by Shae Scott
“Are you almost done with that? I have something else in mind for your hands if you don’t mind,” he breathed against my skin, leaving goosebumps behind. I shivered happily.
“Almost. Be patient,” I scolded. I scrolled to the last unread email and sat up in surprise, causing Owen to grunt behind me. I ignored him, clicking on the email from McAdams and Wood. The huge ad agency I’d applied to when Owen and I broke up. It was huge and it was prestigious and I never really expected to hear back from them. I mean, they were McAdams and Wood. Big time. Huge national accounts that made my resume look small. I read through the body of the email, my heart pounding. Things like, very interested and interview request jumping off the page. They wanted to interview me? This was crazy.
“What is it? Your eyes are huge,” Owen laughed. I twisted to face him, still trying to process the fact that they wanted to interview me. And not just a phone interview, no they wanted me to come there. That was serious business.
“I just got an email from McAdams and Wood,” I told him. He looked at me blankly. He didn’t know the significance. “McAdams and Wood is a huge ad firm. I mean one of the top 15 in the entire country. It’s the big leagues,” I explained.
“What do they want?” he asked.
“They want to interview me.” I was still dazed by it. Honored that I’d been chosen and kind of giddy about it.
“That’s awesome. How did they find you?” He rubbed his hands across my thighs.
“I sent them my resume awhile back,” I admitted. He tilted his head in question. “Yow want to leave the agency?” He sounded surprised.
“No. I mean not really. I sent it - before. I thought it would be good for me to get away and get a fresh start,” I admitted.
I watched as Owen’s brows knitted together. “Where is McAdams and Wood?” he asked cautiously.
I bit my lip nervously. “San Francisco,” I said. His eyes opened wide as he took in my answer
“You were going to move to California? To get away from Nashville? Away from me?” he asked and I could tell the idea stung.
“I was in a bad place. I was fighting so many memories and nothing seemed to fit anymore. I thought a new location would be good for me. I never expected them to contact me. It was one of those random whim things. I was leaving it up to fate,” I said.
He seemed to relax a little. “Oh. Okay. I guess I can understand that,” he said. “But you should have known they’d want you. You are amazing at what you do. It doesn’t take a genius to see that,” he smiled. He leaned in and kissed my nose sweetly.
“Thanks. Still, I’m shocked. Thrilled. It’s validating, ya know?” I said.
“I know. I’m proud of you. What will you tell them?” he asked, his hands moving against my legs again in long strokes.
“I don’t know. I guess I should see what kind of timeline they had in mind,” I said, mentally scanning through my calendar.
Owen’s hands stilled on my legs and I felt them grip into my flesh. “Timeline?” he asked.
“For the interview. She said to call her if I was interested and they would set up the travel arrangements,” I said.
It took me a second to sense the change in him, the way his body tensed up. His eyes squinted slightly and his jaw set in a firm line. He stood, and I watched him begin to pace the room.
“You’re going to go?” he asked. His voice sounded low and I felt the tension suddenly swoop in and surround us.
“Of course. It’s a huge opportunity,” I said. I hadn’t given it a second thought. Of course I was going to go. This was my career and a big league ad agency was interested in me. I had to see what it was about, right?
The look on Owen’s face told me he wasn’t happy with my answer.
“And what if they offer you the job? Do you take that too? Do you pack up and move to California? Jesus, Ally, I thought we were working on us. I thought we were done putting work and ambition in front of everything else. I thought we were really going to do this.” His expression was pained, tinged with anger and frustration. Gone was the peace of just a few moments ago.
“Owen, it’s not like that. It’s just a really big opportunity,” I shot back at him. I stood so I could be on his level. “I can’t give it up just because we are trying to work whatever this is out. You should understand that better than anyone.” I let my voice go hard. I suddenly felt the need to put up a protective layer. It was like our roles had been reversed and this time it was me putting my career above him.
“Whatever this is?” His voice went cold. I saw the anger flash in his eyes. “You mean because you don’t know what this is? Is this still just a try out for you? I thought we were past this, Ally. Shit, you’re just going to give everything up, after everything we’ve been through. Haven’t we learned from our mistakes? Maybe we’re not on the same page, because I thought that this was important. I thought this was it. I thought we’d moved past all this maybe shit.” He was heated and the frustration rolled off of him.
“You’re not being fair. It’s not like I applied for the job yesterday. I did it when I was alone and I needed an escape. You weren’t around to see the broken girl you left behind. I was trying to save myself. So don’t try and make me feel guilty. So things are different now, but that doesn’t mean that I should turn this opportunity down. It’s huge,” I said letting my own frustrations come to the surface.
“Yeah. I broke you. I remember. And you don’t let me forget it. Am I ever going to be able to atone for those sins? Do I ever get the pardon, Ally?” he fumed.
“What is that supposed to mean?” My hands were on my hips and we were glaring at one another.
“It means that you keep pushing me away. It means that no matter what I do you always have one foot out the door. Where’s the all in, Ally?”
