As she walked back to the dining room and picked up the last of the serving platters, Lilly reflected on how true Mrs. Graber’s advice had been. Truth and honesty always was the best. Even if it meant people didn’t hear what they wanted to hear. Even if it was painful.
At least it was out there and honest. And, well, some good had come out of all this, after all. She had the support of some of the most surprising people. Josh, Lilly. Now even her brother had come around.
“Oh, Gretta!” Margaret sang out as she scrambled down the stairs to the basement. “Roland’s come calling. Again.”
The news created a bit of stir inside her. Fumbling with the dress she was pinning to the clothesline, Gretta attempted to appear calm and collected. However, her voice had a definite squeak when she turned to her sister. “He’s here?”
“Oh, yes.” Margaret flashed a toothy grin. “Roland is upstairs talking to Mamm.”
“How did he seem?”
“Like he’d rather be talking with you, I’ll tell you that!”
Gretta grabbed the last of the shirts from the wash bin. After hastily shaking them out, she pinned them on the makeshift clothesline. “Please tell Roland I’ll be right there.”
Margaret giggled but did as Gretta asked.
After smoothing back her hair under her prayer kapp, Gretta walked upstairs and quickly entered the family’s sitting room. But Roland wasn’t there.
After a moment’s pause, she heard his voice from the kitchen. He was talking and talking, just like he always did. From what she heard, her mother seemed to be enjoying his company immensely. Perhaps there wasn’t a great need to be rushing to his side after all.
Gretta made her way to the back of the house. She couldn’t help but smile when she spied him, leaning up against a counter while her mamm peeled and sliced potatoes.
When she entered the room, Roland seemed to light up. “Gretta, it is so gut to see you!”
“It is nice of you to stop by.”
“I had no choice. I wanted to see you and church isn’t until next week. It was either pay you a call or wish I was,” he explained without a touch of embarrassment.
Her mother beamed. “Isn’t that so kind of Roland?”
“It is.” When she noticed that he didn’t seem in any hurry to leave her mother’s side, Gretta stayed put in the doorway, feeling for a moment like she was an intruder.
To Gretta’s surprise, her mother pushed a pile of peeled and diced potatoes Roland’s way. Without missing a beat, he neatly scooped them up and carried them to a boiling pot on the stove, as if he’d cooked in their kitchen a dozen times before. That made her uncomfortable. “Have you been here long, Roland?”
“Not so much.”
“Since I knew you were finishing up the wash, I invited Roland in to sit with me,” her mother interjected with a pleased expression. “It’s been quite a while since a nice young man kept me company in the kitchen.”
Since Joshua had never sat in their kitchen, Gretta knew that to be true. But still, it was discomfiting, seeing Roland there, happily chatting with her mother. Acting like he was starting a new habit.
Obviously her mother’s viewpoint on Roland had changed quite a bit. She looked now like she would dance and sing if Gretta and Roland decided to court.
But now that she realized no one other than Joshua could ever take a place in her heart, Gretta wasn’t quite sure what to do about Roland. “Would you care to walk outside for a bit?”
“I would not…unless you really want to walk in the cold.”
His reply irritated her. What would he do if she said yes, she did want to be cold? Would he accompany her then? “Oh. Well, perhaps we could go sit in the sitzschtupp, in the living room?”
“That, I will do.”
Her mother waved them off. “Yes, you two ought to spend your time together sitting in a cozy room, not out in the cold. Now how about I bring you some snacks and something hot to drink?”
Gretta wasn’t sure she even wanted him there that long. His presence felt a bit too pushy. Like he’d taken advantage of her quiet ways. But now she had no choice in the matter—her mother had already made the offer. Dutifully, Gretta said, “Roland, would you care for tea?”
“I would, danke.”
Happily, her mother pulled out the kettle. “I’ll brew a pot and bring it in.” With a not-so-subtle wink Roland’s way, she added, “I enjoyed our conversation, but I’m guessin’ that it’s time to have someone else’s company for a bit, yes?”
“You guessed right, but I was happy to be with you for a bit, Mrs. Hershberger.”
After they sat down and sipped on their tea, Roland began talking. He talked about an upcoming auction for horses. He talked about a recent hunting trip for deer.
He talked about a bunion on his foot and the antics of his eighty-year-old grandmother.
As Gretta sipped her tea, she watched the clock tick on the wall. And realized that no matter what, she could never be married to Roland. No matter how constant his mood was, no matter how lively his banter could be—Gretta knew she would get terribly irritated with him.
They were not suited.
After almost an hour, he stood up. “It’s best I leave now. What time shall I come calling on you tomorrow?”
She noticed he wasn’t asking, he was telling her he would come calling. “No. I mean, no, danke. Tomorrow’s a long workday for me and I fear I won’t want much company in the evening.”
“You might. A nice chat together might perk up your spirits, yes?”
“I don’t think so. Actually, Roland, I think maybe we should cool things off a bit.”
“But I thought we were enjoying each other’s company. I know I have enjoyed sitting with you and sipping tea.”
“I have enjoyed your attentions, but I’m afraid I don’t think we will suit each other in the long run.”
