My Life as a Youtuber

by Janet Tashjian

  The next noise I hear is the outside door, telling me my parents are home. I shut off the treadmill, grab Frank, and duck into my room.

  I forgot the bag of mealworms and hot sauce!

  From the sound of their voices, my parents are at the bottom of the stairs so I race back to the treadmill and untie the bag.

  Come on, come on!

  I don’t have time to snatch the several mealworms that fall on the rug as I race out of there.

  Seconds later, Dad opens the door to my room. “You get all your work done tonight?”

  I tell him I did.

  “Why are you so out of breath? Exercising?”

  He gives me a thumbs-up when I tell him yes.

  Mom sticks her head in and tells me the Blakes say hello. When she sees Frank, she tells me to put him back in his crate. I tuck the bag of hot sauce and mealworms underneath my shirt and take Frank to the kitchen.

  Frank seems exhausted from all that running so I sit at the kitchen table and hold him.

  “You did a GREAT job,” I whisper. “Now it’s time for your reward.”

  I empty what’s left of the bag of worms on the table and watch Frank scramble to eat them. If I’d thought about it longer, I would’ve taken my phone with me to get this on film.

  “You deserve every one of those.” I rub the top of his head then put him in the crate.

  Upstairs, my parents are still in the hall. Mom’s balancing in the doorway, taking off her shoes. “I couldn’t wait to get these off.” She turns to Dad. “Some yoga before bed?”

  Dad agrees and takes off his shoes too. They say goodnight and head to their room.

  The thought of mealworms squishing between my parents’ toes during downward dog makes me want to gag.

  I hope they’re using yoga mats.

  YES!!!!!

  The treadmill clip of Monkey Love Hot Sauce brings me over nine thousand views in the first twenty-four hours! Watching the number of views grow every few minutes makes me happier than the day we first got Frank.

  Suddenly my number of views puts me in Umberto and Tyler’s league. With only one class left, the chances of us knocking Carly out of first place are slim, but second place is still something to aim for.

  A few of the comments are negative—“you’re abusing that poor animal!”—but most people say they like it. The popularity of this clip must be carrying over to the others on my playlist because ALL my videos increased overnight; my subscribers are way up too.

  At school, I feel like a quarterback who just made the winning touchdown.

  “Dude!” Matt says. “That video is killer!”

  “The sound effects and song really make it,” Umberto says. “I laughed the whole way through.”

  So many pieces of music that I wanted to use were copyright-protected; Mr. Ennis talked about only using royalty-free music many times, so I knew he’d go nutty if I illegally downloaded a piece of music instead of buying it. In the end, I found a great piece of free music that sounds like the circus and really works.

  When we get to class, Mr. Ennis and Carly are huddled at his desk. Wait—are they planning a surprise to celebrate my smash hit?

  Mr. Ennis waits for us to take our seats. He must not have liked being bald because his scalp is now covered in stubble where his hair is growing out.

  “We’ve got some big news.” He bows toward Carly and asks if she wants to tell us.

  Carly stands in front of the room and takes a deep breath. “Remember how I told you that I had one viewer who wrote to me every day? Power73? Well, it turns out her mom is a producer on Ellen.”

  Natalie and Bridget actually scream.

  “And they’re doing a segment on youtuber kids and they want me to come on the show!”

  The rest of the class goes ballistic along with Natalie and Bridget. Ellen has a HUGE fanbase for her show as well as online viewers. Being on her show will launch Carly’s vlog into the stratosphere!

  I’m happy for Carly—that’s GIGANTIC news—but can’t we take ONE SECOND to acknowledge my big accomplishment? Am I doomed to follow in Carly’s footsteps forever? Still, seeing how thrilled she is makes me realize I’m being petty and so I let out a hoot to celebrate Carly’s windfall.

  “There will be six of us and they’re looking for one more kid to replace the Fine Brothers who had to cancel. Since I live locally, they asked if I had any recommendations on such short notice.”

  I’m Carly’s best friend! This is a slam dunk!

  Carly runs her tongue along the front of her teeth, a new habit since getting her braces. “I wanted to talk to Mr. Ennis first because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.” She opens her arms to encompass everyone in the room. “I love all your work but I only get to pick one.”

  I’m gonna dance with Ellen! I’m gonna dance with Ellen!

  “Umberto, do you want to join me on the Ellen show?”

  Wait, what?

  Umberto lets out a Tarzan yell. “Absolutely!”

  Carly addresses the rest of the room, but she’s mostly looking at me. “I think Umberto’s vlog is really important and can make a lot of people aware of what people with disabilities go through every day. Millions of people watch Ellen’s show—Umberto’s videos can really have an impact.”

  I obviously can’t argue with Carly’s thinking—it makes complete sense to choose Umberto. However …

  “Maybe you can talk about some of OUR channels too while you’re on,” I suggest.

  Mr. Ennis interrupts before Carly can answer. “The focus will be on their two channels,” he says. “But two out of six kids are from this school? That’s incredible! You should all be proud of yourselves! It’s also important to note that their channels weren’t chosen because they had millions of views but because they connected with people.” He turns to Carly and praises her again.

