The water has grown cold so I lift the lever with my big toe to let the water drain. I heave myself up and out of the tub. Grabbing a towel from the towel warmer, I luxuriate in its heat. Being perpetually cold, I am like a heat seeking missile. I brush my fangsters to get the taste of vodka out of my mouth then dress in a flannel pajama set I keep on hand for really bad nights. Even Helena doesn’t know I have them.
I think about writing everything down in my journal and find I just don’t give a fuck. That’s a first. It’s liberating. I snuggle down into the comforters and wait for Morpheus.
4 SEBASTIAN
I peek into Lily’s room after she’s gone to sleep for the day. I know Aidan has too. It’s something I have been doing since she broke up with me. I sit and watch her sleep for a few minutes, sometimes hours, whatever I need at the time. It calms me and gives me hope. Hope that she and I still have a future someday.
I have never seen her in anything but silk or satin. The flannel pajamas make her look young and innocent. I rub my hand over my face. Definitely not the woman who was drunk and cursing me out earlier. I know she is suffering. I wish she would share her worries with me. I used to be her confidante but I fear now I am the cause of her suffering. I can’t bear that. I sink down into the chair, defeated.
Maybe it is time to move on. Let her have some space. She might see what she truly wants if it isn’t in front of her anymore. My heart is broken and says no to this idiotic idea but my head says it’s the next step. I know that I’m lonely and tired of having no one but Helena and Julian to talk to. Lily barely joins our conversations now. Whenever she looks at me it is with pain in her eyes. If I’m causing her this much grief I need to show her that I can exist outside of her life. Maybe that will help her sort things out and eliminate some of her guilt. It seems to be what she wants. I get up from her delicate chair and look down at her once again.
But at what cost to me? I will die every minute away from her. I will always be there for her, no matter who she ends up with. I guess that is what love is about, being willing to sacrifice yourself. Dieu, I’m sounding maudlin. How far the player has fallen.
I lean down and give Lily a kiss on the forehead, brushing a stray fiery-colored curl off her cheek. Inhaling her scent and then walking out her door knowing I won’t be making any more of these morning visits.
I have the number of a French model named Nico who I might call. She slipped her card into my jacket pocket last night. She’s vain and plastic. Just the sort of woman I need right now. I want no attachments and no chance of feeling anything for her. I especially don’t plan on sleeping with her. She’ll be arm candy for a while. Nothing more.
I retrieve her card and call.
5 LILITH
I wake up with the faint smell of Sebastian in the room. He thinks I don’t know he comes in here and watches me sleep but he forgets that I can smell him. It’s never bothered me before but this morning I feel violated. How dare he. I made it plain last night that I didn’t want to talk or be near anyone.
I dress in a Zoe’s Lollipop Jersey dress in burnt orange. Put on some signature black Louboutins and march down the stairs. I find everyone in the library, including a very pretty woman hanging on Sebastian’s arm.
Andrew has just served a fresh pot of coffee and tea service and I help myself to some, ignoring the giant elephant in the room. Aidan eyes me suspiciously, like he’s waiting for me to burst into flames.
“Good morning everyone,” I say to the room in general.
“Good morning, Cherie,” Sebastian says. Oh, so it’s going to be like that, is it?
“Sebastian, I recall asking you last night not to call me that.”
“Yes, of course, Lily. May I introduce you to Nico? She’s a Parisian model visiting friends here.”
“Enchanté,” she says with an expressionless face. I think if she smiles her face might crack. I should’ve guessed that Bast would go for a French woman when he got tired of waiting for me. I just thought he would pick someone with more substance. Yep, that sound is my heart breaking a little more.
“Likewise,” I mumble. I take a spot of the sofa and tuck into my drink.
“How are you today, Lilith?” Aidan asks. At least he remembers my request.
“I’m fine, Aidan. Don’t worry about me.”
“I will always worry about you, Lilith,” he says and then he pops out, leaving me frowning.
Liam sits next to me and puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes, offering support.
