Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  “I like it.” I could hear the smile in the voice behind me.

  Jason looked at him and then me. “Is everything okay in here?”

  “Yes, it’s fine. The guard has been here the entire time.”

  The reporter and camera guy had come in to finish the set-up and start the pre-interview discussion. I was fascinated by Craig. No one had called me beautiful before, not even my husband. I’d been called cute or pretty, but never beautiful. It made me feel different. It made me feel like Rachael for just a moment. My sister was the beautiful one.

  As we listened to his story of how the woman who had captured the public’s heart had ripped out his, my heart hurt for him. He claimed she cheated on him, called him names, had broken his ankle once, and told him just that morning the child wasn’t his.

  He admitted they were fighting at the top of the stairs because he was hurt she would lie to him about the child, but he swore he never pushed her down the stairs. I believed him. She became a monster I couldn’t stomach, and every time I heard someone express pity for her, I wanted to vomit.

  At the end of the interview, the reporter stuck around. It wasn’t often they did that. Once the story was recorded, they bolted with the camera guy to get the story wrapped up with takes outside for previews of the story to come. The camera was put down and turned off, and the reporter went into a rage.

  “If you think I’m airing one word of that ridiculous story, you really are insane. You’re vile. You’re a piece of shit. Everyone knows you did it. Everyone knows you’re a murderer. I don’t think you should’ve been given a deal. I think you should’ve been executed for what you’ve done.”

  Craig just sat there and took it. He looked down a few times or looked my way, but mostly, he just sat and took it. He didn’t get angry or lash out at the reporter. He was calm as he waited for the reporter to be finished. I, on the other hand, was infuriated.

  “How can you stand there and call yourself a journalist?” Everyone looked at me. “This man told his side of the story as you asked him to, and you’re going to be his judge and jury? That isn’t for you to decide. It’s for the public to decide to believe the bitch who broke his heart or the man falsely accused. And they can’t do that without all the facts.”

  I stormed out. I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. I heard Craig yell after me as I hit the door. “Thank you, Deb!”

  “Do you still believe he was the victim in that relationship?”

  “No. I know he hurt Drew. The real Craig came out when Drew came home.”

  Joseph looked at his watch, placed his notepad on the side table next to him, and leaned forward. “I want to see you do well in life. I believe you can handle this even if it feels impossible. It isn’t going to be fun, but with the support of your sister, I believe you can make it through this and live a very fulfilling life. You must do the work, though. Are you willing to work with me, Deb? Are you willing to trust me and answer any question I ask, no matter how difficult?”

  I wasn’t as confident as Joseph, but I did want a chance at a good life. If I hadn’t seen what Joseph could do with therapy, I probably would’ve just walked out and not trusted him. However, the life he gave back to Drew when she was the one hurt the most by that monster made me believe I could be put back together, too.

  “Yes. I’d like to try.”

  My eyes closed as the nauseous feeling swept over me. I wouldn’t be able to open the store. Failed before it even started. The elevator music blaring in my ear didn’t help my nausea. I started drumming my fingers on the counter, showing my impatience.

  “Ms. Brooks, I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing I can do.”

  I gripped the phone. “You have to have something. I open in two days! This has been scheduled for weeks!”

  “I see that, but someone called to cancel it last week.”

  “You had to have cancelled the wrong order. I didn’t cancel it.”

  “We can overnight the shipment, but it would cost twice what you were quoted.”

  “No, no, no. I will not pay for that. You will deliver them without an extra penny being charged to me. This is your fuck-up!”

  “There’s no need to take that tone.”

  “That tone is the tone of a mad woman who will kill you if these flowers are not delivered tomorrow.”

  Mick grabbed the phone out of my hand. I punched him, but I think it hurt my hand more than it hurt his arm. He turned and put his hand up to quiet me while he lifted the phone to his ear.

  “I understand there’s been a slight delay in the delivery.” He nodded and hummed his understanding to whatever was being said to him on the other end of the phone. “Of course these things happen. No one is saying that. However, what we are saying is that there are also solutions, and since it was your company’s error, you need to be the one to figure out the solution. If you can’t, then I’ll speak to a supervisor.”

  I paced, unable to calm myself down. I was pissed because this company was fucking with my opening day, but I was also pissed that Mick took the matter into his own hands. I was handling it. I didn’t need him to come to my rescue.

  My anger at his politeness had reached a breaking point. I kept trying to get the phone back, but he held me at arm’s length, keeping the phone up to his ear. “Give it back!”

  I couldn’t take listening to him anymore. I walked to the back room and paced. He was infuriating and about to receive a knee to the groin. I started arranging the vases I had planned on using for displays.

  Twenty minutes later, Mick walked in and handed the phone back to me. “You’re welcome.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re not welcome to step in my business anymore. No one asked you to take over. I was handling it.”

  “You were giving them death threats. For someone who doesn’t like cops, you sure want them at your door quickly.” He turned to leave and stopped with his back to me. “The delivery will be here by late afternoon tomorrow.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He turned and looked at me. “It means you’re going to get your fucking flowers.”

