by Tessa Bailey
The glowing lamplight cast shadows around the apartment, and the soft sound of paintbrushes sliding along the wall was in direct contrast with the tension visible in Bowen’s face and shoulders.
Unlike her, not all his tension seemed to be sexual. What took place earlier had obviously affected him greatly, even if he tried to put on a good show for her. She couldn’t help wanting to ease the burden. As a nurse, she’d been known for her bedside manner. She’d never had the ability to remain emotionally detached when someone was in pain. She couldn’t leave him suffering in silence, not with her commitment to heal.
“Is Ruby your only sibling?”
He paused mid-stroke. “I’d rather not talk about her.”
“Okay,” she agreed, before trying a different tack. “My brother and I were nothing alike, but we found little things in common. We both liked the old-school version of Tetris. Our tournament lasted five years.” She painted a bow tie on her kitten, remembering the hours they’d spent in the boarding school recreation hall clutching those controls. “When our ancient Nintendo went belly-up, we pooled our allowance, bought one on eBay, and picked up right where we left off. I was winning when the tournament ended.”
“Why did the tournament end?”
“It just did.” She wasn’t ready to say the rest out loud yet, and his nod told her he sensed it. “Playing Tetris…it was the only time we talked. I wished we’d played more, especially when we got older. When we got too cool.”
Bowen was silent a moment. “With my sister…things are more complicated.” He tossed the paintbrush down and lit a cigarette. “She’s just too stubborn to see I’m doing what’s best for her.”
“What about what’s best for you?” When confused eyes flashed to her, she shook her head. Hadn’t anyone ever asked him that before? “I’m sorry, I’ll leave it alone.”
He blew a long, slow cloud of smoke toward the open window. “Tell me what happened to your brother, Ladybug.”
His low, ominous tone dared her to give him anything less than the truth. “Someone killed him. They never found out who,” she added quickly. Uncomfortable with his scrutiny, she got down on her knees and continued painting the bottom half of her cat. She tried to ignore him when he came up behind her, but his calloused hand slid into her hair, tilting her head back so she looked up at him from her kneeling position.
Cigarette still clamped between his teeth, he nonetheless spoke very precisely. “I don’t like seeing you upset. It makes me want to go out and do something about it.”
Surely he wasn’t offering what she thought he was offering. After only knowing her for a few days? “You can’t.”
“Oh no?” He reached over to the side table on her left and stubbed out his cigarette in a ceramic ashtray. “You’d be surprised what you can do when you’re numb.”
“You’re not numb,” she whispered, rotating around to face him on her knees. Their provocative position became apparent to her. And she was fairly certain he’d just offered to kill for her. Unbelievably, her opinion of him hadn’t changed with that fact, even if his expression told her he’d expected it to. He looked rubbed raw. Full of trepidation…hunger.
Her gaze dropped to the fly of his jeans and her breath caught when she saw the enormous swell pushing against his zipper, inches from her mouth. Her stomach fluttered and contracted at the sight, as if she’d just free-fallen from a great height. Between her legs, a telltale pulse jumped to life, warmth pooling instantly.
“Obviously I’m not numb with you, am I?” Features strained, Bowen pulled lightly on the strands of her hair still wrapped in his fist. “Get off your knees, Sera.”
She made no move to stand. Pain. There was so much pain in his voice. She wanted to take it away and appease her own curiosity in the process.
“Look.” He sounded a little desperate now. “Earlier in the hallway, you had your legs wrapped around my waist. Then I almost fucked you through the wall of the guest room.” Another halfhearted tug at her hair. “The last seven hours, I watched you sleep in nothing but a bra and those ridiculous tights or whatever you call them. I’m just strung a little tight where you’re concerned. Would you, please, just stand the hell up?”
Giving in to an impulse, she leaned forward and nuzzled her cheek against his erection, before planting hot, openmouthed kisses along the bulge.
“Jesus Christ.” He pressed closer with his hips. “You have to stop.”
