d had her backed against the wall. She’d had to evade his mouth when it tried to capture hers, but that hadn’t distracted him. His mouth had trailed down her throat, and she’d had to lock her body to keep from trembling. Then she’d used all her force to push him away and fled.
Her thoughts had immediately turned to Julius, again wondering what she should do, but at the sight of Julius in the other hall, she’d grown angry again. How dare he tell people she was a madwoman?
Yet now, she could feel very little anger. What she did feel was loss.
“Do you wish to marry Anthony?” Julius asked in a low whisper.
Maura felt unease at the question, as though life and death hung in the balance. “I want a family, Julius.”
“Anthony will never stay faithful to you.”
“You don’t know that.” Her anger was returning. She sat up, which brought them closer, then she stood, using his shoulders to do so. “The ghost is gone. You may leave now.”
“I’ll remain just in case.”
She moved to blow out the remaining candles. “There’s no need. He never returns twice in one night.”
“You also said he never came to see you at Morris’s estate. He’s breaking rules, therefore I stay.”
She turned to him. “It isn’t right.”
He was grinding his teeth together. “Maura, you nearly stabbed yourself. If you think I’m leaving, you’re wrong.” Then he turned away and blew out the candles on the vanity.
Maura used the water at the sideboard and cleaned her face. There was no point in fighting Julius. Had the shoe been on the other foot, she’d have remained by her friend as well. Him remaining in her room wasn’t proper, but nothing about the Brotherhood or the Spinsters was ever proper if they could help it.
She moved to her bed and nearly jumped out of it when Julius went to the other side. He sat and then hunched over, giving Maura his back. The sound of movement led her to believe he was removing his shoes. “What are you doing?”
“Preparing for bed.”
“Bed? You mean you plan to sleep in my bed?”
“Yes.” He didn’t bother to turn around.
Maura remained where she was and only sat back in the bed after he’d removed his first boot. “Well, so long as you remain on your side, I suppose...”
He turned to her then, his gaze hard. “Maura, after what I just witnessed, making love is the last thing on my mind.”
That cooled her swiftly. Did her little show have him rethinking his choice of bed partner? This should have made her glad, but it didn’t.
She pulled back the sheet and slipped in. She rested her hands on her chest and then continued to watch him, both hoping he’d keep his clothes on and wishing he’d remove them. Her mind became flooded with the image of Julius without his shirt. She knew what his muscles felt like but wished to see them for herself.
Disappointment hit her when he kept his clothes on, pulled back the sheets on his side of the bed, and slipped underneath before resting his head on the other pillow.
The silence was unpleasant, the distance vast even though they laid right next to one another. She closed her eyes and recalled the way he’d cradled her and the feel of his lips as they brushed her hair. It was on those thoughts that she slipped into a peaceful sleep.
* * *
chapter 36
* * *
Julius was awoken from his sleep by a tickling sensation at his nose. He lifted a hand to wipe it away, but the offending object was relentless. Slowly, he opened his eyes and found his fingers tangled with a long lock of golden hair. He also noticed that his chest and lower body felt heavier. Blinking through the brightness of the sunlight, he glanced down and found a woman whose face he couldn’t see. A quick glance around the room forced him to recall the other night. The strong scent of wax had calmed in the hours they’d been asleep. There was sounds from outside the room, footsteps traveling down the halls, and some laughter from the servants.
From his position on the edge of the bed, it was clear that he’d not moved during the night, yet Maura had. Her body lay resting on his. Her arm and chest curled into him, her leg thrown over his own. Her slender fingers gripping his shirt as though she thought him her anchor.
There was an expanding sensation in his chest and he fought to pull in air. With her head so close to him, he could smell her hair, the lotus fragrance stronger when he leaned closer. He breathed deeply and found it to be cleansing to his soul.
His other arm moved, and he found it to be wrapped around her back, holding her to him in a secure embrace. Had they slept like this all night?
&n
bsp; He gently brushed her hair back down but may not have been gentle enough because she moved, shifting closer. Had he not been holding her as he was, she’d have likely rolled both of them off the bed. Instead, her movement simply forced more of her slender form on top of him. Her softness pressed into his hardness. Her legs stroked up his trousers, once, twice before she settled. She moaned contently and something about that sultry sound woke his erection.