  Matt leans over and whispers to me. “Aren’t you used to swimming in Carly’s wake by now? I am.”

  He’s right. But at least this time, Umberto will get some well-deserved recognition too.

  After class, I’m halfway down the hall when Carly catches up to me. “I LOVE your channel,” she says. “You know that. It was a really hard decision.”

  “I know it was.”

  She spins around to face me. “As funny as your channel is, I just couldn’t waste the chance to make a difference.”

  Carly stands in front of me, waiting. I know she wants a smile and it only takes a few seconds before I give her one.

  “I’m proud of you,” I tell her. “You did the right thing.”

  She squeezes my arm and runs down the hall.

  “When are you filming Ellen?” I call after her.

  “Tomorrow!!” she yells back.

  There are actually worse places to be than swimming in Carly’s wake.

  NO!

  My mom’s going to FLIP when I tell her. She loves Carly and she loves Ellen so it’s going to be twice the good news.

  But when I step inside the kitchen, both my parents are waiting for me. Dad looks as mad as I’ve ever seen him; Mom looks incredibly disappointed.

  On the kitchen table is Mom’s laptop.

  It’s open to Monkey Love Hot Sauce.

  “I knew there was something fishy about your action figure mash-up channel,” Mom finally begins. “I just couldn’t comprehend why you were doing it and now I know why.”

  “Was that some kind of decoy so we wouldn’t find your REAL videos?” Dad asks. “The ones you made with Frank that we told you over and over NOT to create?”

  “You better start talking, and I mean NOW,” Mom says.

  “No one liked the videos I made of me,” I finally stammer. “We live with a monkey! I had to use Frank!”

  Dad tilts his head. “Even after we told you repeatedly not to?”

  “There is not enough punishment to go around for this one,” Mom says. “Not only did you betray our trust, you put Frank in dangerous situations.”

  �
��It wasn’t hot sauce,” I cry. “It was ketchup!”

  “Frank is on a restricted diet! Do you know how much sugar is in a spoonful of ketchup?” Mom asks. “More sugar than a chocolate chip cookie! Frank could have diabetes now.” Mom takes a deep breath, winding up for more.

  Dad takes a seat on one of the kitchen stools. “I took you to Doug’s, he let you borrow props, we signed off on every one of your decoy videos. We’ve been very supportive from day one. But you were deceitful with us, and it’s hugely disappointing.”

  “I didn’t want to lie,” I answer. “But I HAD to. The competition is STEEP. Frank may be a few pounds heavier, but he’s FINE. I’ll take any punishment you want to give me for lying—and I’m really sorry you feel betrayed—but, everything’s okay! Frank didn’t get hurt!”

  It’s a solid pitch, even if my voice did sound like I was a little desperate toward the end.

  “Derek, how do you think we found out about these videos?” Mom asks.

  It’s something I’ve been wondering since I walked in the door.

  Mom answers her own question. “Mary Granville told me.”

  “Is she one of the techs in your office?”

  Mom turns to Dad with an expression of disbelief before turning back to me. “Mary runs the foundation where we got Frank.”

  “Oh, the lady who said we could keep him—I remember.”

  “Yes, the lady who said we could keep him when she thought we were taking good care of him. Now she’s the lady who thinks we’re endangering him so she’s hopping on a plane to take Frank back. She’ll be here first thing Monday morning.”

  WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

  A HIGH PRICE TO PAY

  The videos on my Monkey Love Hot Sauce channel have now reached 15,750 views. I have over 2,000 new subscribers. What my subscribers don’t know is that they’ve subscribed to a channel that is now defunct.

  My parents make me take everything off YouTube, even the decoy action-figure channel I’d set up just for them. They make me send an email to Mary at the capuchin foundation to apologize. Her response is immediate—she will still be here Monday morning.

  Everyone in the entire school is excited about Umberto and Carly talking about their YouTube channels on Ellen, but it’s difficult to get caught up in all the excitement when I only have a few days left with Frank.

  Matt takes the news hard—he loves Frank almost as much as I do. I make the decision not to tell Carly and Umberto until after the Ellen taping so they’re not upset during the show. Matt think’s that’s a mature thing to do, but mature is the last thing I’m feeling right now.

  Mom and Dad go back and forth with the appropriate punishment. Take away my phone? My laptop? Ground me? Take away my skateboard? To me it doesn’t matter what they choose because all those things are nothing compared to losing Frank. (Yes, even phone privileges.)

  When I get home from school the next day, I immediately take Frank out of his crate and hold him. Bodi won’t leave our side, as if he knows something’s about to happen, the way animals can sense a change in the weather. I pull them both toward me until I’m sandwiched between them on the couch.

  I know I’ll have to explain everything to Mr. Ennis, but right now the furthest thing from my mind is making videos. But who am I kidding? The videos weren’t at fault—I was.

  I guess Mr. Ennis was right when he talked about the pressure of creating the latest and greatest videos, having to top yourself each and every time out of the gate. Without realizing it, I got caught up in views and subscribers and beating the other kids in class. Maybe if I’d done something simple like Carly or helpful like Umberto or downright absurd like Tyler, I wouldn’t be losing one of my best friends.

