After a moment of producing that plan, she nodded to herself, proud that she could be just as independent since meeting Malik as she had been pre-Malik.
“That’s great,” Sarah said.
“Before I say what I’m going to, please trust me, I just hung up the phone and was going to call you in the next few minutes.”
She waited for words she sensed she would probably hate to hear. It sounded like it would be this way.
“Alyssa called. She said Lucy had been bugging her about us three going to the movies because we never did anything together. She told Lucy we couldn’t do things together anymore but she really, really wanted this. I was torn between saying yes or no. I didn’t want to hurt you in any way, but I don’t want to hurt my daughter. It’s just a couple of hours and then I’m home. You can even come over afterwards. Are you okay? Are you mad?”
“It’s all cool. It would be hard for a little girl to have two separate lives when her friends do things together with both their mum and dad. I’ll be fine.”
“But are you okay with it? Really? I can hear it in your voice, you’re thinking about something.”
“Well, she’s the last person I want you to watch a movie with in a dark cinema, but it’s for your daughter, and I want you and Lucy happy more than I want to take that time away to be with you. Go, enjoy. Really.”
“Sarah …”
“Yes, Malik?”
“It’s you who I want to be with. Not her. I promise you.”
“I know, I know.” Sarah didn’t feel strong but she noticed the tone of her voice had taken on a determination. She’d probably bite her nails down to the quick, but she’d survive. She’d only feel guilty and horrible if she told Malik not to go. He probably would listen, and Sarah didn’t want Lucy or Malik unhappy. They always had loads of time, but he had priorities, and Sarah was fine to fit in amongst them. “I won’t say I’m thrilled, but I hope you and Lucy have fun. I know you don’t see her much. This will be great for you.”
“Yep. Okay, true. It feels like I’m cheating on you.”
Sarah giggled. He could make her laugh, even when her nerves were as thick as steel and she trembled with anxiety. Now that the tension was broken, she felt more confident about what she’d said. She didn’t care. If anything, it’d show Alyssa that Malik was all hers. Yet another mark of what she’d stuffed up and lost.
“It’s only cheating if you touch her between her chest to her thighs, if you kiss her, stick your doodle in her, or flirt suggestively.”
Malik guffawed on the end of the line, and Sarah couldn’t help but fall into fits of giggles, too. Seriously, what am I worried about? It was irrational. Malik was probably six foot two, he was solidly built, and he didn’t have a problem with his confidence. What was a twiggy woman like Alyssa going to do? He had every advantage, plus the fact that nothing repelled him more than her—except for maybe Sarah’s father.
“Two problems with those rules.”
“Yeees,” Sarah said hesitantly. She could hear the humour in his voice, but played along.
“What if I touch her ankle or toes? Looks like that’s allowed. I, however, find that incredibly intimate. You should consider adding those to your rules. The other thing, is I do not have a doodle. I have a hard, thick, long man-cock. There’s a big difference. You should also consider adding that wording to your rules.”
“Fine, smartass. You can’t stick your doodle-slash-cock in her, and also don’t touch her ankles or feet. It weirds me out thinking about anyone touching me there.”
Malik made a “Hmm” sound. Resolutely, he said, “Great, well, the rules are set, my beautiful girlfriend has approved my plans, and I’m starving for lunch. Time to go and prepare to deal with that headcase tonight. Yes, it will take that long.”
“I don’t doubt you.”
There was a silence, one where Sarah felt she should slip in something. Usually, it’d be an “I love you” between a couple, but they’d been together a week, and she wasn’t sure what she felt for him, and she knew those words were one way to scare him off. “I like you” was a ridiculous alternative, but it popped up in her mind anyway.
After an awkward silence, Sarah knew Malik had felt it, too. She rushed out a goodbye before he could say anything more. “Well, enjoy lunch. I’ll chat to you later. If I don’t, it may or may not be because I’m busy hiring spies to follow you.”
“Sarah, I just love your humour. Talk later.”
Malik hung up, while Sarah’s hand was still clutching her mobile to her ear. She didn’t miss the way he said he “loved” part of her. After a few seconds, she drew the phone away.
Sarah decided to grab some lunch, too, and when she did, there was a spring in her step, similar to a skip.
• • •
NOW
Sarah went to a nearby shopping centre for lunch. Sitting in the silence of her own home, even while getting ready to go out, ate up the rational side of her brain. She imagined maybe Malik was a sweet talker. Maybe he secretly wanted an excuse to see Alyssa. Sarah’s mind had built up a case against her until she’d wanted to scream. So she’d grabbed her keys and took off.
It was a beautiful Saturday. Few clouds littered the blue sky, and she didn’t have to turn on the air con or the heater during the drive. She rolled down her windows, turned up the radio, and sang. She did a couple of laps, and eventually found a park. As she was walking to the entrance, she realised she hadn’t celebrated her first successful week at work.
Inside, she headed straight to her favourite shops. She bought a bag of mixed lollies, a new top and heels. The heels had sparkles and shone when she twirled in them in front of the mirror. On her way out, she dug into her bag to look, not noticing she’d stepped right into someone else’s path.