He needed to get up and leave before she woke.
He began to work at her hand that clung to him, unfastening her fingers from him. Then with as much stealth as he could manage, he slipped from the bed and stood.
She didn’t wake. Her fingers dangled from the side of the bed and now that he could move, he was able to see her face. She wore a gentle expression, nothing like the torment he’d seen etched into her features the previous night. If anyone looked at her now, they’d never have guessed what had taken place the other night. Frank was wrong, it seemed. Albion only existed in her head, and she’d need someone to protect her if that were true.
On the days he didn’t loathe his mother, Julius wondered what would have become of the marchioness if there’d been someone there to protect her. His uncle had been the one to conspire toward his death. His mother had fallen for his father’s brother, a married man with cruel intentions. He’d taken advantage of his mother’s illness and turned her against her own son.
That would not happen to Maura. He vowed it to himself at that very moment, and a brother in the Men of Nashwood always kept his vows.
He wondered if Maura was aware of that, if she knew that he’d keep their marriage vows. He’d never touch another woman once they married, not that he’d want to. Since her, since he’d found himself vying for every chance he could get to be in her company, he’d been unable to look at other women.
It was unfortunate that he couldn’t love her, however. It was an emotion he was no longer capable of, taken from him the moment his mother had raised a gun to his head. But he’d protect her with his life and strive to make her happy.
He stared at Maura a moment longer.
Her lips were slightly parted. He tucked a golden lock behind her ear and then scowled.
He’d wanted her to wake, he realized. He’d wanted to watch her eyes open and then he’d wanted to kiss her, taste her, and carry part of her essence with him through the day. It seemed only natural after yesterday morning.
But she’d not woken and was unable to give him permission, so he decided he wouldn’t steal from her more than a small token.
He kissed her open mouth gently and then pulled away.
Still nothing. She was all but gone from the world, and he’d have been scared if not for her obvious breathing. He sighed, stood, and left the room.
He was only mildly surprised to find Natalia in the hall. He closed Maura’s door. “Tally.”
“I won’t bother nagging you about this, since Lorena explained to me that you wish to meet Albion for yourself, but you should know that Albion doesn’t appear to Maura while at Cort Castle.”
Julius strolled toward her. “He did last night.” He kissed her cheek good morning as her eyes widened with surprise. “Frank was wrong. Albion is all in Maura’s head. He’s not real.”
Something visibly broke in Natalia, her face crumbling with tension. “Are you sure?”
Julius nodded. “She stared at the wall as she spoke to him. Then…” He decided to leave off what happened with the blade, a blade that currently rested in his pocket. He’d placed it in his boot last night, trying to hide it from Maura just in case she woke sometime during the night and tried to ‘give her soul’ to Albion once more.
Natalia lifted a dark brow. “And then?” She twisted her hands, her worry growing.
He grinned and grabbed his cousin’s shoulders. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Then his look became grave. “None of the other men will suit Maura. She needs me. I’ll protect her, because I care for her. None of the other men can say that at the moment and we’re running out of time.”
Natalia stared at him and then looked away. “I’ll… discuss it with the Spinsters and Maura.”
He kissed her head, deciding her words would do for now.
* * *
chapter 37
* * *
Maura was being a coward. She knew it in her heart as Natalia walked across the grass toward Julius. She’d told the Spinsters after breakfast about what had happened the previous night and why she’d done it. She’d been angry when she’d made her grand scheme to scare Julius away and after they’d all had a laugh and then sighed over her confessing to the tender way he’d held her afterward, it was decided that Julius should know she lied.
And that Natalia would deliver the news.
Since breakfast, the group had taken a walk through the woods and toward a river where a group of rowboats awaited. Previously, the activity had been planned as another competition, but since the game’s suspension for the moment, everyone had decided to take the boats for a leisurely excursion through more of Morris’s property. Along the river would be different ruins and an abundance of shade.
The air was cooler in the woods, but Maura’s brow broke into a sweat as Natalia reached Julius.
