by Tina Beckett
But for how much longer?
Thank God they hadn’t needed to use the paddles to shock it back into rhythm. Baby Hope was already receiving prostaglandin to prevent the ductus in her heart from closing and cutting off blood flow. And they had her on a nitrogen/oxygen mix in an attempt to help the oxygen move to the far reaches of her body. But even so, her hands and extremities were tinged blue, a sure sign of cyanosis. It would only get worse the longer she went without a transplant.
‘She’s back in rhythm.’
At least a semblance of rhythm, and she wasn’t out of the woods, not by a long shot. Her damaged heart—caused by her mum’s drug addiction—was failing quickly. Without a transplant, she would die. Whether that last crisis arrived in a week or two or three, the outcome would be the same.
Annabelle sent up a silent prayer that a donor heart would become available.
Even as she prayed it, though, she hated the fact that another family would have to lose their child so that Baby Hope might live.
They watched a few more minutes as things settled down. ‘We’ll leave her on the ventilator until we figure out exactly what happened. We can try adjusting the nitrogen rate or play with some of her other meds to see if we can buy her a little more time.’
Sienna nodded. ‘I was thinking the exact thing.’ She glanced at Annabelle. ‘Are you okay?’
It was the second time she’d asked her that question. And the second time she had trouble coming up with a response.
‘I will be.’
‘I know this one’s special to you.’
Of course. Sienna was talking about the baby. Not about Max and his sudden appearance back in her life.
‘I just want her to have a chance.’
‘As stubborn as you are, she has it.’ Sienna gave her a smile.
‘Annabelle is nothing, if not tenacious.’ Max’s voice came through, only there wasn’t a hint of amusement in the words. And she knew why. Because he wasn’t referring to Hope. He was referring to how she’d clung to what she’d thought was their dream only to find out it wasn’t.
‘You said you know each other?’
When Annabelle came to work this morning, never in her wildest imaginings had she pictured this scene. Because she already knew how it was going to play out. She braced herself for impact.
‘We do.’
There was a pause as the other doctor waited to be enlightened.
Annabelle tried to head it off, even though she knew it was hopeless. ‘We’ve known each other for years.’
‘Yes,’ Max murmured. ‘You could say that. Your Annabelle Brookes is actually Annabelle Ainsley. My wife.’
* * *
‘Your...’ Sienna suddenly looked as if she’d rather be anywhere else but here. ‘It didn’t even dawn on me. Your names...’
‘Are not the same. I know.’ Max’s mouth turned down at the corners, a hard line that she recognised forming along the sides of his jaw. ‘I see you’ve gone back to your maiden name.’ He pinned her with a glance.
‘We’re separated. Getting a divorce.’ She explained as quickly as she could without adding that going back to her maiden name had been a way to survive the devastation that his leaving had caused.
Even though you’re the one who asked him to go.
They hadn’t spoken since the day he’d found her temperature journal and realised that, although she’d stopped doing the in-vitro procedures as he’d demanded, she hadn’t completely given up hope. Until that very minute.
When she’d seen the look on his face as he’d thumbed through the pages, she’d known it was over. She’d grabbed the book from his hands and told him to leave.
And just like that, he’d walked out of their front door and out of her life.
Just like Baby Hope’s mother.
And like that lost soul, Max had never come back.
Until now.
She frowned. ‘Did you know I was at Teddy’s when you accepted that contract to take Sienna’s position?’
Even as she asked it, she knew it made no sense for him to have come here. Not without a good reason.
Like those papers on her shelf?
‘No.’
That one curt word told her everything she needed to know. If he’d known she was working at the Royal Cheltenham, this was the last place he’d have chosen to come.
Sienna touched a gloved hand to the baby’s head. ‘If you two can finish getting her stabilised, I need to get off my feet for a few minutes.’ She eyed Max. ‘Why don’t you give me a call when you’re done here and I’ll finish showing you around the hospital?’
‘Sounds good. Thanks.’
Annabelle was halfway surprised that he hadn’t just said he was ready now. He had to be as eager to get away from her as she was to get away from him. But they had their patient to consider.
Their?
Oh, God. If he was Sienna’s replacement, that meant they would share this particular case. And others like it.
As soon as Sienna had left the room along with the other nurses, Max took a few moments to finish going over the baby’s chart, making notes in it while Annabelle squirmed. She couldn’t believe he was here. After all this time.
And for the tiniest second, when those intelligent eyes of his had swept over her, she’d entertained the thought that maybe he really had come here looking for her. But it was obvious from his behaviour that he hadn’t.
He hadn’t seemed all that pleased that she’d dumped his name. How could he expect otherwise, though? She’d wanted no reminders of their time together, not that a simple name change could ever erase all the pain and sadness over the way their marriage had ended.
‘Why don’t you fill me in on the details of her care? Miss McDonald seemed to indicate you know the baby better than anyone else on staff.’ The cool way he asked the question made heat rush to her face.