“All in? You want to talk about all in? I gave you everything!!!” I screamed. “I was all in. I gave you everything I had and you gave it back to me in pieces. So yeah, I hold back and when a great opportunity for my career comes along I consider it, because I have to look out for me. I can’t trust that you’ll always be there anymore.” The words flew out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about them. If I had I would have pulled them back. They weren’t exactly fair.
“And there it is. She finally speaks the truth. Fuck, Ally. You always do this. It’s like you want me to fail. Look, I get that it’s a big move for your career. I do. I don’t want to hold you back. If you want to move to California, then we’ll move to California. But that’s not the point. I’m fighting for us. I’m fighting every day to fix the mistakes I made and prove to you that I’ve changed. But you keep fighting me. Every time I think we’ve made it, you pull back. Something happens and I’m right there trying to prove myself again. Either let me prove it or let me go. If you’re done, you’re done. But don’t keep pushing me away. Don’t keep running because you’re afraid to go all in again. I’m trying to understand it and be patient, but you keep running and eventually you’ll be running alone.”
His words hit me hard in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. He was right. I knew it. It didn’t mean I wasn’t stubborn enough to admit it. We were both fighting dirty with principles. It was easier that way, to put broad strokes to the whole thing instead of looking at it all honestly and owning all the ugly truths.
He was right, I was holding onto the pain as a reminder to be careful. I saw it as a shield. But it was hurting me. It was hurting us both. It was keeping the good out too. It wasn’t fair to Owen and it wasn’t fair to the promise I’d made him to try. I rubbed my hands across my face and took a deep breath.
“You’re right,” I said softly.
“What?” he asked, his breathing was still coming out hard, the tension in his body still keeping him alert.
“I keep one foot out. I don’t let it in. I don’t know how to fix it,” I admitted. My voice was quiet and shaky, realization and truth pressing into me with unpleasant strength. He moved across the room
instantly and wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his strong embrace and took the comfort there. Breathing him in was like calming balm. How he could cause such warring emotions in me, I didn’t know. It was enough to make a person dizzy. I clung onto his strong arms to steady myself.
“Baby, I just want to love you. I just want to be what you deserve,” he said, his lips pressed against the top of my head. “I’m sorry I got so angry. I just, I want so bad to have you believe in us. When I feel the doubt, it’s just hard to take. To know I did that to us, it’s a hard pill to swallow.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m not being fair to us. I don’t even realize I’m doing it,” I admitted.
He pulled back and I looked up at him, his arms still tight around my waist. “If you to go for this job, then I will support you. Just don’t push me away. I can’t take it. We have to be on the same side. I don’t want to lose us again. I need you. I need you to trust me.” I heard his plea and it tugged at my heart.
“We are. We are on the same side. I’ll think about the job thing. I have to think about it. But I won’t take you for granted. We’ll figure it out together,” I said. I saw his mouth turn up into a smile.
“That’s all I’m asking. I love you. I need you to know that. I need you to feel it with every breath. Never doubt that again,” he begged.
“I love you, too. I do.” I said. He leaned in and kissed me then and it melted any of the tension that still hung between us. His hands buried in my hair, pulling me closer to him and deepening the kiss. I loved the way that he felt against me. I loved the way he commanded the kiss and took what he needed from me. His mouth moved against my own pulling me in and making my heart slam against my chest. We always fit so good together.
He pulled away, his eyes locking onto my own. “We’ll get through anything together. You and me. We’re a team and no matter what happens we’ve got to stick together,” he said.
“I know. Don’t give up on me, okay? I’m in this. For real and for always. I just have a hiccup now and again,” I admitted.
“We’ll have hiccups. We aren’t always going to be sun and roses. We’re going to fight and we’re going to get frustrated. But we’re always going to come back together. We’re always going to fight through it and come out stronger. We’ve gone through too much already for it to be any other way. You want to chase your dreams across the country? It’s fine. Just take me with you. You want to move to the beach and sell coconuts to the tourists, then I’ll grab us an umbrella. Say the word. I only want to be where you are. The rest are just details.”
This man. He was all I needed. He was my answer and my journey. He was everything I needed.
I went to San Francisco. We flew there together and I met with the big wigs at McAdams and Wood. It was a great meeting and I fell in love with the city. But maybe I fell in love with the city because Owen and I spent 4 days there after my interview playing tourist, seeing all the sights and going on tours of wine country. It was an amazing place to fall in love, even with the love of your life.
But when it came down to it, I realized that I wasn’t ready to move across the country. I liked my life in Nashville. I liked having my family and Cassie there and spending time with Granny and I loved the farm and spending time next to our lake watching sunsets and catching fireflies. It was home to me and sometimes you have to see what else is out there before you can appreciate what you already have.
And what we had, and what were continuing to grow each day, was more than I had ever dared to hope for. I realized how cheesy that was, but that was the beauty of it. This was the good part.
31
Owen
9 Months Later
I had never been this nervous in my entire life. My palms were sweating and I couldn’t wait to see her. I stared at the tree line waiting for her to emerge into the clearing. I’d left her a note on the door asking her to meet me here for the sunset. But now that I was waiting for her I was starting to question whether or not I had made the right decision.