  Dad comes in and plops down beside me. He holds out his arm for Frank, who climbs up it to sit on Dad’s shoulders. “You’re not the only one who’s going to miss Frank,” Dad says. “We ALL love this guy. It’s going to be strange not having him around the house anymore.”

  I’d been so wrapped up in my own feelings that I hadn’t thought about how this would affect my parents. Or Bodi.

  “I’m really, really sorry,” I say for the zillionth time.

  “I know you are.” He leans across the table, grabs his sketchbook, and starts drawing. Frank inside the window of an airplane. Frank reuniting with his capuchin friends back in Boston.

  “Does drawing Frank help make the pain go away?” I ask.

  “I don’t know,” Dad answers. “I always think art helps, don’t you?”

  A slow smile spreads across my face.

  Dad just gave me the BEST IDEA EVER.

  I reach up and pry Frank from my father’s back. “Come on, buddy. We’ve got some work to do.”

  A BETTER VIDEO

  In hindsight, I should’ve done this from the beginning. But if your name is Derek Fallon, you usually take the long, windy road to success instead of the short, simpler one.

  This time, I’m doing a vlog—but not for YouTube—for the lucky person who’ll end up with Frank as a companion.

  I start in the kitchen where I go through Frank’s favorite foods—mangoes, bananas, sweet potatoes, and turnips. “But you have to make sure to chop everything really small to fit into Frank’s hands,” I say into the camera. “And if he doesn’t like his monkey biscuits, you can soak them in orange juice and he’ll eat them right up. He also really likes mealworms—but not too many at once.”

  Next, I go through how to clean Frank’s crate and to make sure it double-locks. “Frank is VERY curious,” I tell the camera. “If the crate isn’t secure, he’ll definitely be able to get out.”

  Dad comes inside from getting the mail and nearly drops it when he sees me filming. “Please tell me you are NOT posting videos of Frank again.”

  I shake my head and tell him what I’m doing.

  His face relaxes. “That’s a great idea.”

  With Dad as my assistant, the rest of the video goes much faster—except the part about Frank’s favorite movies and TV shows. I want to make sure wherever he is, Frank still gets to enjoy the Westerns he loves, so I really take my time.

  In between shots, Dad and I talk about who Frank might end up living with next. A kid in a wheelchair like Umberto? An elderly woman who needs help getting things down from shelves? Someone with a spinal injury like our friend Michael? Whoever it is, Dad and I agree he or she will be lucky to have Frank.

  After I edit the footage, Dad and I watch the rough cut. I decide to go the extra mile and add some music, fun sound effects, and graphics. The video might only be for an audience of one, but that person will be a part of Frank’s extended family, so I want to do my best.

  An hour and a half later, we’re laughing at the finished piece as Mom comes in, wearing her scrubs. At first she’s surprised to see new footage of Frank, but as she watches, she breaks into a huge smile. When it ends, I’m shocked to see her eyes are misty.

  “I’m going to miss him too,” she says. “Very much.”

  We spend our last weekend with Frank taking turns holding him, watching TV, and giving him his favorite snacks. Bodi continues to sense something’s going on because he follows Frank from room to room like a shadow.

  Matt and Carly stop over to say goodbye. Carly tells us all about the taping and that the show will air on Monday. None of us can believe she and Umberto got to meet Hugh Jackman in the green room!

  Because the show is on at three—the same time as Mr. Ennis’s class—he said our last class can be a viewing party. My mom’s so happy for Carly that she reschedules a meeting so she can watch the show when it airs.

  With multiple visits from Carly, Matt, and Umberto, it’s a busy weekend. When I put Frank in his crate Sunday night, he heads straight for his blanket to fall asleep.

  From his first day with us, I knew Frank would have to leave someday. We were a foster family, a place to live with people before beginning his real work to help someone with disabilities. This day was always coming—I just h
oped to put it off as long as possible.

  “Good night, buddy,” I tell him. “The pleasure’s been all mine.”

  FAREWELL

  Mary shows up like clockwork first thing Monday morning. Mom said I could go to school late so I can say goodbye to Frank, but I think it’s because she wants me to apologize to the director in person.

  I hear them talking about Mary’s flight as I walk toward the kitchen with Frank to hand him over—the same kitchen where I first met Frank two years ago.

  The woman who brought Frank here then was an older woman who seemed like a grandmother. The next person from the foundation who came was named Wendie. She visited us after Frank had an “incident” with swallowing one of my action figures and getting semi-kidnapped by Swifty who used to go to my school.

  This new director looks different than I expected. Her hair is short, shaved on one side with bangs falling across her face. Frank must remember her, though, because he leaps out of my arms and into hers.

  “Why, hello there, Frank.” She holds back, waiting to see if he’s comfortable with her, but he nuzzles her face like he just saw her yesterday.

  She takes a step toward me and holds out her hand. “You must be Derek. I’m Mary.”

  Her hand barely has time to touch mine before I blurt out another apology.

  She listens to everything I have to say before she answers.

  “You know what we call that at monkey college?” she asks. “A teachable moment.”

  “That’s what we call them here too,” Mom says.