We still hadn’t seen each other as much as I’d wanted to. She was determined not to accept help and was dedicated to being the best mother she could be to Andy, so I could hardly fault her. But I missed her.
“How’s it organized?” I asked.
“Huh?” Her brows dipped.
“The list, what kind of order is it in?”
“Uhh…” She looked down at it and shifted on her feet. “It’s in the order we thought of it.”
I frowned. “You don’t sort it by where it’s located in the store?” She stared at me as if I was crazy. I didn’t know why—I shopped sensibly.
“No?”
I had to laugh when her shoulders curled in, like she was a little kid about to get in trouble. “Okay, let’s see it.”
Ellie held it out to me but froze when I tried to take it from her. I looked up to find her eyes wide and focused on something across the store. Following her stare, I saw an older couple standing by the bakery. By the time I turned back around, her limbs had unlocked and her expression morphed into determination.
“Who are they?” The words came out measured. I had a feeling I knew who they were, and I really didn’t want to be right.
“My parents.”
My hands curled into fists as my fears were confirmed. Damien had made it clear they were bad news. He told me about the phone call he’d had with his mother where she suggested Ellie abort her baby, and I nearly lost it. He’d told me a few other things that made me want to throttle someone. Somehow I’d always managed to stay calm around him.
The problem was Ellie had never told me any of this, so I couldn’t tell her what I really thought. She wasn’t supposed to know I knew. But I had a bad feeling about all of this. There was a reason Damien didn’t trust them.
“I should go talk to them.”
“No.”
Shit.
The response was automatic. But I couldn’t let her know the full weight of my knowledge. My mind raced with all the things I knew about them, trying to pick apart whether Damien or Ellie had told me.
“I thought they kicked you out,” I started gently. That was something she’d hinted at. Damien had flat-out told me, but it wouldn’t be a leap for me to assume that based on things she’d said.
“Sort of. It was a complicated time. Damien and I were younger then…”
“Most people don’t change,” I said bluntly. Ellie started fidgeting and twisting her fingers.
“You’re probably right. But everyone should be given the chance to, shouldn’t they?” She finally looked away from them, staring up at me. Her eyes were soft; she seemed so innocent.
Before I could respond she continued, “I remember this one time, I was about seven or eight and my mom took me shopping. It was a pretty big deal since we never really did stuff like that together. I was so excited. I ran back and forth, getting her different sizes and finding other colors. It was such a simple day, ya know? One of those perfect days. I don’t know why she changed or why I remember that day over all the awful ones. I keep going back to it. I keep thinking that deep down, that’s who she really is.” She had been smiling as she recounted it, but now it slowly slipped.
“I’m not stupid. I don’t think they’ll suddenly change,” she whispered. “I don’t think my mom will welcome me with open arms or regret any of the things she’s said to me. I don’t think my dad will either… but I remember that moment, and think maybe they want to? And isn’t wanting something the first step in getting it? Shouldn’t I give them the chance?”
I opened my mouth to say something but she kept going. “And what about Andy? He deserves grandparents.”
Gripping her chin and turning her face my way, I said, “I don’t like it and I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
She nodded and stepped away from me, heading toward them. It took everything in me to stay still, to not grab her and throw her over my shoulder, taking her away from them before they could hurt her.
I watched Ellie get closer and I started drumming my fingers on my thigh. I felt anxious, unsure… guilty. Like I’d done something wrong by letting her go, even though she’d asked me to.
My phone started vibrating in my pocket. I didn’t bother looking at the ID as I pulled it out and answered.
“Mable.”
“Hey, Grayson,” Naomi greeted. “How’s it going?”
“I’m not sure.” Distracted. That was the only reason I had for why I didn’t try to cover up what was happening. Naomi wouldn’t be happy about Ellie talking to her parents any more than Damien would.
“Why?” she asked slowly. It was obvious my tone of voice had her fearing the answer.
“Ellie…” I trailed off. She’d just reached them and tapped her mother on her shoulder. They’d been smiling, but both their expressions dropped when they turned and saw who it was.
“What?” Naomi’s voice was a bit more panicked.
I let out a frustrated sigh. “She’s talking to her parents.”
“What?” she hissed. I gripped the handle on the cart behind me.
“We’re at the store and she saw her parents. She wanted to talk to them.” My palms grew sweaty. “She thinks she can mend things with them… she thinks Andy should have grandparents.”
“Yes, he absolutely should. That doesn’t mean Ellie’s parents can give that to him.” It was clear Naomi was trying to keep her voice down. I could only imagine how angry Damien was going to be. “Her parents are massive twat waffles.”
I wanted to laugh. If I wasn’t currently watching Ellie’s shoulders curl in on themselves, I might have. “I don’t understand how someone could treat Ellie this way.”
Naomi sighed. “Me neither. If we did we’d be like them. I know you couldn’t stop her, but please don’t let her stay with them long.”
We talked for only a couple more seconds before I hung up. I couldn’t stand here anymore. She’d been over there less than two minutes. Their voices weren’t raised and there were no wild gestures. Yet somehow I knew they were destroying the precious confidence Ellie had slowly started building.
