by JT Kalnay
Jay listened, his head was still swimming. His heart was tearing and breaking and the pieces were raining down around him like a shattering chandelier.
"I thought you needed to find out,” she said. "I'm happy we were able to do it here, without a scene. Where you were least likely to do anything stupid.” Jay continued to stare off into space. He had absolutely nothing to say. The business-like tone in her voice confused him. What he had thought was love now appeared to be just a charade.
"I thought we had something, a future. And now this,” Jay managed to stammer out. His tongue was heavy in his mouth. He felt on the edge of childlike tears.
"So now you know how dangerous it is for us?" she asked.
"Us?" Jay answered. "You're still talking about us? How can there be any us?" he questioned her. The urgency in his whispers was clear.
She put down her drink, took his hand in both of hers and stared into his face until he finally looked into her eyes.
"Because you still love me,” she answered. She placed his hand back on the table.
Jay gagged on the realization that she was right. No matter what else had happened, or who she was, or what she had done, he did still love her. She'd made him better. Made him feel, dream and love. He couldn't turn away from her, not even now when he knew what it could cost. He'd have to live in hope that somehow what they had was truly love and that somehow it could survive her being married to Angus.
Tonia looked across the table at him. She could see his anger waning, his mind resigning itself to the depth of his love for her. Somewhere, deep inside, in an unexpected place, she felt something for him that she couldn't identify. They finished their dinner in relative silence. Neither one able to think of what to say at a time like this. The dinner chit arrived and Tonia signed it in her husband's name.
"So do you want a ride home or anything?" Tonia asked.
"No I drove. Thanks,” Jay answered coolly.
Tonia measured him, looked at his tired face and his once proud shoulders now stooped and hanging low. I've got to get him back right now or I might lose him, she thought. "Well then you can give me a ride home,” Tonia announced. She abruptly stood and strode purposefully from the room. Jay had no choice but to follow this woman who'd led him to so many new places and to an infinity of emotions well beyond his mortal limits. He drove her to the MacKenzie mansion. It rose out of the autumn's early evening fog, towering over the red and yellow and brown leaved oaks that stood majestic guard over its noble grounds.
"Would you like to come in?" Tonia asked.
"What about Angus?" he asked.
"What about him?"
"What if he's home?"
"Well you're his guest aren't you?"
"What if he suspects?" Jay asked.
"You're his guest,” Tonia repeated insistently.
"For golf. Not for sleeping with his wife.”
Tonia's eyes flashed in anger. "Who said anything about sleeping together? Why do you just assume that we're going to do it?"
"Well I just thought..."
"Well you thought wrong. I told you. That first time, on the beach, at the sunrise. Remember?"
"Yes I remember,” Jay said. He drifted back to the glorious morning. It seemed like so long ago and so far away to him now. Like he'd seen something happen to other people and he and Tonia were no longer the people who'd joined on that beach in the full glory and splendor of the rising morn.
"Remember I said it could never be cheap, or quick, or dirty for us? It always has to be beautiful and special. I meant it.” Tonia's tone softened. She came closer to him. "Oh Jay, none of this changes that.” Her hand swept in a panoramic arc around the estate. "My life here is one of emptiness. I don't love him anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. But I owe him.”
“Leave him,” Jay said. He slid his hand to her cheek and pressed his trembling fingers to her cool flesh.
“I can’t,” she said.
"I'm sorry,” he said.
"I’m sorry too,” she answered. She pressed a warm tender kiss to his lips. Jay's eyes closed in surrender. And then she was gone. Back to the mansion. Back to Angus. Back to her secret life that Jay could never even have imagined. He watched her disappear into the fog and then, for the longest time, just stared into the fog where she had disappeared.
Chapter
"Bill I need a vacation,” Jay Calloway announced Monday morning at work. "Time to get away for a few weeks, recharge. Get some fresh air.”
"Can you wait two weeks until we have more people trained on the PT109?" Bill Beck asked.
