Felicity released her hand and staggered across the room, back to the chair where she had started. She sat down in it with a hard thud and placed a hand over her eyes.
Stenfax stared at Elise, trying to remain calm, trying to get all the information before he reacted. “And do you think this book exists, or is the new Kirkford just toying with you?”
She thought for a moment before she nodded, almost apologetically, like she wished she could make this not true. He supposed she wished she could, after everything she’d been through to keep this secret at bay.
“It is very possible it exists,” she admitted. “My late husband made attacks on many people during our years together.”
Gray nodded. “Yes, there were always whispers of him and his behavior.”
Elise sighed. “He enjoyed recounting his ‘wins’ as much as he enjoyed orchestrating them. I have little doubt he was capable of keeping such a diary for his own pleasure. A place to gather all his evidence, to review his misdeeds.”
Stenfax bent his head. Well, there it was. A threat against his family unlike any they had ever faced. A fight they might not be able to win.
But even as that tore at him, he looked up at Elise and even more emotions stirred in his chest. So many he could barely name them. His brother and Rosalinde looked numb at the news, Felicity looked numb.
Stenfax was not numb. For the first time in the three years they’d been apart, every part of him was entirely aware, sharp, focused.
“There is obviously a great deal to discuss now,” he said, his voice rough. “So much to discuss and plan and prepare for. But I need a moment alone with Elise.”
She caught her breath at the statement, but didn’t move from her spot across the room.
Slowly Felicity rose and smoothed her skirts. She seemed to have regained some of her composure, for her voice was steady as she said, “Of course.”
Gray and Rosalinde moved toward the door, as well, but when Gray passed Elise, he stopped. They stared at each other for a moment, then he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you,” he murmured. “I don’t know what else to say.”
Elise wiped at tears. “There is nothing else to say.”
He nodded swiftly and then the three of them left the room. Stenfax followed, shutting the door behind them. He turned and leaned against the barrier, staring at Elise as she remained just where she stood, her expression unreadable.
“How could you?” he whispered when he wanted to scream. “How could you not come to me when all this happened?”
She let out a long sigh. “What would you have done had I come to you? What would Gray have done?”
He slammed a hand back against the door and she jumped at the loud sound that did nothing to release the tension in his chest. “We would have confronted that bastard. We would have found a way to stop him without sacrificing you and the future we planned together.”
She slowly shook her head. “Had you confronted him, you wouldn’t have stopped him. He was hell-bent. A confrontation only would have spurred him on. You and Gray merely would have allowed yourself to be consumed in the fire he built. Everyone we loved would have been destroyed. I knew that fact the very night he came to me, and it was proven to me dozens of times in the years that followed. I had to protect you from him and from yourself.”
“By ripping my heart to shreds?” he asked, moving toward her.
He had never allowed her to know how deeply he had been cut by her leaving. She’d seen glimpses, of course, in the time they’d been reunited, but he had tucked a great deal of it away. But now she knew it all, from the horrible hours on the terrace when he’d considered ending his life to the way he still bled for her loss.
She closed her eyes, and he could see an equal version of his pain reflected on her beautiful face.
“I know you love your family,” she whispered. “Had you lost Felicity to the truth coming out, if everything you were fighting to rebuild in terms of reputation and finances was shattered around you, I know it would have hurt you more than my leaving did.”
He caught his breath at the ignorance of that statement. He moved toward her, catching her in his arms and dragging her against him. Her eyes flew open and she stared up at him in surprise.
“When you walked away, it was the defining moment of my life, Elise. Perhaps you didn’t believe that would be true, but I am telling you now that it is. Nothing in this world could have been worse than the moment you were gone. So please don’t pretend that it was a better choice.”
Her lip trembled. “I didn’t know.”
He nodded. “I realize that. But I also realize now that you didn’t trust me.”
“It wasn’t my place to tell Felicity’s secret,” she offered, but her voice was weak.
“Perhaps not. But it was your place to tell me that you were being threatened. That you were being blackmailed. That you were in danger, for it was my place to protect you. But you didn’t. And even when we reconnected, you still didn’t trust me. Why?”
She struggled with that answer for a moment, seeking words to explain when he knew full well that there were none. There could never be any.
“How would it have helped once we were together again? You hated me. You had no faith in me and I understood why. If I’d told you earlier, it wouldn’t have changed what I did to you. You might not have even believed me. It certainly would have seemed self-serving. Besides, I…” She turned her face. “I deserved your hatred, Lucien. I deserved it.”
He let her go, shocked by that answer. He backed up a step. “Are you truly telling me that but for this renewed threat toward my family, you would have kept this secret forever?”
She nodded slowly.
He turned and walked to the window, staring out with unseeing eyes as he clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. He was trying to process this, trying to understand just how far they’d come from two people in love to two people who had been thrown so far apart.
