Call Me Ana: A Novel

by Bonnet,Scarlet

  I sighed. “Yeah. I could probably pass for twelve.”

  He looked over my face, his eyes wandering over my mouth. It dawned on me then what was happening. Before I could get nervous, he pulled me closer to him by my hand and kissed me. It was just a small kiss, he’d just pressed his lips against mine and then pulled away as if letting both of us digest what had happened. And in that brief second, everything changed. Feeling his lips on mine had shot a current of something into me, and I was conscious of how small the cabin of the truck was. He was still right there, right next to me, his mouth just a tiny space away from mine. I could feel him breathing. The air was charged with something I couldn’t name, something I’d never felt before. It turned off the thinking part of my brain. Before I knew it, I leaned forward and pressed my lips back against his, wanting to feel that jolt of… something. It was there, making my breath hitch up in my throat. He squeezed my hand tighter and it made something do a dance up and down the backside of my belly. I didn’t pull back and neither did he. Then his mouth slowly moved against mine and in one instant, a pulse of heat ricocheted from my chest as it tried to escape in a wave through my temples. We were kissing and it was nothing like I’d ever felt before. There was no thought involved, it was all feeling. And the feeling was…

  Grant pulled back, putting a stop to that escalation. I looked at his eyes, seeing heat there. He was trying to hide it, but I saw it. Grant let a breath of air leave his nose, and I realized then that we were both breathing a little hard. My heart thudded against my ribs. Good Lord. One of those scenarios that had run through my head when I wondered what it’d be like to kiss him. I had worried that I wouldn’t feel anything… but…

  “We should probably get going,” he whispered, still holding my hand.

  I swallowed. “Okay,” I whispered.

  We both sat there, staring at each other, acknowledging what had happened. I didn’t have to wonder what he was thinking. There was no second guessing what we’d just felt or whether the other person had felt it or not. I liked him. He liked me. I leaned back into my seat and Grant did the same, pausing for a just a minute before putting the truck in gear. I smoothed my thumb over his fingers and he squeezed my hand back.

  Chapter 6

  Grant came around to my side of the truck as I slid out. He looked handsome with the bright blue sky as a backdrop behind his blond hair and broad shoulders. In the next moment, he was taking my hand in his, the bag of food dangling from his other hand. He looked back at me, gazing at my mouth. It felt good, having this new secret between the two of us. He tugged me closer to him as we walked. I squeezed his hand.

  “Hey, y’all!” a perky voice called, breaking some of the intimate buzz between us.

  I looked up to see a petite blonde beaming at us.

  “Y’all here for the trail ride?”

  “We are,” Grant answered.

  I started to feel a touch of nerves as I heard the long snort of a horse in the building we were approaching.

  “Have you ridden before?” she asked.

  “I have, she hasn’t,” he answered simply.

  “Let me go grab some releases for you to sign. I was looking for them before you got here, and I couldn’t find them. Hold on.” She bounded off down the dirt road toward another building.

  My heart nearly stopped in my chest. I had to sign something?

  “You all right?”

  I realized then that my muscles had gone tight, and I did my best to force them to relax. I smiled. “Yeah.”

  Grant looked me over like he was trying to figure out what to say. Somehow, he was even more in tune with me now. I could only hope he didn’t guess the real reason why I was nervous.

  “Want to go feed them?”

  Some of my nerves faded into curiosity. “Can we?”

  He gave me an easy smile. “I don’t see why not.”

  He pulled me forward and closer into him in a comforting gesture. I followed him into the covered space that held all the horses. They were standing at a large, horizontal log that jutted up from the ground, tethered there with ropes. All of them had saddles on. They looked incredibly bored. They were also huge. My feet slowed, and it took Grant a second to slow his momentum down in response.

  I startled when one of them stomped their hoof. I tried to play it off with a smile.

  Grant chuckled at me. “They’re not so big, trust me.”

  “They’re huge.”

  “Come on,” he said, tugging me forward. “You’ll like this.”

