Call Me Ana: A Novel
Page 16
Grant eased us in over the threshold, then backed off me as he shut the door. I flicked on the lamp next to the couch. It illuminated the cheerful spots, making everything slow down. I bit at my cheek as I forced myself to look away from that spot in my living room. I found myself staring at the floor, and with more willpower, my eyes traveled to Grant’s shoes, up his legs, up the stretch of his tummy, up his chest, and finally, to his eyes.
I couldn’t possibly hide what I was feeling. It was too overwhelming. I was frozen in place, my mind locked up from wondering which direction it should go. Chad’s presence lingered here. Roy could appear at any moment. But Grant was here. And somehow that made me feel safer. He was safe. He was safe and… my eyes dropped to his shoulders and his chest. I thought about sliding my hands up under his shirt. What would his skin feel like? What would the shape of his body feel like under my hands? How would his shoulders feel without a shirt there to conceal them?
He took a step toward me, the sound of his footstep on the hardwood floor filling the room. I had to keep myself from gasping for air as I watched him come closer. He reached out and I leaned toward him automatically, folding myself into him. Instead of kissing me, he surprised me by wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace. His heart was beating just as hard and fast as mine. It was yet another surprise. I ran my hands along his back, feeling the muscles under his shirt. My curiosity at finding out what it would feel like to have my arms and hands wrapped around his bare skin was starting to take over and some of my nerves faded.
As if he could sense the shift of my thoughts, Grant ran one finger along my jaw to tip my face up and pressed his lips to mine. That smallest of touches sent that fire deep down my belly, and before I knew what I was doing, I had my fingers curled up against the back of his head, squeezing what I could hold onto of his hair.
His first reaction was surprise, but then he lost it just the same as me. We were doing our best to breathe as we kissed each other. I kept finding new places to hold along his shoulders and back until finally, I slipped one of my hands under his shirt and ran it up his back. His skin was warm and there was a brief moment where I could feel the softening and relaxing of something in me, something in my chest, as my hand smoothed along him.
While it gave me a throb of calm and comfort, the gesture didn’t have the same effect for Grant. The muscles in his arm coiled as he ran his hand up my side. He squeezed at my ribs like he did that day in the library parking lot and at the same time, his other arm went from my face to my hips as he pulled me in tight to him. It startled me, but it only made me pause for just a second before I was back to kissing him. He took in a deep breath from his nose, like he was breathing me in, but holding back at the same time. Then he slowly stepped into me, causing us both to rock away from the door toward my room. It was like he was seeing how I would take it.
The rush of excitement pulsed through my chest and tore through my head as I leaned backward. We both had to compensate with taking a step in the same direction, toward my room. That shared movement cemented everything. Before I could think another thought, my back was pushing up against the frame where a door should have been as Grant pressed into me. The feeling of him doing that… I was overwhelmed to the point of gasping out loud as a low ache throbbed.
I was embarrassed, but Grant heard me make that sound and I could feel what it did to him. He let out another breath, this one strangled, as he pressed himself into me again. I wanted him to do it. I wanted more of him against me. I pushed myself hard into the doorframe, not caring that it was biting into my back and ran my knee up his thigh. That sent him over the edge.
In seemingly one movement, he rolled us over into the bedroom against the wall as he picked up my leg and lifted it to his waist. Then he pressed against me again, squeezing into me like I’d been made just to hold him. My whole body and mind were consumed by the pulse of ache that coursed through me, ending in a throb of inferno that made everything hot. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I just wanted more.
“Oh my god, Grant,” I whispered in a rush against his ear. Oh my god? I never say that.
He picked up my other leg and his hands squeezed around my thighs as his mouth found mine. He pressed into me again, harder than before. I gasped again, but this time, it was muffled by his mouth. I wouldn’t have cared if it wasn’t. I could feel my skirt pushed up around my hips and I didn’t care about that either. There was nothing between the two of us except fabric. His breaths were coming out all shaky, just like mine. I grabbed onto the doorframe to try to keep myself anchored to something. I could feel sweat under my hair and a trickle of it ran down the back of my neck, making me shiver.
