The angry scowl was back. “You’ve been indecently propositioned? Who? I’ll—”
“You’ll what? Cause an even bigger scandal? What did you expect? As soon as my father learned I was safely home he resumed his travels. I was sent to Pembrokeshire as if in disgrace, and only had Aunt Eliza to stave off the scandal. It died down as you know, but it’s never forgotten.”
She liked how he cared enough to want to protect her honor. Hope blossomed and warmth swept her entire body.
“Still…With your father away you should have written to me. I would have put a stop to the maliciousness.”
She gave a large sigh. “That in itself would have created another scandal. Why would the Duke of Bedford champion Lady Hestia?”
“Because a woman should not have to defend her reputation when she has done nothing wrong.”
She nodded. “Society was scornful of my father’s decision to take me with him. But it was I who begged to go. You have no idea what it’s like to be ignored. To have the only parent you have left care more about his explorations than wanting to be with his only child.” A lump formed in her throat as she remembered the years of loneliness after her mother died when she was eight. Upon her mother’s death, she’d felt bereaved and she needed her father so much. He didn’t even come home for her mother’s funeral.
So she’d been determined to sail with him on his next voyage. She still did not know what made her father agree. Yet after that fateful voyage he left her at Pembrokeshire with her aunt and scurried back to Greece, barely caring how she coped with her abduction. Hestia rarely heard from her father, one letter sent each Christmas when he was not in residence. The last time he had been home was for her nineteenth birthday and that had ended in disaster.
It was as if she’d lost both her parents.
She blinked back a tear. “You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be invisible. The world is a playground for a man like you.”
He could not hold her gaze. “From what I hear men have been falling at your feet, yet you have not accepted any of them.”
“Is it too much to ask that for once in my life someone would want me? Not my money?” She squared her shoulders and stood tall. “I will marry when I find a man to whom I matter—me, not my money, social standing, or looks.”
“Bravo. While I wish you well in that endeavor, just ensure that the man is not David.”
“For goodness’ sake, I’ve just met the man.” Why this fixation on Mr. Foxhall? She remembered the look on Alex’s face when he’d seen Mr. Foxhall holding her hand. He was livid. Was he jealous? She inwardly chided herself. How could he be jealous when he stood by and let many men propose? What if she had accepted one of them?
It was obvious he did not think of her in that way.
Could she make him see her as a woman? His reaction to Mr. Foxhall gave her hope. Hestia hugged the hope tight to her chest. They were stuck on this ship at sea, and he was known for his need of feminine company. All she’d have to do is tempt him beyond reason by playing the femme fatale.
She brushed her hands down the front of her breeches. A seductress. She almost laughed out loud at the idea. There’s the rub. She didn’t quite know how to be a femme fatale. How did a woman tempt a man? Not just any man, but a rake of the first water? And did she want to win him that way? Her aunt constantly warned her that lust burned bright, but like a wildfire it often burned itself out. There had to be more between husband and wife.
She needed to think. Alex was a complicated man. Honorable, yet she sensed he was also filled with darkness. He looked after his family and tenants, working hard, but Alex was also renowned for his wild rakish ways. He appeared to most to be a complete contradiction.
Who was the real Alex? How could she profess to love him when really she did not understand him?
She needed space from him to think. His presence always had her heart and mind at war with one another.
“If you’ll excuse me, I shall speak to Jacob and learn if there are any tasks I can help with. I have to have something to do during the voyage.”
Still bristling, she paid no attention as Alex called after her departing back, “Make sure you stay away from David.”
—
God damn David Foxhall. His friend and ship’s surgeon was far too good looking for Alex’s peace of mind. Usually he did not care. There were plenty of women for both of them to seduce. And they’d seduced plenty, but there was only one Hestia.
His Hestia.
Silence settled on the stateroom. Alex was stunned at how empty the room felt without Hestia’s presence. He’d been around her for only a week and already he missed her when she was not with him.
When he’d seen her smiling at the surgical rake, David’s hand holding hers, something inside snapped. Hestia was certainly not a shy, coy, or missish female, and sometimes her friendliness could be misconstrued. David was a man who might misconstrue and take advantage of such friendliness. A man so handsome that women rarely said no to him. And it would seem Hestia was already well under David’s spell.
The fact Hestia came with a sizable inheritance would also appeal to his friend. As the third son of a viscount, David was raised in wealth and comfort, and having to rely on a minuscule allowance and the money Alex could pay him was not to David’s liking.
He downed the rest of his drink to wash away his unkind thoughts. David would never betray him. It had been David who’d sat by his side for days as he battled the ravages of the opium sickness Murad had forced on him. Alex had longed for death, and he had almost gotten his wish as the effects of his overuse of the opium pipe while in Murad’s captivity consumed him. If not for David…
Sometimes, when the memories hit him, just for a fleeting moment he wished he had died.
Those days in Murad’s palace were spent in a dream from the opium pipe and sex. Finally he’d met Tulay. She was the beautiful slave girl whom Murad would occasionally share with him. She soothed his soul in his disgusting captivity and soon they were inseparable.
Murad used to refer to them as his married couple. He closed his eyes on the painful memories.