Here she was agonising over the past, while he was able, as always, to wall off his feelings and emotions. It had driven her crazy when they were together that he could behave as if their world weren’t imploding as she’d had miscarriage after miscarriage.
‘Social services needed someone who could report back to them on what was happening with her care. And since I’m head nurse, it kind of fell to me to do it.’
‘Somehow I didn’t think you would remain a neonatal nurse. Not after everything that happened.’
She shrugged. ‘I love my job. Just because I can’t...have children doesn’t mean I want to go into another line of nursing. I’m not one to throw in the towel.’
‘I think that depended on the situation.’ His words had a hard edge to them.
She decided to take a page from his book and at least try to feign indifference. ‘What do you want me to tell you about her?’
‘Do you know anything about her history? Her mother?’
Annabelle filled him in on everything she could, from the fact that Baby Hope’s mother had been hooked on heroin to the fact that she’d fled the hospital soon after giving birth, staff only discovering her absence when they went in to take her vitals. They’d found her bed empty, her hospital gown wadded up under the covers. They’d called the authorities, but in the two weeks since the baby’s birth no one had come forward with any information.
The drug use had caused the baby to go through withdrawals in addition to the in-utero damage her heart had sustained. It was getting weaker by the day. In fact, every ounce she gained put more strain on it. Normally in these children, Annabelle considered weight gain something to be celebrated. Not in Hope’s case. It just meant she had that much less time to live.
‘Does any of that help?’ she asked.
‘It does. I’m going to up her dose of furosemide and see if we can get a little of that fluid off her belly. I
think that’s why she stopped breathing. If it’s not any better in an hour or two, I’m going to try to draw some of it off manually.’
‘We did that a few days ago. It seemed to help.’
‘Good.’
They looked at each other for a long moment, then Max said, ‘You’ve let your hair grow.’
The unexpectedness of the observation made her blink. ‘It makes it easier to get out of the way.’
Annabelle used to tame her waves rather than pulling them back. Between blowing them out and using a straightening iron, she’d spent a lot of time on her appearance. Once Max had left, though, there’d seemed little reason to go through those contortions any more. It was only when she stopped that she realised she’d been simply going through the motions for the last half of their marriage. Having a baby had become such a priority that her every waking moment had been consumed with it. It was no wonder he’d jumped at the chance to get out. She hadn’t liked who she’d become either.
She opened her mouth to say something more, before deciding the less personal they made their interactions, the better for both of them. They’d travelled down that road once before and it hadn’t ended well. And she definitely didn’t want to give him the impression that she’d been pining for him over the past three years. She hadn’t been. She’d got well and truly over him.
‘Since you’re working here now, maybe we should set down some ground rules to avoid any sticky situations.’ She paused. ‘Unless you’d like to change your mind about staying.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘I signed a contract. I intend to abide by the terms of it.’
Was that why he hadn’t moved to complete the process of terminating their union? Because he viewed their marriage as a contract rather than an emotional commitment? She’d been the one to actually file, not him.
Her throat clogged at the thought, but she pushed ahead, needing to finish their conversation so she could leave. Before the crazy avalanche of emotions buried her any deeper.
‘Most people at Teddy’s don’t know that I was married. They just assume I’m single. All except for Ella.’
Since she no longer wore her ring, it made it that much easier to assume she had no one in her life.
His brows went up. ‘Ella O’Brien?’
‘Yes.’ He would know who Ella was. They’d been best friends for years. She was very surprised her friend hadn’t got wind of Max’s arrival. Then again, maybe Annabelle would have known had she paid more attention during staff meetings. She’d known Sienna was going on maternity leave soon but had had no idea that Max was the one who’d be taking her place. Maybe because Baby Hope had taken up most of her thoughts in the last couple of weeks.
‘How is she?’
‘Ella? She’s fine.’ She looked away from him, reaching down to touch Hope’s tiny hand over the side of the still-open incubator. ‘Anyway, Ella knows about us, but, as you could see from Sienna’s reaction, that information hasn’t made its way around the hospital. I would appreciate if you didn’t go around blurting out that you’re my husband. Because you’re not. You haven’t been for the last three years.’
One side of his mouth went up in that mouth-watering way that used to make her tremble. But right now, she was desperate to put this runaway train back on its tracks.
‘I have a paper that says otherwise.’
‘And I have one that says I’m ready to be done with that part of my life.’
‘The divorce papers. I’m surprised you haven’t followed up on them with your solicitor.’
She should have had that solicitor hound Max until he signed, but she hadn’t, and she wasn’t quite sure why. ‘I’ve been busy.’
His eyes went to Hope. ‘I can see that.’
‘So you’ll keep our little...situation between us?’
‘How do you know Miss McDonald isn’t going to say something to someone?’
‘She won’t.’ Sienna was secretive enough about her own past that Annabelle was pretty sure privacy was a big deal to the other doctor.