Sera was beyond listening. Her fingers unsnapped his jeans and lowered the zipper before he made a more solid attempt to stop her. Seconds later, she’d freed his heavy arousal. The first time she gripped him in her hand, he hissed a vile curse. Paying close attention to his face, she stroked him up and down, running a thumb over the head with each upward stroke, the way she’d seen him do last night in the stairwell.
“You want to jerk me off, baby? Fine.” Sweat had started appearing on his forehead. “But don’t you dare put me in that innocent little mouth. I’m warning you, I won’t be able to keep myself from fucking it until you know what I taste like.”
The tingle between her legs graduated to a relentless ache. If he thought his warning would stop her, it had the opposite effect. Knowing he teetered on the edge of losing control because of her made her feel bold. Defiant.
Drunk on the feeling, she leaned forward and licked the underside of Bowen’s erection, root to tip. Then she lowered her mouth over the hard flesh as far as she could.
And sucked.
Holy, holy shit. I’m going to die.
Please, for the love of God, just let her finish me off first.
Thoughts, warnings, that conflicted with the indescribable pleasure he was getting from Sera’s mouth tried to bombard him. He blocked them as best he could, but some of them made it through. He’d meant what he said to her. The day had been jam-packed full of sexual frustration, something he’d never dealt with, not ever, and now her perfect fucking mouth threatened to cut the strings holding his control in place.
With her head in his hands, the monstrous urge to thrust into the heat of her mouth battered his conscience. He could hear words falling from his lips that made no sense, belonged to no particular language. Or maybe he’d just been saving them for her, stored in some corner of his mind. A language solely reserved for Sera. That theory made him feel like slightly less of an asshole. It reminded him she was special. Not some girl he could prop against the wall and push too deep.
This could be her first time on her knees for a man, and he wouldn’t fuck it up. No, it was her first time. He could see it in the gorgeous brown eyes that watched him, making sure she did it right. Reassure her. I need to reassure her.
“Anything, everything, all of it. It’s perfect, sweetheart. You’re so fucking perfect.”
At least, that’s what he thought he said. It might have come out sounding more like Swahili. Oh God, oh God, it didn’t feel like her first time. She was sucking him so hard, he felt his soul dislodge and settle into a new spot. How could she look up at him so innocently, when her mouth worked him like the baddest girl he’d ever met? The contrast was blowing his mind, shooting him into a different realm. He wouldn’t lie to himself anymore. His no-virgin rule obviously hadn’t been created with Sera in mind. Not a single one of his rules had. Her lack of experience turned him on. It meant all those moments could, would, belong to him. No one else. Sure, that made him a greedy bastard, but he was beyond help.
She slowed down a little, letting him slide in deeper than he’d gone before. A strangled noise escaped him, abdomen tight, thighs quaking. His hands moved of their own accord, tangling in her hair. “Baby, baby, please. Can you take a little more? Just a lit—ahhh fuck.”
He almost came then and there, without warning, but managed to reel himself back as much as possible. Not much longer and he’d lose it, though. She’d started making little humming noises in the back of her throat, shooting vibrating heat straight into his belly, his balls. Her hands joined the party then, bot
h of them, riding his slick cock in time with her mouth.
The rush started, the dizzying buildup. He’d never gotten there so fast. How unfair was that when for the first time, he didn’t want it to end? “I’m going to come, Sera. Take me out of your mouth.” More painful words were never spoken. But the pain never came because she took him deep. Her hands slid around to his ass, fingernails digging into his flesh, tugging him close as her mouth pulled, licked, sucked.
His control evaporated with the oncoming release, consciousness narrowing down to her mouth. Acting on their own, his hands tightened in her hair. Hard. His hips rolled, meeting every stroke of her mouth. “You going to let me come in that virgin mouth? You going to make me a god?”
She scraped him with her teeth and his world exploded. He expected her to stop him once his climax struck, but Jesus Christ, she didn’t. Her mouth pulled on him in greedy strokes, taking everything he had to give. A sound of enjoyment left her throat to ripple over his cock, shooting him into another dimension.
