Sarah looked away.
“I want to know.”
“So do I, Malik. So do I.” She breathed out and spoke again once she was calmer. “How’s your throat?” she said to diffuse the tension.
He paused at first. “Oh, on the phone yesterday?” She nodded. “Yeah, the Skype conference irritated it, but it’s better today.”
“Oh, good.”
They took the lift down and Sarah started towards the rotating doors, but Malik grabbed her arm and steered her to the left. “Let go!” Sarah said through gritted teeth, low enough for just him to hear, and not to cause a scene. He didn’t reply, just pushed a door to a disabled toilet around the corner in the complex and shoved Sarah’s body against it, locking it shut, trapping them in the small space.
“Resorting to kidnapping me, are you?”
He stood back and, once again, distracted her by crossing his arms. “We need privacy, and you’ll get distracted out there.”
“No I won’t. You can’t tell me what to do. I’m an adult.”
“Tell me the truth. Was that just to get me back? You should have let me explain.”
“I told you I’d only ever be honest to you.”
She glowered at him, matching his stance by crossing her arms under her chest. She knew exactly what she was doing, and maybe she was acting childish now. But she had boobs that were easy to be pushed up, and they gave her power over him. Just that dreamy look latched onto her chest told her so.
“Looked different to me, if you get my position.”
“Well that kiss looked pretty real from my position, and so did your bodies all cosied up together, if you get my position.”
“God, Sarah …” he breathed, lips barely parted, stiff.
He stepped in and leant into her, his forearms pressed up on the door on either side of her head. His teeth were still gritted, his lips in a thin line, but they were slightly parted, and the intimacy of that sent her control away. She allowed herself to be taken by his presence. His scent was like a drug to her. She could close her eyes and describe it. Fresh sea breeze, yet with tones of oriental, musk and vanilla. She closed her eyes and a delicate moan not only quivered her lips, but made her legs weak, too. When she opened her eyes, he was gazing into her, and they were hungry, his breath panting and lips an inch away.
He closed his eyes, and evened his breathing back out. “I think I have some explaining to do.”
“I think I might, too.”
Sarah gave in to her needs, and brought her fingers up to trail down his jaw. He caught her fingers just as they were about to drop and weaved his with them. Their eyes met, and she read that expression as “No”. She didn’t care to listen to him, but her heart was beating like crazy from his touch. Neither of them wanted to part.
She bit her lip as she remembered him kissing her for the first time, and didn’t realise her body had arched the slightest up to his. But he did. He trapped her other hand and brought both back behind near the small of her back, and pressed them against the door. She turned her head as he leant in to kiss her. She wasn’t sure when she would be ready to share the same lips that had touched Alyssa’s, but it definitely wasn’t now.
Her body had betrayed her anger at him. She’d gone and slipped their twined fingers just under the line of her jeans. Thankfully, they were tight, and as she slipped her hands from Malik’s, his didn’t get far down, allowing some space for her to think. Stop, stop and get out of here, now.
His hands managed to squish against each of her cheeks as he lifted her off the ground, and her legs found grip wrapped around his thighs. She moaned, but it was a torn plea, one of erotic need, but also pain. Just as she was about to speak, her voice broke.
At least part of her was all for her stopping this.
Just then, he dropped his lips to just behind her ear and breathed, “I want you so much, Sarah. I need you. Please.” Sarah thrust into him, and needed her jeans undone to feel him closer to her.
She looked down to her button, fumbling, then fumbling again, as Malik kissed just below her ear. He let go of his breath and breathed his hot air down her neck. She shuddered, then focused, and popped out the button. The zip followed down by itself, with her legs strained around his body so tightly.
“Please forget the idiot I was, I love you.” He kissed her temple, her cheek, her lips. “I want all of you.”
“Oh, Malik,” she moaned. I love you flashed in her thoughts, but she was too conflicted with what she should have been doing to let that come out in the throes of sex.
