by K E Osborn
I’ve known for years the feelings, the connection between Chains and me is more, it’s deeper. But I never ever want to jeopardize it by stepping over that damned line! I thought he knew that too.
Fucking idiot.
Now he’s gone and made shit awkward and in front of everyone no fucking less. I could wring his fucking neck, and it’s a week later. The anger hasn’t ebbed. I’m still as worked up as the moment I slapped him. I know he’s been texting and calling nonstop, but I can’t bring myself to read his messages.
I’m too damned angry.
I even skipped out on dinner with Mom and Dad tonight because I feel like if I see them, somehow they would know. Like they would see right through me. Take one look and know I kissed him. Or more to the fact, he kissed me, then I kissed him back, and I fucking loved it.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’m a doctor for crying out loud, I should know better than this. I should act better than this. I have a reputation to uphold.
No. This can’t be happening. I must be in a fucking dream state or something. Not a dream, a damn nightmare.
“Doctor Kline?” I vaguely hear, but I’m too lost in my own inner panic to register. “Bex?” A pair of clicking fingers snap in front of my eyes making me focus. Coming back into the now, I look at Foxy who’s Torque’s Old Lady. She’s in medical school during the day, and at night she trains under me here at the hospital to further her medical career. Though, right now, I’m not sure my judgment or advice is sound anymore.
“Sorry, what?” I ask.
She exhales, her hand moving to her hip as she juts it out. “Okay, so I know you have a lot on your mind. But you’ve been distracted all week. Why don’t you take some time off?”
I turn to walk off down the hall, my heels clicking on the hard floor as I stroll. I always do rounds in heels. I feel like the patients appreciate a doctor who takes an effort to dress up for them. As soon as it’s done, though, they come right off, and I’m back in sneakers. “Time off? No. I’m fine.”
Foxy grabs the file from my hand, making me stop walking as she looks it over. “Bex, you wrote the same sentence twice on these notes. You’re no good to anyone here. You need to take some time.”
My nostrils flare, my eyes widen as I grab the file looking down at the obvious mistake, letting out an unsatisfied grunt. I pride myself on never making a mistake at work.
I need to sort my shit out.
“This won’t happen again. This is the wakeup call I need. Thank you, Heeley… and remember, it’s Doctor Kline here, please.”
She simply stares as I start to walk again. “Okay, but… I’m here, if… you wanna talk about it?”
I pull up to a grinding halt.
Foxy was there, right there to see everything when Chains kissed me. She saw the whole damn shit-show. “What? No. I don’t want to talk about it!” I blurt out, turning to continue walking. She follows as tensions ripples inside of me. My anger’s returning as I stop walking, throwing my hands in the air. “I mean, why the hell would he kiss me anyway? The damn fool!”
Foxy tenses as her eyes dart around the hall in semi-panic. She grabs my elbow as she yanks me into the on-call room out of the way of prying ears. She shuts the door while I pace the small room trying to let off my pent up steam.
“Doctor Kline—”
“Don’t Kline me in here. I think this is a Bex and Foxy chat, don’t you?” I spit out regretting how I’m talking to her the instant I say it, but she’s trying to fight back her smirk. “Oh, stop it! You think my freak out is funny? It’s not helping, Foxy.”
She pulls me over to the small bunk bed. We duck our heads as we both sit on the hard mattress while I let out a long exhale.
“I’m not laughing at you, Bex. I’m laughing at the situation.”
“What fucking situation?” I grunt.
She wraps her arm around my shoulders, somehow I find it comforting. “Well, here you’re my boss, but at the club I’m the first Old Lady, so technically in this situation, I’m your boss. Seems like I need to be the Old Lady in this situation, right?”
I raise my brow at her. “What the hell are you talking about?”
She exhales. “Obviously Chains and you have an intense history. You spent the last nineteen years together in each other’s pockets. There’s got to be some mixed emotions in there, Bex.”
I snort. “He’s my brother.”
She raises her brow. “Is he, though?”
