by Nhys Glover
When he wasn’t looking, I studied him. Once I got past his whiteness, I saw only his outrageous beauty. His father had looked very like him, but even in his youth I doubted he’d ever had the perfection and symmetry of features that distinguished Landor. I would have considered him unmasculine had there not been something distinctly male about him that called to the female part of me. His strength? His calm acceptance of all life had thrown at him? The scent of his skin. Gods, his clean male scent was almost my undoing.
“You’re attracted to him,” Zem observed late in the day, coming up to stand beside me in the back yard where Landor was exploring the sheds and outbuildings. He’d found a nest of wadjas at one point and played happily with them for almost a turn.
“I am. The Goddess has probably made sure of that. I couldn’t be expected to forge a bond between us if I couldn’t bear the sight of him, could I?”
“I suppose. I think it’s more than that though. Even if he wasn’t part of this Five you’d be attracted to him. Most women would. And I like him. He’s remarkable, really. I feel insignificant in comparison. I became a madman when my family were killed. He’s been through far worse and doesn’t need to count to stay sane.”
I leaned in to his shoulder. “He didn’t lose all he loved in one foul swoop. The life he lived was all he ever knew. Yes, it took strength to survive it. But it took just as much strength to survive what you did. You’re my rock, Zem. You always have been. And you always will be. I think the only way we’re all going to survive what the Goddess has in store for us is if we accept ourselves as we are, not comparing ourselves to each other. Men naturally want to create a hierarchy, I know that. He’s better than me, I’m better than him. We can’t do that between us. We have to think of ourselves as one being, the way Airsha and the Airluds do.”
“I think that’s going to be harder in the doing than in the saying. And the Airluds are brothers and had a bond before Airsha came along.”
“A bond that could have been broken had they not all worked at it. Airsha loves them all in different ways, but none more than any other. And they don’t compete for her attention. I once asked Calun how he could handle sharing her. He said he didn’t feel he was. That his brothers were part of him and, therefore, when she was with them she was with him. He values his special bond with her and is content.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to see it that way. These men will be strangers, not my brothers. No matter how hard I try, I’m going to want more of you and resent what they get. After all, I’ve had you all to myself for nearly three suns.”
This was the first time he’d voiced his concerns since the Goddess spoke. He’d been trying so hard to go along with it, but now I saw he’d been hiding his insecurities beneath his will of iron.
“I can’t imagine how this will work either. But if it does, it will be partly because you and me are like Airsha and Calun. We share something the others don’t have. Can’t have.”
“Airlings?”
I laughed. “No. A connection that goes deeper than love. We’ve been best friends and partners for turns. I know you better than I know myself. You’ll always have a head start over the others. The advantage.
“Of course, this all rests on the assumption that my incredible looks and personality will have these other men falling all over themselves trying to win me. That’s a pretty shaky assumption. I’m nothing special. No... don’t start. I’m special to you. I know that. But that’s just love talking. If you weren’t in love with me you wouldn’t look twice at me—freckly red-haired tom-boy that I am.
“I’m also an insensitive, impatient, arrogant, self-centred, impulsive idiot most of the time. I’m attractive enough, but I’m no beauty that leaves men’s tongues lolling out or has them tripping over their own feet around me. I’m the sort of girl men think, ‘Wow, she’s cute. Wouldn’t mind bedding her.’ Not ‘Gods, what I wouldn’t do for a chance to bed her.’ You get the difference?
“And I’m good with that. I don’t want to be one of those women. It’s too much hard work. Though now I know how incredible sex is, maybe the hard work isn’t so daunting. But really, I don’t want lots of men. I’d be happy with just you. More than happy.”
Zem had waited patiently until I finished, even leaving a few heartbeats after I stopped talking, just to make sure I was done. Then he launched in as I knew he would.
“First, there was a time when I wasn’t in love with you. Back then I thought you were special, even when I thought you were a boy—which really messed with me. Not that I’d have worried over much if it had been the truth. But I’d never been attracted to males so the fact I was to you was... hard to put in its place. You know me. Always have to keep things straight in my head. Anyway...
“And yes, you are all the things you say you are at times, but you’re also sweet, funny, kind and compassionate and incredibly brave and loyal. You always stand beside those you love, no matter what. Which is probably one of the reasons the Goddess chose you for this job. You’ll happily stand at my side facing down the worst evil the world has ever known. And then laugh about it.
“You probably know better than I do what goes on in men’s minds when they see you. All I can go on is what I see and what they say. And I’ve seen a few of them trip over their feet and mutter something like, ‘Wow, isn’t she incredible. I’d bed her any time.’ I’ve had to fight a few who’ve said things like that in less complimentary ways. But it’s all the same. You are beautiful. And part of your appeal is that you don’t know how beautiful you are. So I hope you don’t believe me. Your head’s too big already.
“Lastly, I doubt there will be any problem attracting the other men to you. The problem will be keeping us from killing each other. And you being all right with bedding us all, if we manage to come to some kind of agreement. I’m still unhappy with that part.