He stood a great many yards away, in front of the boat he’d be taking with Lorenzo. Maura had decided to ride with Anthony, since he’d offered first and by all accounts was the best rower in the group.
The creaking of the boat caught her attention. There were staff members holding oars and positioned by the twelve boats that would be released from the riverbed and into the dark blue waters.
The groups started to move. The couples seemed excited.
“Ready, Miss Maura?”
She turned and smiled at Anthony but couldn’t speak. He had a boyish grin on his lips. The dark beauty of the forest made his eyes seem brighter. He held out a hand and she took it.
A thrill went through her body that had nothing to do with her fingers against Anthony’s. She glanced back down to where Julius was standing and caught his eyes.
She shivered again at his hostile look. All that intense anger hit her hard. His hands tightened into twin fists at his side.
Maura moved closer to Anthony. “I’m ready.” She barely allowed him to help her into the boat. Instead, she hoped in. “I’m so excited!” Could he hear the fear in her voice?
He laughed and positioned himself at the other end of the boat, closer to the shore. He excused the readied footman and started to push their rower into the water himself, flexing his muscled arms as he moved.
The boat barely settled in the water before Anthony leaped in and positioned himself. His movements were as elegant as anything else he did, but she hardly noticed as her eyes moved toward the shore again.
She gasped when Julius started from the shore and into the water but stopped when his boots hit the river. His eyes were locked on her and promised retribution.
She bit her lip.
“I suppose he’s not taking it well,” Anthony said.
She turned to him. “Hm?”
“Your rejection.” Anthony turned to look back at Julius, who was still standing on the shore glaring at them both. “He’d clearly thought you’d ride with him, but you’re not. You’re with me.”
Maura tried for another smile and nodded. Then slowly, she relaxed. The trip to the other side of the property where a picnic would be waiting for them would take time, and she hoped that Julius would have calmed by then.
She released a breath and tried to steady her heart. She let her eyes settle on Anthony and then glanced around the forest. It was so peaceful, exactly what she needed at the moment. Only the sounds of Anthony’s oar skirting the water’s surface made any noise and that was pleasant as well. “This is lovely.”
“Yes.”
She turned to him again. He was watching her. His arms rotated on shoulders she hadn’t known to be so powerful until now. She’d been slightly afraid of letting hi
m take her out on the water after their encounter the previous night. He hadn’t forced himself on her, but Maura knew that had she been a weaker woman with an available heart, she’d have allowed him to do as he pleased, but a trip down the river was not like a dark hall. He sat on the other side of the boat, his hands preoccupied, which made him far from dangerous.
His voice, like a dark shadow, slipped through the silence and shattered her theory on him not being dangerous. “I’ve never made love on a boat. Perhaps, it will be an experience I’ll save for when I’m with my wife.”
Maura’s cheeks heated, and she said the first silly thing that came to mind. “You can’t… do such a thing on a boat. Anyone could see.” She knew her words had been a mistake when Anthony’s eyes glittered. A true daughter of the ton would have never indulged a suitor in such talk. She tried to change the subject. “Did you enjoy your years at Oxford?”
He shrugged and continued to roll his shoulders as he guided them down the river. “Some moments more than others. I did enjoy my time on the water.”
Maura’s eyes were caught at the strength of him, yet Julius and Lorenzo were gaining on them and Maura didn’t understand how that could be when there had been so many other boats between them.
Julius was rowing with great speed, and one glance into his eyes proved her to be his destination.
Maura licked her lips and turned to Anthony. “I’m sure you were a great bowman.”
“I was.” He grinned, obviously enjoying the topic of himself. “I beat every man who thought to race me.”
Maura moaned a sound she hoped sounded more like wonder than fear. She wrapped her fingers around the boat’s smooth wooden sides. “Well, if you don’t hurry, you’ll lose this one.”
* * *
chapter 38
* * *
Anthony turned around and saw Julius just as their boat came up beside them.
“Maura.” Julius spat her name as though it had a foul taste.
Maura’s Special Spinster’s Society (The Spinster’s Society) (A Regency Romance Book) Page 13