“You look delicious today, girlfriend,” he says. I give him a genuine smile. It feels good to smile even if it only lasts a moment.
“Where’s Andrew?” I ask.
“Right here, Miss Lily,” Andrew says while coming into the room, giving Nico an ugly look. Sebastian raises an eyebrow at him but Andrew pays him no attention. He sits on the other side of me and pats my other leg.
I close my eyes and gather my strength. Reaching for my hand sanitizer, I slather on a huge glob of it. Covering my hands isn’t enough to calm me so I take more and wipe down my forearms too. It will be a long day with nothing to occupy it. No work to look forward to. Hannah is in Hell getting a baby checkup and I’ve scared Aidan off. Sebastian is obviously preoccupied. That leaves Liam and Andrew, my dear mates. I love them both. Andrew is like the sister I never had.
“Hey boys, have you ever been drunk since – you know?” I smile slowly and with wicked intention at Andrew and Liam.
“No, yay!” Andrew claps. Liam looks less sure.
“Lily…” Sebastian starts in that annoying parental tone he uses. I glare at him and dare him to start a fight in front of Miss Perfect.
“No.” Sebastian says. “I forbid you to take Andrew and Liam.”
“You can’t forbid me from doing anything, Sebastian. Besides, they should experience it once.”
“It will keep her out of trouble, too,” Julian says he walks into the room. He walks up to Nico and speaks in rapid French to her and then they air kiss on the cheeks. Puke. Et tu, Bruté?
“I’m in,” Liam says.
“Good man. I know Andrew is. Let’s go to Beach Blanket Babylon this afternoon. I’ve been dying to see the new review and I happen to have four tickets,” I sing-song. “Then we can party afterwards,” I say, anxious for night and the numbness.
“Fine, but we have to go to a gay bar,” Andrew demands.
“Only if there are women there too,” I pipe in. Liam just sighs.
“I’m going too. I need to eat and I can drive,” Julian says. Sebastian’s face relaxes. That pisses me off. He has no right worrying about me with Miss Botox hanging off his arm.
The boys and I hurry off to dress for a good time and a night of hunting.
6 SEBASTIAN
When Lily barely reacted to Nico it bothered me more than I expected. Her nonchalance affirms that she doesn’t care anymore.
She wants to get drunk again. Not a good sign. I’m worried. I debate calling Aidan, except the way Lily reacted last night makes me rethink getting him involved. I don’t want her to think we are ganging up on her.
I am relieved Julian is going with them. Who knows what kind of trouble Lily would have gotten Liam and Andrew into? I know that’s why Julian pretended he needs to feed. He just hunted the other night.
Oh God, Lily! She walks into the library wearing tight black leather pants and a bustier blouse. I could feel my fangs slip out and have to hurry and retract them so Nico won’t see. She’s never worn that kind of clothing around me. Not that I don’t like her designer clothes, I do, and she looks hot in them. But this, merde, this is beyond any fantasies I have had.
“Lily, uhm, don’t you think that you might send the wrong message with that outfit?” I suggest, running my hand through my hair. Nico murmurs something about going out to eat in French in my ear, trying to get my attention. I nod my assent, barely registering her.
“Sebastian, of course I want to send that kind of message or I wouldn
’t have dressed this way,” she says.
“My dear, where did you pick up that naughty outfit,” Helena asks as she comes in the room.
“Hannah dared me to buy it.”
The four of them left arm-in-arm for a night on the town. Nothing good can come from Lily drinking again. But Nico is pulling on my arm again and good manners mean I must attend to her. First, I will have to take her to eat, if you can call what she does eating, and then I will take her home and scout out the gay bars with Aidan.
7 LILITH
“Roarrrr,” Andrew says, grinning from ear to ear. He and Liam are both wearing jeans and button down shirts. Andrew’s is pink and Liam’s is lavender. They both have on matching black jackets. They scream “couple.” It’s cute. I on the other hand in my heeled boots and skin tight leather scream “try and take me, I promise a rough ride if you can catch me.” Julian meets us in the library in black leather pants and black jacket with a white button down shirt.