“So you still don’t trust me,” he muttered.
She caught her breath behind him and whispered, “Lucien—”
He cut her off by facing her and saying, “You know that the new Kirkford, he doesn’t only threaten us with his desire to find your husband’s information. It’s evident from his physical attack on you that you are at a great risk, as well.”
She swallowed and he saw the fear in her eyes as she thought of the man who had assaulted her less than twenty-four hours before. “Yes.”
“Do you really think Winstead can protect you from Kirkford’s intentions?” he asked, all but spitting out the other man’s name.
She shifted, and he could see the answer before she formulated it. “If—if he understood the situation,” she whispered. “If he understood how to do it.”
Stenfax waved a hand. “He’s damned pup, Elise.”
She bent her head and color flooded her cheeks. “He is young, yes.”
“Christ, you tell him this story and he may not even keep you regardless of any arrangements you made or any…connection you created if you bedded him.” Saying those words turned his stomach.
Her eyes went wide. “I did not bed him, Lucien,” she said, her tone strangled. “If I had, I never would have come here. I would have stayed out on the street rather than asked you for help if I’d gone so far.”
He almost sagged in relief at that statement. “Good,” he whispered.
“Good that I would have stayed away, or good that I haven’t bedded him?” she said, folding her arms, her eyes flashing.
He moved toward her. “The thought of any other man touching you has always driven me to the brink, Elise. Why do you think I reacted so strongly to your headstrong notion about becoming a mistress?”
“I still see it as my only true viable option, Lucien,” she said, throwing up her hands. “By dragging me out into Society, Ambrose damaged me. And even if he hadn’t, a courtship to a marriage could take
months, even years. I don’t have that kind of time and I have no settlement to free myself from Ambrose. Becoming a mistress is a way to remain safe. You must know it is the only reason I would consider that path.”
He folded his arms. She was right, of course. If he dismissed everything else, all the threats against his family, all the lies and mistrust between them, the facts were the facts. Elise was in grave, immediate danger from the new Duke of Kirkford, even more than his sister or the rest of his family.
And there were few options for her. Which meant there was only one option for him. A decision that hit him like a punch to the gut and nearly dropped him to the ground as he made it in an instant.
“There is one other option,” he said softly.
“Then share it with me, Lucien. I will hear anything at this point.”
He set his stance a little wider and cleared his throat as he croaked out the words.
“You could marry me.”
Chapter Sixteen
Four years before Elise had walked onto the terrace at Stenfax’s country home to find it strewn with rose petals and glowing with what had to be a thousand candles. The man she loved had lit up as she moved toward him, then dropped to his knees. He had poured out words of love, promises of a future, and had asked her to be his countess. She had agreed with no hesitation in her heart, naught but joy in her entire being. It had been one of the happiest nights of her life. One she had relived a hundred times in the desperation of the past three years.
Now she faced the same man asking the same question, and it took the air from her lungs. Lucien stood in an almost military stance, his face impassive, his voice calm. There were no flowers or declarations, just a simple suggestion to save her from danger. Like he was offering to escort her to the market or fetch her a cloak so she didn’t freeze.
But when she looked in his eyes, she saw the torment there that he didn’t speak. She dipped her head.
And yet he wanted to marry her.
Perhaps wanted was too strong a word.
“Are you going to say something?” he asked.
She caught her breath. “M-marry?” she whispered, knowing it sounded like idiotic parroting but unable to form any other coherent words in her current shocked state.
“Yes,” he said, not breaking his cool, even stare.
“You cannot mean that,” she said.
He arched a brow. “No? You know me so well?”
She tensed. The truth of this man was so very clear and so very decent. “I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t ask this if you didn’t mean it,” she admitted.
He nodded.
“But I want you tell me why you offer this, especially considering the last three years. Hell, the last three hours,” she said.
He sighed, and his voice was soft as he said, “To protect you. If Kirkford is so driven, you’ll be at risk as much as or more than Felicity is. And considering the sacrifice you made all those years ago to keep us safe, I cannot allow that.”
Pain rushed through her, even though she’d already guessed his answer. Somehow she’d hoped he would look at her and see her as the same woman he’d once loved. That he would touch her and connect with her. That he’d allow himself to care even just a little.
“We could find another way,” she whispered.
He stiffened. “You still wish to escape a union with me, Elise?”
“No!” she cried, stepping toward him. “I never did, Lucien.”
His expression softened just a fraction. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.” He glided a hand through his hair, and suddenly she saw a thousand cracks in his emotionless mask. “I don’t know what else to do, Elise. I could become your protector, certainly, but there wouldn’t be as much safety in that role. You wouldn’t live in my home, with my name wrapped around you. And there is also the fact that this morning, when we made love, we weren’t careful. So that means not only you could be in danger, but my…”
He caught his breath and she did the same. “Your child,” she finished, trying not to picture that very child in her mind.
