by Clara Moore
He laughed softly, “You’ll have to pry me away.”
They fell asleep, his arms wrapped around her to protect her against the darkness.
IV.
“Meow,” Tess rubbed her face against Isadora’s. “Meow meow.”
“Go away,” she replied, swatting the cat lightly. “Get away, Sorrow, the Unloved.”
“What? Sorrow the what?” a male voice asked.
“It’s from Tess of D’Urbervilles. I like to call Tessy ‘Tess of D’Upurrvilles,” Isadora said sleepily before opening her eyes fully and shooting up. “Oh my God, that wasn’t a dream.” She searched around her bed for her phone. “Shit, what time is it?”
“I don’t know,” Doran answered, reaching out for her. “Lay back down. Call in sick today.”
“I feel like death, but I really need to go in.” She pushed him away. “Stop pawing at me.”
“I do treasure our time together. You’re so lovely.”
“Not now, Doran. Where is my phone?” Knock, knock. Isadora’s eyes shot to the door as she softly cursed. “You have to hide.”
“Why?”
“Because they consider us brother and sister, and it might not go over well.”
He rolled his eyes and sank under the blanket, moving between her legs to (she supposed) seem more inconspicuous.
“Hey honey,” her father opened the door. “I was a little worried because usually you’re up for work already.”
“Yeah, I had a…” Doran started kissing up her thighs, “uh… long night. I think I forgot to set my alarm.”
“Yeah, your phone is downstairs. It rang a few times, so I figured you didn’t have it.”
“I’m glad it’s been found. I was um…” he started to kiss in a more naughty area, “worried um… about it.”
“Are you okay?”
“Fine, fine. Really… good. Fine.”
“Okay,” Mario raised an eyebrow. “Do you happen to know if Doran got home? He’s not in his room.”
“Yes, hedi…. Oh my God,” she grasped the sheets, then steadied herself. “Sorry, I’m really not feeling well. I think he said he was going to go for a jog in the morning, so he’ll probably be back.”
“Oh, okay. Do you want me to bring your phone up.”
“No, I’ll be down soon. Can you make me some coffee though?”
“Sure, sweetheart. I hope you feel better.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He closed the door. She waited until she heard his heavy footsteps descend the stairs before opening up the blankets.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” he grinned.
“You’re pretty bold, handsome.”
“I try to live on the wild side.”
He slid up and kissed her. She gave in for a moment, but quickly regained her senses and pulled away. She kissed his forehead to be nice, then stood to get ready quickly. He watched her, unmoving on the bed. The cat came to lay near him with a soft meow.
“You’re somehow going to have to act like you were outside jogging,” she said, putting her hair in a ponytail. “Do you want me to go into your room and get jogging clothes?”
“I think I’ll be fine. So, are we going to pretend last night never happened?”
She shrugged, “I guess so. It was fun though.”
He nodded, but didn’t speak.
“All right, I’m going to go to work. I’ll see you later.”
He nodded again, saying nothing. She nodded too, then rushed downstairs. She grabbed the coffee Mario made (as well as her phone) and hurried to work. She called Georgia and Fiona, who’d both called (though she was only about fifteen minutes late) to tell them she’d overslept. All she knew was that she didn’t even want to think about what happened the night before. She just wanted to get to work, throw herself into any task she had, and not discuss Doran with anyone.
She somehow avoided both talking about Doran and talking to Adam, keeping focused on her work. Fiona stayed quiet too, staring deeply at her computer and leaving every so often to make calls. Isadora wanted to turn around and tell her all the juicy details, but she couldn’t find the words.
“Did you talk to Doran’s mom?” Fiona asked toward the end of the day.
“Why would I have talked to Doran or his mom?” Isadora replied defensively.
“For one, you live with them; for two, I wanted to know about his dad.”
“Oh. No.”
“You’re being weird.”
“I’m not.”