“We will suit, I think. You just need to give us more of a chance.”
“I don’t think so.”
“But your mamm—”
“My mother doesn’t speak for me,” she said in between clenched teeth.
He blinked. “No. I see she does not. Well, goodbye, Gretta.” Looking thoroughly dejected, he put back on his felt hat, and left her house.
Gretta watched from the window as he guided his horse and buggy away from their house and onto the main road.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” her mother said from behind her. “You tossed him away like yesterday’s trash. Honestly, Gretta, every time I think you’ve come to your senses, you disappoint me again.”
Each word hurt. “I’m sorry if I’m disappointing you.”
“What are you going to do? If not Joshua, if not Roland, then who will you find to marry you?”
“I’m only nineteen, Mamm. I’ve got plenty of time to make these decisions. You make it sound like I’m thirty-nine.”
“It’s only that with Beth gone, your father and I have high expectations for you and Margaret.”
“Mamm, I can’t replace Beth. I can never be her, or what you wanted her to be.”
She looked affronted. “We don’t want you to replace Beth. I only want you to think about your future more carefully. Think about what could happen if you make the wrong choice. If you choose the wrong man.” Her mother caught herself just in time.
But that stumble finally helped Gretta understand things about her parents. Once, there had been someone else in her mother’s life. For some reason, she’d lost that man and had settled on her father. A good man, but a man who she’d always had a cantankerous relationship with.
And so all her hopes and excitement had frozen over time. Beth’s death had only made things worse. They’d had no powerful love to overcome the tragedy.
As they stared at each other, Gretta felt sorry for her mother. It had to be difficult to be married to someone who wasn’t the love of her life.
But seeing her disappointments only encouraged Gretta to follow her heart.
And that person who’d claimed it was still Joshua Graber. Yes, their relationship might not be placid and calm like the still waters in summer. It might be rough and bumpy—but there would be love there. And that love for him would see her through many a difficult situation.
“I’m going to see to the rest of the laundry,” she said, though there really wasn’t much laundry to see to.
She turned away and went back downstairs. Feeling that her resolve had been uplifted. “Thank you, Father,” she murmured. “Thank you for helping me see the light.”
Chapter 21
Gretta was still contemplating her mother’s words the next day when she arrived at work. To her surprise, Lilly Allen was already there.
She had a bucket and a washrag in her hands and was scrubbing the top of each of the tables in earnest.
“You’re here early,” Gretta said. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine. Mrs. Kent told me I could put in a few extra hours this week if I didn’t mind doing a few things like washing tables or cleaning out the bakery case.” Still bent over a table, Lilly popped her head up for a moment to meet Gretta’s eyes before returning to the spot she was scrubbing. “I told her I wasn’t too picky about what I did. I need to save as much money as I can right now.”
“For the baby.” Gretta immediately felt shamed. Lately, she’d been so wrapped up in her problems that she’d forgotten that Lilly was shouldering a great many burdens of her own.
Straightening up, Lilly rubbed her back and stretched. “Yep. Things are still pretty rocky at home. I want to take on as much of the costs as possible.”
“That will be difficult, I think. Babies and children are expensive. Especially for a single mother.”
With a little chuckle, Lilly looked at her wryly. “Sometimes you take my breath away, you can be so blunt. But, you’re right. It’s going to be really hard.”
“Maybe your old…” Oh, how did one say it? “Your boyfriend could help a bit?”
“I don’t think he’s going to do that. I mean, I don’t think he will anymore. By the way, his name was Alec.” Smiling again, she said, “I’m sorry, I’m not very good at explaining things, am I? His name still is Alec. I’m just not his girlfriend anymore.”
“Does he live back in Cleveland?”
“Yes.”
Even though there was much to do, Gretta sat down at one of the tables. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” she said. And to her surprise, she realized that was true. It would be a terribly difficult thing to be facing a future with a baby.
Pulling out a chair, Lilly sat down and faced her. “I’m sorry about it, too. Well, I’m sorry that he wasn’t the right person for me,” she said. “I’m not sorry he and I are through. Of course, it’s not the only thing that I wish hasn’t happened.” Folding the rag in front of her, she added, “It’s been a really crazy time, I have to tell you that.
Gretta felt sorry for Lilly, though a bit of her conscience warred with that pity. In some ways, this Lilly was the picture of every English person some of the more vocal gossips in the community warned youngsters about. She was pregnant and not even attached to the baby’s father.
But truthfully, Gretta wasn’t too shocked. Even among the Amish some couples married suddenly and had a baby in less than nine months’ time. She couldn’t pretend that not waiting for marriage vows was only an Englischer problem.
Lilly continued. “At first, dealing with everyone’s disapproval was really hard. I’ve always tried to do the right thing, so I wasn’t used to people commenting on my actions in a bad way. But then I realized I’d been hoping for Alec to have qualities he was never going to possess—like maturity and compassion.” Lilly hopped up out of her chair and started scrubbing tables again. “Anyway, what’s been hard is making decisions that will affect the rest of my life. I haven’t known whether to keep the baby myself and raise him or her on my own, or give it up for adoption. It’s been scary.”