“Oh, sor—”
Sarah looked up while clutching her bags tightly, and saw it was Nicholas. That made two times in just days. She wondered why she hadn’t seen him in years, and now she’d run into him twice.
“You again,” she said.
“Are you okay?”
He held out his hand, hovering below her elbow, and looked into her eyes.
“Sure, everything but my pride.”
He looked down at her bag, seeing the shoe shop label on it, and then up to the shop sign, hanging just above their heads. “New pair of shoes.”
“Yes, and they’re gorgeous. Only, I may have spent my lunch money.”
“Eating here?”
Damn it. Why was Sarah so careless? She thought back to Malik and felt guilty. She was about to walk into a lunch date with her ex. Would Malik care? She doubted he’d be jealous, given what they’d talked about, but still … she hadn’t gone into her past relationships.
Knowing it was too late to back-pedal without making Nicholas feel bad, she decided to go on. “Yep.”
Nicholas looked in the food court direction and they set off that way.
“It was my first week at work this week,” Sarah explained, holding up the bags. “I decided to treat myself.”
“That’s right. Congratulations on making it.”
“Thanks. Random question here: I’m wondering why I haven’t seen you in years, and now suddenly you pop up twice in days.”
He smiled weakly and pointed in front of them. There was a café; it had a minimal line wait compared to the others, and decent food and prices. Sarah held onto her questions, now more than she had before. How come he’d avoided answering her? She ordered a chicken and avocado toasted wrap with a coffee, and went to find a table for them to eat at.
Nicholas came back with a burger, chips and soft drink in a cup. It unnerved her that he dug right in, so she took a bite and swallowed before talking again. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot about why you’re here or anything.”
“Just a twisty one to answer. Um,” he said, sipping at the straw to his cup, “the girlfriend dumped me. I was interstate for a while, and decided to come back home. Nothing for me there, I g
uess, once I had job offers both there and here.”
Sarah nodded. She chose to take a bite of her wrap, lost for words. Everything just seemed so cliché and he seemed torn up, but he was twenty-two, like her. It could have been a fling, or a serious, long-term relationship. “Glad to be back?” she settled on.
“For sure. A nice shock seeing so many friends, and the family again.” He slowed, asking, “Are you …?”
The way he seemed unsure, nervous, made Sarah realise what he meant. “Oh, yeah but he’s with his ex for the day so I’m here, shopping …”
Sarah’s words also drifted off. How was she meant to explain it? That woman my dad cheated with? Well, I’m now fucking her ex-husband, the father of their child. No, he’s not my dad’s age, don’t give me a weird look, and yes, he is well to do. Sarah smiled, deciding silence was better, and for the next couple of minutes, neither spoke. They just ate their meals.
After they finished, Sarah picked up her bag and they left the table, walking out of the food court. Once they reached a T-shaped intersection, they stopped, and looked at each other.
“I’m this way,” Sarah said, thumbing in the direction over her shoulder.
“Right, I’m the other way.”
They nodded, and Sarah could tell by the uncertainty she sensed from him that he wanted to ask her something. But he didn’t, and she turned to leave.
“Uh, Sez? I mean, Sarah? Wait a sec.”
She clenched her eyelids together, and prayed this wouldn’t be too awkward. “Yep?”
“Did you want to do something tonight? I was going to go to the gym if you wanted to join, or we can chill?”
“I’m not sure.” Sarah looked around, hoping for something to fall from the roof and give her an excuse to run. She decided to explain, since Nicholas had assumed differently. “I meant, my boyfriend might be busy tonight, but I am in a relationship. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
A sad smile swept across his face. He nodded. “If you ever want to, you know … my number’s still the same.”
They said bye, and she started toward her car. She checked the time and noted she’d killed an hour and a half, but it was still afternoon, and she had many more hours left to kill before her boyfriend went out to the movies with Alyssa, the most attractive ex-wife in the world.
She also wondered what else more intense than what she just did would she have to do to keep occupied. She never forgot the night she caught Alyssa sneaking out to cheat on her dad. She never was able to prove anything, or to tell him. Now, the memory served to agitate her confidence.
In that instant, all the calming and pre-occupying she’d done to keep her mind off torturing herself with thoughts was ruined. She was back to feeling a dark, heavy sensation in her core, like tonight would be the night when everything fell apart, and she was helpless to stop it.
UNRAVELLING
NOW
Sarah decided she could do this. Malik was nothing but driven, honest, and, amazingly, into her. She knew it was her thoughts that gave her the most grief. In reality, she shouldn’t worry. The woman was pregnant, for Christ’s sake! She couldn’t even try to get him to knock her up to sink in her claws into his life further.
The revelation of thoughts brought calm back to Sarah and she sighed, stepping into her bedroom. She swept a look across the floor, the furniture and up around the walls. It was clean enough, but she figured she’d use this time to clean it more. She hated spring-cleaning, but rarely was she not working or studying, or not wanting to hang out with friends, go shopping or be doing something. Right now, she’d be horrible friend-company, and she couldn’t force her heart into anything else when it was so focused on her feelings for Malik. She gulped down that one. Could she really be falling for him? Was she in love?
