by B. L. Mooney
“What has gotten into this family?”
He walked past me and stopped. His head dipped a little before he turned around. “I’m going to say something, but I don’t want you to go all female on me and flip out.”
“All female?”
“Yeah. Girls tend to make something out of nothing when in fact, I’m right.”
I closed my eyes. “That made no sense.”
“Look, this is our family. This is what Dad and I did when Rachael brought guys home. You haven’t wanted to be part of this family until recently.”
I crossed my arms and looked down.
He stepped forward and tilted my head up to look at him. “I’m happy you’ve found someone. I’m happy it seems he’s making a difference in your life—a positive one for once. But you are my sister and he will be pranked.” He backed up and held his arms out wide. “It’s what I do. As your annoying little brother, it’s my duty to make your life Hell on this very special night. In fact, it’s the only reason I’m here. Settle in because it’s about to get fun.”
“Rick!” He walked out before I could stop him. “Shit.”
I walked back into the kitchen just as my father started grilling Mick. “What’s your plan for the future? I understand you gave up a full-time career to pursue this dream restaurant. What happens if that fails?”
“Dad!”
“No, it’s okay.” Mick put his hand up. “It’s a concern of mine, for sure, but it will make me work that much harder at being a success.”
“Hard work is great, but it doesn’t pay the bills.”
“No, but the rental property I have will take care of that. It may not be a glamorous life, but it’ll be a great one.” He pulled me close and kissed my cheek.
My father was quiet for a moment, but I think he approved. “You’re getting a little too comfortable with my daughter, don’t you think?”
Mick let go. My mother came up with a basket of rolls and handed it to my father. “Make yourself useful and put that on the dining room table. Mick, could you check on the sauce for me. I want to make sure it’s right.”
He turned to go with my mom and I looked at my dad. He winked and kissed my cheek before taking the rolls to the dining room as my mother told him to.
Dinner went better than I had hoped. It definitely went better than the introductions. Mom and Mick had talked about cooking and he gave her tips to help her trouble areas in the kitchen. She was in Heaven talking with someone who shared a passion for it.
Dad listened to their conversation and didn’t add much. He did look at me a lot, though. I caught his eyes a couple times and he’d smile. I wasn’t exactly sure what was going through his mind. I hadn’t seen him like that before.
Mick helped Mom clear the table and they continued their discussion in the kitchen. I smiled as I watched them get along. I knew they would. I kept smiling until I looked at my father. He was just staring at me, and it made me feel uncomfortable.
“If you’ve got something to say, just say it and get it over with.”
He reached across the table and held my hand. “You make me so proud to be your father.” He squeezed my hand when I looked down. “I’m very happy you’ve met Mick. He seems like a great guy and if you decide to take it that far, he’ll be a wonderful addition to our family.”
“Dad.” I still couldn’t look at him.
He stood up and walked around the table. “Up.” He took my hands and pulled me up. “Come on. Give your old man a hug.”
I stood and hugged him. I wasn’t good with the mushy stuff, but neither was he. If he felt the need to express himself, I wasn’t going to deny him that.
“You’ve always made me proud to be your father. I was just lousy at showing it. I’m trying to do better.”
I hugged him tighter. “You are, Dad.”
“I can’t take back what I’ve done, but I will make it up to you. I will be the father you need me to be.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you, baby. More than you’ll ever understand.”
He stood up and looked at me just as Mick walked back in. “Oh, sorry.” He turned to leave, but my dad stopped him.
He held out his hand. Mick looked at me and back to my father before shaking it. “Call me Dennis.”
Mick smiled.
Mom walked in with one pie. “I swear I made two pies. I have no idea what happened to the other one. I hope everyone likes cherry. I just don’t know what happened to the apple.” She looked at my father.
He held his hands up. “It wasn’t me. It was probably Rick.”
I sat back down and held Mick’s hand as he sat next to me. “Where is he, anyway? I thought he was staying for dinner.”
“You know your brother. He never stays any place too long.”
Dad joined the conversation during dessert and was more involved with the business side of Mick’s game plan for the restaurant. Mom and I kept busy talking about Drew’s wedding. It was a great night with my parents, one I’d always remember.
I put my hand on Mick’s thigh and squeezed. He was making all of this possible for me. He made me want to be a better person and live a fuller life, and he made me not want to be alone. I hoped his father could close the case, so I could truly live my life without worry of having it all ripped away. Losing Mick wasn’t something I could live through.
He pushed his plate away and patted his belly. “Gloria, I’d be honored if you ever showed up in my kitchen. That was a magnificent meal.”
My mother beamed and my father smiled. I think he liked Mick more than just being happy for me. I almost didn’t want to go, but it was getting late. I stood.
“Thanks for dinner.” I hugged both my parents.
“Oh, you’re most welcome.” My mother turned and hugged Mick. “You both are.”