Then… I stopped. I tensed, holding my breath. Grant sensed it and stopped, too, the sounds of his ragged breaths filling the silence. That’s when I heard it for sure. The sound of a car engine rumbling. And it was getting louder.
Chapter 14
Panic instantly doused my insides to ice, creating a painful sensation of wet chill.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered, getting in a sharp breath at the end of it.
The growl of the car increased in bass and that’s when the awareness hit Grant.
I swallowed and took in a hurried breath. “Someone’s coming,” I whispered to him, trying to mask the panic in my eyes and in my voice.
His gray eyes studied mine, trying to figure out what was going on. He eased away from me, creating a whirlwind of confusing thoughts and emotions to whip up in my mind. “How do you know they’re coming…”
Just as he was about to say ‘here,’ the car pulled into my driveway, making my eyes go wide. My head began to spin. What do I do? I pictured Roy taking in Grant’s truck. I pushed Grant the rest of the way off me and smoothed down my skirt.
“Just… wait here,” I whispered. I took in Grant’s eyes full of questions. I wanted to kiss him to ease that wretched suspicion in his eyes, but I didn’t have the time. I ducked out of the bedroom, hoping he’d stay out of sight. But his truck is out front.
My heart was pounding against my chest. I should have never invited him up here. I should have never gone out with him tonight. I shouldn’t have gone out with him period. What am I going to do if Roy…? My eyes settled on my bag by the door. My gun. Would I really need that? I thought about picking up my bag and putting it on my shoulder to give myself easy access to my .22.
Then, the sound of footsteps coming fast up the stairs threw me into such a state of panic that I couldn’t think of anything. I was frozen. The steps echoed in my head, and I jumped when someone pounded on the door.
“Rachel?”
I let out a huge breath of air. It was Becky. But there was something wrong, I could tell by the way she said my name. She pounded on the door again. It’s also incredibly late.
I jumped to open the door as I heard her fumbling with the knob.
“It’s me, Becky…”
“I know,” I said through the door. “Hang on… it’s locked...” I got it unlocked. I grit my teeth and pulled hard. “Piece of shit! Open…” The door finally popped open.
Becky was standing there, her eyes red and puffy, her hair a mess. She took one look at me and I felt what she saw. My hair was a mess. I was in my work dress. I was breathing hard. And I knew I had the whole deer in headlights look going on. I hurriedly tugged at my dress and smoothed at my hair, knowing neither gesture would matter.
“I’m sorry to bug you,” she choked out. “I would’ve called if you had a phone.”
Concern lit in me as I realized I was focused on the wrong thing. “It’s okay, what’s wrong?”
Her face fell as her hand flew to her mouth to cover up the sob that tried to escape.
“Becky!” I stepped out onto the stairs and pulled her to me. “You’re scaring me, what’s wrong?”
“Emily’s been throwing up since yesterday, and,” she sniffled against my chest, “Braden’s got a fever, Sarah threw up on the way over here—”
She pulled away and looked at me, tears rimming her eyes and running down her cheeks. I managed to wipe the smile off my face before she could see it. “Dan’s out of sick time and…” She burst out crying, holding her fists against her eyes. “I can’t call my mother-in-law. I hate that bitch.”
“It’s okay, I’ll come help you. We’ll get through it.”
Kyle came bounding around the corner of the garage then, making both of us turn and look down onto him. “Mom! Emily threw up all over the backseat.”
Becky turned toward me so that Kyle wouldn’t see her start to cry again.
“Hey, Ky. How about you jump back in the car? We’ll be out in a minute, okay?” I called down to him.
He grinned at me and waved. “Hi, Miss Rachel!”
