by Nhys Glover
“So The Jayger is not an it but a he? The Goddess referred to him as an it,” I pointed out, the irrelevance of my statement not registering until I’d said it.
“By the time the battle was over all that was left of the consort She loved was his rage. He was no long a male, a god of sorts, it was a thing of great evil.”
I felt sorry for the Goddess. It seemed everyone she loved turned against her. Hers was a lonely lot I didn’t envy in the least.
“So will you help us find the rest of our five?” Zem asked.
The man nodded. “Of course. I will do all in my power. What is it you require of me?”
“We need to find one who has been locked away his whole life and called a monster.” I tried to explain as much as I could about the man I’d known for such a short, nightmarish time. “He has pale skin, paler even than Airsha’s. He’s an earth mage as he has the power of healing. But he was locked away long before his magic manifested. So he was considered an abomination for reasons other than having magic from a source other than the Godling.”
The cleric nodded with some enthusiasm. “There is a very rare condition that runs through the royal line. It can be found in nature too. Creatures born as ghosts, their hair and skin colourless. Even their eyes are pale and red-rimmed. They have no defences against the sun’s rays. Therefore they burn easily.”
I considered this information in light of what I’d experienced. I hadn’t seen Landor, as I was perceiving the world through his eyes. But what the cleric said might apply to him. It would certainly be enough for the fearful royals to want to lock away their offspring.
“Would such a childling be listed?” I asked, almost sure the answer would be no. The babe would have been whisked away and declared a still-birth. That he’d survived at all was amazing. Why had the Mistress taken pains to save him? Surely not because she thought he would one day become a healer. The chances of that would have been rare indeed. Was Landor her own childling? My mind revolted at the idea of a mother lying with her son. It was bad enough that a grown woman abused a youth like that.
“Yes, they would. All abnormalities are listed for the records. It was the only way the priests could track the suitable breeding partners for the Godling. Even if the family tried to have the birth hushed up, the priest would have made sure to have seen the babe and noted down any deformities, even such things as an extra toe or webbed feet. Webbed feet are common among water mages.”
So we needed to find a record of pale-skinned childlings born sometime over a fifteen sun cycle period starting thirty suns ago. How many childlings would need to be sifted through? Hundreds? Thousands? The task seemed daunting, making finding Landor before he died even more so.
“I will call all my brothers immediately to the task. It should be completed in a few turns of the sandglass. Definitely before dawn.”
Before we could comment, the old man had shuffled off to rouse his brothers. I looked to Zem for direction. What did we do now? Just wait?
But the self-assured Zem was gone and the lad was back. He shrugged. “I suppose we could go back to our rooms and get a few more turns of sleep. But I doubt we’d sleep.”
“I can use Airsha’s quarters. We could go there and... work on my other problem?” I suggested tentatively.
Zem frowned and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Are you... sure? I thought your mind would be too preoccupied with this addition.”
“It is. That’s why I need to find a way to get my mind off Landor. I can’t do him any good right now.” I was even more nervous than he seemed to be.
We were back to being those innocents we’d been during the rebellion. It was familiar and comfortable territory.
Zem shrugged but didn’t look at me. “If you want.”
“Can you... you know... again so soon?”
Zem spluttered out a laugh. “Flea, I can come any time I let my mind think of you that way. Which is a lot. Getting privacy is the hard part.”
“Huh,” I muttered, a little of the mystery clarified. I’d always thought Zem had an intestinal problem that required him to spend excessive time in the privy. Maybe that wasn’t the case at all.
“Do you... do what I do?” he asked me shyly.
“Come when I think of me? Can’t say I do,” I said snidely, because his question was too personal. I knew what he meant and I had tried. But though I could get some pleasure from touching myself I never got the sort of pleasure Zem had experienced when he climaxed in my bed. Maybe I wasn’t capable of that kind of pleasure. I’d never raised the subject with anyone before.
“Flea...” Zem cautioned with frustrated patience. “You know what I meant.”
I huffed out a sigh. “Look, I don’t think I’m capable of that... I mean, I know women can and do climax. I’ve seen it and felt the memory of it in women’s minds. Some of your women, in fact. But I... I can’t. Maybe I’m not made like other women. Or Airshin... damaged me down there. I don’t know.” I felt close to tears. This had been a traumatic day, and with my worries for Landor added to it, I was on overload.
Zem drew me into his arms and I rested my head on his hard shoulder. This was home for me, even more so than wherever Airsha was. Zem was my one real home.
“I think you’re made like other women. I don’t think that little bastard did you any permanent physical damage. I think... Well, I think it’s more emotional. Sex requires letting go. I can’t explain it any better than that. And you don’t let go. Ever. Though you’re the most unpredictable and casual person I’ve ever known, you’re also one of the most... controlled. I’m not being very clear, I know.”
I nodded. “After Dah died I didn’t have a lot that was predictable and safe in my life anymore. Mam would explain a con to me, but I could never be sure it would work the way she said. That I’d be able to avoid having those hands on me. Or worse. And even that bit of predictability went when she died. Then Airshin... just stole what safety I thought I had left. He hurt me and degraded me... but it was more than that. I never felt safe after that.