Should I have done something bigger? Maybe I was wrong when I’d told myself that she didn’t need a big production. What if she was disappointed? Maybe I should just scrap it and do it another day.
Shit.
I’m an idiot. This moment was big. I should have made it big. I still could. She wouldn’t know if I scrapped the whole thing and waited. She had no clue what was happening. I’d have to intercept Granny if I waited or she’d ruin it. But I could do that. I had to make this special.
Shit.
I was a wreck. Where was my cool? I needed to get it together. She’d come, we’d watch the sunset and then I’d take her up to the house and make love to her like I’d been dreaming about all day. She didn’t have to know any of the would-have-been details. I could have a do-over it was fine. No need to panic.
Then, I saw her step into the clearing. She was wearing a white sundress and cowboy boots. Fuck. She was trying to kill me. It took me back to the first time I’d tasted her skin in that barn. She’d worn a white sundress then too. That night had changed my life. And in that split second as I watched her smile and walk towards me I knew there would be no do-overs for tonight. This night would also change my life and I wasn’t going to put it off one more day.
“Hey, baby. I almost didn’t make it. Traffic was crazy.” I cut her off with a kiss. A deep kiss that had my head spinning as I took everything thing I needed from her, every emotion, every hope and I returned it back.
When we broke apart she smiled. “Miss me?” she teased.
“Every moment you aren’t here,” I admitted like a cheesy idiot. I didn’t care. I would strip myself bare emotionally for this girl any day of the week. She deserved that.
“Me too,” she said kissing me softly.
The sun was starting to make its decent. That was my cue. “Here take a seat.” I said letting her move to the broken down tree trunk. I moved to the front of it and stood in front of her taking her hands in mine. She gave me a curious look, obviously zoning in on my nervous behavior.
“Sit with me,” she said, tugging at my hands.
“In a minute. I want to say something first.” I took a deep breath. It didn’t help. I was so nervous. I wasn’t sure if the words would come. I wanted them to be perfect. But there was nothing.
“Are you okay, babe?” she smiled, clearly amused by my discomfort. And as I looked down at her, her dark hair tumbling over her shoulders in waves and her eyes so focused on mine I felt the nerves disappear and a delicate calm take over. This moment was huge because it was special. This was the moment I would ask for everything.
The lump in my throat took me by surprise and I willed myself to hold back the tears until I got out what I needed to say.
“I wanted to bring you down here because this is our place. This sunset is part of our story. I wanted to bring you here so I could tell you just how much that story means to me. From the beginning, through all of the laughter, to the rough spots and the questions, they have all been a part of our story. They have all led us to this moment right here. I will never have enough moments with you. I will never get tired of seeing your face, or holding your hand. I will always want to watch sunsets with you. You have given me the best life, one that I never dared to dream about. You taught me to let go and jump in. Then I taught you the same thing. We’re a team Kit Kat. I can’t tell you how good that feels. To know that you are by my side, that you have my back, to know that you trust me to have yours. I fall in love with you every single day, all over again. Everyday I fall deeper.
“When I thought about this moment…the one where I ask you for forever…I didn’t think about big productions. I only thought about this place and this sunset and the way you make me feel. I wanted this moment...this quiet and this peace so that when I ask you to marry me there will be nothing else. Just you. And me. And this promise.”
At some point in my speech I’d started crying, silent tears tracking their way down my cheek, the sa
lt wet on my lips. But it was okay, because she was crying too, and when I saw the tears streaming down her face I knew that I’d made the right decision.
“It was in this spot that I first started falling in love with you. You were sitting right there, crying and broken and all I wanted to do was make it better. That was the day that I knew I wanted to make you happy. You let me in and accepted me in spite of every fault I had. We’ve sat right here watching countless sunsets. How many books have you read beneath that tree?” She smiled through the tears streaming down her face and I could see the memories reflected back to me in her eyes.
“It was here that I woke up and realized that I had to change who I was and become the man you deserved and it was right here that you agreed to try again and gave me a second chance at life.”
I fell to my knee, taking her hand. I pulled the ring from my pocket and looked up at her face and I fall so in love in that moment that I can barely speak.
“This is the place, Ally. Our place. It’s the only place that I could think of to ask you this question. Will you marry me?”
The question is barely out of my mouth before she is jumping into my arms and kissing me. I assume that means yes. I hope it does. I can’t imagine my life without her.
“Yes. I love you, Owen.” She’s a mess of tears and smiles.
“Thank God,” I laughed, kissing her. After a moment I pull away and take her hand. I haven’t put the ring on it yet. She stops and looks down at the ring for the first time and I smile at the tiny gasp that leaves her lips.
“Owen, it’s beautiful.” She stares down at the solitaire, perfectly classic like she is.
“Do you like it?” I asked, unable to take my eyes off of her.
Her eyes raise to meet mine. “I love it. I love you. I’m so happy right now,” she laughs and I see my own joy reflected back to me.
This girl just agreed to be my wife. The moment begins to sink in and I swear I feel like the entire world just lit up.