"Yeah sure. That'll give me time to plan,” Jay answered.
He had a lot of planning to do. It was approaching the start of November and he had to figure how to meet his friend Rick Hewlett at the top of Clingman's Dome on November 11th at 11:11 am as they had agreed at their graduation. Jay also had to get in better shape for the climbing, not just jogging.
"Where's he going to go?" the woman asked.
"He didn't say.”
"Well find out!" she snapped.
"How?" he asked. The strain of 7 months of surveillance was wearing the team down. They'd made a few mistakes in the last month. They'd lost their tail on Jay twice and Jay had actually seen one of them. The man had been reprimanded and replaced. The team had learned that Jay Calloway was almost ready to be put in play so they had to be certain he was clean.
"Get Stan Krantz to give him a call. Tell him the CIA needs to know if he's been on any trips or if he's planning any. Tell him they need to know for their background check.”
"What'll Stan say if Jay asks about the job?"
"Let Stan worry about that,” she snapped.
The tension was getting thicker and thicker in the room next to Jay's apartment as the critical date approached.
Jay answered the phone on the third ring. "Hello?"
"Hello, Jay Calloway please?"
"Who's calling please?" Jay answered. He never gave out his name to people whose voice he didn't recognize.
"Stan Krantz.”
The name set off alarms in Jay's brain. He thought he'd seen someone following him a couple of weeks ago and lately he'd had a feeling that something wasn't quite right in his apartment, or with his computer. He couldn't point to anything specific but he just felt that something was a little weird. And the TV in the next apartment always seemed to be tuned to the same channel as his TV. It was odd. His mother had asked him several times if he'd heard some static on the phone when they were talking. Jay hadn't. He figured it might have had something to do with Tonia and her husband.
Maybe Angus MacKenzie was suspicious of him and was checking up on him? Jay's stomach had become a little jumpy over the whole deal between him and Tonia. But now, with Stan's call, Jay figured it must have been the CIA keeping track of him. Maybe they're finally going to offer me a job?
"Stan Krantz? From... from...,” Jay searched for the company name they'd told him to use in phone conversations.
"Yes. From Allied Computer Consulting,” Stan answered. "How's everything going?"
"Oh not bad. You know. New York can be pretty intimidating at times but everything's going pretty well for me. I was just getting ready to go on vacation. What's up with you?” Jay tried to sound casual, like a hiring manager from the CIA called him every day.
"Things are fine with me. I just wanted to let you know that we are still considering you for the position. We ought to be making a decision in the next couple of weeks. Are you going to be around? Will we be able to get a hold of you at this number?" Stan asked.
"Well, actually no. I'm going on vacation for a couple of weeks.”
"Oh?"
"Yeah.”
As Stan let the silence spin and grow, Jay offered no more information, refused to fill the void as so many would. He was upset at the CIA. Upset that they had interviewed him and grilled him and checked out his family and friends and now, months and months later they put a tail on him and then called him to let
him know they might be offering a job so he should sit by the phone?
I don't feel like being jerked around, not even by the CIA, Jay thought.
"Somewhere special?" Stan finally asked.
"Not really. Just a trip to the mountains,” Jay said, trying to be vague.
"You're not leaving the country though are you?" Stan asked. Jay could hear the urgency in his voice. He figured that maybe the CIA was actually going to offer him the job. He decided to stop busting Stan's ass, throw him a bone.
"No I'm not leaving the country,” Jay said. "And I'll be back by Thanksgiving. If you've waited this long, another couple weeks won't matter will it?"
"No I suppose not,” Stan answered. The nasty tone in Jay's voice was unexpected. "Listen. I'm sorry about the delay. But you knew it could be a long time, we told you at the interview. We haven't been in touch in between then and now because we didn't want to interfere, didn't want to lead you on. We're serious about you, always have been. I probably shouldn't tell you this but if everything works out the way I think it will, sometime in the next three or four weeks we'll be asking you to join us. So why don't you think about that on your vacation okay?"
