by Helen Vera
I take over and hammer her pussy like a mad man. She screams and buries her face in the carpet. I hook her left leg over my arm and hit her g-spot over and over again. She trembles and floods me with wetness. We’re both drenched in sweat now. I feel the familiar tingling in my spine so I concentrate on making her cum. My fingers tease and torture her clit until she finally shudders and strangles my cock with her pussy. She cums so hard and squirts all over the carpet. I grip her damp shoulders and fuck her through her orgasm. The sensation is too intense. I close my eyes and move in and out of her at breakneck speed. She shudders again and relaxes into the carpet as I use her like a fuck toy. I finally cum, grunting her name in her ear.
I rain her sweaty back with kisses and pull my cock out of her. “Are you alright baby?”
She nods, her face still buried in the carpet. “look at me.” I order her.
I roll her over onto her back and brush her hair out of her face. She looks thoroughly fucked, but her expression says otherwise. She avoids looking me in the eye and when I lean in to kiss her, she gives me her cheek instead. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” She says in a small voice. “I just need you to leave now. Please Jax.”
“Seriously?” I feel as if someone carried a bucket of ice and dropped it on my head.
She nods and rolls her body away from me. What the fuck did I do?
This is bullshit. I zip up my pants and grab my shirt from the couch. I thought we’re supposed to be in this together, yet here she is kicking me out again like a fucking dog. I bite my tongue to stop myself from lashing out. I feel a cocktail of anger, hurt and betrayal rushing through me making me see nothing but red.
Fuck this. I’m out of here.
28
VIVIAN
I miss Sue so much it hurts. I miss her quirky outfits and her bubbly personality. We understood each other without words. She was my sister and my confidant. She made me fall in love with foreign films and sushi. She took care of me when I was sick and pregnant. I owed her so much, and now she’s gone. She left me alone in the world. I feel so lost without my best friend, like a part of me was buried alongside her. She added so much value to my life. No friend can ever replace her.
I know I was cruel to Jax that day. I lashed out and said things that I didn’t mean. He’s so good to me, giving me exactly what I needed, but I told him to leave like some meaningless one night stand. I can still hear the hurt in his voice. He deserves an apology. I’m just too embarrassed to face him and apologize. He stuck around and took care of Lucy while I attended Sue’s funeral. Every time I remember her inconsolable parents, I feel like curling up into a ball and crying my eyes out. I must be cursed or something, because every time I find myself in a good place emotionally or otherwise, something catastrophic happens.
Why is life so damn cruel? Why does it keep on taking my loved ones? When will I finally have my happy ending? These are all questions that plague my mind as I drive my baby girl to daycare. I took a long leave of absence from work, so I have way too much time on my hands now. I dusted and vacuum-cleaned the townhouse five times in one week and went grocery shopping twice. I filled up the freezer with tubs of ice cream and frozen pizza. I try to keep myself occupied every minute of every day, but nothing can ever take my mind off Sue. I feel her with me everywhere I go. The therapist in me knows that this is just a normal part of the grieving process, but I’m already haunted by many ghosts. Andrew’s back in my life like a cancerous cell that keeps on resisting chemo. I finally discovered why he’s always making headlines. His rich relatives have a large stake in a number of local news channels. They control the headlines like puppet masters behind the scenes. They probably think that I have a hand in Andrew’s murder. I hate how they’ve tarnished Sue’s image by calling her his secret lover. It prompted me to write an article for The New Yorker in honor of my best friend.
Jax encouraged me to write it and even reached out to one of his friends who worked as an editor for the magazine. He really was my rock these past few days. I can’t believe I kicked him out after giving me that mindblowing orgasm. Who does that?
I wish Sue could have met him and given him her seal of approval. Maybe if they’d met and became friends, we would have all taken a trip to Disneyland. I’m still in denial about her so called suicide. As a therapist, I saw none of the signs associated with depression. Sue was happy and healthy. Maybe a bit obsessed with her weight, but her positive attitude and cheerful disposition made her one of the happiest people I know. She loved her job and adored her family. She would have never done anything to hurt them. She also hated taking pills of any kind. Even when she had a cold, she’d resort to drinking honey and ginger tea and using natural remedies to feel better. Something just doesn’t add up.
Lucy refuses to get out of the car. She wants to stay with me instead of joining her friends in daycare. I know that she misses her aunt just as much as I do. She said her name in the kitchen the other day, making me burst into tears. How can I explain to my baby that she’ll never see her dad and godmother again? People keep on disappearing from her life without any explanation. She’s an incredibly sensitive kid, I’m so afraid of what this might do to her.
“Mama, no go!” She hugs my legs to stop me from moving, but the moment she sees her pal Erica, she lets go of me and runs over to her friend. I wave goodbye to their teacher, Miss Lola and head back to my rental. It feels good to drive my own car for a change. I’m sick of Uber and waiting in the cold for my cab to show up. At least now I can turn up the heating system and drive aimlessly around New York. It feels so weird not being in my office during this time of day.
