by B. L. Mooney
“I don’t know, but I’ll ask her soon.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What are you doing for your wedding?”
I waved her off. “I’ve already had a wedding. I don’t plan on doing that again.” I looked at her and smiled. “I like my life as it is.”
She tilted her head and looked at me. “Are you still seeing Joseph?”
“Every week.”
“Huh.”
I crossed my arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” She looked at me. “I just thought you would’ve been further with what you want out of life by now.”
“Drew, no matter how similar Joseph thinks we are, our experiences with Craig were very different.”
“This is true, but you should still want to get married and have babies.”
“Who’s having babies?” Rachael walked in.
“You are.” I said it, but I didn’t mean it until she looked away. I sat up. “Oh, my God. Are you pregnant?”
“No!” She set her makeup kit down a little harder than she should’ve and turned to Drew. “Are you ready?”
“I’m ready to hear what that was all about.”
“Nope. This is your day and we’re only going to talk about you.” She opened the makeup case and took out a few things. “Is this what we agreed on?”
I came up behind her and hugged her. Drew gave me a strange look as she watched me squeeze Rachael. I backed away and shook my head. “She isn’t pregnant.”
Terri walked in. “Who isn’t pregnant?”
Rachael had had enough. “I’m not pregnant! Are you all happy now?”
Terri was oblivious to what was going on. “I’m ecstatic! You’re hilarious when you’re drunk and I’m counting on you for entertainment later.”
“You guys suck.” Rachael started applying Drew’s makeup.
“Well, we don’t get our guys by—”
Drew interrupted Terri and took Rachael’s hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been trying to get pregnant and nothing’s happening. What am I going to do if I can’t give Carl kids?”
I stood beside my sister and put my arm around her. “Carl loves you. He has Amy, but I know you’ll be able to get pregnant. Just give it time.”
Terri pulled up a chair next to Drew. “I’ll bet anything you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I can give you the name of an excellent OBGYN who can figure it out if you truly are having difficulty conceiving, but my expert opinion is that you need to relax.”
“I am kind of stressed about it.”
“See? There you go.” Terri scooted a little closer. “Now hurry up with the bride because I need my face painted on, too.”
Trying to keep Drew relaxed when we were all a bundle of nerves was more difficult than I had planned. I never expected to be so anxious on a day that wasn’t mine, but their questions and never-ending inquisition as to when I would finally want to get married ‘for real’, as they put it, weighed on my mind.
That and the argument Mick and I had last night. I hadn’t talked to him since, and he didn’t show up when the truck arrived to transport the flowers. I guess he thought I no longer needed his help.
There was a knock at the door and Terri jumped up to get it. It was my mother. Dennis had tried to sneak in, but we wouldn’t let him. Drew stayed with Terri and Mark the night before so she wouldn’t see Dennis in the morning. He wasn’t happy to spend his last night as a bachelor exactly like a bachelor—alone.
Mom came in and covered her mouth. Drew was breathtaking. She was a beautiful woman anyway, but the fairytale wedding dress and flawless makeup job from Rachael had her looking amazing.
“You are so beautiful. My son is a lucky man.”
“Don’t make me cry, Gloria.” Drew started fanning her face.
Rachael touched her knee. “I’ll fix it if you do.”
There was another knock and I motioned for Terri to sit. “I’ll get it.” I opened the door and took a step back. I didn’t expect to see Mick. I didn’t think he would show. I turned to the girls. “I’ll be right back.”
I stepped out into the hallway and side-stepped him as he tried to lean in. He closed his eyes and hung his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up this morning. I didn’t sleep much last night and overslept.”
I touched his arm. “That isn’t why I don’t want you to kiss me. I don’t want you to mess up my makeup.”
He looked up. “Oh. You are even more beautiful. Weddings look good on you.”
I smiled, but it wasn’t a full smile. “What did you need?”
“I just wanted to say I was sorry and to let you know I’m here.”
I nodded. “We’ll talk more tomorrow. It’s going to be too late after the reception and quite frankly, I’m exhausted already.”
“Sure.” He reached out and took my hand. “Will you come home with me tonight?”
“Let’s see how it plays out first. I’m not sure what’s happening tonight. Have you seen Dennis yet?”
“No, I came to look for you first.”
“Will you go check on him, please?”
“Sure. I’ll text you an update.”
“Thanks.”
Nathan and Dale came down the hallway. They were photographer friends of Rachael’s and had been all over the church taking photos. They took a photo of Mick and me.
Dale waved his hands together as if he wanted us to stand closer. “Come on, you two. This is a wedding, not a funeral. Let’s take a photo you want to hang on your wall.”
Mick stepped forward and put his forehead to mine. He put one hand behind my neck and held me to him. He wasn’t hurting me, but I could feel how much he didn’t want me to step away with the pressure he was using. It’s a good thing he was hanging onto me. I probably would’ve run.
“I love you, Deb.”
I heard the click of the camera and when my eyes tried to search for his, I saw the flash going off around me. He used both hands to cup my face, brought my mouth to his, and kissed me. He held me to him for a moment when he was finished.