I walked out with Mick and was surprised when he reached for my hand. I didn’t think he’d touch me in front of my father. I smiled and hugged his arm. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“I didn’t know what to think of your dad at first, but I love your mom. Man, can she cook.”
He opened my car door for me and I turned to kiss him. He looked at the house before he turned back and accepted the kiss. I smiled and held his face for a full kiss. I didn’t care if the world knew what dirty things I was going to do to him. I loved doing them.
He backed up and ran his hand through his hair. “Okay, I don’t think I could have sex when the girl’s parents are close by, either. That’s one thing we’re not going to be able to cross off our ‘never done it’ list.”
I laughed as I got in and buckled up. I shook my head and waited for him to go around the car. He opened the door and smiled at me when he got in. His smile didn’t last long.
“What the fuck?” He looked down and fumbled to turn the light on above his head.
I reached up and turned it on for him. “What is it?”
He looked at me and frowned. “I think I just found your mom’s other pie.”
I’d kill my brother later, but at that moment, I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Hi. You must be Kelly.” I shook hands with the only person to apply for the job I had posted in the paper. I knew it wouldn’t get much attention since the pay wasn’t that great, but I had hoped for a couple more options.
“Yes, thank you for meeting with me on such a short notice.”
“Of course. I wanted to go over the expectations and job duties, but did you have any questions before we started?”
“Not really.” She was cute, petite, young, and smiled a lot. Basically, everything I wasn’t. That could get annoying, but I decided to give it a shot. She was the only one to apply, after all.
“Okay, well, the main duties would be running the register and taking orders for simple arrangements. If there are any complicated requests or the customer simply doesn’t know what they want, get me if I’m in the back. I’d be glad to help them. Do you know anything about flowers?”
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br /> She lifted her shoulders and smiled. “They’re pretty and they smell really nice.”
“Okay then.” I walked over to the register. “Have you run one of these before?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve got this part down.”
“Okay, I’ll stick close by your first couple days to make sure you don’t have any issues.”
“So, I have the job?”
“Yes, if you want it.”
“I do!” She latched onto my arm. “Thank you!”
“There will be a few weeks where my sister will come over and stay for a couple hours while I go to an appointment, but once you’re confident to run the place yourself, she won’t need to come.”
“Okay. When do you want me to start? I’m available tomorrow.”
“Sure, that works. I’ll get the paperwork ready for you to fill out first thing and then we’ll start training.”
“Yay!” She bounced her way out of the store. “See you tomorrow!”
Maria came in as Kelly was leaving. She watched her for a while and looked at me. “Friend of yours?”
I laughed. “No, I just hired her to work here.”
“Oh, that’ll be fun. I don’t think I was ever that young.”
I smiled. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I was just visiting Mick next door and thought I’d stop in to see his better half.” She smiled.
“What’s he doing over there, anyway?” I stood up straight. “Wait, did he hurt himself again?”
She shook her head. “No, but one of his guys did.” She waved me off. “It really wasn’t that big a cut, but Mick was worried. I cleaned it and dressed it. He’ll be fine.”
“Why did you decide to become a veterinarian instead of a physician?”
“People die.”
“Well, pets do, too.”
“Not on my watch.” She smiled. “I was in residency and a kid died.” She looked away. “I couldn’t get over the grief his family had to endure.” She looked at me. “It’s sad when a family loses a pet, but it’s heartbreaking when family loses family. As awful and cold as it sounds, pets are replaced. People are not.”
“I thought you wanted this!” Craig was furious. “I told you this was going to happen. Did you think I was lying?”
“No, but I didn’t think you’d want it all at once.” I pulled the covers up more. I wasn’t used to being so bare to someone.
“I was locked up for almost five years. Why wouldn’t I want it all when I got out? You’re so fucking stupid sometimes.”
“I’m not saying I won’t ever do it. I’m just saying I’m not ready.”
“I see why your husband found someone else. All you do is lay there!”
I sat up on my knees. “I can do other things, other positions. I just don’t want to do everything right now.”
“I told you that your ass was begging to be fucked. You didn’t tell me no when we talked about it.”
I got off the bed and started to pick up my clothes. He scrambled across the bed and ripped them from me. “I want you naked. I’ve seen nothing but cocks and balls and I want to look at tits and pussy now. You at least owe me that.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me close. “And if you can’t do that, you can be replaced.”
The room came back into focus and Maria was still talking, but she started to narrow her eyes at me. I closed my eyes and heard Drew’s voice.
“It’ll be hard at first, but it’s easier if you focus on something else right away if you aren’t alone when you do that.”
“Was it difficult to switch?” I walked over to the closest display and began to fuss with it to hide my shaking hands.
“What just happened?”
“Nothing. We’re talking about you becoming a vet instead of a people doctor.”
“Actually, I moved on to a different topic.”
I turned to her. “Oh. I’m sorry. What were we talking about?”
“We were talking about what happened right over there. You zoned out for a moment.”