“I saw you and took a cue from your outfit, Lily,” Julian says. “I hope you don’t mind?” He rubs his beautifully shaved head and looks sheepishly at me.
“Not at all, Julian. You look hot that way. You sure you don’t want to go, Helena?” I ask.
“No it’s a gay bar. I’m safe. He wasn’t one of those Romans,” she laughs, a throaty, sexy sound erupting from the petite woman, easing the tension in the room.
We take Julian’s car as he will be designated driver. Beach Blanket Babylon is a San Francisco long-standing headliner. Julian is able to glamour us some excellent seats. The show, with its unique, ginormous hats depicting the San Francisco skyline, is amazing. The actress who holds the storyline together is an enchanting songstress. By the time the show is done we are ready to get our party on.
“Lily, that was a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon, thank you,” Julian says as he opens his Mercedes, accompanied by a series of beeps.
“You’re welcome, Jules,” I say, with a genuine smile. I’m looking forward to being reckless. To forgetting Nico and the way Sebastian had his arm around her.
The boys pick a bar in the Castro called Black Bird, a new hot bar with mixed clientele. They say they want to keep it classy and forbid me to make a scene like I did the night before. I don’t know what they’re talking about.
Julian pulls up to a parking place a few blocks away. This part of the Castro is bursting with clubs and bars and we are lucky to find a spot at all. The night air is crisp and smells wondrous, especially to a vampire. We smell everything and soon find the eclectic mixes of life intoxicating.
Outside the Black Bird among a small crowd of smokers, we quickly make our way inside. The large room is classic. Lots of bowties floating around this place. Too many for my taste. I want to get my party girl on but I can see Andrew’s eyes sparkle. He is in heaven. For once I am inappropriately dressed. I may have to crash into another bar before the night is over.
Julian orders one of their signature drinks for all of us, “The Dickens.” It goes down easy, vodka, cranberry, ginger, lemon juice and honey all on ice. Yummy. But this isn’t getting me drunk, or the boys, and I promised them.
“Miss Lily, how do we go about getting intoxicated?” Andrew asks me out the side of his mouth. He gives a little wave to someone he knows. Liam sees this and grabs his hand and Andrew gives him a sweet kiss on the cheek to reassure him.
I step in front of the boys so that no one sees what I’m saying.
“First you need to find someone who is very drunk. Then you feed on them. Might I suggest you two share someone this first time?” They nod in agreement.
“I like that idea,” Liam says. “I’ve never been one for losing control. It’s the lawyer in me I think.” Julian gives them a parental smile and claps a hand on each of their shoulders.
“I think that’s an excellent plan, Lily. Now who looks good boys?” Julian asks.
Liam and Andrew take a minute to scan the room and both point to the same man and then break out in giggles. They really are meant for each other. Just another reminder that everyone has someone and I fucked up my happily ever after. Twice.
The gentleman they want is wearing a bowtie, an untucked button down shirt with an argyle sweater vest over the top. He has black frame glasses and short cropped hair. He looks like a major geek but it works on him. He has also had too much to drink and is sitting at the bar by himself.
“Gay or straight?” I ask the boys.
“Definitely gay,” they say in unison.
“Miss Lily, your gaydar is way off tonight. I’m ashamed. I raised you better,” Andrew admonishes me. I give him an evil eye and he just rolls his at me, I don’t scare him at all.
“So, which one of you two is going to hit on him?” I ask.
“This is the messy part. Neither of us likes doing it. I did the last one Andrew, it’s your turn,” Liam says.
Andrew winks at me. “Watch Aunty Andrew work his moves.”
I make a gagging gesture and then wave him off laughing. He walks up to the bowtie at the bar. Mr. Bowtie doesn’t even look up as Andrew sits close to him. Very close. Andrew orders a drink and says something and finally bowtie looks up and then starts laughing. That’s my Andrew, always a comic. Let’s see if it will get him dinner.