Without another thought about it, I abandoned the empty cart and walked toward them.
My legs shook as I made my way over to the parents I hadn’t seen in over six years. I knew this wasn’t going to end well. The smart thing would be to turn around, tell Grayson this was crazy, and leave. It was unlikely my parents wanted to see me, and yet some crazy part of me had to try. The same voice that was in my head a few weeks ago was back, telling me there was still a chance. Honestly, there was something about family that made people irrational.
Hearts were stupid; they could break and you could still love the person who broke them with every single broken piece. They should be like plates or cars—once they were broken they should become pointless, inoperable. It was unfair to feel love for someone who caused so much grief.
I had to remind myself I was doing this for Andy. I hadn’t spoken to my parents in years, and while I knew Damien had told them about my son—and that they were less than thrilled about it—I’d never spoken to them, and I needed to. It was my job as Andy’s mother.
Before I lost my nerve, I raised my hand and tapped on my mother’s shoulder.
This is for Andy.
For Andy.
Andy.
They both turned around and my breath caught. There stood my mother. Tall, proud, and elegant, exactly like I remembered. She was wearing a knee-length royal blue sheath dress and a single strand of pearls rested against her collarbone.
I fidgeted, remembering my wardrobe. A floor-length “hippie” skirt with a floral pattern and a black tank top. I doubt my five-dollar Old Navy flip-flops would impress her either.
“Hi.” I lifted my hand in a pathetic wave.
“Eleanor.” My mom’s hand flew to her necklace. She looked uneasy. My father put his hand on her shoulder to steady her. Neither said anything else. I did my best to ignore the pain my full name often brought.
“I saw you and thought I’d come over…” I cleared my throat and continued, “I wanted to talk about Andy.”
“Andy?” My father frowned.
“My son. Your grandson.” I tried to smile.
My mother sighed. “How much?”
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb, Eleanor. Though I suppose you don’t need to pretend…”
My father blew out a breath. “Sarah,” he admonished lightly. Not because he wanted to spare my feelings, but because he hated confrontation of any kind.
Her cruel words and his indifference were second nature in our relationship. If she had welcomed me with a hug and told me she was proud of me, if he had kissed my cheek and told me he loved me, that would have been more bizarre than what had just happened. And yet I felt the blow to my stomach like this interaction was unexpected.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said softly.
“Money. How much money are you here for? I told Damien you never should have had that bastard—”
“Hey!” I shouted, surprising both of them. My mom seemed embarrassed as her eyes shifted to the shoppers around us. “You can insult me all you want, but don’t you dare say a word about my son. And I didn’t come over here for your money.”
Without another word I moved to walk away, tears burning the back of my eyes and pain lancing my heart, just like it had years before. I immediately smacked into someone.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, moving to the side. Warm palms found my hips, keeping me in place. Looking up, I saw Grayson’s thunderous expression aimed at my parents.
“Everything okay over here?”
“Yeah, let’s go.” I grabbed his hand and tugged. He wasn’t budging. My gaze nervously flickered between my parents. I didn’t want them to say anything in front of him. It was one thing for him to know I was such a screwup; it was another for my parents to tell him all the ways I was a failure. I didn’t want him to see me the way they did, and the longer we stood there, the greater the possibility seemed.
“And you are?” my mom asked.
“Officer Grayson Mable.”
“Oh dear. What has Eleanor done?” she asked him. “Are you investigating whether she’s fit to be a parent? Someone really should be. She started drinking at fourteen. Can you imagine? She had the world at her fingers and what did she do? She became an alcoholic. It’s not much of a surprise she got pregnant. The odds have to be pretty high when you’re intoxicated and spreading your legs for anyone.”
My hand fell from his arm and I felt all the blood drain from my face. With every slicing word, the heart that I’d thought was broken beyond repair, broke a little more. And Grayson was here to witness it all. I couldn’t hold back my tears.
“Eleanor…” Dad sighed, pinching his nose.
“Her name is Ellie,” Grayson bit out.
“Yes, that’s probably more appropriate. Eleanor is a name meant for an elegant woman.” My mother stared at me with disgust. “This is what we got instead. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she brought her brother down with her.”
Somehow I managed to possess superhuman strength and pull myself free of Grayson, spinning around and running through the store. I made it outside and moved down until I was away from people before I fell against the wall. My back dragged down the stucco, feeling it dig into my skin, most likely ruining my shirt. I braced, expecting my butt to make contact with the ground. Instead my movement was halted, and I was being pulled into Grayson’s embrace. One of his arms was wrapped around my back and the other cradled my head as I softly cried into his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sounding more agonized than I’d ever heard. Shaking my head, I pulled away and pressed my fingers to my eyes. Grayson rubbed my back, and I took a few deep breaths.