I stop by Magnolia Bakery and buy a box of dark chocolate cupcakes for Jax. There’s no point in delaying the inevitable. I need to apologize to him and make things right between us. I need him in my life just as much as he needs me. The paparazzi have been harassing him lately because he’s dating the ex-wife of the murdered lawyer. Online tabloids are calling him a bad boy with a fetish for widows. It sickens me how rumors and lies become headlines.
I drive down the busy streets and think about Sue. She used to love hanging out in the Upper West Side and having breakfast at Absolute Bagels. She would drag me out of bed every Sunday morning and we’d bike our way to Riverside Park and go jogging. I blink away my tears as I drive past the park on my way to Jax’s house. The hills overlooking Hudson River are home to many millionaires and celebrities. I still have no idea how he managed to snag that castle with the scary gargoyles. It’s a beautiful piece of real estate. Sue would have loved it.
Sadness fills me to the brim as I drive by the mansion she helped decorate. It was probably her first or second job after graduation, so she was both nervous and excited. I speed past the house and steer the car towards Jax’s mini castle. His car is luckily in the driveway, so I park outside the gates and walk up the hill with the cupcake box in my arms. The sprinklers are on, so I make a detour and decide to use the garage door instead. I spot a burn barrel just outside the metal door where a bunch of papers seem to have been burnt to a crisp. A single flyaway paper seems to have escaped its burning fate. My curiosity gets the better of me, so I bend down and pick it up.
“Oh my God.”
Written in familiar bold letters are the words JC Construction Co. My heart beats faster in my chest as I read the same words over and over again. Jax never said anything about being involved with the case or the construction company for that matter. In fact, he looked surprised to find those papers in Andrew’s safe. Was he lying to me all this time? No. No way. Jax wouldn’t do that. He knew how much I hated secrets.
I hide the paper in my bag and head back to my car. My instincts are telling me to get out of here. I need to go home and figure things out. Goosebumps rise on my arm when I spot Jax walking out of the woods near the gates. My car is parked right next to where he’s standing, his hands covered in dirt and mud. He looks scary.
Fear suddenly grips me as I approach my car.
Doubt fills me when I look at him. He wipes his dirty hands on his ripped jeans and greets me with a gentle smile. I hold the cupcake box closer to my chest and unlock my car using the remote.
“Vivian, why are you leaving? Come inside now. We need to talk.”
His stormy grey eyes hold me captive for a few seconds. He takes one step closer and I find my legs pulling me backward. I swallow the lump in my throat and look away. “I-I should go.”
“Vivian...” He reaches out to touch me but I push his hand away and get in my car. “Vivian, where the fuck are you going?”
He knocks on the window, but I ignore him and pull out of the parking lot. He jumps out of my way and calls out my name again. I floor the gas pedal and watch him chase the car in the rear-view mirror.
I’ve never been this terrified of someone.
I don’t know who that man is.
29
VIVIAN
My heart is racing as I drive back home feeling scared and bewildered. How many secrets is Jax keeping from me? Why did he hide the fact that he knew the construction company Andrew worked for? Oh God. Did he have a hand in his murder?
No. No way. I refuse to believe that the same man who treats Lucy like a princess and makes me feel like a queen is capable of such unspeakable things. I drive fast, eager to get to my house. I hate to think that the man I invited into my home and into my bed is involved in any of this. I need to figure out what to do with the tiny piece of paper I found next to the burn barrel. With that in mind, I park in front of my house and head straight for the safe. I quickly unlock it and grab the brown envelope from the shelf.
I suddenly hear someone opening the front door. It makes this loud creaking sound that’s hard to miss. I must have forgotten to lock it behind me. My instincts tell me to run and hide, but I slowly exit the room and climb down the small flight of stairs. I hear footsteps in the hallway just to my right, so I freeze and hug the folder tighter to my chest. I think about calling 911, but then I realize that my phone is downstairs in the kitchen.
Shit.
Could it be Jax? He looked beyond angry in my rear-view mirror. He could have easily followed me in his sports car and barged into my house to confront me. Doubt comes knocking on my door for the first time in months. I quietly make my way to the kitchen, my fear making it hard for me to focus on anything. My phone seems to be either upstairs or in another room. I hear those heavy footsteps move in my direction, so I grab the carving knife from a nearby drawer and crouch down behind the marble island. My heart is beating so loud, I can practically hear it in my ears. The footsteps are so close now. I tighten my grip on the knife and muster up the courage to face whoever this is. I won’t allow fear to run my life anymore.
I take a deep breath and life myself off the tiled floor. The first thing I see is a pair of familiar black-rimmed glasses and the shiny bald head of Steven Bradshaw.
“Jesus Christ, Vivian! What are you doing with that knife?” He raises his hands in the air, looking just as terrified as I am.
I quickly drop the knife on the marble counter as relief slowly washes over me. “You scared the hell out of me! There’s such a thing called a doorbell you know.”
“I rang that doorbell twice. You need to get it fixed because it’s not working.” He frowns.
I sit on one of the wooden stools, my legs feeling like jelly all of a sudden. I guess the initial adrenaline rush has worn off. “So, what brings you here?”