“I don’t expect you to say it back right now, but I will hear those words from you soon. I know you love me. I feel it in your kiss, in the way you look at me, and the way we make love. You’re afraid of the future, but we all are. It can be taken from any of us for any number of reasons, but none of them are good enough for me to ever stop loving you. It would be easier to stop breathing than to stop loving you.”
He let go and walked down the hallway to check on Dennis as I had asked him to. All I could do was watch him walk away. I was too stunned to do anything else.
I turned the corner on the way to check on the groom and stopped the second I was out of Deb’s sight. I bent over and took deep breaths. That wasn’t how I had planned on telling her. I only hoped I hadn’t run her off. I wanted to wait until she was ready to hear it, but after the fight we had the day before, I thought she needed to hear it whether she was ready or not.
I started walking again and knocked when I got to the groom’s room. Carl opened the door. I narrowed my eyes at him. “What are you doing in here?”
“I’m on standby.” He went back in and left the door open for me.
“Standby?” I walked in and shut the door.
“Yeah, my idiot brother isn’t here yet. I need a third guy.” Dennis pointed to a guy in the corner. “That’s Curt. He flew in this morning to stand up there with me. He’s my best friend from college. He could make it on time.”
He looked at his watch and started pacing the room. I looked at Mark who was messing with his phone. He looked up at me. “I’m trying to get an ETA as to when he’ll be here.”
“Well, even if he doesn’t make it, Carl’s a good choice. You’re practically going to be family once he marries Rachael. You guys really should try to bury this feud between you.”
Carl took a deep breath. “He’s right, Dennis. I�
�m in love with Rachael. I was never in love with Drew.” He walked up to Dennis, and Mark stopped messing with his phone to watch him. “If Drew had chosen me, none of us would be happy. I would’ve had a mother for my daughter, which I think is what I was looking for, but I wouldn’t have had someone for me. You’re better for Drew. You make her happy. I could never have done that.”
He walked back over to the chair he had been sitting in and addressed Dennis once more. “It’s fun to give you shit about things, but I don’t mean any of them. You’re a good guy and you’ll make an amazing husband and father.”
Dennis and Mark sat there with their mouths hanging open. Carl did give Dennis a hard time every chance he could, but I was glad to see him step up and tell him the truth for once. I had a feeling Dennis needed to hear it on this day most of all.
Dennis shook his head as the door flew open. “Who’s getting married today?” Rick finally showed up.
Dennis stood up and went over to him, shoving him as soon as he got there. “You’re late.”
“But I’m here. That’s all that matters.”
“You’re supposed to want to be here with me. It’s a big fucking day!”
“Whoa. Calm down, buddy.” Rick put his hand on his shoulder. “Traffic was a bitch. The flights wouldn’t have gotten me here in time, so I decided to drive it.”
“You could’ve come last night.”
“Actually, I couldn’t.” He ignored the look Dennis gave him and walked over to Curt. “Hey! It’s been a long time, man.”
Carl and I had gone out to the church to be seated. We wanted to sit as close as possible with our girls up there, so we sat on Drew’s side. The flowers Deb had made were beautiful. I was proud of her and hoped she was proud of herself.
Carl wanted to talk business to pass the time, but my mind was back on Deb and the surprised look on her face when I told her I loved her. I was grateful for the advice he was giving me, but I couldn’t focus on it. I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees to keep them from bouncing.
“You act as if you’re about to stand up there and get hitched. What’s going on?”
“I told Deb I loved her.” I looked at him, but didn’t sit up. “It wasn’t the most romantic time.”
“She’ll come around if that’s what you’re worried about.” He ran his fingers through his hair and leaned forward. “Look, Rachael had a hard time trusting me. She had good reason for how I treated Drew, but once she did trust me, it was like a new world opened up.”
“I think she trusts me. I don’t think she trusts in her future. McCoy really frightened her.” I rubbed my face. “I don’t know how to get her to see we can have a future together.”
“I think Deb is striving for acceptance.”
“What do you mean? I accept her.”
“No, I mean, yes. She does need to feel accepted, but I think she needs to accept her past and what her future may hold. She needs to know you accept it, too. Will you love her if she ends up going to prison?”
“I won’t allow that to happen.”
He shook his head and sat back up. “That’s what I’m talking about. You’re denying the fact it’s a possibility. Stop denying it. Accept it and move on. It most likely won’t happen, but if it does, she needs to know you’ll still love her. She visited that animal in prison because she was alone. Is she going to be alone in prison, or will you visit her?”
Carl looked at me, but I couldn’t say anything. I had no doubt I would visit Deb every chance I could if she went to prison, but apparently she did have doubts. She doubted I loved her enough to accept that future. I had to make her see I did.
We watched an anxious Dennis stand at the front of the church. We turned to the back as the doors opened and watched as Deb and Curt came down the aisle. She was beautiful in the blue dress, which seemed to dance with her as she walked, but I knew she would make an even more beautiful bride. I would make that happen one day.