She was positioned slightly above his face, and mumbling those words while pressed against his cheek, must have been as much as a turn on for him, as he had just been to her. He squeezed his hands around her cheeks, then slipped them out and traced her curves up, pushing upwards at her breasts, and grunting when he felt her plump mounds pressed into his palms.
His lips pecked at points near her mouth ‘til he found hers, still as urgent as ever, blindly searching for contact. She felt his hands at her panty-line, felt him undoing his buckle with the back of his knuckles. She slipped off him for a moment to flip off each shoe and strip off her skin-hugging jeans. He only had his briefs on, his jeans were pooled near his feet, and ripples of muscle poured from his thick shoulders down to his forearms. His chest tapered from broad to a perfect triangle where his abs were clearly defined into a six-pack where his V-line hinted at more muscles below. When she let the jeans fall to the ground beside her, she looked into his fierce gaze, his tongue gliding over his lower lip.
Sarah’s head filled with thoughts of all the things that tongue could do her. In every spot, all over her body, it could pleasure her, and she pounced on him again, securing herself around his body once more.
Malik flipped them around and she bumped up on top of the bench. She scooted forwards and settled herself perfectly between his legs. His hardness pressed against her, and it made her dampen between her legs. She let her head fall back and moaned softly, gripping onto his hard biceps as she cried. God, was there a part of Malik that wasn’t hard? She could feel one part especially hard for her.
“Ergh, I hate you Malik,” she cried as she tipped her head up. She held onto the sides of her face. “I hate, so much …” She wanted to rattle off a list of how much of everything he was, but her body didn’t care for that.
She tugged on his lip and then wrapped her lips around his tongue and sucked. She jerked back and forwards, then dug her hand under his briefs to cup his length. He was as hard as he needed to be to pleasure her completely. She continued to work his tongue with her lips in the same way she wrapped her fingers around his length, and then fluidly moved back and forward, too.
He pulled back from her enough for her lips to slip from him. “Sarah,” he moaned. “I could come in my pants with your hands around me right now. Mmm.”
“I hate how you intoxicate my control.”
He kissed her neck, palming her breasts again, caressing her nipples.
“I hate how you know exactly what I want you to do, even when I shouldn’t want it.”
“It’s only you. Oh my God,” he groaned, working his own length in her hand.
Sarah hated him plenty, but right then her hate was equalled by her need. She pushed him back and tugged on his briefs. He untucked his hard length to have it spring out at her, and he slid his briefs down his thighs. She bucked her hips up, and slid her panties over her bottom. She pushed them over her knees, and then raised her legs so he could see them glide down her smooth legs by themselves. She twinkled her toes and they fell to the ground.
Malik looked down at them for a moment, considering, then settled between her legs. He grabbed her feet around the soles, and at his touch she extended pointed toes out at opposing angles. One look from one toe down to her exposed pink flesh, and his eyes rolled back.
He sunk down between her legs and closed his mouth over her, yielding her to yelp for a moment before she could clamp her hand over her cry. Fo
r minutes, he flicked her senseless with his tongue, and then sucked and flicked his tongue, mixed with the power of his vibrating finger working at her opening.
“Please,” she cried, when she was tensing around his tongue and finger.
She looked down to his erection sticking out by itself, and her eyes locked onto her target; she had to pleasure him, both for her pleasure, and to watch his reaction.
She looked him in the eyes as she dribbled onto her palm and brought her hand to cup him. She worked him again, her hand slipping in speed, aiding her to pump him faster than before. He started panting, standing, motionless, his hands helpless near his head, clenching and unclenching. His body jerked, and Sarah felt his length start to pulsate. He pulled back.
Resting his head against her forehead, he asked, “Do you hate me still?”
“Yeah, no, mm …” Sarah breathed in, out. “Shush. I’ll give you the wrong answer.”
“Just give me a minute.”