"Okay,” Jay answered.
The two men chatted for a few more minutes. Stan tried by clever devices to find out where Jay was going. Jay tried equally cleverly to figure out what the job at the CIA would be. After a few mutually fruitless minutes the conversation ended.
"How'd he do?" the woman asked.
"Nothing. He got nothing,” the man who'd been listening answered.
“Damn.”
“Damn is right. We got anybody that knows anything about mountain climbing? If so, we better get them on call and up to speed.”
Chapter
"That's right, I'd like the chalet for two weeks, starting November 9th," Jay repeated. "Yeah sorry about the noise, I'm calling from the subway. It can be a little noisy down here," Jay explained.
He wasn't sure why he was making all of his vacation plans from public pay telephones in the New York City Subway System, but he was. Ever since he'd discovered the suspicious tail and his father had mentioned the static on the phone, Jay had become paranoid about the CIA finding out anything about him. Jay's overactive imagination was kind of on a persecuted secret agent kick, which made sense, he'd just read The Firm and seen the movie Wall Street.
"No, I'll be paying cash, no credit cards,” Jay explained. "I'll mail a money order for the deposit to you today alright?" he asked. "Good. No. No reason I'm paying cash, I just believe if you can't pay cash you can't afford it,” Jay lied. He wasn't using his credit card because he wondered if someone might be monitoring it.
"So how do I let my mom know that I'm going somewhere on a trip without calling her at home?" Jay asked himself as he jumped back on the uptown bound Number One subway train. Jay had developed a routine of going out at noon for his jog and riding the subway uptown for a few miles then running back downtown. He hadn't noticed anyone following him on the subway today so at Penn Station he'd jumped off, made a call from a payphone there and jumped right back on.
"He just gets on the subway at the Cortland Street, World Trade Center Station, rides uptown, then jogs back downtown. He always comes down the West Side Highway. Sometimes he gets off at Times Square, sometimes he goes all the way up past Central Park.”
"Damn. Do you think he's on to us?” the woman asked. The two agents looked at each other. "I doubt it, but it's possible.”
"Well, we better not get caught on a subway car with him. Keep doing what you've been doing. Track him on foot until you're sure he gets on the subway then pick him up on the West Side Highway as he's heading back. If he's gone too long then we'll tighten up, but it's too risky to follow him down in there.”
"Okay boss.”
"No sir I'm not in any trouble with the law or anything,” Jay explained into the phone the next day.
"Then how come you can't call your mother yourself?" the Calloway family lawyer asked from his office in Athens, Ohio.
"Because we kind of had a fight,” Jay lied. "And we kinda need a few days to cool off. I just wanted you to know that I was going to be out of town for a few weeks and how you could get in touch with me if anything happened while I was away alright?" Jay asked.
"Yes son. I do hope you'll patch it up with your folks right quick though.”
"Yessir I will, as soon as I get back from vacation. It's just been so crazy here in New York that I've gotta get away and think for a while so I’ll be able to make a proper apology."
"Jay. I've known your mother and father for more than thirty years, so I'll keep this conversation just between us. I'd hate to think what it would do to your parents to know that there was something you couldn't talk over with them."
"Yessir,” Jay answered, accepting the lecture that was the fruit of his lie to the family friend. He hung up the phone and jumped back on the subway. He figured it was time to find a new dodge, just in case.
"Anyway, that's that,” Jay said to himself as the subway train rocked back and forth, headed uptown. "Everything's set, now I've just got to get in good enough shape for this climb!"
The subway carried Jay all the way to 92nd street before he piled out. His jog back would be over six miles today. The agents had no difficulty spotting him as he cruised down the West Side Highway in his bright blue Lycra running tights.
Chapter
As the miles stretched away behind his beat up pickup truck, Jay Calloway felt the tight grip of the frantic city reluctantly loosen its hold on him. The frenzied beat of New York City started to wane. The lights of his adopted city dimmed in the rearview mirror and were finally replaced by the quiet darkness of the open road.
