Val did like the page, though, and it wasn’t long after he’d asked her.
He had also managed to set up gigs near her, one in her hometown, and he couldn’t wait to tell her about those. Instead of telling her, though, he set up events on Facebook and decided to invite her to two—the one in her hometown and one in Colorado Springs the night before.
And then he waited.
In the meantime, they started messaging some, and he decided that he really liked her as a friend. Even if nothing further ever happened between the two of them, he wanted to continue their friendship. She started sharing poems and songs she was writing, and he encouraged her. She really was a hell of a writer.
One night she sent him a song/ poem that he wanted to read so much more into but thought better of it:
I need something I shouldn’t have.
It’s wrong, the way I crave
But I can’t stay away.
Please tell me it’s okay.
You’re the flame that I’m drawn to
Every single time
I can’t stay away
But I know you’re not mine.
Need to go away,
Need to run and hide,
But I keep getting drawn to you
Time after time after time.
Why is it I always need something bad for me?
I want something I shouldn’t have.
It’s wrong the way I cave
To you but you feel like mine.
Please make me feel like I can stay.
He wasn’t stupid. He knew the poem was about Ethan. So he told her the truth—that, like everything she wrote, it was good stuff. But then she sent him one that, if he wasn’t mistaken, was about him, and he felt his heart swell (hell, he felt his dick swell) when he read it.
What is it about you
That makes me weak in the knees?
You’re the only one on this earth
Never needs to say please.
But you know my weakness,
Know where I hide my soul.
Yet you kept me safe
And you made me whole.
You made me whole.
CHORUS:
But you’re the rainbow I can’t touch,
The forbidden fruit I want so much.
Just one taste, one night together
Would help me endure the rest of forever.
You said that you’d wait for me
But you didn’t know what that entailed.
You didn’t know my heart was diseased.
In all things love I have failed.
But you seem to see right through me.
You know my heart’s desires.
I don’t think I ever fooled you
When you set my soul on fire.
You set my soul on fire.
BRIDGE:
You will be my heaven and hell,
My promise so far away.
Can I wait until that day?
He felt like she’d taken his breath away. He would have thought that song was about Ethan too except for one thing, one line: “You said that you’d wait for me.” He was pretty sure Ethan had never made a promise like that to Val. His line, if he had one, would have been, “I’ll run from you every chance I get.” Once the emotions calmed, he composed (and recomposed) his response. He didn’t want to sound like a fucking idiot, and he definitely didn’t want to call her out. She was sharing words that were personal and intimate, and no way was he going to destroy that trust. He finally wound up messaging her: These fucking rock, Val. Where the hell do you come up with this stuff?
After several minutes, she messaged back: All in my sick little head.
Brad: lol Then, after several minutes, he messaged her again. He was not going to just let her talent slip through his fingers, any more than he wanted her out of his life. He messaged her again. How would you feel if I took your lyrics and turned them into a song? I could write a kick ass tune for that. He was thinking, “Just like Ethan did,” but there was no way he was going to remind her of that.
She responded: Write away!
And so he copied and pasted the song into Word and printed it out, then grabbed his guitar and sat on his bed. He had a tune in his head that he had to work out, and he hoped the music would speak to Valerie as much as her words had spoken to him.
And he worked on it for a solid week, making it perfect. He hadn’t said a word during band practices, either. He wanted to know what Val thought before he had the guys learn it. When he was one-hundred percent satisfied, he recorded an unplugged version of it on his acoustic guitar and then he emailed it to her. He wanted to know what she thought. She was most important. If she didn’t like it, he’d start over. It wasn’t as heavy as most songs he wrote, because he felt like the words warranted something a little lighter. He was hoping he could get Val to sing it, so he wanted to write something that he thought would be in her range as well as something that would show off her voice.
He was nervous and edgy for hours. Had she opened the email? Had she listened to it? Did she like it or had she hated it and didn’t know how to tell him? Several hours later, though, he received a text from her that made all the waiting worth it. Holy crap! This is sooooo good! I can’t wait to hear it plugged in. Your voice has never sounded better.
The last sentence—wow. She didn’t know what that did for him. He almost told her he wanted to hear her sing it, but he didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. He’d hear her sing it soon enough. He could wait. So he texted her back saying, Thanks. The guys will learn it fast. We’ll play it at our shows near you, so you better be there. She texted him back an Of course with a smiley emoticon. She clicked Yes to attending both the shows in Colorado Springs and Winchester, and Brad found himself counting the days.
Fortunately, the guys did learn the song quickly. He told them Val had written the lyrics, and he saw Ethan’s face glower, but the guy said nothing. And he damn well better not. Brad had been up front from the get go with Ethan about how he felt about Val, so the guy had no right. None. And yet he’d moved in on her anyway. He loved his friend, but Ethan knew as well as Brad did that he didn’t care about Val. Not like Brad did, anyway.
