by Shae Scott
Luckily, Granny walked in then and interrupted the direction of my thoughts. It’s a good thing, I might have done it.
“Oh, Ally, you’re here. I made chicken and dumplings. You hungry?” she smiled. Owen and I made it to our feet.
“Of course, that sounds amazing.” I said.
“Then the two of you go get washed up and we’ll eat. Owen, don’t be giving that dog any scraps, you hear me,” she warned. I smiled and followed Owen into the downstairs bathroom.
“Yes, Granny,” he chuckled. Charlie followed behind us, pulling at Owen’s jeans.
I made it to the sink first and started washing my hands. I felt Owen close behind me. In fact he was breathing on the back of my neck. Probably on purpose because he knew it would get to me. He was an evil man. Evil genius.
“You smell so good,” he said quietly.
I swallowed hard. “Thank you,” I managed.
“You always smell like fruit and flowers. It’s intoxicating.” His lips brushed the skin just below my ear.
“Owen,” I warned. I gripped the sink to keep from turning around. I knew if I did I would kiss him. I wasn’t going to kiss him. Especially in Granny’s downstairs guest bathroom.
“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself,” he smiled. He wasn’t sorry at all.
“Well, try.” I tried to be stern, but I’d liked it and he knew it. I took a step back knocking him back and then escaping the tiny room.
I heard him laughing behind me as I made my way back to the kitchen where Granny was setting the table. She gave me a knowing smile, but didn’t say anything. I knew she liked seeing us together again. Even if we weren’t together. I let her have her moment of happiness.
Dinner was great. Dominoes was fun. Owen and I trash talked each other the whole time and it was fun and easy. Granny was beside herself with hope. I didn’t want to crush it, but I didn’t have the same optimism that she seemed to have. I was just trying to take things as they came. I was trying to stop thinking too much. I just wanted to try to live in the now. No more past, no predictions for tomorrow. I just wanted to breathe in the now. It was all I could handle at the moment.
We helped granny clean up and we said our goodnights. Owen followed me out to my car, toting a sleepy Charlie in his arms.
“I had fun tonight. I hope you don’t mind me crashing your girl’s night,” he smiled.
“Not at all. It was fun. Gran liked having you here,” I said. She was watching from the window probably hoping I’d kiss him.
“How about you? Did you like having me here?” he asked.
I smiled at him and he chuckled quietly when I chose not to answer.
“Yeah, so, do you have plans this weekend?” he asked.
“Why you want to kidnap me to buy a horse?” I teased.
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I don’t think you’ll fit it in the truck,” I said.
“Damn. So close.”
I laughed. I liked this easy talk we’d managed to find.
“I would like to take you out or something.” He sounded nervous. Almost shy.
“Owen, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” I felt butterflies in my stomach. I wasn’t ready for a date. A late night hook up...okay, but a date. Nope.
“Why not?” he asked.
“I just don’t think it is. I don’t know if we’re ready to go there,” I said. It sounded lame even to my own ears.
“Kat, I had you naked in my bed less than a week ago. I think we can manage a date,” he said seriously.
I felt the blush across my cheeks. Why was I embarrassed by that?
“That‘s different. That was in the moment. And it probably wasn’t our smartest decision,” I said.
“It was mine. Every decision that puts you in my arms is the right one,” he said.
I huffed. Words like that got under my skin. It made that unmentionable memory come to the surface and I worked to shove it down.
“What? What did I say?” he asked. I hated that he read me so well.
“Nothing. I’ll think about this weekend okay?” I just wanted to get in my car and put some space between us. The past was knocking on my door and I was not ready to answer.
“Ally, what is it? Talk to me.”
“I just…sometimes you say those things to me and I feel like I’m falling for a line. Because, you told me something different before. It’s hard to believe you,” I admitted. I hadn’t meant to say all of that. I needed to leave.
I saw pain cross his features and a heaviness settled in between us.
“Are you ever going to let me talk to you about that night?” he asked. I saw it in his face, the need to tell me his side. But I’d already heard his side. I heard it that night when he’d laid it all out for me.
“There’s no point in going back there. If we talk about it then we have to rehash it and I don’t really want to do it. I heard it all then and honestly, I try really hard to forget about it.” I admitted. That was only partially true. I may have tried to forget it, to push it way back in the recesses of my mind, but only because remembering it made it hurt too much, especially when he was standing in front of me now. The contrast between that man who stood in my living room that night and the one that had been around these past couple of months were at war with each other.
“If you want me to try and let you in now, then I can’t go back there. I hate that person. I hate what he did to me. To us. I’m trying to get to know you now, like you asked. I can’t hate him and like you. And if we talk about that night I won’t be able to separate it.”
He sighed, resigned. If I were a smart girl I’d listen to him. I’d hear him out, remember the pain and run for the hills, because in all honesty, that was probably who he really was. That guy in my living room, telling me he never loved me. But I wasn’t ready for that yet. I was too clouded by who he was showing me now; the Owen that I’d fallen in love with at 17, the Owen who had convinced me that it was okay to risk it all. The Owen who now told me he had figured out what was real and what was important. He was all the good parts now. I wanted the good parts. I wanted to pretend the rest away. And yeah, it was probably stupid, but the pull was too great. The desire to believe him, to allow the scars to heal was too great to mess it up with the ugly truth of that night.