  “Not that. I could’ve gotten them on my own. What did you mean about the cops?”

  “Threatening the life of someone is against the law. They could’ve called the police, and you would’ve received a visit you don’t want.”

  “I was angry.”

  “Which is why I stepped in. You’d been on the phone the entire time I was fixing that hole in the wall. I never said a word.” He stepped closer and raised his voice. “I saw you were out of control and took charge. It’s a good thing I did because you would’ve lost that delivery.”

  “No, I wouldn’t have, and I was not out of control. I was just angry.”

  “You can’t handle the fact I helped you. You can’t admit you needed help and say thank you.”

  “But we don’t know if I would’ve needed help because you took the phone out of my hands!”

  He walked up to me and got in my face. “Why is it so hard for you to accept help? You’re not an easy person to get to know.”

  “I don’t want you to get to know me.”

  He didn’t back up, but he did look hurt. His shoulders dropped a little and he looked away for a moment. “Too bad. I already know you.”

  I stepped closer. “Yeah? Think you have me all figured out, huh?” I shoved him. “You don’t know shit.”

  He grabbed my wrists and shook me a little. “You’re afraid to get close to anyone. That’s why you had an arrangement with that guy. You want the sex, the feel-good moments, but you don’t want any of the work or scary part of a relationship.

  “The only person you ever talk to is your sister, but your sister talks about your parents and your brothers, so I know they exist. I’ve just never seen any of them here. Why you allow Rachael to be close to you is a mystery to me because you two are completely different.”

  I tried
to free my arms, but he wouldn’t let go. “Stop!”

  “I’m just getting started. You have the biggest chip on your shoulder I’ve ever seen. While you don’t have to explain yourself or your actions to anyone, it doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch or treat others like shit.”

  I looked down. I couldn’t take his tirade anymore. I deserved it, but I didn’t want to listen to it. I just wanted him to leave. He was right about everything.

  His voice took a softer tone. “I also know you’re a beautiful and caring person when you want to be. I see the way you are with your sister’s kid, Amy. That’s the person I keep coming around to see. That’s the person who’s piqued my interest.” He smiled when my wide eyes met his. “I really like that person.”

  I lowered my head again. “That person doesn’t exist. I’m just nice to Amy because she’s a kid.” I looked up at him again. “And she’s Carl’s kid, not Rachael’s.”

  “Maybe not by blood, but Rachael loves her.” He leaned in. “And so do you.”

  “Are you finished?”

  “Not by a long shot.”

  He backed me up, still holding my wrists, and pressed me against the wall, lifting my hands above my head. I searched his eyes, unsure of what he was going to do. “Mick?”

  He leaned down and put his nose to mine. “I think you need to start taking applicants again.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes. You’re allowing too much tension to build.” He put his lips closer to mine. “It isn’t healthy.”

  “It isn’t?” I swallowed.

  He barely touched his lips to mine. “No.”

  I wasn’t sure who kissed whom first, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to stop. I got my hands free and wrapped my arms around his neck. His tongue tasted sweet, and I couldn’t get enough of it.

  His hands gripped my hips and pulled me to him. I felt that bulge on my hip as he pressed me against the wall, and I needed to feel it somewhere else. I slid my hands down his chest and gripped his belt.

  “Rachael, she’s in here kissing some guy!” Amy’s voice trailed off as she ran out to the front of the shop—no doubt to get Rachael.

  We stopped kissing but stayed pressed against the wall and searched each other’s eyes. I looked down to his lips and back up to his eyes. He squeezed my hips and put his forehead to mine. “Damn.”

  “I need to . . .” I tried to slip from his grip.

  “I know, but we will continue this later.” He kissed me once more and walked out the back of the shop.

  Rachael peeked around the corner. “I’m so sorry.” She came in when she saw the room was clear. “You should lock the door if you’re going to get busy in here.” She smiled.

  I ignored her and walked past her to go out to the front. She grabbed my arm. “I don’t know what happened, so I can’t tell you anything.” I turned and looked at her.

  “You don’t know? So, that was your first kiss?”

  I looked down and nodded. “I really fucked this up.”

  “Why? I mean, that was Mick, right?”

  “Yes, and that’s why I’ve really messed up this time. I’m going to lose the shop if I continue this.”

  Amy came around the corner. “Are you going to marry Mick?”

  I looked at Rachael and closed my eyes. “No, probably not.” I turned to Amy. “It feels like forever since I’ve seen you. Come on, and tell me about your latest adventure.”

  Rachael talked me into going to her house for dinner with Amy. Carl worked late and I knew she just wanted to talk to me more about the kiss Amy interrupted. I just wanted to forget it, only I couldn’t. My lips still burned from it. My tongue still tasted his sweetness. I couldn’t wait to go back, and I dreaded it all the same.

  “Hello?” Rachael was trying to get my attention. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

  “Like what?” I checked my clothes and touched my face. “What’s wrong?”

  “Not a thing. You’re distracted. I kind of like it.”

  “Oh. I’m just worried about the delivery.”