The day came for the Colorado Springs show. Brad wasn’t familiar with either Colorado Springs or the venue, so they left extra early. Colorado Springs was on the other side of the slope, and he wanted to make sure he could find the place okay. He’d reserved a motel room for them too, and they could check in as early as three, so that’s when he wanted to arrive. Then they could find the venue. They could grab a bite to eat and hang before the show, but he didn’t want to be late or fuck anything up.
He just hoped Valerie would be there as promised.
Chapter Sixteen
BRAD HAD WORRIED for nothing. Every place they had to go, including the motel and the venue, were easy to find. After they knew where to go and how long it would take to get there, they found a Pizza Hut and decided to try to relax. They had a couple of hours before they could set up, so they had plenty of time.
He was more excited to see Valerie—and to see what she thought of her song—than he was for the concert, and that was saying something. He’d always felt more alive on stage than he did most of the time.
Fully Automatic was first on the ticket that night, so they’d set up and be ready long before the show started. He couldn’t wait to see the inside of the place. They’d never played a show on this side of the Continental Divide before, but Brad was convinced it was where they needed to be if they wanted to grow their band’s audience, and no one could tell him otherwise.
In the van on the way back to the venue, Ethan took something. Brad wasn’t sure what it was, but his friend had insisted on riding in the back, and he got really quiet. But he knew Ethan often liked to get high or drink before going onstage. It strengthened him. As long as his friend could control it, Brad didn’t have a problem with it. And, after the last time Ethan had overdone it, Brad worried more a
bout it. Still…until Ethan overindulged again, Brad felt like he couldn’t say anything.
They got to the venue and, before they knew it, they were mingling with the other bands and getting ready to set up. Brad also took a peek at merch tables. Now that he had the van, his next goal was getting merch made to sell. He’d been talking about it for a while. Now it was time.
He hadn’t been this excited for a show in a long time. Yeah, he was pumped to be playing in a bigger venue, but he was really looking forward to seeing Valerie again. He wasn’t going to look around for her and potentially be disappointed, though, because he knew she might have decided to only go to the Winchester show and skip this one. But when they were doing sound checks, Brad happened to spot her in the crowd anyway. He’d have to talk to her for a few minutes before the show started; otherwise, he’d be staring at her through the whole show. If he talked with her, he hoped he’d be able to focus on the show itself. It wasn’t a huge venue, so he wouldn’t have a hard time finding her. He saw that she was with a couple, and he hoped that meant she didn’t have a date wandering around somewhere as well.
He was tuning his guitar center stage. Ethan had already disappeared somewhere, and Zane was tweaking his bass. Two girls stood right in front of the stage trying to get his attention. He looked at them and smiled, and one of the girls started giggling. The other one mouthed, “I love you.” He tried not to laugh but smiled again. He supposed, if he reached the goal he was aiming for, that he’d have to get used to that.
God, he hoped he’d get used to it. He’d had girls flirt with him, sure, but he’d never been hit on hardcore. It happened to Ethan all the time. But then, when Brad thought about it, it had to do with the kind of girls Ethan liked too. Brad tended to like girls who were a little more demure. They weren’t forward. He supposed, though, that he’d be exposed to all manner of women as their band got more popular. He liked the looks those girls were giving him, but it would take him a while to adjust.
Zane walked over, his bass draped over his body, and chin nodded at the girls. He smiled and then said toward Brad’s ear, “They’re cute, huh?”
Brad chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Which one?”
“What?”
“After the show—which one?”
It sunk in with Brad what Zane was saying. A kind of one-for-you-and-one-for-me offer. Brad smiled again and said, “I kinda have my eyes on someone else.”
Zane raised his eyebrows. “Yeah?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
That was all he was going to say, but Zane asked, “Happen to be someone I know?”
He wasn’t going to lie. “Yeah.”
Zane nodded his head and didn’t say another word. “Lemme know if you change your mind.” He walked closer to the end of the stage, and Brad decided now was the perfect time to seek that someone else out. Except he couldn’t see her out there where she’d been before. He decided to go out to the crowd and look anyway, so he walked off the stage and Ethan passed him to head outside. His friend seemed to be halfway coherent in spite of the fact that he was blitzed. That was good, because show time wasn’t far off.
When he started looking out over the crowd bathed in shadow, he thought he could see Val back where he’d seen her before. The crowd was getting thicker as it got closer to performance time, and Brad was glad for that. He wanted to play for lots of people. Val was talking to her two friends—still no other guy hanging around, and he was grateful for that—and she was animated and smiling.
He got close and she noticed him. Damn, she was a sight for sore eyes. He hugged her and then asked, “How are you, sweetheart?” He left an arm around her shoulders. She was going to have to tell him to go to hell if she wanted him to stop pursuing her. She didn’t shrug him off, though.
“Great. So good to see you.”
“How’s your break so far?”
“Okay.” She smiled at him. “Better now.” He raised his eyebrows—oh, God, he hoped she meant that. “Oh, Brad, this is my old friend from high school Jill and her husband Chad.” The guy named Chad put out his hand and Brad shook it. “This is my very good friend, Brad Payne.”