‘And Ella? You don’t think she’ll say anything?’
‘Not if she knows what’s good for her.’ She said it with a wryness in her voice, because her friend was obstinate to the point of stubbornness about some things. But she was a good and faithful friend. She’d mothered Annabelle when she’d come to her crying her eyes out when Max had walked out of the door. No, Ella wouldn’t tell anyone.
Annabelle pulled her hand from the incubator and took a deep breath. Then she turned back to face Max again.
‘Please. Can’t we try to just work together like the professionals we are? At least for the time you’re here.’ She wanted to ask exactly how long that would be, but for now she had to assume it was until Sienna was finished with her maternity leave. If she thought of it as a finite period of time she could survive his presence. At least she hoped she could.
But she already knew she’d be seeing a lot more of him. Especially if he was going to be the doctor who either opened Hope’s chest and placed a donor heart in it or who signed her death certificate.
She closed her eyes for a second as the remembered sound of that alarm sliced through her being. How long before that sound signalled the end of a life that had barely begun?
‘I don’t know, Anna.’ His low voice caused her lids to wrench apart. ‘Can we?’
Her name on his lips sent a shiver through her, as did his words. It was the first time she’d heard the shortened version of Annabelle in three years. In fact, during their very last confrontation he’d reverted to her full name. And then he was gone.
So it made her senses go wonky to hear the drawled endearment murmured in something other than anger.
She’d wanted a simple answer...a promise that Max would do his best to keep their time together peaceful. He hadn’t given her that. Or maybe he was simply acknowledging something that she was afraid to admit: that it was impossible for them to work together as if they’d never crossed paths before. Because they had.
And if those old hurts and resentments somehow came out with swords drawn?
Then, as much as she wanted to keep their past relationship in the past, it would probably spill over into the present in a very real way.
CHAPTER TWO
‘AND THIS IS where all of that wonderful hospital food is prepared.’
Sienna’s easy smile wasn’t able to quite penetrate the shock to his system caused by seeing Anna standing over that incubator. Why hadn’t he kept track of where she was?
Because he hadn’t wanted to know. Knowing meant he had to do something about those papers her solicitor had sent him. And he hadn’t been ready to. Maybe fate was forcing his hand. Making him finally put an end to that part of his life in order to move forward to the next phase.
Wasn’t that part of the reason he’d come home? To start living again?
Yes, but he hadn’t meant to do it quite like this.
He decided the best way to take his mind off Anna was to put it on something...or someone else.
‘The ubiquitous hospital food.’ He allowed his mouth to quirk to the side. ‘But it’s probably better than what I’ve been eating for the past six months.’
She laughed. ‘I’m sure Doctors Without Borders feeds you pretty decently.’ She paused to look at him as they made their way down the corridor. ‘What was it like over there?’
‘Hard. Lots of pressing needs, and not knowing where to start. Not being able to meet all of those needs was a tough pill to swallow.’ Memories of desperate faces played through his head like a slide show. Those he saved...and those he couldn’t.
‘I can imagine it was. And living in another country for months at a time? It couldn’t have been easy being away from the comforts of home.’
‘I heard you had a little experience with
that as well. What was the kingdom of Montanari like?’ Someone had mentioned that the other cardiothoracic surgeon had visited the tiny country on an extended stay, but that she had returned quite suddenly.
Sienna stared straight ahead. ‘It was different.’
Different. In other words, move on to another subject. He was happy to oblige, since he knew of one particular subject he was just as eager to avoid. ‘How about your cases here? Anything interesting?’
The other doctor’s shoulders relaxed, and she threw him a smile that seemed almost grateful. ‘Well, we actually have a mum who is expecting quadruplets. We’re keeping an extra-close eye on her but so far she’s doing well and the babies are all fine.’
‘That’s good.’ He didn’t ask any more questions. Someone carrying that many foetuses made him think of fertility treatments—another subject he wasn’t eager to explore.
‘Apparently they might bring in a world-renowned neonatal specialist if any complications develop.’
How many times would he have loved to fly in a specialist when he was in Africa? But, of course, there were only those, like him, who had volunteered their time and expertise. Doctors Without Borders sometimes took pot luck as far as who was willing to go. As a result there were often holes in treatment plans, or a patient who needed help from a specialist that wasn’t on site. That was when the most heartbreaking scenarios occurred.
Yet despite that he was already missing those brief, and often frantic, interactions with the team in Sudan, which surprised him given how exhausted he’d been by the end. Or maybe it was the shock of having to work with Annabelle that had him wishing he could just fly back to Africa and a life where long-term connections with other people were neither expected nor desired. It was more in line with the way he’d grown up. And far removed from what he’d once had with Anna. He’d decided that keeping his distance from others was the safer route.
‘Who is the specialist?’
‘Hmm...someone told me, but I can’t remember her name. I do remember it’s a woman. I’d have to look.’ She stopped in front of a set of double doors. ‘And this is where we work our magic.’