“Fine,” he agreed reluctantly. It was difficult for him. I know he thought it was important, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going back there right now.
He leaned back against his truck and seeing the look on his face tugged at my heart despite itself. His shoulders sagged, defeated. I hated it.
“I’ll go out with you this weekend,” I offered.
His eyes sparked with life again. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
Stupid, stupid girl.
The rational part of me regretted agreeing to a date with Owen. Who in their right mind agrees to go on a date with the man who broke their heart into thousands of sharp, jagged pieces? They don’t; which meant I probably needed to see a professional. But I was locking that girl, the rational one, in the closet and getting dolled up for a night out.
I didn’t even tell Cassie that I was going out with him. I think I was afraid she would judge me, or try and talk me out of it. Or maybe I was afraid she’d talk me into it. I just didn’t want the pressure of anyone knowing. I didn’t know what it meant and I didn’t want to feel like I had to define it yet.
Before tonight, I could find a way to rationalize all of the other times that I’d hung out with him. I’d run into him, he’d kidnapped me, he’d been at Granny’s, he’d just shown up. This was the first time I’d planned ahead. This was the first time I’d chosen to hang out with him and it felt wrong. Great. Amazing. Scary. Confusing.
I took a deep breath and stared at my closet, strategically planning out what I would wear. Dresses were out. I wasn’t about to put that kind of temptation in my future. His hands would be traveling up my legs in no time and it was obvious I had no resistanc
e when it came to his touch. I was really failing at being a bitter ex girlfriend.
I settled on a pair of designer jeans and tight fitting black sweater that dipped into a v in the front and the back. It was a nice step up from casual. I had no idea where we were going. I’d texted him to see what were doing and he’d only said I didn’t have to get fancy. What did that mean? Maybe he just wanted to avoid the dress temptation too.
He knocked on my door at seven sharp. I took a deep breath and gave myself a mini pep talk. It was just Owen. We were just hanging out. It didn’t have to mean anything.
Then, I opened the door and saw him standing on my porch. Jeans, charcoal gray button down, and a perfect shading of stubble across his beautiful jaw. His eyes lit up when he saw me and I began to melt. I was doomed. A small voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I could fix that. I could turn back to that night and kill all the butterflies. But I pushed it away. I was living in the moment.
“Hi,” I smiled opening the door wider so he could come in.
“Hi,” he returned, smile bright and genuine as he handed me a small bouquet of daisies, tied in purple ribbon.
“Thank you,” I said, taking the flowers. He kissed my cheek and then followed me into the kitchen so I could put the flowers into some water. “So where are we going?” I asked. It was hard for me to meet his gaze. I was still swooning over his appearance, which was a little ridiculous considering our history. Shouldn’t I be over swooning?
“Remember back in school when we went to the fair?” he asked.
“We’re going to the fair? Seriously?” I don’t think I’d been to the Tennessee State Fair since the time we’d gone back in high school. I smiled at the memory. Owen had convinced me to ditch school to go and we’d spent the entire day and night running all over the place, riding the rides, petting the giant horses, and watching the bands in the music tents. It had been an amazing time and one of my favorite memories. I wondered if he wanted to recreate that time to remind me how much happiness there was in our past.
He shrugged, “I thought if I won you a giant bear you might let me kiss you at the top of the Ferris wheel.”
I pretended to think about it for a minute. “You gonna buy me a funnel cake?” I asked.
“And a corn dog if you’re lucky,” he smiled.
“Well, in that case, why not? Let’s do it.” I agreed.
The fairgrounds were packed. There was a big country show going on tonight and the weekend crowd was huge. Owen took my hand as we walked towards the gates. I was immediately greeted with the smell of the fair. It was an interesting mix of livestock, dirt, sugar and fried food. It was nostalgic and I smiled at the mix of people that surrounded us.
“What do you want to do first?” he asked.
“I have no idea!” I laughed, taking in the overwhelming crowd, laughing and rushing all around us.
“Petting zoo?” he suggested.
I agreed and we headed towards the giant barn that held a mix of cows, goats and deer along with a camel and kangaroo. We fed them all, and when the camel took the feed cup right out of Owen’s hands, leaving camel spit and slobber all over him I doubled over laughing. I was still laughing as we found a place to wash up. He was not nearly as amused.
“I don’t think I like camels,” He said as he scrubbed his hands with soap and water.
“But he was so fond of you,” I chuckled.
Owen grunted good-naturedly.
“Let’s go to the midway. Hopefully no one will spit on me there,” he smiled, taking my hand in his.
“Debatable,” I laughed.
The midway was lit up, waiting for the sun to sink deeper beneath the horizon. It was crowded and loud and I squeezed Owen’s hand to make sure he knew not to let go. We weaved through the crowds until we were in the middle of the midway.