  I followed after him, but leaned away as we got closer. One of the horses turned toward us and gave a low nicker. It made some of the others look in our direction. Grant smiled at the horses, making something in me warm even more toward him. He had a genuine affection for the animals. Then he turned to me. “See? They already know.”

  How he could put me at ease so easily? He took his hand from me and opened up the bag, taking out a carrot and broke it in two. He handed me half of it. I slowly took it from him, not sure if I could actually get close enough to one to feed it.

  “Look,” Grant said. He held his hand out flat and put the carrot in the middle. The horse closest to Grant was already stretching out his long neck. I laughed when the horse started flapping his lips. Grant stuck his hand under the horse’s mouth, not even a little afraid that he wouldn’t get it back. The horse sucked the carrot up in his mouth and then I heard those massive jaws crunching.

  “That’s loud!” I said, marveling at all the muscles that rippled across the animal’s face as he chewed.

  Grant’s eyes shone. “That one wants a carrot,” he said, nodding at something behind me.

  I turned and saw a huge horse nose coming at me. I laughed and jumped out of the way, just as the horse’s lips flapped against my skin on my arm for a brief instant. I watched as the horse strained, his nostrils flaring as he blew deep breaths of hot air at me. It made me laugh again. I stretched out my hand then, copying what I’d seen Grant do. I bit my lip as I fought the urge to yank my hand back. The horse’s ears strained forward, his already large eyes enormous with desire for the carrot in my hand. His velvety lips flapped over my hand, the sensation surprising me. I dropped the carrot with a giggle.

  In slow motion, the horse strained downward for just a second before taking a small step toward me, the rope that held him to the log going taut. Before I could figure out what to do to appease the animal without getting squashed, Grant bent down in front of me and snagged the carrot. The horse snuffed warm air over him as he did so. He straightened and took my hand, putting the carrot back in it as his eyes gazed into mine. They were so light and airy, with more sparkle than I’d seen in them yet. Without a word, he wrapped his hand around mine, holding my fingers flat with his thumb and eased my hand into the horse’s space.

  I watched our hands disappear under the horse’s shiny nose. This time, I heard giant sniffing sounds as the horse blew warm air over my skin. It felt so weird. How could one animal hold that much air? Then that ticklish sensation over my skin again as his lips searched for the carrot, making me suppress a giggle. In a second, the horse had sucked up the carrot and was crunching, his nose easing away from us now. I looked up at Grant and could feel the simple happiness that came from doing something new and exciting… and doing it with him.

  “See?” he said, his voice soft. “I knew you’d like it.”

  My smile grew. “You were right.”

  The horse snorted and it made me jump, but this time I laughed. “They’re still huge.”

  Grant watched me, his eyes twinkling.

  “Where’d y’all go?” the woman called.

  The sound of her voice made my chest squeeze tight again.

  “We’re back here,” he said.

  We both turned then and his hand rested on the small of my back for just a second as he bent to pick up the sack of treats for the horses. The feeling made me excited all over again, and I wasn’t thinking about anything else. Then the
woman came into view, holding two pieces of paper. My heart nearly came out my feet. Was she expecting me to read it?

  She handed us the papers with a pen and my mouth went dry.

  “It just says you can’t sue them if you fall off,” Grant said, his voice light with jest.

  Shock iced over me and before I could help myself, I looked at his eyes. Had he figured out…? And then the confusion that swept over his face made me realize he’d seen my nerves, but had misinterpreted them. The realization was enough to help me get my face back under control, but now there was an awkwardness between us. Why was I having such a hard time with this? There’s no way that he’d be able to figure out I couldn’t read. He’d only thought I was nervous about what the paper meant, the horses, and maybe his words.

  “Don’t worry,” Grant said. “I’m sure all their horses are sweet as pie, right?” he asked the woman as he signed the paper. I watched where he signed it.

  “Of course!” The woman smiled. “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” she said to me.

  I squiggled a line over the paper.

  “And she gets the sweetest one?” Grant asked.

