I think I was in a forest. I remember the trees, only it was too dark to see anything clearly, and I was too out of it to comprehend where I was. I felt cold and numb, and confused; I couldn’t think straight. My mind created illusions of shapes, turning into faces, only the faces changed into ugly monsters that shouted and screamed at me. I tried to push them away. I know now, that they weren’t there, and that I was pushing nothing, but at that time it was so frighteningly real.
I don’t remember crawling out of the forest and into the road. The next thing I recall; I was in the back of a car parked outside my house. I don’t remember getting into a car, but somehow, I managed to give the driver my address. Apparently, he was adamant that I went to a hospital, but I managed to change his mind. Maybe I threatened him with violence, I just don’t remember.
The front door opened and Marcus ran out of the house. He took one look at me and was about to set on my Samaritan when I got his attention by throwing up. Opening the car door, he gently lifted me out. He told me later, I was incoherent and talking nonsense. He thought I was drunk. I recall feeling warm and relaxed in his arms and wanting to sleep.
My Samaritan told Marcus he had found me half-naked crawling along the main road, and that I had been talking about poison and snakes. “Or was it poisonous snakes?” he quizzed. “It’s lucky I found her when I did, she could have been knocked down. Anyway, I think she needs to go to hospital.”
Marcus looked sick. He’d gotten the gist of what had happened to me. “I’ll take care of it,” he said in a threatening tone, “and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget this ever happened.”
The driver was just about to argue with him when the rest of the Tyrants stormed out of the house.
“All right, I can see she’s in good hands,” he said.
I’m sure he left as fast as he could.
I didn’t know that they’d been looking for me all night. Mick had been riding around on his Kawasaki. Knowing the route I would have taken to get home, he was nearing our subway when he noticed the parked van. He saw something going on, only he was too far away to make out any faces. By the time he reached the subway, the van had gone. His gut told him something wasn’t right, so he got off his bike and as he neared the steps, he saw a shoe on the floor, and the other one further down the stairs. There was no way he could have known they were mine. However, he recognised my perfume lingering in the air, and when he saw the word Vipers sprayed over the top of our tag, he’d put two and two together.
I began hyperventilating and crying in fear. I could tell I was home and safe. Nevertheless, I felt as though there was someone lurking out there, waiting for me. I panicked. I couldn’t breathe and became lightheaded and dizzy. I felt like I was suffocating.
“Take her upstairs,” Marcus instructed.
Dylan and Hatch carried me up. They lay me on the bed then left. Hatch went back downstairs. Dylan came back with a soaked flannel and bathed my forehead.
He talked softly to me. I was beginning to calm down, but then I started retching. I was choking, but nothing was coming out, I couldn’t stop vomiting. I spent most of the night coughing up my lungs, in dreadful pain, and being delirious.
It took a lot of leadership from Marcus to stop the Tyrants charging out to look for the Vipers. I was told Marcus used force to stop Dylan from leaving the house. He made it plain to everyone that night that he was the president, and they would do what he said or face the consequences. He would have gone out himself, only he was too concerned about me. Marcus wanted to take care of Vipers himself, which was another reason why he wouldn’t let the others go. Marcus, Clay, and Dylan took it in turns to watch over me. I was told I finally settled down and fell asleep around four in the morning.
I woke up around seven, screaming. I felt the knife at my throat, experienced the pain as they entered me, felt the force as they slammed into me. It was as though I was being raped again, only this time I felt everything. I must have woken the entire neighbourhood with my screaming. The guys that were still in the house came crashing into the room.
“It’s okay,” Marcus assured them, “she’s all right.”
They left reluctantly.
Marcus held on to me while I wept. He rocked me and talked soothingly. I was shaking and sobbing. When I calmed, I was so exhausted I fell asleep wrapped in his arms.