He jerked out a trembling nod. “Yes,” he whispered. “I would never allow any child of mine to be threatened, no matter how small the possibility that a baby now exists. As my wife, I could give you more layers of security.”
Everything he said made perfect sense, and it had the added advantage that she would be his wife, the place where she’d always wanted to be. And yet there was little joy for her in the notion, because it wasn’t born of love.
She reached for him and he allowed her to take his hand. She held it gently, reveling in the superior size, the rougher quality. These hands had brought her such pleasure. And she wanted them to bring her so much more. But she also wanted these hands to touch her in love, not just desire. She wanted these hands to hold their children, without a barrier between them born of the past.
“I asked you a question the last time we were at Vivien’s,” she said, gathering up her courage as best she could. “I asked you if we could start over. You told me you couldn’t trust me. After today, has that changed?”
He pulled his hand from hers, but didn’t step away. Instead, he cupped her cheek, smoothing his fingers along the skin, ultimately gentle. He locked eyes with her and whispered, “Elise, you didn’t trust me. So as much as I’d love to start over, until we can trust each other, it’s still impossible.”
She shut her eyes, pain flowing through her veins, through her muscles, through her bones. “But you’ll still marry me,” she whispered.
“If you agree,” he said. “And it won’t have to be unhappy.”
She almost laughed at that idea that she could be his wife, without his love or his trust, and be happy. But she didn’t. This was her only way out now. He was right about that. And perhaps if they were together, she could one day prove herself worthy of his heart again.
It was better than an empty life alone, going from protector to protector and only wanting Lucien in the depths of her heart.
“I’ll marry you,” she whispered.
She opened her eyes to find him staring at her. He wasn’t smiling, but his gaze was intense, focused, driven.
“Did you say yes?” he asked, his tone filled with disbelief.
She nodded. “Yes, Lucien.”
He bent his head then and caught her in a kiss so soft and gentle that it melted away some of her disappointment. If they had nothing else, they would have this. This physical connection, this beating desire between them. She would fight the rest of her days to obtain the rest.
He was worth the fight.
He drew back at last and stepped away, the wall coming back between them.
“What will you do about Kirkford and the potential for this book?” she asked, hoping her disappointment wasn’t too evident.
Lucien blew out a breath with a shake of his head. “I don’t know. We’ll work it out, though. We’ll just find a way.” He reached for her hand. “Now come, there is much to do and much to say now that this decision has been made.”
She let him lead her from the room, down the hallway to where the others waited. Even though his hand was in hers, she still felt distant from it all.
Distant as they stepped into the room and the others faced them. Distant as Lucien said, “I have an announcement. Elise and I will wed as soon as I can get the special license.”
There was a stunned silence in the room, not that Elise had expected anything else. These people had all hated her less than an hour before. They stared, and then it was Gray’s wife Rosalinde who reacted first.
“How wonderful,” she said, her voice tight. She moved across the room and kissed Stenfax’s cheek, then turned to Elise. “With all the excitement, we have never actually been officially introduced. I’m Rosalinde. And I’m very happy to know you.”
She leaned in and surprised Elise by folding her into a warm and welcoming embrace. Elise went limp in it fo
r a moment, clinging to this woman who had not been part of the past she once shared with Stenfax and Gray and Felicity.
“You did a brave thing,” Rosalinde whispered before she pulled away.
Her reaction opened the floodgates and Gray stepped up next. He shook Stenfax’s hand solemnly and then reached for Elise. The hatred she’d seen in him just a few days before was muted now. He was still standoffish, but that was Gray. He did not forgive easily.
“This is the right thing,” he said, as close to an acceptance as he would likely make for now. “Thank you for what you did for my sister.”
When he stepped away, Felicity approached next. She was shaking, her eyes still wide and filled with terror at the dark future she would possibly encounter.
“I should have done more,” Elise said.
Felicity shook her head. “You did all you could. More than you should have. And I am glad to be able to rebuild our friendship. There were so many times over the years that you were the one I wanted to talk to.”
That admission brought tears rushing to Elise’s eyes and she caught Felicity in a brief hug.
Stenfax cleared his throat. “I’d like to talk to Gray. Why don’t you ladies take a moment?”
Elise turned on him, catching his arm. “Oh, please don’t shut me out of whatever you’re planning, Lucien. I could help and—”
“I won’t,” he said softly. He met her stare and she swallowed hard as she thought of what he’d said earlier. That until they could rebuild the faith between them, there was no starting over.
And this was the first test.
She released him and he moved toward the door with Gray as she said, “I trust you.”
She saw his shoulders stiffen, pushing back, but he didn’t stop. The two just left the room together. Elise sighed as they did. She hadn’t been able to have faith in anyone, even herself, for so long.
It would take practice to do so again. And patience to rebuild what she’d lost with the man she loved.
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