“Airsha fell for the Airluds, and then afterwards she realised how the Goddess had engineered their meeting. In this instance, you’re being told ahead of time to make these strangers yours—to love us and help us love each other—and to use your body to do it. I don’t want you feeling like you have to. That’s a form of slavery or prostitution, to my mind. And I don’t like it.”
He shut up then, all the breath gone from him, his mind suddenly blank. Gods, was there a time I thought him quiet? When he wanted to talk he could really go on. But still, there were tears in my eyes as he’d talked and I’d appreciated every word.
“And I don’t think you have to rush into bed with any of them. And if we’re lucky, the others might stop the Godling before he does the deed. Then it can be just you and me again.”
I laughed then. Loud and energetically. So loud Landor came out of the shed to see what was happening. His look of perplexed confusion only made me laugh louder.
“Don’t worry about her. She does this. I’m much funnier than most people believe. Or that’s how I see it. Because Flea always laughs at me,” Zem dead-panned, which only made me laugh harder.
“Why are you laughing?” Landor asked me, smiling as if he wanted to join in the joke.
“Zem isn’t a big talker,” I got out as I started to calm down. “But he just talked up a storm. And then when I thought he couldn’t possibly be able to say any more, he did. You can’t get the joke unless you know him.”
Landor smiled a little more, his bemusement increasing. “I envy you two the love you share. How well you know and accept each other.”
That dissipated the last of my amusement. I walked over to him and reached up to cup his cheek. “You don’t have to envy it. You can be part of it, when you’re ready. That’s a possible part of being the Goddess’ champions.”
The intense look in his pale blue eyes unsettled me, and I wanted to look away. But I knew I couldn’t. Not until he understood.
“I can become part of the love you share with each other? How?”
I did look away then and tried to remove my hand. But Landor held it in place, urgin
g me to go on. He didn’t understand, and he wanted to. Needed to.
Gods, he was so beautiful! Looking at him made me forget my own name. Forget what I was saying.
“How can I be part of it, Flea?” he asked again, not willing to let me off the hook.
“In your reading did you come across harems? One person with multiple spouses?” I answered a question with a question. My specialty.
“The Godling and many of the magical sons through history have kept harems. One Godling had sixty eight wives, or so I read. I found that hard to believe. Having seed for that many would be difficult.” He blushed then, and it wasn’t pretty. Which helped me recover from my awkward adoration.
“Yes, any powerful man can have as many wives as he can afford to keep. It sounds like your father has several wives besides your mother.
“Anyway, it can go the other way. Powerful women, like elemental mistresses can have harems... more than one husband. Airsha has four. And she loves them all equally and well. So part of this message from the Goddess—the one when our marks appeared—well, she said I would have such a harem and that I would need to forge The Five into a whole, if we were to win. Which basically means you can be part of what we have... but only if you want to. You have been forced to do too much in your life, we won’t force you into this. I’m not going to let myself be forced into anything I don’t want, either. Just so you know.
“I’m new to sex. I was raped when I was fourteen and that put me off it. I’d have remained off it, but the Goddess made her wishes known and Zem and me, well, we tried it. And it worked. We only changed our relationship last night—Gods, I can’t believe it was only last night—So we’re feeling our way with that side of things. I’m still not sure about the rest.”
Landor blinked a few times, and I realised that, though the sun was close to setting, his eyes were sore from the amount of light they’d been subjected to all afternoon. And his mind was trying to put the pieces together, too. I’d been contradictory. Making an offer and then taking it back. Or had I taken it back? Had it actually been an offer?
“I do not know what is acceptable or not. Although I understand the concept of rape and what that might involve, I know I would never do that to you. Or to any woman.” He swallowed hard a few times before going on.
“You both tiptoe around me, behaving like I have been cruelly treated. I think you consider what happened to me as rape. But that is not what it felt like. It was all I knew. Like the darkness was all I knew. The Mistress was the source of most of my understanding of morality. So when she did what she did and said it was acceptable, even right, and I enjoyed the sensations, enjoyed giving her pleasure too, at times, it was not terrible like rape. There were times when I was reluctant—when it didn’t feel right—but then pleasure drove such concerns away. I am therefore not like you, I think. So you do not have to tiptoe around this issue with me.
“If you want me in that way, I would happily oblige. Not because I have to or because you are the only woman other than my mistress I have so far known, but because I want to. I find you beautiful to look at, even though I have little to compare you with. All the same, I look at you and feel aroused. However, I would never force you. I am not that kind of monster.” Landor glanced over at Zem to check with him how he was taking this declaration. I didn’t look his way. I knew his reaction would be mixed.
I nodded mutely, my mind the one in chaos for a change. In the end, I found enough clarity to say, “All right, then. We understand each other. But in a few days we will go back to the Airshan Capital and you will meet many more beautiful women than me, and many will want you to take them to your bed. You can do that if you want, and maybe you should. But if you come to mine, there can be no others. Which sounds really unfair, given the rule doesn’t apply to me. But there it is. If we’re to be The Five then we must be The Five—no other partners.”