He bent and latched onto her tit, sucking one, and massaging the other with his hands. His tongue flicked her nipple, and his fingers transferred from her breast in to pinch her other nipple. Sarah ended up clenching her thighs around his waist, rubbing her wetness on him like she was marking him. She tried to stop pulsating but the magic he produced heightened her arousal, and was too great for her to control her reactions.
She slid her hand down his chest, his waist. “Now.”
He grunted and then picked up his length, and waved it on the skin around her opening. Both Sarah and Malik looked down, moments from being connected.
His lips were a breath away from hers, his eyes wide and taking hers in as he thrust into her. Sarah’s eyes popped wide, and she shuddered, her hips buckling with the size of him entering her. He began kissing her and she lost herself, slipping her tongue around his, and deepening the kiss as they pumped their hips together and back.
Malik’s hands cupped her ass cheeks, and Sarah dipped back to rest the back of her head against the mirror behind her. Angled away from him, the apex of their arousals met closer, and she closed her eyes, letting her thoughts of Malik working his and her pleasure fill the images in her head.
She started tensing around him, and couldn’t hold any longer, the pressure making her skin slick and her whole body hot, though she was completely naked.
“Go, baby. Come,” he said, still pumping.
She allowed his words to let the switch in her flick, like permission, and she shuddered around him, bringing her hands to paw at the hard surface of the mirror behind her, to press hard into something, to alleviate the feeling shattering her apart inside.
“Fuck, Sarah,” Malik said, “You’re so beautiful like that—oh, fuck. Sarah, I’m coming.”
“Do it,” she pleaded.
“Shit,” he said, tightening his hands at her ass, and frantically pounding into her. “I’m coming right now.”
She felt him pulse and his movements slow until he slowly slipped out. Moments later he turned away to the toilet roll, to fix himself up. Sarah slipped down to the ground, but had to hold on to the railing at the wall when her legs trembled and wouldn’t hold her up. When settled, she pulled her panties back up, and was finishing tugging her singlet down as she saw Malik fit his T-shirt down over his abs.
“Did I just mess things up between us? I couldn’t stop myself,” he said.
Sarah expelled a long breath, taking her time to let her head clear. “I couldn’t stop myself either.”
• • •
NOW
When Sarah stepped out of the disabled toilet block, she smoothed down her hair, fearing it was all stuck up and messed from being rubbed against the door, the mirror, him. Out of the corner of her eye, she peeked up at Malik. He was trying to conceal the same cheeky grin she was.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“I really need to explain things to you now, before you start wondering how far you need to get away from me.”
“I didn’t say that, Malik.”
He didn’t answer, or say where he was taking her, and, too embarrassed by what just happened, she didn’t repeat herself, and just let her burning questions eat her up.
After the walk through the revolving doors, she spotted Malik’s black XR6 Turbo parked behind her little vehicle. They looked cute lined up together. Who’s car should we take? she wondered. Sarah detoured to the cars, but Malik’s hand found hers, and pulled her back towards the sidewalk, heading in the opposite direction.
“It’s not far. We’ll take the tram and walk.”
The day was perfect for it, too. Sarah checked the time, noticing it was brunch-time. The sun was out today and the clouds were sparse. It was a bright light, not a hot one, so she pulled out her sunglasses from her bag and slipped them on. Malik found her hand afterwards, but now that she had breathing space, Sarah’s mind had churned out horrible and even more hurtful flashbacks from last night, when she’d seen what he was doing with Alyssa, and she needed space. Even though it was one handhold, Sarah didn’t want to touch him now, and she sighed deeply when thinking back to what she had let go too far in the toilets.
Her body still craved him, but Sarah needed to be a level-headed grown up woman. He was not right for her in a relationship, if last night was his true nature. Ergh, and I kissed the same lips she did.
Sarah started gathering clues as to where he was taking her once they hopped off the tram. They walked along the path to the station entrance and down the stairs. It was Sunday morning, and beside the hours before, closer to dawn when services started up, it was the quietest she could imagine the station being. A voiceover called out the next train to depart was the 10.20 am, and only two people got on the carriage. Malik and Sarah crossed over to the same platform where they met, and sat down on a bench between the spot she was spying on him, and where he’d secretly seen her, too.