He puts his hands in his pockets, looking surprisingly remorseful. “I saw your car in the driveway, so I thought I’d drop by and see how you’re doing given the circumstances.”
“Thanks for the sentiment, but I’m doing great.” I fold my arms across my chest, remembering how he stormed into my office and hammered me with accusations. He was incredibly rude to me, and I hate rude people.
“Look, I want to apologize for yelling at you the other day. I was out of line.”
“You were way out of line. You scared my patients and embarrassed me in front of my staff.”
He nods apologetically. “You have every right to be upset. I was under a lot of pressure and the press is not making things any easier.” He moves closer to me and his expression turns deadly serious. “By the way, I heard about your friend. I am terribly sorry for your loss. This year has been tough on all of us.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “So, how are things at the law firm?”
“Not good.” He admits. “The media storm surrounding Andrew is bad for business. Our clients are now afraid that their cases and names will be leaked to the media. We have a group of high-profile clients who hate the limelight. Three of them dropped us this week.”
“Ouch.”
“Yes.” He nods. “How is your little girl? I keep forgetting her name.”
“Her name is Lucy,” I tell him, rolling my eyes at his habit of forgetting my daughter’s name. “She’s doing okay. Daycare keeps her occupied.”
He smiles. “My kids are in kindergarten. They love socializing with their friends.”
“Wait. You have kids? Since when?”
“Since four years ago, but none of you bother to ask me about my family.” He replies.
He shows me their photos on his mobile phone. We talk about how hard it is to raise humble kids in a sea of rich, spoiled brats. I suddenly realize that I never really got to know Steven until now. He was less stoic and more talkative than usual. I guess things at the office are bad enough for him to leave in the middle of the day and come looking for me.
“I need to show you something,” I tell him, putting the brown envelope on the table. “These papers were hidden in Andrew’s safe. They contain a list of unapproved building materials related to JC Construction Co. This is proof that the luxurious residential tower they finished building is a disaster waiting to happen. They should have never received the stamped approval from the state in the first place.”
Steven picks up the folder and examines the papers. His beady eyes widen in shock. “I know exactly who’s behind this.” He reveals. “It’s the lawyer who owns Knight and Noble, Jax Knight.”
Stunned, I listen to him talk about how Jax’s law firm represented a guy who knew about the shady dealings of the company and filed a lawsuit against them. Apparently, he had evidence that the building construction was faulty and wanted to bring it down. Andrew was hired to represent JC Construction who refused to bow down, claiming the man was a liar. In fact, Jax fought head to head with Andrew in court many times.
I feel like someone punched me in the face and poured a bucket of ice over my head. I felt betrayed by Jax who not only knew Andrew but also faced him in court. He must have known who I was when we first met. My face was all over the papers back then.
“I also came all the way here to tell you that we have been able to track down Andrew’s money. We found three million dollars in his secret bank account.”
“Three million?”
“Yes.” He nods. “And I know exactly what you should do with it.”
30
VIVIAN
Stupid! I’m so stupid for falling for a guy like him. I should have listened to Sue. She warned me not to get involved with a short-tempered bad boy with a violent history. What the hell was I thinking? Why did I refuse to listen to her? Maybe if I had listened, none of this would have happened. She’d still be alive and having the time of her life at Disneyland. Tears stream down my face as I drive my car to pick up Lucy from daycare. I feel so betrayed and heartbroken. The moment Steven left, I rushed to the bathroom and threw up my entire breakfast. I feel sick to my stomach for sleeping with the guy who killed my daughter’s father. I introduced him to my baby and made him a part of our lives for fuck’s sake! What kind of sick, twisted game is he playing?
When Steven told me that he had dirt on Jax, my heart stopped. At first, I refused to believe him, but then he went to his car and returned with an envelope filled with evidence that connects Jax to Andrew’s murder. He gave me two options,
either I present this evidence to the police, or I blackmail Jax into taking the three million in exchange for his freedom. The second option came with a price. He had to work with CCB to clear up the mess he made and make the whole thing disappear. This includes the pending lawsuit and everything that has to do with JC Construction.
God. I feel so incredibly foolish for falling in love with him. He made me believe that good men still exist and made me promises based on lies. I’m so ashamed of my feelings. I have no idea what to do now or how to act. All I know is that I need to hold Lucy in my arms and take her somewhere safe, far away from Jax and his treachery.
I should have known that he was too good to be true. This fresh start of mine is nothing but an illusion. No matter where I go now, I will never be able to escape the ghosts of my past. I try not to break down as I park in front of Lucy’s daycare. I need to be strong for her; for us. She needs me now more than ever. She’s all I have left in this world.
My head feels like it’s on the verge of exploding. I rest my head on the steering wheel and focus on breathing in and out. I need to calm down and plan my next step. First, I need to book us a flight to Hawaii. My cousins live in Honolulu and they keep in touch via phone calls and emails. I need to be surrounded with family right now. I need to be with people who won’t lie to my face and betray me the way Jax did.