Goddamn. “Very good friend? I feel privileged. Nice to meet you folks.” He looked back to Valerie. “I gotta get backstage. See you later?”
“You bet.”
It took everything he had to not pull her into another embrace. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss he’d given her in her dorm room the last time he’d seen her. He had a show to perform, though, and he was going to be the bad ass rock star he wanted her to fall in love with.
And when they took the stage, it felt like magic. They were on that night, really on. They hit all the right notes, melded together, and the audience became a part of that. It was an incredible feeling. They were playing more of their newer songs, and he wished he knew what Valerie thought. She knew a couple of the songs that he’d sent her audio files of, and he caught her singing along to them. It simply confirmed that he should do something he’d been tempted to anyway.
So, five songs in, Brad didn’t cue his band to start the next song. Instead, he grabbed the mike. “Colorado Springs, you’ve been great so far. Thanks for welcoming us here.” He pulled the mike off the stand and stepped closer to the edge of the stage. The bright lights had been shining straight into his eyes so he couldn’t see the audience. They’d just been a huge black abyss, and usually that was comforting. Now, though, he wanted to see faces…and he hoped he wasn’t about to make a huge ass of himself. “I want to do something a little different right now. A friend of mine is here in the audience. She’s written a lot of the words you’ve heard tonight.” His eyes locked on Valerie, close to the foot of the stage, and he saw recognition wash over her face. Yes, he was talking about her. “Anyway, this is a song we wrote together, and I’d really like to have her sing it with me.” He smiled at her. She looked reluctant and shocked and even shy…but he saw something else too. He saw temptation. Yes, she wanted to do it. So he pointed a finger at her and then crooked it toward himself, inviting her up on stage.
She’d heard the tune, and he knew she knew the words. He knew Val well enough already to know she was already intimately familiar with the song. But then she started shaking her head frantically, and he even saw her mouth the word no. He would have let it go right there, but he knew better. He could see that part of her really wanted to do it—she was just a little unsure of herself. She needed time in front of an audience was all, and what better place than here? He smiled at the audience, his co-conspirators, and then looked Val in the eye. “See, Val? Everyone wants to hear you. You can’t let them down now.” If she turned him down at this point, he’d let it go…but he’d offer her another chance in private. Because no matter what Valerie said, he knew she wanted to. He knew she loved music, felt it in her soul. He could see it in her. He’d known it that night in his garage when she’d sung Godsmack’s song like she’d been born to.
She shook her head, smiling, and then he saw her try to look angry, but it wasn’t working. The guy named Chad helped her up, and Brad held out his hand to help lift her onstage. Once she was standing, he picked the mike back up and said, “Please give Valerie a big hand.”
He hugged her and she said in his ear, “You could have at least warned me. I’m gonna kill you.”
“Gotta catch me first.”
He caught Ethan’s eye as he let her go, and his friend was pissed. Well, that was too damn bad. It wasn’t Brad’s fault he’d been a shithead to Val. She was still his friend and, he hoped, maybe more later, but as a friend, he was making this offer. He placed the mike back in the stand and yelled, “Let’s turn this shit up.” While the audience was agreeing with hoots, hollers, fist pumping, and devil’s horns, he turned to Val. “I’ll sing the first verse, you do the second, and maybe we could harmonize on the bridge?”
She was nervous, but she was also game. Brad was glad he’d done it. “What about the choruses?”
“Same deal. That okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Why not?”
He gave Nick a sign with a look in his eyes and a nod of his head to cue them for the next song. They started playing then, and he wondered what Val thought about the song plugged in. She’d only heard the one he’d sent her on his acoustic guitar, so he knew she’d know the tune, but it was heavier. Plus, he’d start off, giving her time to feel the song. If she seemed unsure when it was time for her to sing, he’d accompany her, but just like he’d suspected—she had it.
He knew it would freak her out (and it would likely have the same effect on him) if he looked her in the eyes. Hell, he didn’t know if he could do it looking at her. It was a song he was pretty damn sure she’d written about him, and he hoped having her sing it was enough for her to figure out that he knew. And so, as he sang the first verse, he had to hold his shit together. As he wound it down to the chorus, he was feeling confident again, and he peeked over at her.
Then, when it was her turn to sing, he allowed himself to half look. She was gripping the microphone and looking out at the audience, her knuckles turning white. Her voice was a little unsteady at first, but one line in and she pushed herself through the nerves. Her voice was soft but strong as she sang the words he knew were for him: “You said that you’d wait for me.” Yeah, he’d said that, and he was beginning to believe it had been worth the wait. Val was a spectacular young woman full of life and emotion, and he wanted to get to know her better—not just texting and messaging, not just exchanging lyrics.
When she got to the chorus, he decided to sing harmony to her melody, and he got close to her so he could share the mike. That was a wow moment. He hadn’t expected their voices to sound so good together, but they did. It felt like a sign. And when he got to the guitar solo, he didn’t look at—couldn’t look at—her. He hoped she thought the song was deserving of the emotion-laden solo he had given it.
Fully Automatic (Bullet) Page 13