“I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“You thought about that guy, didn’t you?”
I looked at her, but I didn’t say anything.
“I’ve done that after that kid died. It isn’t fun. You can be in a normal conversation about stuff completely unrelated to what you’re transported to, but once you’re in it, you have to just let it play out. That family being told they lost their child was a broken record for months. I knew then I had to switch to a different medical practice.”
“He wasn’t a nice guy.” I stood taller. “I’m getting past it, though. I’m working on getting him out of my head.”
She reached out and squeezed my arm. “Anytime you want to talk about it, you know how to reach me. I’m not just Mick’s friend. I’m your friend, too.”
“It happened again.”
Joseph nodded. “Tell me about it.”
“It was the next day after Craig was released from prison.” I shifted in my seat a little. “This is a little embarrassing.”
“I’m here to listen to what you’d like to share, but you don’t have to go into any detail that embarrasses you. If I need more information, I’ll ask, but please know I’m not judging.”
I nodded. “The first day was awkward. I thought it was my inexperience that made it that way. I should’ve listened to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me to get out.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know. I think I liked the idea that he wanted me so much I was oblivious to his actual motives.”
“What do you believe his motives were?”
“At first, I just thought we were two misunderstood people who were left out of a lot of things. I was afraid to pass judgment on him and do the very thing I was saying connected us. However, I believe now he was just using me to get to Drew. He knew she was dating my brother.”
“What did you remember?”
“I wouldn’t say I remembered it. I’ve thought about it a few times, but it had never hit me like that before. A friend was discussing how pets were replaceable, but not people. She couldn’t handle the grieving families and became a vet instead.”
“How did that trigger you?”
“Craig told me I was replaceable. We did have sex the first day he was out, but he was doing so many other things he hadn’t been able to while in prison that it wasn’t a constant marathon of sexual activities. He would see friends he hadn’t seen. He ate an enormous amount of food and was sick all night from it. In between all that, we’d have sex.”
I looked out the window. “The next day, I was told not to plan on leaving the bed unless he wanted to have sex somewhere else. He warned me he would use every part of my body, but I wasn’t ready. I’d never done most of the things he wanted me to do.”
“Did you do them?”
“Not all of them. I couldn’t relax enough to do it.”
“He didn’t force you?”
“No. That’s one thing he never did while we were together. He never raped me.”
Joseph wrote something down and continued to look at his notepad after he stopped writing. “Go on.”
I didn’t say anything until he looked at me. “I’m feeling very judged here, Joseph.”
He put the notepad down and gave me his undivided attention. “Sexual assault can come in many different forms. Were you ever held down against your will and physically forced to have sexual intercourse with him? I haven’t heard you say that. What I have heard you say is that you were forced emotionally on more than one occasion.
“In your own words, you’ve told me you felt obligated, you didn’t want to upset him, or the very selfless act of volunteering when he tried to go after Drew that last time in her apartment. You may not have been raped in your sense of the word, but you have been assaulted.
“The feelings you have about those days are normal. You feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, and dirty. These are all feelings we will work through. The
y are all feelings you will overcome in time if you allow it.”
I sat there, stunned at what he just said to me. I had told him I felt all those things at one point, but I blamed myself for feeling that way. What had bothered me the most about his little speech was when he said if I would allow it. Why wouldn’t I allow myself to be healed?
I’d been fighting it every step of the way, but why when I could be rid of the burden of those feelings? It was certain I would still have an occasional bad day, but why would I allow myself to be stuck in that place? Why wouldn’t I want to better myself and my life?
I looked at Joseph, and even though it would embarrass me to say the words I was about to say, I knew if I wanted to allow myself to overcome it as he stated, I had to tell him what happened.
I woke up to the sounds of commotion in my bedroom. I opened my eyes but didn’t move any other part of my sore body. Craig was looking through all the dresser drawers and had already been through the closet. I propped myself up on my elbows.
“What are you looking for?”
“Lube.”
“I don’t have any.”
He stopped and looked at me. “You really are a boring fuck, aren’t you?” He started to look again. “No woman goes without sex that long. You have to have a vibrator and lube around here somewhere. I’ll find it.”
“Craig, I really don’t have it. The one I bought after I visited you broke and I’ve never replaced it. I didn’t think I’d need it since you were getting out.”
He looked at me as if I were an undiscovered phenomenon. “Fine. Baby oil will work.”
I called out after him. “I don’t have that, either.”
“Okay.” He came back out of the bathroom, shaking his head. “Tell me you have Crisco.”
I sat up. “What do you need that for?”
“For your ass.”
He walked out of the bedroom and I jumped up. “You’re kidding. We are not putting Crisco on any part of my body.”
He turned quickly, causing me to run into his chest. “It won’t be on your body. It’ll be in it.” He turned to leave again.
I grabbed his arm. “No.”
He tilted his head and looked at me. “No? Did you just say no?”