“That’s why I kind of liked you. You created this weird sort of safe haven with your counting and your plans. I thought they were crazy, but they were better than anything I had to stave off the chaos. So, aye, I find it hard to let go. It’s scary.”
Zem stroked the hair that had come down from the harem knot I’d wrestled it into for sleep. “You’re safe with me, Flea. I would die to keep you safe.”
I nodded against his shoulder. “I know. But even that’s scary, because what would I do without you? You’re all I can count on. Oh, aye, there are others like Airsha and Calun... but they have their own lives. If you died like Dah did... I don’t know if I could survive.”
He kissed my forehead. “You could and would. You were born a survivor, sweet one. Nothing short of death will ever knock you down for long.”
I huffed a laugh. “You don’t think I’d let a little thing like death get in my way, do you?”
He turned me for the door out of the library. In moments, we were wandering the corridors, making our way to the Goddess’ apartments.
Chapter Five
The old royal apartments, now the Goddess’ apartments, had many sleeping rooms, and I had one I used when I was here with Airsha. It was to this room we went. Once the door was closed and the lamp lit, Zem turned to me with a question in his eyes.
I began to remove my clothes, piece by piece, determined to get this thing done with. I didn’t have time for my insecurities any more. There was a man out there who had lived a horrendous life, and I had to find him. I also had to find a way to love him and make him part of what Zem and I already had. Somehow, it was easier contemplating bringing in another damaged soul to join us than a strong and confident man.
Misfits—that’s what we’d be. And maybe if the other two were to be misfits too, we could be a band of misfits. That might just work for me.
Zem watched me with hooded eyes, but made no move to remove his clothing. Wh
en I stood naked before him, shaking slightly with nerves, I lifted an eyebrow at him. He just smirked.
“Zem,” I scolded, feeling oddly light and playful, for all my nudity.
“I’m just enjoying the view. Trying to decide if you are better in real life or in my fantasies.”
I huffed again and folded my hands over my chest. He moaned in mock-distress.
“All right, I admit it. My imagination was nowhere near as good as the real thing. You are beautiful, Flea. And I’m pleased to see you have red curls everywhere. And freckles. I want to count every freckle on your body. That is one of my long-term goals.”
“Zem, if you leave me standing here like this much longer, I’m going to kick you in those fragile bits I discovered earlier this evening. Then you won’t be thinking about me for a while.”
He chuckled. “Even as I crumpled to the ground in agony, I’d be thinking of you. But if I must...” With the kind of speed he reserved for fighting, Zem had his tunic and breeches off before I had a chance to draw another breath.
For long moments, we just stood there, less than a stride apart, just staring at each other. I had seen his naked torso before. I’d now seen what lay beneath his breeches—but this was the first time I’d seen him totally naked. And the sight took my breath away.
Long lean muscles, broad shoulders that tapered down into a perfect V. And smooth, tanned skin everywhere, even in areas where the sun rarely touched. His brown curl fell over his forehead as he cocked his head to the side, watching my reaction.
“Good enough?” he asked, oddly vulnerable.
I nodded and took a step toward him. He did the same. That left just a small step separating us. I could almost feel his breath on my face.
“It’s my turn to explore. All right?” he asked, looking at me from beneath his shaggy brown locks.
I nodded, swallowed audibly and then licked my dry lips. Zem’s eyes ignited and his cock, which had been steadily growing, suddenly surged into a hard, long and impressive organ that was pointing my way. I wanted to touch him there again, but he was right. It was his turn to explore me. Fair was fair.
He held out his hand, and I took it. Together we walked to the bed, and Zem pushed me down onto it gently. Crawling up beside me, he let his fingertips slide along my skin as he went. I gasped in a breath at the caress and felt my heart begin pounding faster in my chest.
What was I doing? This was no game I was playing. I didn’t want this. Any of it! The Goddess was wrong to have chosen me! Panic made my vision darken, my lungs work double-time for the air I needed.
Zem reached my face and gently nuzzled my nose with his own, his gaze never moving from mine. Gauging my thoughts and my reactions, I realised. Waiting for me to say stop.
Well, he’d be waiting a while. I wasn’t going to play the role of shy virgin anymore. I wasn’t one, after all. I hadn’t been since I was fourteen suns old. That was four suns and a lifetime of experience ago. This was nothing compared to the things I’d done in those suns. Gods, I’d dived into a battle-field from an airling’s back to save this man. Lying here, letting him touch me now, was nothing beside that! My vision cleared and my breathing slowed.
Whatever Zem saw in my eyes was enough. He began nuzzling his way down my body, not kissing me, but rubbing his nose and cheek against the skin of my cheek, neck, shoulder, and... finally, achingly, my breast.
When had I started to want this? Want what he was doing to me. I felt as if I was dipping and soaring on Spot, never sure whether I was going up or down. Right now I was soaring and my body craved Zem’s light touch in a way I’d never experienced before. I ached for it!
I was not well-endowed. When Airsha met me just over two suns ago she had taken me for a girl just experiencing her first blood. And my body hadn’t developed a lot since then. That Zem found it beautiful was just a reflection of his feelings for me. I could have looked like a groundling and he’d still have called me beautiful.