My head pulls back at her question. “Ahh, yeah. Legally the documentation says he is, has been since Mom and Dad took guardianship of him.”
She tilts her head. “Exactly… they took guardianship of him, Bex. Which means legally they only had rights over him until he was eighteen. So, if you want to get all technical, he was only your so-called ‘foster brother’ for two years…” Foxy smiles, “… when he turned eighteen, they had no rights over him, they were not his guardians, therefore not his parents and therefore not your brother. They might see him as their son, you might have been taught to see him as your brother, but he’s not. Not technically. Not biologically. Not in any way legally… so, it’s okay for you to have feelings for him.”
I stand up quickly from the bed, smacking my head on the bunk above with no reaction and start pacing the room. “No… it’s not. It’s wrong.”
“Bex…” Foxy’s tone is empathetic and calm. “Think about this logically, we all only want you guys to be happy. You’ve always been the one person he turns to, the woman in his life he trusts the most. The connection with you two has always been visible. I saw it the first time I saw you together.” She lets out a small laugh. “Actually, I thought you had already been together and were ex-lovers, to be honest.”
Opening my eyes wide, I scoff. “What? That doesn’t help me, Foxy.”
Foxy stands, walking to me, taking my hands in hers. “All I’m saying is you two need each other to simply… be. Whether as siblings or as more. But either way, you can’t keep avoiding him. It will tear you both apart.”
My heart aches thinking of a life without Chains right there by my side. I simply can’t imagine it. He’s as much a part of me as my arms, my legs—he’s entrenched in my heart. He might be closed off to the rest of the world, but to me he’s been the one person I can always count on. The one person I can talk to when I need an ear. The one man in my life who’s a constant.
“Bex, honestly, take the night off. You work so damn hard, you never have a break for you. Call Doctor Hollard and ask him to take over your shift, and until he gets here, Tiny and I will have this ward covered.”
I snort out a laugh. “You and Tiny will get up to fucking chaos more like it.”
“Most probably. Putting Vaseline on the bedpans was Tiny’s idea, though. I stand by that.”
I grimace. “Fuck, what a mess. Poor nurses…” I let out a small laugh loving how Foxy managed to somehow make me feel a little bit better. She’s seven years my junior, yet she manages to make me feel like she’s the adult. Right there is the makings of an Old Lady, and Foxy’s the best there is.
She grabs my shoulders spinning toward the door. “Go. Get into your pajamas, eat ice cream, watch porn, and bring out your best B.O.B. Make yourself feel bett—”
“Jesus, Foxy!” I grunt looking back at her, but she simply winks giving me a push as she slides out the door rushing off in the other direction away from me before I can yell at her about talking to your superior like that. But I know in that room I wasn’t her boss, I’m her friend, and she’s only trying to help me. Which I genuinely think she’s managed to accomplish. I turn for my office to grab my shit to head home. She’s right. I’m no good here tonight, I’m a danger to my patients. My oath is to do no harm. So, I need to leave and sort my fucking head out.
Making my way down the hall I notice Tiny behind the nurses’ station flicking through some files. She bobs her head up at me, her tight, black ringlet curls bounce on her head. Her face only just co
ming above the tall counter. She really lives up to her name. “Hey, Tiny, I will call in Doctor Hollard to fill in for me tonight. I’m heading home. Can you check on Mrs. Henderson in bed five? Make sure her IV is replaced in thirty minutes and the infusion for Mr. Oliver in twelve is completed, please?”
She smiles wide, her white teeth shining brightly against her chocolate skin. “Sure thing, doc. You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, mental health day.”
She purses her lips like she’s in on my secret. “Boozy night on the town last night! Yeah, I got you, doc. Suck on a lemon then put your feet in cold water. Sounds like a hack, but I swear to God it cures my hangovers every… damn... time,” she tells me.
I raise a single brow at her but figure I’ll roll with her incorrect assumption. “Thanks, Tiny, I’ll try it when I get home.”