Because of Alex she’d died.
He’d needed the opium to survive Murad and the gilded prison he lived in. Alex introduced opium to Tulay, and he would carry that shame to his grave. She wasn’t strong enough…She too needed the soothing euphoria opium provided. However, she soon wanted more and more. He tried to help her rein in the cravings, but he was soon under its spell also. Both their lives spiraled out of control.
He hadn’t been capable of protecting Tulay then. He had not been able to stop her from selling herself for more opium, and when he finally found her battered dead body in Murad’s compound, he’d stepped over it to pick up the small sack of opium seeds still clutched in her hand.
He poured more brandy and drank it down noting the shaking in his hand. The shameful memories made him crave a drop of laudanum right now to forget the guilt, disgust, and shame, but he pushed it aside. He needed to keep a clear head on this voyage. He had Hestia to protect.
This time he would not fail in his duty.
“What the hell was that display all about?” an angry David demanded on his return from his duties. “I’ve never seen you get possessive over a woman. Is there something you wish to share?”
Chapter 7
Alex gritted his teeth and tried to control the possessive rage still thrumming in his veins.
David continued, his voice rising on each syllable. “As if I’d—well—as if I’d ever touch a guest of yours. A woman who is under your protection. An innocent—”
“Yes, all right, you’ve made your point.”
His friend’s anger died. David gave him a quizzing look. “Why didn’t you simply marry the girl and leave her safely in London?”
“Why indeed.” He didn’t want to face that question.
Silence settled on the stateroom. He was not a man good enough for Hestia. Her father had seen
it too. Alex’s late father had constantly reminded him of the disappointment he was, and his weaknesses for women and opium only proved the point.
David peered at him. “She’s still infatuated with you, I take it? That should have made it easy for her to accept you.” Shaking his head and filling his glass with brandy, David seated himself on one of the dining chairs and placed the heels of his boots up on another.
Alex couldn’t hide his annoyance and almost snarled at David. “You know the answer to that.”
“No. No, I really don’t. It’s time you produced heirs. She would make a fine wife. She’s beautiful, intelligent, kind, and in love with you. I could think of a number of women whom she’d be preferable to.”
Silence once again. He saw realization dawn in his friend’s eyes.
Don’t say it, please don’t say it.
David let out a low whistle. “You’ve got feelings for her. No, don’t deny it. That’s why she scares you.” Humor inflecting his voice, David added, “Come, Alexander, don’t get cross with me for telling the truth. Besides, she’s only a woman.”
“Don’t get cross, you say.” Rubbing his tired eyes, he uttered, “I don’t need this ribbing right now. If you’ll remember, we have Lord Pembroke to find and bring safely home to England without getting Hestia hurt, or worse still, killed.”
Alex took a large gulp of brandy. “If I am to find the earl without endangering all of us I need to focus. I need to make her keep her distance and push her away. How am I supposed to concentrate if she thinks her affections are returned?”
David tilted his head to one side. “Then why bring her?” When Alex didn’t reply, his friend cocked his eyebrow. “You could have left Jacob and some men to guard her.”
Alex cradled his head in his hands before replying, “I need Jacob with me. He knows the Mediterranean better than any other man.” Lifting his head to look at David, he cursed. “She’s safer with me and my men.”
His friend shook his head. “That is yet to be seen.” He hesitated before continuing. “I have a gut feeling that Fredrick is interested in more than Hestia’s money.” With a shrug of his shoulders he added, “Perhaps this is personal. Maybe he covets a flesh-and-blood Cary as his wife. They are distant third cousins. A fine match as well as the rest of the Cary assets, so yes, I’d take his threats seriously. I’d watch my back if I were you.”
“That’s the only reason she’s coming with me. She’ll be safer with me, with miles of ocean between him and us.”
He gulped the rest of his brandy. Yes, but would she be safe from him? She was so innocent. He was far too much of a degenerate for the likes of her. Over the last eighteen months he’d pushed her away, taking great pains to shelter her from the darkness of himself. He’d managed that feat by keeping distance between them; on board this ship that would be impossible.
His shoulders sagged and he shook with unreleased fury directed at no one but himself. His normal response was to flee, to pretend that the heavenly creature down the passageway didn’t exist. But that was not an option now. He was stuck with her. He’d created his own private hell.
From under nervous lids Alex eyed his longtime friend—the most honorable man Alex knew. Could he be the solution for ending Alex’s torment? Would Alex be strong enough to ask it of him? Realizing he had no options left, Alex stared directly into David’s eyes and said, “I do, however, have a favor to ask of you.”
David smiled. “What, another? I assume it’s to do with our delectable passenger.”
Alex stilled; his look grew serious and he watched the smile fade from David’s lips. He rose and paced to the open-air balcony at the end of the stateroom where the narrow jib doors were letting in the cool night breeze.
David had remained seated but had sat up, placing his feet back on the floor, worry beginning to etch across his arresting features.
Alex rested his arms on the carved gilded railing and stared down at the water below. Glancing over his shoulder, he sighed. “If we don’t find the earl, if he is declared dead, will you promise me you’ll look after Hestia?”