I waved back. “Hey, you. Go keep an eye on your brother and sisters now, okay?”
“Okay.” He turned and ran back toward the car.
I gave Becky’s arms a squeeze. “Give me a second. I’m going to get changed.”
She looked at me with wide eyes and nodded as she held a hand against her mouth.
“Okay.” I held her eyes with mine, the pitiful look in hers causing a pang of sympathy in me. “We’ll be okay.”
She nodded again, and I took that as my cue. I eased back inside and let the door fall closed even though it wasn’t shut the whole way. I crept back toward the bedroom, the guilt starting to sink in at facing Grant. I wondered if he’d be upset with me.
I leaned in around the doorframe. He was resting with his back against the wall, his head lowered like he’d been trying to catch his breath. He quickly straightened when he saw me.
“Can I help?” he asked, keeping his voice down.
The anxiety I’d had about his reaction drained away, leaving nothing but the warm feeling I had for him. How could he be so good? And why had I even thought he’d be upset? I stepped into him and put my arms around his neck, closing my eyes as I enjoyed being in his arms.
“I can handle it.” I kissed the side of his cheek and pulled away, knowing I had to get going. “Besides. I don’t want you getting sick.”
Grant looked down at his hands.
I realized I was in a pickle as I smoothed down my dress. I didn’t want Becky seeing Grant for a couple reasons, the biggest concern being that she’d talk. I knew she’d seen his truck and could probably guess why it’d be there in the middle of the night. It was strange thinking that she wouldn’t be wrong in her guessing. But it’d be much harder to talk myself around that one if she actually saw who was at my place. Then… I also had to change.
Grant was watching me, his eyes soft, lips turned up at the corners. “I can turn around.”
It seemed so silly to turn shy after what we were just doing, but… I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, taking in the amusement in his eyes, and then hurried to the closet. I noticed Grant turn away out of the corner of my eye. I wondered if he’d peek. I thought about going into the bathroom, but that seemed silly, too. Get over it, Ana. I quickly peeled off my dress and stepped into jeans, then threw on a T-shirt.
“Okay,” I said.
Grant turned back around to face me. We stood there for a second.
“I can… let myself out if you want,” he said slowly.
I swallowed and looked at him, the weight of his words settling into me. What I was doing to him wasn’t fair, and I wondered why he was so easily going along with it. Was he being nice or was he thinking it didn’t matter anyway since he’d be leaving? “That’d work,” I said gently.
He crossed the room then and wasted no time in kissing me. There was something there from earlier, the memory of wanting still clinging to his lips. It clung to me as well and a warm breath sank into my lungs.
Grant pulled away, reminding me I had to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I whispered. I turned.
“If you need anything…”
I looked back to Grant.
“I’m in room ten. If you call the hotel…”
I knew the drill on how to get through. I’d called plenty of times when out of towners left things at the diner. “I know.” I smiled. “Thanks.”
He smiled back, his eyes soft. “You’re welcome.”
Chapter 15
“Rachel…” Becky whispered.
I eased open my eyes, feeling like crap. “Hm?”
“You want breakfast? It’s almost ten-thirty.” She was still whispering, telling me the kids were asleep.
I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, the faint, pungent smell of vomit wafting up from my T-shirt. I’d caught some splatters from Emily’s last good hurl before she finally passed out.
“Yeah, I’ll take some breakfast.” I had to be at the diner in an hour. I looked up and Becky gave me a smile. She was cradling a half-wrapped sleeping baby against her. The other baby was snoring in bursts around congestion in his bouncer next to me. I loved those chubby cheeks and fat dimpled arms. I carefully lifted myself from the couch, wincing when it squeaked. Braden stirred and frowned, making me freeze. The frown dimmed from his face as he let out an extra-long snore and I breathed a sigh of relief. I crept from the couch and into the kitchen.
Becky was putting on coffee. She’d placed the Sarah back in her crib. I got down a bowl, helped myself to milk and cereal, and sat down.