“Later, doc,” she calls out, her head falling back to the file as I walk to my office.
I stroll inside, slide off my white coat, then pick up my handbag. Making my way out, I close my door. I feel strange leaving before the end of a shift. I don’t remember the last time I left work early. In fact, I don’t think I ever have. I walk the hall toward the parking garage to drive home. It’s actually going to be nice to have a night to myself. No work, no club, nothing to deal with other than myself.
As I walk to my car, I hear my cell beeping again with another message coming through. I sink in on myself knowing who it’s from. I feel bad I haven’t replied to Chains for this long, I haven’t gone more than a couple hours without replying to him in all the time I’ve known him. So, I know this will be killing him. It’s not fair on Chains or on me. I miss him, even though I’m still angry with him.
I get to my car, pull out my keys, deciding when I get home, I’ll make the effort to at least look through his messages. I can’t promise I’ll reply, but I will at least read what he has to say. I slide into my car starting the short drive home. The entire way I listen to the radio which seems only to be playing sappy love music, which isn’t helping my mood.
I pull into my driveway. My home’s not huge, but it’s probably too big for just me. But having a doctor’s salary means I get to have nice things.
The garage door pulls up as I drive in then slides down behind me with ease as I turn off my engine. Stepping out of my car, I head for the connecting door. The cool metal of the knob feels like a stark contrast to the tepid temperature tonight. It’s like my emotions pulling in different directions. Walking inside my home, I feel at ease even though the ambiance is clinical, it still feels like home to me. It might be all white and stainless steel, but I love it. It’s me. I walk down the small hall into the open living and kitchen area. On cue, the mezzanine lights up as I stroll in illuminating the main area. I look around my home suddenly feeling very alone.
“I need a cat,” I murmur to myself as I kick off my shoes and stroll over to the luxury white leather sofa, plonking straight down on it. The fabric moans beneath my movements as I sigh looking around my sparse home. It’s nothing like the one I grew up in, the homeliness of Mom and Dad’s house isn’t here. This house looks expensive, it looks well-kept and maintained, but it doesn’t show any kind of love.
I need to put some color into this place.
Or get a cat.
Yes, I’ll become a cat lady.
Sighing, I fling my handbag onto the sofa beside me as I yank out my cell.
Best to get this over with.
I look to the screen to see three missed calls today and twelve messages overall from the past week. Wincing, I take a deep breath opening the missed calls to see some voice messages from him. I’m not sure I’m ready to hear his voice just yet, so I go for the texts. I open his name, starting from the top, the first message is one simple word.
Ty: Sorry
My chest squeezes, tears prick at my eyes as a lump forms in my throat. He doesn’t often apologize, hardly at all, so I know he must be feeling this. I scroll to the next message.
Ty: Bex, I know I did the wrong thing, please… talk to me.
I keep scrolling.
Ty: I can’t keep going like this. I need you in my life. Don’t shut me out.
My bottom lip trembles as a fat tear rolls down my cheek. I sniff quickly wiping it away as I scroll again.
Ty: I haven’t talked to Abi and Will, I didn’t tell them. It’s okay if you want to. I get it, but Bex, I don’t want to lose you or them. You all mean everything to me. I’m putting it all on the line for you here. You won’t answer my calls, I don’t know what you’re thinking or if you’re gonna ever talk to me again… fuck!
I let out a sob as I bring my hand to my face trying to figure out why I let this go on for so long. I know I was confused, but I let him think he was going to have issues with his family. I’m a fucking bitch, I can’t stand myself right now. I don’t even bother to listen to his voice messages as I swipe the screen to dial his number.
It rings twice, then he answers, “Bex?” His voice wavers like he’s unsure it’s actually me.
I let out a small sob. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left this for so long. I finally read some of your text messages. I feel terrible for making you think—”
“Are you crying?” he interrupts.
I sniffle wiping my face. “No,” I lie.
“Woman, please don’t cry. I don’t ever want to make you cry.”