“It’s not your fault.” He had to bend down to hear me. “It’s mine. I thought they’d want to know their grandchild.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t thinking. This isn’t a tiny spat. Truthfully, I don’t know what it is. But they hate me, Grayson. They hate me,” I repeated, my voice cracking. “And everything I touch. They could be dying while I’m holding the cure, and they still wouldn’t take it.”
His hand wrapped around my neck and his thumb brushed over my cheek, wiping away my tears. “They’re fools, Ellie.” The words were harsh and made me flinch, but I knew the anger wasn’t meant for me. I started shaking my head and he grabbed my face with both hands. “They. Are. Idiots.” Grayson’s voice wrapped around me, warming every cold part of me.
My shoulders lifted with my deep inhale. I could tell he wanted to say more. The parking lot of a grocery store wasn’t exactly an ideal location though.
“C’mon.” He stood up and carefully lifted me. We didn’t say a word as we walked to his car and got in. I slumped against the door, closing my eyes and resting my head on the window.
I wanted to believe Grayson, I really did.
But when a girl was lonely and didn’t like herself very much, she heard the weirdest things in the simplest of actions.
Every time someone overlooked her, she heard, “You’re not worth the time.”
Every time someone didn’t listen to her and she had to repeat herself, she heard, “You’re not important enough to pay attention to.”
I heard these things a lot. And I wasn’t trying to host a pity party. I could recognize most of it was probably misguided and in my head. Those things probably had more to do with the other person than me. Sometimes they weren’t even doing it to be mean or rude, they simply weren’t thinking about me.
They weren’t thinking about me.
Maybe that was what hurt more.
It felt like no one was thinking about me.
Like no one cared.
All the reasons in the world didn’t take away that kind of hurt. There was no logic to the deep-seated agony of being lonely and unwanted.
I couldn’t sit here and explain to the gaping hole in my chest that this person was having a bad day, or that they didn’t really mean it. I couldn’t explain away the pain.
All I could do was feel it, and hope one day I wouldn’t.
The next thing I knew I felt Grayson’s hand on my elbow. “Ellie,” he said. His tone made it clear he’d repeated my name a time or two.
“Yeah?” I asked, looking over at him in the driver’s seat. Grayson nodded behind me.
“We’re here.”
I twisted around and my brows furrowed. “Where’s here?” I asked, glancing back to him.
“My place. I texted Damien and told him we were going to hang out here for a bit.” I opened my mouth to ask about Andy, but Grayson held up his phone before I could. “He sent a picture and an update of almost everything Andy’s done.”
I smiled for the first time since we’d arrived at the grocery store.
A minute later I was walking through his front door for the first time. It was quite possibly the neatest bachelor pad I’d ever seen. Scratch that. It was the neatest house I’d ever seen. Period.
I wasn’t sure why it surprised me. Grayson was always put together, and whenever he came over I would see him discreetly trying to straighten up. Fixing a crooked picture frame, folding a blanket, setting Andy’s teddy bear right side up, and probably a bunch of other things I wasn’t even aware of.
“Do you want anything to drink?” he asked as he shut and locked the door. Tearing my gaze away from the living room, I turned around and shook my head. I wasn’t sure what we were doing, and I didn’t want Grayson to feel like he had to keep me here any longer than he wanted.
He nodded and rocked back on his feet, sticking his fidgeting hands in his pockets. “Do you remember asking me about what my superpower would be?”
The sudden question took me off guard. “Yeah,” I said slowly.
“Invisibility. That’s what I would have wanted.”
“Why?”
Grayson looked off toward the kitchen. When he brought his eyes back to me
, his lips were twisted into a grimace. He ran a hand across his clean-shaven jaw. “Why’d you start drinking?”
I froze, so startled by the new topic I couldn’t fully appreciate that it was a diversion. “What?”
“You told me it was because you didn’t have friends. But neither did I. I did have my family though, and it’s easy to see you didn’t. They said you were fourteen when you started?”
My gaze automatically went to the floor, the urge to cry rising up inside me again. I’d never felt so uncomfortable. “I… why does it matter?”
“Have you ever thought to talk to someone about this? Just get it all off your chest?”
“I talk to Joy,” I mumbled. “That’s the whole point of a sponsor.”
I could see him shaking his head out of the corner of my eye. “You guys talk about the future and how you’ll get stronger. You talk about the present and how you’ll keep going. You talk about getting better and staying clean.”
“Sometimes we have to talk about the past,” I countered.
“I know. But probably not as much as you should. Before she came along, who did you talk to? Who’d you give your pain to?” he asked.
I shook my head, confused. “No one. Why would I want to give someone pain?”
And who would want it?
“Maybe it’s not about what you want, but what you need. Keeping all that pain inside can do horrible things to the mind.”
I finally lifted my eyes to his. This conversation was about more than me. A lot more. I could tell it made him nervous to be revealing so much. I didn’t want to question it and send him running.
Sighing, I responded, “Joy said something similar. That it’s okay to be selfish.”
“She’s right. It doesn’t have to be about drinking. Just give me some of your pain.” Grayson tentatively walked forward and cupped my cheek. “Tell me something that hurts.”
Unveiling Fate Page 9