  “We can arrange that.”

  I smiled my appreciation up at Grant, feeling too shy to think of something to say. That’s when I saw his eyes flick down to the paper in front of me.

  “That’s quite a signature.”

  I hid my reaction with a line I’d overheard as a little girl. I was standing behind a man, buying groceries for my grandma and me, when I saw the man do what I had done; simply scratch a squiggle over the receipt after he’d used his credit card. The cashier had said the same thing Grant did. I shot the man’s reply back to Grant. “Missed my calling as a doctor.”

  Grant’s lips turned up, and I breathed easier.

  “Okay, come over here, you two,” the woman said.

  Grant took my hand in his, and the last trace of my nerves from the signing incident melt away, replaced by a touch of anxiety at the sight before me. The blonde woman held the rope of a horse who stood by her, his head lowered as he flicked his tail. She was looking right at me.

  “This is Silver,” she said helpfully.

  I looked at Grant, wondering what to do.

  “She’ll help you get on,” he said, his voice soft.

  Feeling out of place was foreign to me. The past several years, I hadn’t had a whole lot of surprises. The thought clarified in my brain that it wasn’t a good thing. I was losing Ana. How many adventures had Sam and I gone on? We’d snuck into theaters and bars, pulled off auditioning for plays, crashed parties and shows… the list was endless. And I’d jumped in without looking. But here I was, nervous as a cat to simply sit on a horse, even with Grant, who was a pillar of strength, by my side. I swallowed my nerves, and walked over to Silver, hesitating only because I didn’t know what to do.

  “Put your left foot up here,” she said, patting the stirrup. “And hold on up here.” Her hand moved to the top of the saddle, where a handle stuck straight up.

  Could I even reach it? I strained on my toes and grabbed the handle, then floundered a bit to put my foot in the stirrup. She helped by holding it still. I pulled myself up, swinging my right leg over the horse’s body as I did so.

  “Don’t forget your reins,” she said, handing them to me.

  I had a death grip on the saddle with both hands. It was so incredibly weird, feeling an enormous, breathing thing right underneath me. It didn’t feel right. Something about it was fun all the same, hitting me with giddiness.

  “Okay, I’m going to get him on his horse, I’ll be right back.” She gave me a reassuring smile.

  I looked over my shoulder at Grant. He was beaming and giving me a thumbs up. It brought out a lopsided smile in me and I returned it. Then the whole horse shook violently, and I startled and grabbed onto the saddle again with both hands, scared I’d go flying off. It was like he was a giant dog, trying to shake water off of him. He finished the process with a snort. I laughed.

  I turned around and saw Grant watching me. The woman had his horse ready, but I could see he’d been a little nervous for me.

  “They’re like giant dogs,” I said.

  He chuckled and his shoulders relaxed.

  He easily got up on his horse, the movements completely natural for him. It did something to my insides. Lord, did he look good doing that. Once on the horse’s back, he stood just slightly and pushed his weight to one side with a flick of a movement, making the saddle align perfectly with the horse’s spine. I recognized it for what it was; an expert tick he did without even thinking about it. He picked up his reins and the woman walked away without any comment. She could tell he didn’t need it.

  A shadow of Grant’s dimple showed as he took in my expression. “What?”

  You know what. “Nothing.”

  * * * *

  We wound our way through the woods, the birds keeping us company. I was right behind the blonde woman as she chattered away. She asked us questions, like where we were from, what we did. I fielded them to Grant or asked her about herself so that she would let me be. The first couple steps the horse had taken were incredibly strange. I’d tensed up against it, feeling like I’d come right off the moving thing underneath me, but as the trail ride progressed, I relaxed. I didn’t even have to think about it. The experience itself was relaxing. I baked out in the sun as the horse’s steps swayed me side to side. Silver’s hooves thudded and clopped beneath me. I liked the peaceful feeling it brought to me. Every now and again, I ran my fingers through the horse’s mane, avoiding the tangles. I gave his side a pat. A few times I swatted flies away from his skin that made him twitch. It was my thank you to Silver for letting me go on this ride. I marveled at how trusting these animals were, letting us climb on top of them while they went for a stroll through the woods.