I realised that my breaths were coming fast again—this time for a reason other than fear—and my mouth was so dry I couldn’t swallow often enough to soothe it. And still his nose nudged at my flesh, his cheek grazed the curve of my small breast. His slow, steady moves were both reassuring and infuriating. Why couldn’t he just latch onto my nipple? Surely it wasn’t so small he couldn’t see it waiting there for him?
As if reading my mind, Zem nudged at the nipple on the breast he was courting so diligently. After stroking it with his nose a few times he finally brought his wet mouth down onto it.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. The sensation of wet, hot mouth on me was startling and exciting. It took everything I had not to grab his head and pull him closer, so he’d suckle that sensitive tip deep into that lava-hot mouth of his.
I must have squirmed a little on the bed, because he left off his ministrations to check on me. Opening my eyes wide in frustration, I wordlessly told him to get on with it. Desire, or whatever this squirmy feeling was in my core, was driving me crazy.
With a smug grin, Zem lowered his mouth to my nipple again and drew it into his mouth and suckled. I moaned, unable to stand it anymore. I buried my fingers in his soft, shining hair and held him close. He may or may not have chuckled, but as his mouth was otherwise occupied it was hard to say.
While I held tight to his hair, trying to keep him in place, he moved across and repeated his slow, tantalising assault on my other breast. I arched up to meet him, wanting more, wanting him to suck harder. He seemed to guess what I wanted because he did. The suction was almost painful. But... oh... so... delicious.
Just when I thought I was about to go crazy from the pleasure of it, he left off and started moving lower, sliding his nose over my ribs and belly and then burying itself in my curls. I had a moment’s concern about how clean I was, but when his nose slid into my slit I decided I didn’t care. Gods, how could this kind of pleasure be possible? It seemed even more intense than what Zem had experienced when I stroked him to climax. And I wasn’t even there yet. It didn’t matter if I ever did reach that pinnacle. This was enough...
He shifted his position a little, settling between my legs, and used his fingers to draw back the folds. He blew on the wetness there and I moaned in delight.
“I’ve wondered what you would smell like. What your arousal would smell like,” Zem said against my flesh. The vibration of his words sent a tickle of pleasure stampeding through me—into me.
“Is... Am I... all right?” I gasped out, not sure what I’d do if he said I wasn’t. I’d bathed before bed but I’d run up to the palace since then.
“All right? Gods, Flea you smell incredible. I am having trouble not coming just from your scent. Musky and sweet. So much better than I imagined.” That’s when he licked me, deep in my folds, finding the nub of pleasure I’d discovered for myself, but never taken the time to give much attention to.
Zem was making up for my neglect. The tip of his tongue flicked at it, the flat of it laved it, and his lips closed around it and sucked ever so gently on it. I thrust my hips up at him, wanting more. I was delirious. Past caring about anything but my own pleasure. All focus was on that one small point of my body.
I came apart on a scream, my fingers digging great gouges out of the soft mattress, my body bucking as I spasmed in exquisite torture. All the while, Zem held tight to my hips and breathed me in.
When the climax ebbed, instead of moving away, Zem resumed his ministrations, and added to them by slipping a finger deep inside me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this intrusion. It felt... wrong... but also right. So I let him do what he wanted, while I began to climb again. The journey was faster this time as my nub was intensely sensitive. Zem seemed to know just how much I could take.
Before I realised what he was doing, he’d slid a second finger inside me.
He crawled up the bed so he was lying at my side, his fingers thrusting into my wet core as his palm rubbed against my swollen nub, urging me on. With what little brain I had
left to me, I glanced across at him. He was staring at my face as if I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Awe! That was the word. He was watching me with awe.
“Zem...” I breathed, squirming beneath his hand. “Please...”
I had no idea what I was pleading for, but he did. In the next moment, his fingers were gone, and I felt absurdly close to tears. Empty. He’d left me empty!
Then I felt something hard and thick pushing into me. I fought it for a moment, memories surfacing for the first time. I pushed them down. This was nothing like that time. Nothing! My body relaxed and let Zem in.
He sighed as he slid home. For a long, pregnant moment he pressed his forehead to mine. We were both sweating, I realised. When had that happened? I shifted my head so I could kiss him. His lips opened to mine and I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, suckling on it until he moaned.
Panting. Zem was panting like he’d run a league, his body hard as rock, his muscles and sinew straining and tensed. I released his lip and he thrust into my mouth with his tongue. I started to gag. Panic rose up again. He withdrew immediately and nibbled on the edge of my bottom lip instead.
How could a heart race so fast and not explode? He shifted a little, his slick flesh moving away to allow cool air to circulate between us. Before I could register more, he was moving slowly, as if savouring every slick sensation of the slide in and then the slide out. He increased the tempo, until his thrusts were fast and hard, like he’d made my hands do to him not so long ago.
Zem drew me in closer still, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. That was what he wanted. Groaning, he began pumping even harder. I felt as limp as a rag doll. He could have done anything to me then, and I couldn’t have stopped him. I was gone, lost in some soporific bliss, lost to everything but the sensations created by our joined bodies.