  “You’ll get the flowers. Don’t worry.” She handed me a glass of wine and sat next to me. “So, when are you going to tell me what happened?”

  “I really don’t know what happened.” I looked at the wine. “We fought because he took control of the flower situation when I didn’t need his help. He even called me a bitch.”

  “Sex after a fight is hot. I’m sorry we interrupted.”

  “I’m not. I don’t think it’s a good idea to sleep with him.”

  “I think it’s a very good idea to sleep with him. I think you think so, too. You’re just scared.”

  “Why would I be scared of Mick?”

  “You’re scared of the possibilities with Mick. It’s okay, but you can’t deny you want to sleep with him. If I were single, I’d want to sleep with him. He’s hot.”

  Rachael’s fiancé, Carl, walked in. “Who’s my competition?” He bent down and kissed her.

  She linked her fingers in his. “No competition. I’m only saying Deb should hit it because I would if I were single.” She pulled him down for another kiss. “But I’m not single.”

  “I still want to kick his ass.” He looked at me. “Who are we talking about, anyway?”

  “Mick. She caught us in our first kiss this afternoon and dragged me here to talk about it.”

  “Ah. Well, I’ll leave you two to discuss it. I’m going upstairs to give my girl a kiss.” He walked to the stairs and turned back to us. “And I’m going to pray I’m strong enough to live through her dating.”

  Rachael smiled. “I think I scared him when I said I wanted to talk about the rules of dating.”

  I tilted my head. “Isn’t Amy a little young to worry about her dating?”

  “Of course, she’s too young. We had a discussion about whether or not she could wear lip gloss and he was being ridiculous. She’s going into the first grade. He needs to get a grip and deal with the fact she’s growing up.”

  “What did you two decide about the lip gloss?”

  “We settled on ChapStick.”

  I smiled.

  “I think you could do that more if you found the right guy.”

  I looked up. “Do what?”

  “Smile.”

  I shook my head. “Give it a rest. Mick isn’t that guy. He’s just a guy I want to have sex with.”

  “Why are you dooming everything before it even starts?”

  “I’m not dooming it. I don’t even want it. The sex would be nice since Al’s no longer an option, but I don’t think Mick will be as easy-going as Al. He’ll need to control everything.”

  It was quick and quiet, but she said what she was thinking. “Maybe you need to be controlled a little.” She took a drink as if what she said wasn’t a big deal.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She shrugged and was reluctant to tell me, but she knew I wasn’t going to let it go. “I think you need to have someone else take the lead. You’ve been in charge of everything since you were young. What’s the worst that can happen?”

  “I’ll lose the shop.”

  “No, you won’t. You may relocate, but you won’t lose it. He can’t close your business.”

  She had a point, but I still wouldn’t want to lose the location after I built it up. Not that it was built yet. Of course, it was a small shop I had hoped to grow, and I was planning on moving up eventually. Rachael cleared her throat. I looked to the spot she was sitting in, but she had moved. She was standing in front of me with one hand extended for the wine glass I was holding and the other handing me my purse. I narrowed my eyes.

  “Just be careful and use protection.”

  I looked at her hands again. It didn’t take long for me to swap items with her and run out the door.

  Rachael yelled after me, “Have fun and remember to call me tomorrow!”

  I pulled up to the shop and looked at his doorway then sat back and put my head on
the headrest in the car. Closing my eyes only took me back to the storage room and that kiss. I wanted to continue it.

  I opened the door and looked up to his apartment, noticing a dim light on. I looked around. I’d never seen him drive, so I wasn’t sure if he had a car or not. It made it more difficult to know if he was home.

  As I walked up to the door, it opened. We stood there looking at each other, trying to read what the other was thinking. I stepped forward and threw my arms around his neck as I kissed him. His tongue was just as sweet as I remembered.

  Mick continued to kiss me as he moved us into his building and locked the door. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around him, and his hands cupped my ass as he carried me up the stairs.

  The apartment door was already open, and he walked us through and kicked it shut with his foot. He stopped kissing me only long enough to make sure it was locked and the chain was in place. It gave me a moment to catch my breath.

  I waited until he turned back to me. I grabbed his face and looked in his eyes. “This is just sex. No relationship, no us. It’s just sex.”

  He nodded once. “Friends with benefits.”

  I unwrapped myself from his body. “No.” I put my hands on his chest and pushed when he tried to kiss me again. “No friends. Just sex.”

  He looked thoughtful for a moment but agreed. “Just sex.”

  I kicked my shoes off as I gripped his shirt and pulled him to me. I needed to taste that tongue again. We started to undress as we went to his bedroom down the hall. His chest was more defined than I thought. He did work out. I loved rubbing my hands over it, and I traced the lines of his sculpted body.

  “Oh, okay.” He grabbed my hands. “Touching is good, really good, but let’s not just use one finger at a time.”

  “Are you ticklish?” I smiled. “This is very good information to have.” I started to tickle him.

  He tried to get away, but I kept up with him. He finally grabbed my hands and put them behind my back. “Maybe I should tie you up.”

  I shook my head. “Not on the first time.”