He didn’t remember dropping to the floor or drawing her up against him, but he’d gotten there somehow. Deep breaths expanded his chest under her cheek. How could she feel so fragile against him when she’d just shaken him up so thoroughly? The frantic need to look into her eyes hit him hard. With a still-trembling hand, he tilted her chin up.
And felt like he’d been cold-cocked.
Lust. It expanded her pupils and blocked out all the beautiful chocolate brown. Her face flushed red, lips swollen and parted. Her nipples were sharp points pressing against her thin shirt; her thighs squeezed together on and off, on and off. The sight was so goddamn stunning, it sent his already-pounding heart into overdrive. It filled him with wild determination, purpose. Give her pleasure. Give her relief.
When he wedged his hips between her thighs, she moaned so loudly, so impatiently, he couldn’t help but match it. Her pain equaled his pain. Her pleasure, his pleasure.
She was mine before. Mine doesn’t even begin to cover it now.
He ran a hand down between their bodies and cupped her pussy, growling when he found the material of her tights damp. “Ah, sweetheart. Did you get wet while sucking me off?” Using the heel of his hand, he ground circles into her heat, his dick getting hard again from watching her hips writhe. “You have any idea how good you are with that mouth?” He leaned down and kissed her gently, knowing it would frustrate her into deepening it. She did. Fuck yes, she did. “Those lips are the best fuck I’ve ever had. But not for long. Isn’t that right, Sera? We both know it’s only a matter of time before I’m pounding the purity right out of you.”
Without waiting for a response, he yanked the tights down her legs and threw them across the room. He said a prayer of thanks when she ripped her shirt over her head, revealing a black bra and tiny matching panties. Jesus. He could barely handle her fully clothed. Half naked? It hurt to look at her.
“Bowen, please. I need something to stop the hurt.”
The fact she didn’t even know what she needed set off an odd burn in his chest, but it also filled him with hot, pumping anticipation at the idea of showing her. “I know what you need, but that’s not what I’m about to give you. I’ll always give you more than you need, Sera. Every time.”
He peeled the scrap of underwear down her legs, his vision fraying around the edges when he finally saw her uncovered pussy. Mine. It’s mine. She’s mine. Mine. His instincts were screaming at him to pin her down, spread her open, and fuck her. But he couldn’t let the urges win. After what she’d given him, he owed her pleasure.
Still, this need to claim her in some way had him reaching for his thinnest paintbrush. He dipped it in purple paint and brought it to her lower belly. Knowing she couldn’t wait much longer, he wrote his name quickly, but clearly. Bowen. It might be insignificant compared to how he wanted to mark her as his own, but it would have to do for now.
He tossed the paintbrush aside, blowing on the drying paint as he ran his hands up the insides of her smooth thighs. When they met at the sweetest part of her, he ran a knuckle down her seam to find her wet. His cock surged against his belly, his body begging to be inside her, to use the wetness to his advantage. Instead, he pushed his middle finger into her tight heat, groaning at how little room he had to move it.
In the hopes that kissing her would remind him to go slow, he crawled up her body, sinking into a kiss as he fingered her. “Let me ask you a question, baby. What kind of dickless morons have you been around your whole life that not one of them made a play for you? For this?” He added a second finger, pushing a little deeper than before. “Not that I wouldn’t want to end their miserable lives for them right now if they had.”
Finally, he’d loosened her up enough that he could massage her G-spot with his middle finger. “All-girls’ school,” she gasped, her hips jerking off the floor. “Do that again.”
Bowen obliged, keeping his fingers working between her legs as his open mouth skated across her cleavage. “You like that, don’t you? I haven’t even touched your clit yet.”
“Maybe you sh-should?”
“Not yet.” He moved back down her body, his tongue licking a path along her shuddering stomach, circling her belly button. “My tongue wants the first stroke.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he grew impatient to do exactly as he’d said. Losing his battle to be gentle, he shoved her thighs wide, taking a moment to look her over. Memorize the moment. Her back was arched off the floor, her eyes on him wide and trusting, hips shifting with the need he’d built with his fingers. What had he called her when they met? A stunner? How fucking inadequate. He didn’t have words to describe her. She glowed. She’d somehow fallen out of the sky and landed in this unworthy place, with an unworthy man.