Fiona raised an eyebrow, but changed the subject. “I was talking to my Navy contact trying to get some info about what Doran did as a SEAL but all I could get out of them was that he would go AWOL often. He’d eventually come back with the mission done, but sometimes they didn’t know where he was.”
“What was he doing?”
“I think that’s the point. They don’t know what he was doing.” “Good to know,” Izzy said. .”
“I need you to ask his mom about his dad. Okay?”
“Okay. By the way, have you like… noticed anything about the Rosellis and my family? My dad is pretty torn up about the whole thing.”
“I don’t know why he’d be upset. I guess I’ll have to look into it.”
“You should probably be careful, Fiona. This all seems a little sketch.”
“I’ll be fine, trust me. I have my tricks.”
“Now, I need to get out of here before Adam comes over here to talk to me.”
“What? Why? I thought he was your gay boyfriend.”
“That’s the problem. I wanted him to be my straight boyfriend.”
“I don’t follow.”
“He invited me to dinner last night, and I thought it was a date, but he was asking me to be in his wedding.”
“How did you not know!!”
“Don’t rub it in. I have to go.”
Fiona waved, chuckling as she watched her friend go. Isadora walked swiftly to the elevator and then out of the building. Her hangover had somewhat worn off, but she still felt off. She wondered if she had been too aloof toward Doran - if maybe she shouldn’t have been so cavalier about the whole thing. Then again, it seemed to just be a one night stand to her. They hadn’t even used a condom.
She froze in the middle of the walkway up to her house. “Oh crap we didn’t use a condom.”
“Isadora, what are you doing?” Angela’s voice came from the house. “Are you okay?”
“Hey, Angela. I’m fine, just got sun in my eyes. Is Doran home?”
“No,” she frowned. “He decided to go off and visit his dad. He was here for less than a week and then left again.”
“He left? What do you mean he left?”
“He left. He was in quite the mood this morning. Do you want a Bloody Mary?”
“Sure.”
Isadora followed Angela inside, now angry more than confused. Angela made her a Bloody Mary that was more Vodka than anything else. Isadora turned it down, asking for much less Vodka. Angela took the hard drink herself.
“I just don’t understand,” Angela whined. “I thought my boy was happy to be home. The look in his eyes when he said he was leaving was so… cold.”
“I don’t know why he would do that,” Isadora sighed, feigning innocence. “I didn’t think he was still close with his dad.”
Angela took a long gulp of her drink as Isadora started recording the conversation on her phone. If Fiona wanted information, Isadora would get it.
“He stays in contact. Seamus has that way about him - always keeping people in his web for when he needs them.”
Seamus isn’t a stereotypical Irish name or anything. “What does Seamus do? I really don’t know much about him.”
Angela rolled her eyes, “Seamus is a ‘businessman.’ But girls like us know what that means.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Of course you do. Your dad’s a Roselli.”
“We’re Rossellinis.”
“No, he’s their you
ngest son. They didn’t want him to get into the business, so they changed his name, acted like he was an acquaintance of the family.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me this?”
“I only know because Doran told me this morning before he left. I thought your dad was a nice guy.” She took another long drink. “I thought Mario was such a nice guy with a nice daughter and a nice dead wife. And I was so wrong.”
“My mom was nice,” Isadora frowned. “I’m nice.”
Angela touched her stepdaughter’s hand and mournfully said, “Oh honey, no you’re not.”
With that, Angela finished her drink and stumbled outside to the patio. She pulled a cigarette pack from inside her favorite lawn chair. She smoked in the sun, lounging on the chair and seemingly untroubled. Isadora frowned, drinking her Bloody Mary slowly. She’d been hit with too many punches to comprehend; the wind had been knocked out of her, and she wasn’t sure she could suck it back in again.
Had her mother known the truth about her father? Was she part of it? Maybe she too was a part of some Italian mob family, and they were married off. Maybe that was why he moved on so quickly. Isadora couldn’t imagine her beautiful, hard working mother being a mob wife… of course, she hadn’t imagined Angela would be a mob wife either. Could Isadora imagine Doran being a mob member?