  “Are you having fun?” Grant asked from behind me during a lull. I hadn’t said much of anything the whole ride.

  I turned around, a little surprised that I was at ease enough on the horse’s back to do so. I could feel the warmth in my eyes as they met his. “Yes. Are you?”

  “Yep.”

  I took a clump of mane and letting it fall through my fingers, trying to memorize the feel of the coarse hair against my skin. I wanted to remember everything about this day. And I didn’t want it to ever end.

  * * * *

  We got back to the stables too soon. Once under the shaded area, the woman asked if we wanted pictures. Grant surprised me by pulling out a small camera and handing it to the woman. She positioned our horses next to one another, then snapped a shot.

  I looked at Grant before the woman moved us apart. “Thanks for this.”

  His eyes went soft. “You’re welcome.”

  The blonde got Grant off his horse first, then helped me. She told me to swing my leg over, rest on my stomach, kick my left foot out, and slide down. I paused for a second, trying to figure out exactly how it would go. Then I did it, hitting the ground on two feet. It felt like two Slinkies were bouncing up and down through Jell-O in my legs. She pulled the horse away from me, bringing Grant into view. I crinkled my nose at him as I tried not to laugh.

  “My legs feel weird.”

  He chuckled at me. “Yeah. That happens.” His smile turned a bit devilish. “Want to give Silver a peppermint candy?”

  I eyed the candy in his hand. “Are you setting me up?”

  He reached out for my hand and pulled me in under his arm. The movement was fluid, natural. He smelled like horses. I liked the smell. It was earthy, warm, with a touch of something sweetly musky.

  “You’re just going to have to find out,” he answered, his voice low.

  The woman saw us come around the corner as she was putting something away. She smiled as she looked at us. “Let me see that camera again,” she said.

  Grant and I exchanged smiles. He handed her the camera. She took a picture of the two of us, Grant’s arm around me. I looked up at Grant then, happ
y she’d seen what the two of us were feeling. In a sweet moment that surprised me, Grant gave me a kiss right there, right on the lips.

  “You two are sweet,” the woman said when she handed Grant his camera back.

  “Thanks,” he said politely. He handed her some money, and I realized he was paying for our trail ride. It made me a touch uneasy again. I wondered how much trail rides cost. “Is it all right if we give the horses a few treats?”

  “Of course,” she said. “Make yourself at home.” She disappeared in a room full of saddles.

  Grant held out a piece of candy. “Ready?”

  “Can’t wait.” A horse eating a peppermint candy seemed like a funny idea to me.

  Grant held my hand as we walked over to our horses who were unsaddled and tied alone on a different log. They both perked up when we walked over. Grant unwrapped a candy and both of them nickered, as did another horse that was tied over in the middle of the covered area.

  “I can already see you weren’t messing with me.”

  Grant’s eyes danced as they met mine.

  I centered the candy in the palm of my hand. “This is considerably smaller than a carrot.” I gave him a pointed look.

  “Just keep your hand flat and you won’t lose a finger.”

  I snorted a laugh, not feeling nervous this time and more like myself… more like Ana. It felt like Grant could tell. Grant was being more himself, too. There was a quietness about the way he watched me, like he wasn’t just interested because he liked what he saw, but that he liked… me. I held out the candy and Silver blew warm air all over my hand.

  “Hey, boy,” I said. “Thanks for the ride.”

  Silver’s lips flapped over my skin, almost tickling out a giggle from me. He sucked the candy up into his mouth, the crunch from him harsher than the one that had come from the horse we’d fed carrots to.

  “You were right again,” I said.

  Grant’s stroked the horse’s neck. “Told you I wouldn’t mess with you.”

  My heart went soft. I liked the way he said things like that, so subtle, but so full of meaning. I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, feeling rough stubble with my lips under his soft skin.