I let out a small laugh through my tears. “How many times have I told you not to call me woman, you heathen?”
I hear him sigh down the line like he’s relieved I’m joking with him. “Don’t cry, Bex.”
Wiping my face, I sniffle again. “Okay… how are you?”
He puffs out a long gust of air. I know it’s a loaded question. “You have no idea. So much is going on, all I want to do is fucking talk to you about it.”
My body tenses as I wince. “What’s going on?”
“I saw Luc—”
“What?” I blurt out sitting bolt upright as a pain sweeps through my entire body. “Are you sure it was him?”
He’s quiet for a second which makes me anxious as I nervously wait. “Yeah, it was him. The boys are gonna help me get him out.”
Fear washes over me as I stand abruptly, starting to pace the floor. The tiles under my feet send a chill through my very soul. “Ty…” My eyes water again as I try to reign in my emotions. My breath catches as I grit my teeth. “Ty, you can’t. You can’t go back there. You can’t go back for him! How many times have I stopped you from doing this exact thing?”
“I know. But I never knew he was still there. Now I do, Bex. I know he is, and I can’t let this go—”
“So, you’re gonna what? Risk everything? Risk your goddamn self to save a guy who probably doesn’t want to be fucking saved? For fuck’s sake, Chains. What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yell at him down the line, tears blurring my vision.
“He’s my family, Be—”
“I’m your family! I am. He only spent sixteen years with you. I have nineteen years more with you than he does. Choose me, Ty. Choose to be safe with me than risk it all for him!”
He’s quiet, too quiet. I know he’s debating this in his head.
I already know I won’t win.
“Why can’t I have you both?”
My bottom lip trembles as I wipe another tear. “Because if you go back to get him… you won’t make it out.”
“I’m not that sixteen-year-old boy, Bex. Plus, that boy made it out. I’m a hell of a lot stronger than he was… I have a whole brotherhood backing me now. Your lack of faith in us is kind of… annoying.”
I snort out a pissed off laugh. “You’re annoyed? You’re annoyed with me? I’ve spent most of my life fearing those men coming after you. Scared that one day you would fight me hard enough to go search for Luc. That you would choose him over me. I know I hurt you when I didn’t call you this week, but I was processing. Don’t do this just to get back at m—”
“You think that’
s why I’m doing this, Bex? Fucking hell, you don’t know me at all. I would never do anything to get back at you. I know I fucked up… I know I shouldn’t have kissed you. Even though it felt so fucking right to me at the time. I know you didn’t want it, so it won’t happen again. There! Is that what you want?” he yells down the line but my insides shudder.
He admitted he felt something when we kissed.
It wasn’t just me.
This is all kinds of fucked up.
“I have to go.”
“Are we done?” he asks his voice almost frantic.
My heart leaps into my throat. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… is this us now? At each other’s throats, no longer having each other’s backs?”
I feel physically sick. I can’t imagine it being this way with us. What the hell would we tell Mom and Dad? We’ve always been so fucking close, how could we possibly explain the tension?
“I… I don’t know,” I murmur, my voice breaking as I slump on the sofa.
He’s quiet as we both take a breath letting this sink in.
“I’ll stop calling and messaging,” he murmurs.
My stomach knots. I don’t know if I want this, but I nod not knowing what else to do as I exhale. “Okay.”
He doesn’t say anything else, just simply ends the call. I slide down on the sofa, looking up to the ceiling feeling completely deflated. The call was supposed to make this better. If anything, it’s just made things a thousand times worse. Now, I think we’re not on talking terms at all. My arm drapes over my eyes as I blurt out a deep sob letting my emotions swallow me whole.
Chains and I have never fought. Sure, we’ve argued, a lot actually, but never have we ever been like this. Goddamn that fucking, irresponsible, perfectly amazing kiss. Now, I’ve lost my brother and my best friend. It’s pushed him into doing something reckless and stupid, but this time I’m not going to be able to talk him out of it.