Sarah brought up her feet to rest over the edge of the bench, and grabbed the ends of her shoes, holding her heels close, and resting her chin on her knees. She wanted to ask why the hell Malik went and ruined something so magnificent between them. That’s how Sarah would describe what they had; great, beautiful, immense. All the ways to describe magnificent were what he was to her. He was this outside thing, grand and too much for little ol’ her. Guess she was so blinded by his positives, she didn’t see the snake crawling up behind her, ready to strike her down.
“Alcohol is my kryptonite, Sarah. I’m an addict. I don’t want to drink, but I take one at a time anyway, because I can’t help it, and one drink isn’t that big a deal. Then one becomes five, becomes ten, and … and I’m not the man you should want. I’ve spent years drinking away money and my life. I’ve been sober for three years now, but fuck, doesn’t matter to Alyssa. She knows my weakness. She doesn’t care.”
Sarah swallowed, and felt her body shudder afterwards. She turned her head, needing to see Malik.
“I can’t even explain to you what happened. I’m obviously fucking kidding myself—I’m not over my addiction. I don’t remember why I had one drink, or when I kept having more. I didn’t have any on me and yet I got so trashed … I can’t even explain to you why I went out of my way to have a drink. I just …”
He growled and buried his head in his palms, obscuring all of his face but his ears, which had a red tinge to them. She heard his laboured breathing through his thick fingers, which was followed by yet another frustrated growl. He jolted up, turned, and hammered his fist into the beam behind their bench seat. His fist must have been white with the tension, soon to be red and bloodied. Sarah wanted him to stop, but her legs were too shaky to stand, her thoughts whirring. Will he be too overpowering to stop? Will he not recognise me in his rage and hit me? She sat there, wide-eyed, and unsure what to do.
Malik’s breaths became angry puffs. Sarah felt his hurt aching in her heart. She couldn’t take him back, but she did pity him, and felt sorry that he’d tried his best to conquer those demons her and her mother had pitied
in this poor stranger, ones that still crept up on him.
Clearly, Sarah was as magnificent to him as he was to her. But now it was ruined, changed by one weak night.
Not seeming to stop anytime soon, she came behind him and held one hand tightly crossed over his upper chest, and one tightly around his waist, jolting into his curved body shape from behind with his thrust. He stilled, dropped his forearms against the beam, and sunk his head between his arms. Sarah thought she heard a whispered sorry, but he said louder, anyway, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. That’s still not nearly adequate.”
After a few minutes passed, he did a few laps up and down then sat by Sarah again. Sarah had her hands gripped over the edge of her wedges, and her knees tucked up.
He swivelled her by her ankles so she faced him directly. Sarah removed her sunglasses and couldn’t help but sweep her gaze up and take in Malik, a tortured man.
“I understand letting go of your inhibitions when you’re drunk, but God, Malik.” Sarah sighed. “I’d kiss a guy I was too shy to say hi to, or get up and dance in front of a crowd when I’d never have the courage to before, or something else crazy, but they’d all be because, secretly, I wanted to try it. You can’t tell me inside your heart you don’t feel something for Alyssa after you kissed her and were all over each other.”
“I barely remember it. It’s all woozy. Just all one continuous lump of fucking up.”
“Did you touch her after that, or sleep with her?”
“No, I fell asleep, nothing happened after that.”
“But you remember me seeing you?”
“It’s clear. Your face. It was like you’d seen a ghost, and then had a huge punch to your chest, and then were trampled all over, all in your eyes and expression. That’s crystal clear. What isn’t, is everything else. I didn’t even have the urge to drink. I was with Lucy, and any time I have her, she’s all I think about. I love making my daughter’s days with me as special as I can, so she has something to grow up with.”
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