She felt a twinge of sadness and shame. Angela always told the truth - something Isadora liked about her. If that woman thought Isadora was mean, perhaps she was. She hadn’t even noticed a coworker she’d worked with for many years was gay, and she’d met his boyfriend multiple times. She just assumed Victor was Adam’s roommate because she wanted to be with Adam. Then, when Doran showed her kindness, she dismissed him.
And now he was gone.
She poured more vodka in her Bloody Mary and walked upstairs to her room. Tess walked with her, meowing kind, consoling words. The sorrow guided them both to Isadora’s old yearbooks to look back at those first years of she and Doran’s relationship. She found a picture of herself during her “Bohemian phase” with flowy white dress and multiple necklaces. She smiled genuinely, hearing a joke about some teacher she could no longer remember.
A few pages away showcased a picture of Doran looking clean cut and serious, with his black leather jacket, the portrait of the high school bad boy. She remembered hating him so much that she thought of tearing out that page, but she thought it would upset her father. She couldn’t remember, though, a time Doran had really been cruel to her. He could say cruel things to others, and he was a troublemaker, but he had been kind enough to her.
She kept flipping, taking in all the nostalgia. She stopped upon one of the pages with assorted posed “category” pictures. In the center, she and Doran stood together - he smiling, and she close-lipped and wide-eyed. “Favorite Siblings” spelled above their heads in a banner. She recalled taking the picture and not wanting to be in a picture with him. Beneath their picture read in swirling cursive, “Iz, I’m so happy we met and now are ‘favorite siblings.’ You’re the coolest chick I know, so I look forward to many Summers, Autumns, Winters, and Springs with you. Yours, Doran.”
She sighed, leaning against her bed and petting the cat tenderly. Her feelings exploded inside her - she wasn’t sure of where the emotions came from, but she felt horrible. She crawled into bed and began to cry.
Things weren’t going well at all. But, she figured, it couldn’t get much worse.
V.
“Has Doran’s mom told you anything else about his dad?” Fiona asked a few weeks later. “I’m finding it hard to find any more on him.”
“Not really,” Isadora answered, leaning over her desk with her trash can next to her chair. “She gets more angry about Doran being gone like every week. Excuse me, I think “m going to be sick..”
Fiona turned her face away as Isadora picked up the trash can. “What is going on with you? That’s the second time you’ve puked today..”
“I don’t know. I think I might have the flu or something,” she said. “My period’s late too.”
“That’s not the flu, you idiot,” Fiona said. “It sounds more like a nine month problem.”.” When was the last time you went out on a date?”
“I had a one-night stand a few weeks ago. Forgot to wear a condom.”
“How could you be dumb enough to not wear a condom?” Fiona said, but it was lost on Izzy who was currently studying the contents of her trash can.
“I have to go out for a second. Cover me.”
“No way, I’m coming with you.”
Isadora walked swiftly, not waiting for Fiona to catch up. She nearly ran to the nearest convenience store, running down the rows until she found the pregnancy tests.
“You’re like a racehorse, Jesus,” Fiona panted, sliding in next to her.
“These are all so expensive,” Isadora frowned.
“If you can’t afford a pregnancy test, you shouldn’t be having a kid.”
“I shouldn’t be having a kid anyway. I don’t know how I’ll explain this to my dad and Angela,” she paused, thinking over the repercussions. “Or Doran. Shit.”
“Why would you have to tell Doran? He’s probably not even coming back.” Isadora didn’t answer. “Dora, why would you have to tell him?”
“Well, he’s the guy I…”
“You slept with your brother?!”
A woman in the aisle looking at feminine supplies gave them a funny look. Isadora gave an awkward smile.
“He’s not my brother,” she said plainly, then pulled Fiona in. “I was sad about Adam, and Doran was being really nice and cute and handsome and one thing led to another.
“That is some West Virginia stuff right there.”