Becky put two cups of coffee on the table, pushing one toward me as she peered over the top of her cup. I buried my face in my cup, feeling her eyes on me. I knew what she was wondering about last night.
“Whose truck was that… at your place last night?”
I took another bite of cereal, wondering what to say. I was caught. It had happened. “Just…” I swallowed and took another bite. “I don’t want to say, okay?” I said gently. “Just please don’t tell anyone.”
Becky looked at me, studying me hard. She finally looked back down at her coffee. “Are you worried about Roy finding out? Because I heard he already knows.”
I dropped my spoon, splattering cereal on the table. “What?”
She looked from me to the drops of milk. I pushed back my chair, stumbling toward the counter to get a paper towel.
“I heard night before last,” Becky continued, a tinge of excitement there, making my face darken. My back was to her. “You two got in it at the pool hall, you left and someone told him they saw you with a tall man from out of town. He flipped his shit. Started saying he was gonna kill him.”
A strangled whimper caught in my throat.
“Lannie said he was going on about havin’ a gun. Everybody heard him.”
“I gotta go,” I choked out. I tore out of her kitchen, down the hall, and snatched my bag before sprinting out the front door.
Chapter 16
I paced back and forth in my apartment, trying to think through the twisting agony in my brain. I wrung the paper towel in my hands, the one I hadn’t used to clean the milk off Becky’s table. What do I do?
I had to tell Grant. That was my only option. But if I told him, I could guarantee that he wouldn’t leave, because he’d be worried. And that’s what he had to do. He had to leave. How could I get him to leave? And sooner rather than later?
My footsteps slowed as the thought occurred to me. I held my breath, feeling… pain. It was only a thought, but it hurt to think it. But in that moment, I knew I had to do it. I knew it was the only way to get him out. This was my fault. I’d put Grant in danger and now I had to get him out.
* * * *
I walked to the hotel across the street, my feet feeling like lead. I hoped I’d have the strength to go through with it. I knew Grant was in danger if he stayed here. I had to keep reminding myself of that because… I really didn’t want Grant to leave. I couldn’t even really let myself think that it was going to happen. I had to just focus on what I w
as going to do and not think about tomorrow.
I walked around the side of the hotel so that Billy wouldn’t see me and then went up to Grant’s door. I knocked softly. Nothing happened so I knocked again. Maybe he wasn’t home. Then I heard something stir and my heart started racing. I wanted to flee, but the door opened and I was committed.
Grant’s face went from pleasantly surprised to concerned in a split second. “What’s wrong?”
I glanced down the hallway toward Billy’s desk and then stepped into Grant’s room. Grant moved out of the way so I could come in. I couldn’t look at him.
“Rachel,” he said, taking my arm in his hand. He felt that something was very off.
I pulled away, knowing I’d crumble if I felt his hands on me. That made him freeze.
I had to force myself to start talking. “Grant.” I looked down at my hands. “I can’t see you anymore.”
He was shocked into silence for a moment. “Why?” He didn’t believe me.
I looked up at him and saw the shock in his eyes. There was something else there too. Fear. It had been a mistake to look at him. I looked back down at my hands and he stepped closer to me, his hands hesitant as he reached for mine. I swallowed and stepped away from him, willing my feet to listen to me.
“I just can’t.”
“You have to give me more than that.” A touch of anger tinged his voice now, making my brow furrow and my heart pick up. I fought to keep it together so I could think. I knew I’d have to give him the truth. At least part of it. The part that would make him listen to me. I hated that I was going to have to do this. He deserved more than this.
I summoned the courage to do what I had to do, thinking about Roy again. I looked back up at Grant, my gaze matching my steady voice. “It’s Roy.”
The shock came back in his eyes, then anger flickered, and he looked away, swiping a hand over his eyes. He looked back at me then and I was ready for him with the same calm, resolved stare.