“I would have been scared, too.”
“I’ve been trying to come to terms with how I might feel a year from now. Or two. Or ten.” Shaking her head, Lilly soaked the washrag in the bucket, wrung it out, then walked to another table and scrubbed. “I’m sorry. You asked how I was doing and I told you my whole life story. Sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Gretta said, realizing that she meant every word of what she was saying. “Just because I’m Amish doesn’t mean I haven’t had my share of difficult times.”
Lilly’s eyes widened. “I suppose you’re right.”
“We don’t know what the Lord plans for us and sometimes it’s terribly hard to guess what the right path is.”
“Did you ever make your decision?”
“Yes. But nothing’s settled, so old doubts and worries keep returning.” She looked at the clock. “I suppose it’s time for me to get to work, too.”
Lilly’s eyes warmed. “You know, Gretta, when we first met, I was sure we’d have nothing in common. But maybe we’re not so different as I first thought.”
“I’d like us to be friends, if we could,” Gretta ventured shyly.
“I’d love that. Thanks, you know, for listening.”
“It was no trouble. And you helped me, too. I promise you did. Now I really must get to work or Mrs. Kent will come in to find things not how they should be…and our noon customers will be having no cinnamon rolls neither.”
“Oh, those cinnamon rolls are heavenly. Save one for me, would you?”
“Of course,” Gretta said before leaving the dining room and entering the kitchen. Once there, she found herself smiling. Things did work in peculiar ways, that was for sure. This morning, she’d just made a friend out of someone who she’d at first worried was her enemy.
And in doing so, she learned a bit about herself, too.
Chapter 22
Just as everyone who’d visited the store had warned, a large winter storm descended on Sugarcreek and seemed content to visit there for a while.
Over the course of one day, thick fluffy flakes turned to small specks of snow, which turned to pellets of ice and freezing rain, then back to ice again.
The wind picked up and the temperatures dropped.
And still the storm continued. Ice blasted the power lines leading to the building across the street.
From his spot near the window, Josh called out to Caleb, “Go make sure the gas-powered generators are ready to go, will ya? I have a feeling the ice is going to shut everything down. This street might go dark even earlier than anyone’s predicting.”
For once Caleb looked like he was taking his older brother’s words seriously. “I checked them a little bit ago, but I’ll go right now to inspect them again. I’ll look in on the horses, too. If the weather gets worse, the horses are going to have to stay the night. The icy roads could put them in danger.”
“That’s a fine idea,” Joshua said with some relief. He really needed Caleb’s help. For once, it looked like he was going to get it, too.
But there was still something else he needed to take care of. “Listen, I have to leave for a little bit.”
“Leave? What are you going to do?”
“I need to run down the street and check on Gretta. I heard she’s working today.”
“But I bet she’s just fine there. There’s plenty of work here to do first, don’t you think? Surely Gretta can wait.”
“I don’t think she can,” Joshua replied. There was a knot inside of him that couldn’t be ignored. Even if they were not destined to be together, she mattered to him. When she was happy, he was. And there was no way he was going to breathe easy if she was sitting alone at the restaurant in the dark. But he wasn’t ready to tell Caleb all that—it felt too personal. “Just check on the generators and check the aisles for stray customers. I think most of our last-minute shoppers have left, but you can never be too sure.”
“I’ll check. But hurry, would you?”
“I’ll do my best.�
�
Throwing on his hat, Joshua left through the back of the store and kept his head down as he battled his way down the sidewalk. One hand always needed to stay on top of his head, keeping his hat secure. His other held his coat together.
The short walk up the street seemed terribly long. The wind bit through his cheeks as he took care to watch his footing on the slippery surface.
Around him, only a few cars and trucks were visible. Those that were seemed to be having a difficult time of it, too. They slid and fishtailed through intersections, grinding gears and jerking to stops. Store after store was dark. Signs had been posted on most of the other front doors that they’d closed early because of the bad weather. Even though he’d wanted to stay open late to help anyone who needed a necessity, perhaps he should have done the same thing.
Then he arrived at the Sugarcreek Inn. To his dismay, the sign at the door still read Open and a few lights illuminated the dining area. After trying the handle, he noticed it wasn’t locked. Gingerly, he twisted the handle and pulled the door open. “Gretta?” he called out. “Gretta, are ya here?”
He pulled the door open wider. The wind was so strong, it felt as if the door might blow off its hinges.
“Oh! Joshua?”
After turning and forcing the door shut, Joshua faced her.
Gretta was standing near the window, her cloak and black bonnet already on. She looked worried and afraid. But what really took his breath away was the look she gave him. Her eyes went liquid and her whole body sighed. Truthfully, she looked so relieved that Joshua felt like the most powerful man in Sugarcreek.
“Gretta, it’s mighty bad weather out today.”
“It is.” Frowning out the window, she murmured, “The skies are so gray, I don’t think it’s going to stop anytime soon.”
Then she turned to him. “Joshua, whatever are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the store?”
“I was worried about you. There’s no way I could stay in the store without checking up on you. Without making sure that you were safe.”
Winter's Awakening (Seasons of Sugarcreek 1) Page 18