I woke late in the morning. A paralysis gripped me. My body felt like a huge weight. I was unable to lift my head or arms. I had no energy. My back hurt and I had an acute pain in my stomach. I wanted to vomit but I couldn’t. I felt thirsty, and my throat was dry and sore. I called out for Marcus. He’d been sleeping on the floor beside the bed.
“Something’s wrong,” I told him weakly. “I need a doctor.”
I was worried. I’d been sick before, but I had never felt this ill.
Marcus looked concerned. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
He helped me out of bed. But I had no strength and couldn’t stand. I sat on the bed, trying to catch my breath.
“Have you thought about what you’re gonna say?” he asked as he dressed me.
If I told them the truth, they would get the police involved, and I knew Marcus wouldn’t want that. Would they notice the mark on my arm? Would they think I was an addict? I didn’t want that either. Only I had bruises up my arms, my cheek held a purple welt, and my neck had been nicked by the knife. I told Marcus I would improvise, and not to worry.
After the examination, the doctor told me I was diabetic. My pancreas, which produced insulin, which in turn controlled my sugar levels, was damaged and had stopped working.
It was too much for me to take in. How could I be a diabetic? It didn’t run in the family. The doctor told me that shock to a body, an operation, a change in lifestyle, physical and mental trauma could have caused the pancreas to stop working.
The doctor told me I would have to inject myself three times a day with artificial insulin, and that my lifestyle had to change. He also told me that I was lucky to be alive. My sugar levels had been so high, I had been close to going into a coma. It dawned on me then that the energy drink I was drinking on the way to the hospital could have killed me.
I tested positive for narcotics. He asked me if I was a user. I told him I’d never taken drugs. I couldn’t hide the fact that I’d been raped. After the examination, the doctor told me that there were signs of forced intercourse, vaginal tearing and bruising. I was swabbed, but they found no sperm samples. I denied the rape and drug use by telling them I couldn’t remember anything. He came to the conclusion that I’d been drugged and raped. The police visited, and I gave them the same story. I wouldn’t give them my address and refused to see a counsellor.
I found it difficult to inject myself with insulin. The first time I tried, it brought flashbacks of the attack. I think the doctor assumed I was terrified of needles, so they gave me some drugs to calm me down.
One week elapsed, and I was still in hospital. I hadn’t injected myself yet. Marcus did it for me. I turned my head every time, so I couldn’t see the needle. I was still too scared, and not seeing him doing it made things a little easier. All the same, I didn’t want him looking after me. It made me feel useless, a burden, and it just didn’t seem right.
I went home two days later with strict instructions of how to look after myself, changes in my diet, and so on.
I hadn’t spoken to Marcus about what happened that night, and he’d never asked. Although I knew, if I was to get on with my life, I would have to talk about the rape. I didn’t want to spend my life in therapy. I was going to make it through this on my own. I decided to tell the whole gang what had happened. I owed them that much.
“I’m ready to talk about that night,” I told Marcus. “I can’t block it out like I want to. I need to get on with my life. I need closure. Can you get the guys round here? They need to know what happened and I don’t want to repeat myself.”
“If that’s what you want, but wouldn�
��t you rather me tell them for you. Will you be able to handle it?”
“I think it should come from me. I want to look them in the eyes and not feel ashamed, and the only way I can do that is to tell them myself.”
“You’ve got nothing to feel ashamed about, babe. It wasn’t your fault.”
I would relive it once more, and then try to forget it. I pretended it could be that easy.
I didn’t give them any of the gory details, but what I did tell them made Dylan leave the room, and Marcus unable to look at me. I felt humiliated, and by the time I’d finished, I was silently crying. Marcus squeezed my hand. “It’s okay, babe, I’m here. No one’s gonna hurt you now.”
“I’m sorry,” I told them.
“You’ve got nothing to apologise for, Jade. It wasn’t your fault,” Clay told me firmly.
“You didn’t deserve what happened to you. No one does.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Hatch. I still feel dirty and used.”