"I'm on vacation,” Jay said out loud. "Gatlinburg Tennessee, the gateway to the Smokey Mountains, here I COME.”
His immediate goal was to get there and settle into the mountain chalet he'd secretly arranged to rent for two weeks. On the third day of his vacation, November 11th, Jay was going to climb to the top of Clingman's Dome and meet his college friend, Rick Hewlett.
"Rock and roll, hoochee coo,” Jay sang along with the radio.
He pulled his diet coke from the cup holder in his rusted out truck and took a long hit. What had looked like a ten hour drive on paper was proving to be a much longer trip. Jay's problems had started at the Holland tunnel where he'd had to wait two hours for an accident to be cleared. During the delay he'd not even been able to sing along with his radio, the signals had been blocked in the tunnel.
He thought back to the incident in the tunnel.
The silence had been driving him crazy.
"What the hell is going on?" Jay demanded. The hushed radio offered no reply. "Time for a stroll,” he said out loud. Jay turned off the truck and walked back to the next car in the jam up.
"What's goin' on man?" the black driver asked.
"Don't know,” Jay answered. "Must've been a wreck or something.”
"Damn.” The driver shut off his car and got out. "Billy Ray Lincoln,” he said, extending his hand.
"Jay Calloway,” he answered. "Nice to meet you.”
"Come on,” Billy motioned. He walked around the back of his car, popped his trunk and pulled out a football. He tossed it easily to Jay who dropped it.
"Damn,” Jay said. He never could catch.
"Nice catch,” Billy teased. Jay smiled and they were crazy fast friends in a traffic backup, misery making company of them all. Jay picked up the ball and fired it back. He couldn’t catch, but he could chuck it. Billy caught it. A couple of teenage kids got out of their parents mini-van and motioned for the ball.
"Go deep man,” Billy said.
"Sure.” Jay trotted down between the jammed up cars and Billy tossed the ball. Jay dropped it again, this time fumbling it onto the hood of an old Crown Victoria. Jay figured he was in for it but the middle aged man in the car gave no signs of anger.
In fact, he looked like he was absorbe
d in adjusting his stereo or something and didn’t even look up as Jay approached the car to retrieve the football.
"Strange,” Jay noted. “Must be a tourist!” Jay and Billy Ray passed the ball for a few more minutes until it became clear that Jay was hopeless.
"Sorry,” Jay apologized.
"Don't worry about it,” Billy answered. They retreated to Billy's car where Billy cranked up the stereo. The sound seemed to threaten to bring down the walls of the tunnel.
"What is that?" Jay asked as the ripping bass beat tore through the huge speakers mounted in the back seat of Billy's car. “I’ve never heard anything like this.”
“Not many white boys in rusted out trucks have,” Billy answered.
They looked at each other and laughed. Jay just settled in to listen to the strange, loud music. He felt it growing on him. Finally the wreckage cleared and he thanked Billy Ray and got free of the tunnel. Now, six hours later, on the dark open road, with the driving bass still reverberating through his head he was less than half way to Tennessee.
"Maybe I ought to shut it down for the night?" he asked himself. "Next hotel I see that looks half decent I'll pull into,” Jay continued. Half an hour later he was checked into a cheap Interstate Motel and was sound asleep.
"I couldn't help it. We didn't know where he was going. I had to keep a close tail,” the tired looking agent finished his explanation. Jay Calloway had seen him in his car in the Holland Tunnel.
"He dropped a damn football on your hood?"
"Yeah.”
"In ordinary circumstances you'd be off the case,” the woman started.
"But...?"
"But we're tight on staff, you know it and I know it. With the flu and vacations we can't get anybody else on such short notice. I know it wasn't your fault. Not like Franky. But we've got to be careful. Damn it all to hell people. Just a couple of more weeks and we'll be done with this one, pass him on to the internals. So you'll stay on. But be careful goddamn it,” she finished. The final warning was meant for everyone.