Five minutes of conversation and bowtie and Andrew start making their way towards the door. Liam hurries up behind them. Julian and I provide backup. Being drunk as a vampire is so much more intense than it is as a human. Our senses are already heightened and instead of dulling them it enhances our sensations. If you’re happy you get drunk then you become ecstatic, you’re sad and then you’re devastated. Eventually the heightened senses wears off and you get pleasantly numb. That’s what I’m looking for.
We round the corner of the alley and see Andrew wiping his mouth and Liam feeding. Andrew is already staggering. I scoop an arm under his to help him walk. He starts laughing and quickly covers his mouth and for some reason that amuses him and he starts laughing again. Liam finishes and Julian is helping him walk. We meander down the sidewalk through the crowds to the car. Liam looks at Andrew and starts laughing and that sets Andrew off again. Julian and I just roll our eyes over their heads. I forgot how annoying it is to babysit someone who is drunk, and they only had half a dose! We start for home.
“Miss Lily, you are soooo beautiful… I don’t know what Mr. Sebastian sees in that French bean-pole bimbo. You should be with him. Why aren’t you with him?” Andrew asks in his hazy stupor.
“I don’t know, Andrew. It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, Lily, you should be with Sebastian or Aidan. Aidan is a fine man too. It doesn’t have to be complicated,” Liam chimes in. God just make them stop. Julian squeezes my knee in sympathy.
“Well it is complicated, extremely complicated, so just drop it boys. I don’t want to talk about it,” I say between clenched teeth. We pull up to the manse and I yank Andrew out a little harder than I intend, and instantly feel bad about it. He laughs and stumbles up the stairs. Liam knocks on the door.
“Lilith, what have you done to these two?” Aidan asks as he answers the door looking down at Liam and Andrew in shock. “Surely you don’t approve, Julian?”
“Actually, Aidan, I do. They need to know what it feels like. They shared their dinner so they each only had a half dose,” Julian says.
“If this is what a half does to them, I’d hate to see them fully loaded,” Aidan says.
“Quite,” Julian says, eyeing me. I huff and march past them figuring they can handle the boys.
“How’d it go, Lily?” Helena asks. She comes over to me and brushes my hair off my forehead.
“They shared a dinner and are as giggly as a couple of teenage school girls.”
Helena smiles, “That’s nice. I remember my first time. It was scary. I had never been drunk in my human life. I didn’t know what was happening to me.”
This was new information to me.
“That must have been terrifying,” I
say.
“Hmm, it was, but I survived it. Never been a fan though,” she says.
Sebastian comes up behind her and kisses the top of her head. I long for his touch. He stares at me and starts to move towards me but I shake my head and shake my hunger for him away. I recall the hurt that came with Nico.
“Where’s Nico?” I ask.
He stumbles on his approach and stops. Now I see the hurt in his eyes too. Well too bad. He brought it here.
“She had a party she had to make an appearance at. I didn’t want to go.”
“Hmmm… Well, I haven’t gotten my party on yet and I went to all the trouble to dress the part. I’ll see you all before sunrise. Ciao.”
“Lilith, wait. Let me go with you, please,” Aidan says.
“I don’t think you would like what you’ll see,” I say flatly.
“I don’t care. I just want to make sure you’re safe. Please, lover. Let me make sure you’re safe.
“I told you to never call me that again,” I say. My eyes burn with the impossibility of being able to shed tears I want to cry. Doesn’t he know it hurts? It hurts too much to hear those words.
“I’m sorry, Lilith. May I come with you?”
“Okay, it will save cab fare. But behave yourself. Give me space to do my own thing, Aidan.”
“Anything, lo-Lilith,” he says, slipping but catching himself.
Sebastian and Julian look like they are relieved. I suppose having a body guard is a good thing for where I’m planning on going.
“You ready, Aidan? I want to get going.”
“Where are we going?” he asks as he takes my hand.
“The Devil With You.”
“But that’s a Demon Bar,” Sebastian stutters out, looking alarmed.
Suckers Bite Back (San Francisco Vampires #5) (Vampires of San Francisco series) Page 2