I watched as she walked right by us without looking our way. She had to be nervous, but I felt she was avoiding eye contact. I must have really scared her. It wasn’t fair to tell her I loved her and walk away. I should’ve stayed. Hadn’t I just proved people walked away from her?
Carl nudged me. “Get it together. This is a wedding, and your moping isn’t helping to celebrate this joyous occasion.”
He turned and smiled proudly as Rachael walked down the aisle with her brother Rick. She made eye contact with him and smiled just as big as he had. They were no doubt imagining their own wedding day. I looked back up at Deb, but she was watching Rachael. At least she was smiling again.
Mark and Terri were the next to walk down the aisle. They’ve done it before for their own wedding and didn’t look nervous at all. They looked happy with each other and happy for their friends.
Next, it was the ring bearer and flower girl. It was obvious they were Terri and Mark’s children. They each looked like little versions of them. It was cute to see Terri crouch down in the front of the aisle and encourage her young daughter to complete the walk. The boy was old enough to know what to do and helped his sister.
We all stood as the music played for Drew to walk down the aisle. I hadn’t heard much about her parents, so it wasn’t surprising when I saw Dennis Sr. escorting her. He beamed as if it were his own daughter he was walking down the aisle.
Drew tried to smile at the guests as she walked, but once her eyes locked on Dennis, she was lost to him. They both were shaking as Dennis Sr. handed her hands over to him. If I was envious of anything, it would be the smile Dennis had on his face. You could tell he was the happiest man in the world at that moment and nothing could touch them.
Dennis whispered, but it was no secret what he said. “You’re so beautiful.” He kissed her hands. “I love you.”
People around us were breaking out the handkerchiefs and tissues. It was a moving moment, but my eyes went back to Deb. She was all I could think of. I would show her all that was possible for us, too. I knew it would be. I believed it in my heart. I just needed to get her to believe it, too.
And I would.
The reception was better than the bachelor party, but I didn’t know any of the guests. Carl stuck around with me for a little while, but he soon clung to Rachael. It seemed she was very popular on the dance floor. I had tried to approach Deb a few times, but she usually made an excuse to go the other way. The last time she flat-out shook her head no. I’ve sat at the table I was assigned to ever since.
“My groom is getting tired, but I still want to dance.” Drew’s voice came from behind me. I stood and turned to her with a half-smile. “I generally try to watch the guys dance before I agree to join them.” She looked down at her shoes and lifted her wedding gown to show them. “These hurt like Hell even when no one steps on them.”
“I don’t step on women’s feet.” I held out my hand. “I’d be honored to dance with you.”
We walked to the dance floor and I looked at Dennis. He nodded his approval and continued to talk to the group of guys he was with. I was happy for a slow song, since I was in no mood for happy dancing. I could fake the two-step.
Drew looked at me and smiled. “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course. It was my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.”
She looked at Deb who was trying to not be obvious as she glanced our way a couple of times. “She’s in love with you, too.”
“She told you.”
Drew looked back at me. “Yes, you really freaked her out.”
“So I’ve gathered.”
“She’s afraid to let go. We’ve all been there. I was afraid until Dennis showed me he cared more about me than anyone else ever had. I couldn’t let that slip away. I did everything I could to hang onto it once I knew I had it.” She nodded to Rachael and Carl who were dancing a few feet away. “They were the same way. They were both terrified to love again. Carl because he’d already lost one wife. Rachael was scared because she’d already given
herself to one man and he trashed that gift.”
“Deb is—”
“No different. She’s scared just like the rest of us. There are no guarantees in life. There is no guarantee of a happily-ever-after. We only get to live one day at a time. We’re not guaranteed tomorrow or the next day. We’re not guaranteed to have the same life we do today ten years from now.
“You have to find a way to make her understand. Rachael and I can tell her you’re good for her all we want, but she has to hear it from you. She has to see it in your actions.”
I smiled. “You tell her I’m good for her?”
She smiled back. “Don’t let it go to your head, but yes. You and Deb are really great together. You’ll make it work. Just don’t give up.”
I looked at Deb and finally locked eyes with her. “I don’t plan on it.”
Drew let me go and turned me to face Deb. “Go tell her that.”
I shook my head once as Deb started to stand. She sat back down. She would look away, but only for a moment. I could see her chest rise and fall faster with each step I took toward her. When I reached her, I held out my hand.
“Come with me.” I motioned with my fingers once for her to take my hand. “I’ll bring you right back.”
Her eyes never left mine as she took my hand. I smiled and led her out of the room to the back hallway. The sounds of the party were muffled when the door closed. I turned and took her by surprise when I kissed her. When she started to kiss me back, I turned our bodies and pressed her against the wall.
I took her arms and lifted them over her head. I smiled as she almost popped out of the top of her dress. I switched her two hands to one of mine. “Well, well, well.” I traced the area right above her nipple. “What do we have here?”
She laughed. “Don’t even think about it. Smokers are using this door.”
I let go of her hands so she could adjust herself but grabbed her hips and pulled her close. “You get to keep the dress, right?”
She shook her head. “I do, but I hadn’t really planned on it.”
“Oh, you should plan on it.” I started kissing her neck. “A lot.”