Landor nodded. “I understand. If you offer and I accept, it will be with the clear intention that you will be my only sexual partner. Or... again excuse me for my ignorance. But would I be expected to have sex with Zem also? I am not sure how that would be possible but...”
“No, not with me. I’m not interested in men. Though the rules would apply to men as well as women outside the bond,” Zem answered firmly. “Gods, this is hard.”
“I am not aroused by you, Zem. So I can assume I am also not interested in men. Although I will not know until I meet more. You are right in your assumption that I cannot make a decision until I have explored the world of men and women more thoroughly. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for making this transition easier than it would otherwise be. My father... would have made it harder, I think.”
I gave a little laugh to lighten the mood. “Yep, I think that’s a safe statement. He’d have thrown you into water over your head and expected you to swim. You probably would have, too, but that’s no way to learn to swim. I speak from experience.”
Landor looked bemused again and his mind was a mass of mixed thoughts, so I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. It was a surprise when he said, “Would it be all right if I kissed you?”
I glanced over at Zem, seeking his input. But he’d locked down his thoughts tightly and all he gave me was a quick nod.
So I nodded too.
“You are not repulsed by me? I do not seem deformed to you?” he asked, his forehead puckered.
I gave a nervous little laugh. “Definitely not repulsed. You are one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen. Your paleness only adds an almost otherworldly element to it. Many women will tell you the same. Though some will be repulsed, I imagine. Some people are always repulsed by what is different. I like different.”
He grinned then, his white teeth strong and straight. “I am glad I am beautiful to you, Flea.” And with that he lowered his head and claimed my lips in a shockingly sensual kiss.
I had thought a kiss was a kiss—that one could not be that much different from the next because lips were lips and tongues were tongues—but I should have known better. Airshin’s kisses had been lips and tongue, and it had been nothing like Zem’s kisses, and nothing like Landor’s.
When he drew back, I was still trying to process it. I felt light-headed and slightly tipsy, as if I’d drunk too much ale at meal time.
“Now I have something to compare the other girls with when I meet them,” he said with a slow smile that sizzled right into my core. Gods, I hoped he decided on me. I wanted more of his very potent blend of kisses.
Chapter Ten
They came late that night.
We’d locked the doors and found beds for ourselves in the rooms upstairs. Neither Zem or I was up for sex. We had slept maybe a turn or two the night before and there had been a lot happen in the forty-eight turns since we’d properly slept.
But it seemed we were not meant for sleep. We had barely dozed off when the angry voices intruded on our slumber. Zem was awake before me, jumping out of bed and drawing his sword from its scabbard. Bleary-eyed, I joined him several moments later.
We crept to the window that looked out over the front of the mansion. From here, the gate could be seen and the wide drive that ended in a circle at the front of the mansion. Along that drive now came a mob of people carrying torches. The effect was like a river of fire.
“Gods, they’ve come for Landor,” I said unnecessarily.
“Get him. We have to go out the back way before they reach it. There’s a forest behind the property. If we can make it there we might be able to lose them.”
I was already strapping on sandals and heading out the door before he finished speaking.
At the door to the room Landor had claimed, I found him, his hair mussed with sleep, eyes wide with concern.
“I think the servant has stirred up the locals. We have to get out of here. Grab your sandals and come on.”
He did as I bid and we both dashed down the curved staircase and headed for the back door. I knew Zem would be close on our heels, but I did
n’t have time to check.
The halls were dark and I was disorientated. Landor grabbed up my hand and took the lead. I assumed his night vision was better than mine after all those suns in the dark.
We made it to the kitchen and flung open the back door. The yelling was louder now. The voices raised in a chant, “Kill the monster! Kill the monster!”
I felt Landor shudder and stall, and I caught a passing thought that mayhap they were right. Mayhap he was a monster and deserved to die.
“Landor. The Goddess needs you! Go!” I commanded, using the only thing I could think of to counter his life-long thinking.
He jerked a nod and took off, with my hand still firmly clasped in his. It was a big hand and mine was swallowed by it. Why that thought should enter my head at such a random moment I didn’t know.
We made our way around the outbuildings. I tripped once and fell to the cobblestone ground. Landor lifted me up as if I weighed nothing, and I righted myself and headed off again.
The noise and lights from the hundreds of torches drove us on. And the elongated shadows seemed to chase us as we sprinted across the long grass of the paddock, heading for the forest maybe a half a league away.
I took a moment to glance behind us, wondering where Zem was. He should have caught up to us by now.
There was a loud whomp, and flames licked high into the sky. Gods, they were setting the house ablaze! They must think we were still inside. Why would they think that? Where was Zem?!
I struggled to get my hand free of Landor’s. Panic was making thought impossible. Zem was missing. I had to find Zem. He was in the house. It was on fire. I had to get to Zem!
Landor dragged me along with him. I pleaded and fought him, but he pulled me along mercilessly. When we reached the forest, he threw me down on the moss-covered ground and dropped on top of me. His hand came over my mouth when I started to scream.