He threw her legs over his shoulders, lowered his head, and took the first delicious taste of her. Firming his tongue, he licked up her center and went right to work, worrying her sensitive bundle of nerves. Fast, slow, fast, slow. She liked it both ways, begging for one, then the other. Her fingers pulled frantically in his hair, making him even hotter to get her off.
“Bowen. Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”
He worked two fingers into her, never pausing in the worshipping of her clit. Already she was beginning to tighten up, contracting around his fingers. One suck of her nub into his mouth, a pinch of her flesh between his lips, and she went flying, screaming his name in a way he knew he’d replay every damn day of his life. He’d never seen anything like her, the honesty that twisted her body, blanketed her beautiful face. She climaxed with every part of herself, wringing each drop free as if it might be the last time she experienced it.
Bowen had to laugh at that.
As soon as her thighs went slack on his shoulders, he pushed them up, bringing her knees even with her chest. “More, Sera. I’ll always give you more.”
His mouth didn’t stop until her throat was too hoarse to scream his name anymore.
Chapter Eleven
Sera leaned against the kitchen counter, eating a green apple and trying not to stare at Bowen’s closed bedroom door. Even after what they’d done together last night, he’d retreated to his own room after depositing her limp body in the guest room bed, underneath her halo where he claimed she belonged. His behavior grew more and more confusing, and while she should be focused on the case and not examining his actions, she couldn’t help it. His huge presence had taken up permanent residence in her mind, and no way could she shake him.
He continued to be honorable, sticking to his guns and not sleeping with her. Even the nuns at Holy Angels would approve. She should be grateful. Really. Even without sleeping with him, she’d started feeling…an attachment to him. A dangerous realization if she’d ever had one.
She could hear her uncle now. You see all the good in people. Never the bad. You’re too soft to be a cop. The familiar rhetoric was so ingrained in her mind, she could hear his voice like he stood in the room.
Originally, sh
e’d justified coming to stay with Bowen as a way to further her investigation while finding out if he’d played a role in Colin’s death. Yet here she stood days later without even one attempt under her belt. She’d become too comfortable and she needed to step back, view the situation objectively again. Already this morning, she’d done a quiet search of the apartment that yielded no results. Not that she’d expected much in the living area or guest room, Bowen being smart enough to keep any possible incriminating evidence somewhere safe. Away from prying eyes. Where, though?
Sera pushed off the counter. It would only take her five minutes to get to Bowen’s car and back. She could clear her head and cross one more searchable location off her list. It had to be done. After tossing her apple core in the trash can, Sera pulled on a light jacket and went to the door. Unlocking the dead bolts sent three loud clanks echoing through the silent apartment, making her cringe. She held her breath and waited to hear movement in Bowen’s room, but nothing came. With a relieved exhale, she gently pried the door open and slipped into the hallway.
Hands tucked in her pockets, she moved quickly down the sidewalk, grateful that residents in this neighborhood appeared to be late risers. Most of the shops hadn’t rolled up their metal gates for the day. The fewer eyes on her the better.
Bowen’s car sat parked just around the corner from his building. She only felt safe taking five minutes to search, knowing that Bowen could wake up any moment. It wouldn’t be a pretty scene if he found her room empty. Five minutes wasn’t very long, especially when you had no idea what you were looking for. Or in this case, hoping you didn’t find. Her brother’s case had been labeled cold—officially, anyway—and it had been years since his death, so she didn’t necessarily expect to find evidence. However, she could search for a link between Bowen and Hogan. Weapons. The one that killed Colin had never been recovered.
Sera’s hands clenched inside her pockets. What would she do if she found something incriminating? As soon as she asked herself the question, something became glaringly obvious. She was in deep. Into the investigation, yes, but even more so with Bowen. When evidence was found, it went to the department. There were no other options. In her case, it went to the department and she vamoosed as soon as she was sure Hogan was gone. And she’d go alone.