“Shut up.”
Isadora grabbed a few tests and hurried to the register., Fiona criticizing Isadora the whole time..
“You have to get rid of it. Its dad is a murderer!”
“I might not even be pregnant, Fiona. Let’s leave it alone for now.”
They returned back to the office carefully. Georgia and Adam looked to be busy in a meeting (thankfully), so Isadora and Fiona hurried past for the bathroom. Fiona waited outside the stall as her friend took each test. They shared a meaningful, worried look as they made their way back to their desk.
“I have to wait a little bit. I’m just going to hide them and get my work done,” Isadora said softly. “I think I’m not prepared for this today.”
“I think most people aren’t prepared for such a thing.”
They sat quietly, pretending to do their work but not getting much accomplished. Finally, after Georgia left for the day , Isadora pulled each of the tests from the bag she’d put them in and looked hard at all of them. They all read the same result.
“This is bad,” she said. “This is really bad.”
“Maybe they’re all false positives?” Fiona offered.
“What am I going to do?”
“We could go get a drink.” Isadora gave her a look. “Or a lot of ice cream?”
“Ice cream. Lots of ice cream,” Isadora said, gathering her things. .”
They left together, talking quietly about what could be done and what ice cream they’d get. Isadora felt distracted - she’d never even actually thought about having kids. She figured she’d one day move out, get a big dog for Tess to befriend, and have a nice spinster life. She never even really wanted to get married - being in a relationship put too many restrictions on her. Even when she dreamt of being with Adam, she figured one day she’d get bored of him, but the relationship would teach her much about herself.
After getting ice cream with Fiona, Isadora slumped home, feeling lower than low. In the weeks after Doran left, she had tried to keep herself together. Though she felt sad about his leaving, she also looked at her life with a more suspicious lens. Her father looked over his shoulder for some unseen assailant at all times, and Angela seemed to be falling apart.
Isadora thought of Fiona’s research. They’d both started lookin
g into Doran – Isadora mostly to cool her guilt – and found even more inconsistencies with his record, as well as the self he presented. Angela revealed he’d wanted to stay with his father in the divorce, though his father was a “drunk, selfish criminal.” She expressed her concern that her ex-husband had manipulated Doran into wanting to stay so he could teach our him “the family business.” She did not reveal exactly what the family business was, however.
Fiona has some magical contact in high up in the government who somehow got her a peak at Doran’s SEAL record. The only thing that it showed was that though he did happen to disappear from time to time, he always got his man. He worked for a weapons smuggling taskforce, oftentimes undercover. Yet, sometimes he’d reappear in Italy (most often Sicily) with information on illegal activities. Once he took leave to visit his father in Ireland – looking into local news at the time, a number of Irish mobsters turned up dead that weekend.Sounds like great father-son activities.
She thought of the growing pea in her stomach. Would it be better to get rid of thing now or go through with it? She didn’t want her child to have similar activities with his or her father. She could put it up for adoption. Maybe she could give it to Adam and Victor, have it all do a full-circle. They’d be good, unbelievably beautiful parents.
Her mother’s face came into her mind. The hazel eyes she shared, the dark hair, the smile Gaea never lost (even in her sickness). Isadora’s mother never complained. She led her life from moment to moment, appreciating every second of it. Once, when she was young, Isadora asked what Gaea thought when she found out she was having a child.Isadora was in her baby doll phase and liked to pretend it was her baby.
“To be honest with you, my sweet, I was terrified,” Gaea answered after thinking for a long, long moment. “Your father and I were young. We kind of led this forbidden romance.”
“Like Romeo and Juliet?” Isadora asked.
“Not exactly. We were a little older than that; my parents just thought he was trouble because of his family.”
“Did you run away together?”
“No, we didn’t have to. It took me a long time to work up the courage to tell him the truth. By then, I felt you in my stomach, and I knew you were my greatest gift. But I was still scared of what he would say. What my parents would do.”