Instead of pondering more, she dropped to her knees by a stack of clothes she’d thrown into the corner of her room to deal with later. She picked each item up and put it in a basket for the wash, only sniffing one scarf and a few jeans that were probably still wearable, hanging those back up on her hangers. She found enough clothes between her stuff and the few already in the laundry to make a load, though her mum had only done one yesterday.
When that was done, Sarah stripped her bed and put new sheets on, new pillowcases and a new cover. They were fresh and crisp, and she allowed herself a moment to fall back and let the comforting buzz travel through her body. Fresh sheets were her favourite.
They were also Nicholas’s favourite. In that moment, she thought about all the things she knew about him that she didn’t know about her current boyfriend. She knew a handful of details about Malik, yet with Nicholas she knew a huge roll of inventory.
Nicholas didn’t mind staying in with her over his mates. He would still go out with them, but claim he was being fair giving both 50/50 hanging out time. Even to Sarah, she could tell she’d get two occasions to his friends’ one. But Sarah would pretend she didn’t realise that because she enjoyed snuggling with Nicholas. He had a grip that she couldn’t quite describe without meshing different people’s personalities together. He had the tenderness of her mum’s hugs when Sarah was bawling her eyes out, and the comfort she felt being in her dad’s strong hand when she was a little girl. His intimacy and love for her showed in how his hands would constantly rub her, or turn into a mini-massage, or press his head close to the crook of her neck.
She was still discovering all this about Malik. What if Alyssa never let her claws go? He was forever linked to her with their daughter, Lucy, and that was an incredible bond that made Sarah’s heart feel small and heavy, and too empty to move any more for tonight.
Sarah stayed on her bed, deciding, she wasn’t the cleaning type, anyway. She’d dealt with the clothes situation, and that’d be enough.
She rolled over and picked up her mobile. Out of all the stupid app purchases she’d made, she couldn’t help but be drawn back to the free solitaire one. She tapped the new cards into their piles, and relied on hints, and when she felt her eyes red and had to put the mobile down after a long while of fighting the pain, she squinted at the time on screen. It was four in the afternoon.
Feeling her sore legs, she got up to stretch. After grabbing a glass of water, she came back to her room, and then couldn’t hold back any longer. She grabbed her mobile and went to dial Malik to say hi, but noticed she had a missed call from him.
The thought he’d dialled her just before she broke to call him made her feel all warm, and she had a smug smile plastered to her face as she crawled onto her bed, snuggled under the covers, and called him back.
“He—” He coughed violently and then blew out a breath. “Hope it’s nothing bad. I can’t handle not kissing you,” he said. “Oh, and hey, babe.”
She was worried about him getting sick, too, but then he said that last word—babe. Two words from him and she wanted to beg for him to forget about going out with his daughter and Alyssa and be with her. Sarah would tell him she’d make it worth his while. He could ask her to do anything he wanted. Fear had crept back into her mind and heart, and the possibility of anything coming between them had sent her into a frenzy. Everything was too good for the luck and like of someone as normal and unlucky as Sarah, and to score a male-model-looking older man who was sure of himself, driven, and so confident it made him sexy as hell was more than enough to make her crunch the odds. This surely wouldn’t last forever, but she’d be damned if the end would come too soon because of Alyssa.
“I could get used to being called that.”
“I’d expect you to. I love calling you babe.”
There was a heavy silence, one too grand for Sarah to say anything. He cleared his throat, expelling a little cough, while she was silent then, she said, “I don’t want you getting sick either. But thanks for calling me that, babe.”
“Hopefully not,” he said. “Ah, and I get you. Feels good.”
His voice became breathy as he made a relaxing sound into the line. She tried to imagine what h
e was doing. Was he lying on his couch, elbow bent lazily, and mobile stuck to one ear, the other hand sprawled across his belly? Maybe he, too, was on his bed, and Sarah clenched at the visual of doing it for the first time there. She’d christen that thing and make him forever remember what they did together.
“Where are you?” she asked.
“On my balcony, on the deckchair, looking over the hill and valley behind my place.”
Sarah knew the one. It was like an incredible oasis in a mundane suburb. A fence shut off the area. Grass hugged the landline and trees swept in paths, with little gravel walkways snaking between the clumps of bushland. If you looked deeper inside, you could see the hint of where the land dropped off and the lake began, but it depended on where you had a lookout. Could Malik see that lake from where he was? She hoped he did, and that he wanted to take her. Sarah had found a cut-out spot in the fence lining the gorge when she was a teenager. And, if repairs had fixed the last one, surely teenagers these days had cut another spot to replace it.
“I love that place, especially the lake in summer.”
“What a cheeky girl. My hey-days are long gone, but the boys and I used to chill down there, too. Throw each other in, or push someone down the hill and hope he missed the trees, rocks and snags.”
“Do you ever wonder sometimes?” Sarah asked. When she said so, she knew afterwards she was vague, but she closed up at the idea of saying how she felt. She never wanted to hear “no” from Malik.
“I wonder a lot about you and me. And just you.”
Entwine Page 14