Behind him he heard David let out an audible breath. “Of course, I’ll offer her protection and look after her interests. But wait, where will you be? Why can’t you look after her?”
He turned and looked at his friend. He whispered, “Because I won’t be coming back from the Mediterranean for a while, not until I’ve settled my score with Murad. Why do you think I sent the first ship ahead with the missive? It’s to wait for me in Mykonos.” That is why Alex had jumped at helping the earl. If he could seek revenge against his captor, maybe he could let go of the darkness, get rid of his nightmares, and move on with his life.
“Christ. I remember the condition you were in when we rescued you from Murad, and I understand your need for revenge, but it’s been over four years; surely it would be unwise to go looking for trouble.”
Unwise. That was an understatement, but he couldn’t leave his past until he knew Murad was dead. “I’m hoping the bastard has been drawn and quartered by someone else by now. It’s highly likely. But I will have my revenge.”
“Why now?”
“Opportunity.” That wasn’t the only reason. He’d been thinking of going after Murad for some time. He hated this feeling of being a victim and he owed Murad for what he’d done to him, to Tulay.
Hestia’s request to find her father made everything fall into place.
“Has Jacob agreed to this?”
Alex nodded.
“That’s why this ship is filled with more fighters than sailors.” David sighed. “All right, if her father cannot be found, I’ll look after her until your return.”
Relief flooded him. “And if I should not return? Fredrick will still be after her.”
“Then forget this idea to chase after bad memories and make new ones. You could marry her.”
He ignored him. “Hestia married and settled in a new life is the best solution all around. It might take me a while to find Murad. I can’t have her a target for that long.”
David shook his head. “Hasn’t Murad already cost you enough? You have to leave the past in the past. You’ve changed, and you’ve conquered your opium problem.” He paused and eyed him warily. “You have conquered it?”
“You never conquer opium, you simply control it. I’ve tried to give it up completely, but…Hell, even Slade Ware has begun to notice something was not right. I’ve never told him about my captivity in Turkey, you’re the only one who knows besides the earl.” Slade was the Marquess of Hawkridge, another good friend who’d been with them in the Turkish wars.
“Well, you’ve had it under control since I treated you almost seven years ago on your escape from being Murad’s captive. So what’s the problem?”
Seven years! It had been seven years since he had escaped Murad’s prison. Alex’s head throbbed. Alex had been captured by Murad, just after fighting against the Turks in the war of 1807. He was only twenty years old. Murad had kept him prisoner for two years. At first in chains and then by keeping him enthralled with opium. On his rescue he’d almost died as the opium left his system. He’d craved the drug for a long time, and he still remembered the strength it had taken to leave the opium pipe on the floor of the tavern three years later when he’d rescued Hestia. Now here they were four years later again, and still he struggled with opium.
How to explain his situation to David? His friend and savior had no idea what Murad had done to him other than feed him opium until he was a walking skeleton, but Hestia’s father did. “Several years ago I made a promise to her father that I wouldn’t encourage her. He is dead set against a match.”
“I see. But this is a time of dire needs. Surely the earl would see it is the best for all concerned. Especially since he has left her alone and unprotected.”
Would he? Alex ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He probably would, but would it be right for Hestia? “I can’t make her happy,” Alex almost growled.
“Then let her make you happy; that would probably be enough for her, because she loves you.”
His body shuddered as if David had punched him. How could she be in love with a man like him? David did not understand. The girl was merely infatuated with him because Alex saved her from Murad. Hestia couldn’t love him because she didn’t really know him.
If he truly wanted to help Hestia he’d encourage a relationship between her and David. David would look after her, treat her well, and never endanger her. Hestia’s money could also help his friend. The bonus being she’d be safe from Fredrick.
He felt sick.
How did he confess that she was the most caring, capable, deliciously beautiful, and intelligent woman he’d ever met and he burned for her? But he could never have her. A man like David would never understand. Even the earl, though he thought of Alex as his own son, couldn’t bring himself to look past what he’d done and allow him to wed Hestia.
His time with Murad had twisted him, blackened his soul, and he didn’t know how to change that. He hoped killing Murad would balance the scales and bring him peace.
David continued. “Good God, Alex, she’s only a woman. There are plenty of women who’d jump at the chance of marrying a wealthy duke. Surely the earl can see the advantages for Hestia in such a match. He’ll eventually come around.”
“You of all people should understand why I can’t pursue her. I gave the earl my word that I would never wed Hestia. My word, David—to the man who saved my life. You know it’s impossible without his blessing, and that he will never give.”
“How can you be sure? Hestia’s older now, come of age; perhaps if he sees what is between you, he’ll soften his stance. Look how you’ve taken over from your father. You’re well respected in the House of Lords, and your estate is one of the most profitable in England. If the earl is concerned with your pleasurable indulgence in opium, then simply give it up.”
Alex’s mouth dried and already his hands wanted to shake. Give it up! Could he? He didn’t want to face that question, as it might make a liar out of him. He told everyone he was in control, but at the moment he barely could control the desire for the one or two drops of laudanum he allowed himself.
Addicted to the Duke Page 8