“Wanna ride something?” he asked, smiling mischievously. I looked around at the rides, spinning and soaring around me and felt my stomach twist. I wasn’t necessarily afraid of thrill rides, but the thought of how fast they went up and came down from one city to the next made me feel a little nervous.
“Um…” I looked around for one that didn’t promise to throw me around like a rag doll. “Maybe that one?” I asked pointing to one called the scrambler. It stayed upright at least.
“Let’s go,” he smiled. We went to the window and Owen handed me a yellow wristband.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Gets you on any ride you want,” he smiled.
“Oh.” I hadn’t exactly planned on riding more than one. He helped me put it on and then held out his arm so that I could help him with his.
“Ready?” he asked. He was like a big kid. I knew we wouldn’t leave until we’d been on every single ride on the midway. It was a good thing I hadn’t made him buy me that funnel cake yet. Puking on his shoes was not on my agenda.
“Yep.” I smiled. We walked up to the gate and waited for the loading to begin. When we were young there was nothing to riding the carnival rides. You could do it all day, over and over. But I wasn’t a kid anymore and I was more than a little afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to hang. We climbed on board and the ride operator locked the metal bar down in front of our car.
“Don’t be afraid to lean into me when this thing gets going,” he teased. I knew once it got going I’d end up in his lap with the shear force of car whipping around.
The ride was faster than I remembered and it spun us around violently. It was fun though and I laughed and squealed as it slingshotted us around. I gripped the bar in front of us while Owen kept one arm around me. When it ended I still felt like I was moving. The sensation caused me to stumble as I climbed out of the car. I laughed as I grabbed on to the car for support.
It was then that I saw Owen’s face. He was green. “Oh my God, are you okay?” I asked reaching out a hand to him as he slowly began to slide out.
He shook his head slowly.
I tried not to laugh. He looked ill. But it was funny to see his cocky, excited grin replaced with this cautious green one.
“Be careful,” I offered him my hand as he made it to his feet. Poor guy. Spinning had not been his friend. Maybe I’d better guard my own shoes. I walked him to a picnic table and sat him down. “I’m going to go and get you some water. Sit tight,” I ordered. I hurried to a concession stand and bought two bottles of water and then headed back to the table. There he sat, in the midst of screaming kids eating corndogs, with his arms crossed and his head down. I felt bad, but he looked adorable.
I took a seat next to him and rubbed a hand gently across his back. He groaned.
“Too much spinning?” I asked sympathetically.
“That is definitely not how I remember that going,” he said.
I laughed. “Here, drink some water,” I suggested.
He lifted his head slowly and took a sip of the water. He looked less green, but it was clear he was still far from feeling normal.
“Does this make me old? I can’t hang with the kids anymore?” he managed a smile.
“It happens to the best of us,” I sympathized.
“I think you’re going to be on your own from this point forward. I’m not getting on anymore of those death traps. I’ve already given up all of my cool points.”
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry. I’m old too, so I still think you’re cool.”
That made him smile. He leaned over and snapped the yellow bracelet off of my wrist and then took his own. He glanced over to a table near us where two boys about eleven were counting out their change. “Hey, guys, we’re done with these. You want them?”
I watched as the boys faces lit up like they’d just won the lottery.
“For real?” One of them asked as the second one jumped up and ran over to our table as if he wanted to get his hands on the wristbands before we changed our minds.
“Sure. Have fun,” Owen smiled, handing them over. The two boys high fived and called a
hurried thanks over their shoulders as they ran off.
“Well, now what?” I asked him
“Walk with me?” he asked.
“Love to,” I agreed.
We spent the next couple of hours walking the grounds and looking at the vendors and all of their trinkets. We took in a magic show and I delighted in watching the kids get so excited. We grabbed a corndog and a funnel cake for dinner, once Owen was feeling steady on his feet again and we went down to the barn and saw the Clydesdale horses. I loved it. I was having so much fun with him. It was easy and casual. It was perfect.
As we headed towards the main gates, Owen pulled me to a stop just outside one of the tents. There was a local band playing and they had drawn quite a crowd. “Let’s go in,” he smiled. He tugged on my hand and I followed him. I was fine with it; I wasn’t really ready to let the night end either.
It was dimly lit and there were tables scattered all around. The band had a makeshift stage in front of a small dance floor. They were doing mostly covers, but they had a good sound.
“Dance with me?” Owen asked his voice close to my ear. I glanced up at him and felt my stomach do a flip flop. Something about his eyes, in the dim light made me feel giddy. I nodded and he pulled me out on the dance floor with a handful of other couples. He didn’t hesitate to pull me close to him. He didn’t pay any attention to anyone else around us, he was focused solely on me and it was intoxicating. He was so handsome. I don’t think I could ever grow tired of looking at his face. The strong lines of his jaw and the way his eyes could go from playful to deep with intensity in a moment, it all pulled me under his spell.
I slipped my arms around his neck, and allowed myself a moment just to study him. I wanted to take in all the pieces of him and enjoy the fact that I was here with him. I still didn’t know what I ultimately wanted. I still had my reservations, but standing here with him under this tent, moving with the music and feeling his arms around me, I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to share the same space.