A moment of silence, and then Ian spoke. “We wanted to talk to you about what happened. We can only imagine what you’ve been through, and we’ve agreed that if you want to get the law involved, then we’ll back you up. We understand how serious this is, and they should pay for what they did.”
Everybody spoke in agreement.
I looked around the room. I felt fortunate to have so many wonderful friends. Their love overwhelmed me.
“But we also want you to know that we want revenge and we’re ready to deal with them our way. You’re like a sister to us, and no one attacks one of our own.”
“Especially the Vipers,” Max added.
Marcus slammed his fist down in anger. “We should have been more careful. It’s been quiet for too long. We’ve been soft; it’s time to get tough again. It’s time we took back the streets. Only, I agree with what Ian said. It’s up to you, Jade; I’ll back you up if you want to report it, or do we do it the Tyrant’s way?”
Tears rolled down my face. The Tyrants were willing to get the police involved, and they were willing to fight for me. It didn’t take me long to decide.
“We’ll do it the Tyrants way,” I answered. “You never get the law involved with your business, and I’m not gonna either. I denied any knowledge of the rape to the police. No, you’re gonna have the chance for retribution, but I wanna be there when it happens. There were only three involved, leave the others out of it. Do it for me,” I urged.
The gang looked surprised by my request.
“Why?” Dylan growled.
“Because it wasn’t planned,” I answered. “I don’t think the other Vipers know.”
Marcus said he would do his best not to involve the others, but he couldn’t promise. At least he agreed to try. It seemed unnecessary to fight all of the Vipers. I didn’t want any of the Tyrants getting hurt needlessly.
I waited until the rest of the guys had left before sharing my fears with Marcus. “I feel like a tramp. If you don’t feel the same about me, if you don’t respect me anymore, I’ll understand why.”
“Whoa! Hold it right there. What you talking about? I have more respect for you now than before. Anyone who can go through what you did and still be sane deserves a medal. I love you, Jade. I feel fortunate to have a second chance with you... You could have been killed that night, or died from your illness, but you’re here in my arms, and I’m grateful for that.”
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t be burdened with my health. I could leave and go home, I’d understand if you don’t want me here. Honestly, I would,” I assured him.
I didn’t want him to throw me away, but he deserved the opportunity. If he wasn’t happy with our relationship, I was giving him a perfect chance to end it.
He took my hand and squeezed it. “Didn’t you hear what I said? Listen to me. I want you here. I’m taking the whole package. I’ll take your moodiness, illness, temper, and anything else you’d like to throw at me if it means I can have you. Do you understand me?”
I nodded, yet I wasn’t convinced. How could a sexy president of notorious gang like the Tyrants be grateful at being stuck with a diabetic? My illness demanded so much from him. I didn’t think he would put up with it for long.
Something else was bugging me, and I needed to talk about it.
“It feels wrong to want revenge and allow the gang to get it for me. Half of me wants to let the law handle it the correct way. Only the other half doesn’t. I doubt there would be enough evidence to arrest them. On the other hand, I want them to feel pain. Make them hurt. My physical scars will fade soon, but the mental ones won’t heal that easy. I’m suffering from a serious illness now too, one that’s irreversible. Every time I pick up a needle, I’m gonna be reminded of what they did to me. I’ll never be able to put that behind me ... I’ll never forget. I want them to know what that feels like. I want them to carry the memory of their attack forever. I want them to regret the night they hurt me. Oh, Marcus, I’m confused. I don’t want to have to think about anything.”
He said he understood and tried to change the subject, but I didn’t feel like talking, and so we ended up watching TV in silence.
I felt as though things were changing. I couldn’t control my destiny anymore; everything was spinning out of control. I felt as though I’d lost my independence, or maybe I wasn’t that strong to begin with.
The gang couldn’t do enough for me, which made it worse. They treated me like a fragile child. I was determined I wasn’t going to let my illness ruin things. I wanted to live as normal a life as I could. God, how I wished things were back to the way they were. Unfortunately, life didn’t work out that way.
Three days had passed before we went out as a gang again. Except, that night, we didn’t go down to our subway, and we didn’t go to the Spider’s Web. Even Dale had someone covering the bar for him. He wanted to be with us tonight. It was important. We took our bikes and ventured into a part of town we wouldn’t normally go. In all the years I’d been with Marcus, I had never stepped foot in that place. Marcus didn’t allow me. It was Viper territory!
He knew where to find them. They hung out at a disused bandstand in the middle of the park. It was late in the evening and pitch black. They couldn’t see us coming, but we could hear them.
It had rained earlier that evening. The grass was still wet, and water seeped into my so-called waterproof boots. It was a cold night to begin with. However, I couldn’t shake off the chill creeping into my bones. The park held an eerie stillness. I wished someone would speak, just to break the silence.
I dreaded the thought of seeing them again. I had chained smoked at least ten cigarettes since leaving the house. What I needed was a stiff drink.
“You doing all right?” Joe asked, concerned.
Unable to speak, I just nodded.
I guessed they knew how much it cost me to be there. For the sake of the Tyrants, I had to be brave even if I wasn’t. I had to pretend. Dylan put his arm around my shoulder in a brotherly gesture.
There was going to be trouble, I could sense it. We all felt the change of atmosphere, and it made our gang anxious about the standoff. I was trembling. It took all the courage I possessed to confront my attackers. I didn’t see any alternative. If I didn’t face up to my fears, I’d be running for the rest of my life.
We were close enough for the Vipers to spot us, and when they did, a look of shock spread across Luke’s face, and horror over Chad’s, Colin’s, and Jake’s. We stopped about ten metres from them, poised and ready. They stood up straight, facing us. They had no idea we were going to turn up. Nevertheless, they were ready.
“We’re not here to rumble,” Marcus told him.
“So what you come ‘ere for?” Luke demanded.
“A word.” Marcus then walked over to Luke.
The two leaders spoke quietly.
The gangs glared at one another.
Rivals for many years; the Tyrants and Vipers fought each other at every opportunity they could, but they re
spected one another enough to stick to the rules.
The Tyrants thought Luke knew about the attack, but by the look on his face, I doubted it.
Luke turned and looked at my attackers. Their expressions gave them away. They looked nervous and scared.
Even so, it didn’t make me feel better.
The Tyrants were ready. All Marcus had to do was give the word.
They finished talking, and Marcus came back over to us.
“I want Jake, Chad, and Colin. This doesn’t concern you, Luke.”
Marcus spoke so the rest of the Vipers could hear, but he was addressing Luke. Unless Luke gave the signal to walk away, there would be a fight.
Luke looked into my eyes; I saw pity in his face.
“I didn’t ‘ave ‘anyfing to do with what ‘appened to you. I don’t know ‘anyfing about it, and I’m sorry. I want you to know I wouldn’t ‘ave let that ‘appen if I’d known.” He sounded genuine. I nodded my head.
One of the Vipers shrugged. They whispered to one another, and it was obvious they knew nothing of the attack. So, my rape wasn’t something Jake, Chad, and Colin had bragged about. I don’t know why, but I kinda respected the Vipers after that. It seemed that rape wasn’t an everyday occurrence, that in fact, Luke would never have allowed it to happen.
“This ‘ain’t got ‘nofing to do with me.”
Luke looked at Jake, Chad, and Colin, who were standing together. “You’re on your own. You ‘free can stay ‘ere, you deserve this.” Then he turned and walked off.
The rest of the Vipers remained where they were, unsure about leaving their brothers for the Tyrants to devour, even though their VP was leaving. “Let’s go,” Luke commanded.
“You’re gonna pay for what you did to Jade, you bastards,” Marcus threatened.
In Times of Violence Page 11
