He’d gone home in a daze to find Bebe sitting on the terrace, a drink in one hand and reefer in the other. What was it she had said? “I’m home, darling, this time to stay. You’ll have to dump that little slut you’re keeping. You see, I’m pregnant, and my baby is going to need your name.”
Stupefied, he’d turned on his heel and gone to the office.
“My God,” he blurted out, “now what am I going to do?”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Reuben stood under the blanket of stars, staring at the empty studio lot. It was ghostly at this late hour, all the make-believe and fantasy locked up behind stout steel doors. During the day so much went on here that someone could get lost for hours on end. But once playtime was over, the make-believe characters went home, as did the employees in the front offices. Aside from four night guards, Reuben knew he was the only person on the entire lot.
Part of him wanted to return to Rosemary and part of him wanted to stay where he was to try to fathom what was happening to him. The one place he wanted to avoid, and knew he couldn’t, was his house in Laurel Canyon. How could so much happen in so short a time? Rosemary pregnant with his child. Lovely, sweet Rosemary carrying his son or daughter. He’d never seen her angry or upset. She’d wanted his…what? His blessing? Or did she want his face to light up the way it worked in the movies when a blushing bride of three months announced her pregnancy to the delight of her new husband? A baby was simply not part of his plans. Rosemary knew that; they’d spoken of it often enough. He’d trusted her when she’d said the Catholic method of birth control was safe. It suddenly occurred to him to wonder if this child was meant to trap him into marriage. His disillusionment was so total and all-consuming, he wanted to strike out at something, anything, just to vent his frustration.
Marriage to Rosemary had never been his intention. Obviously Rosemary hadn’t accepted that, although he thought he’d made it clear. He liked her, even loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her, and that made all the difference and explained what he was feeling now.
Choices. Did he have choices? Did he want choices? No, he decided, he didn’t. But the honorable thing to do would be to divorce Bebe and marry Rosemary and be a father to her child. Their child. But what of Bebe?
Bebe was pregnant with another man’s child, yet she expected him to accept that fact and carry on as though it were his own. “Goddammit, Bebe,” he cried aloud, “you expect too fucking much of me! How long are you going to make me pay?”
Reuben’s shoulders slumped. How was it possible that two women, as different as night and day, could bring him to his knees like this? His life had been so peaceful, so simple, when he’d lived with Mickey in France.
Christ, he was tired. He had to go home and try to get some sleep; he was going to need his wits about him in the morning when he talked to Bebe. Yet he made no move to leave his position atop a buckboard outside Lot 6. Instead, he pulled out his pocket watch and stared down at the numbers. Three o’clock. Daniel, always an early riser would be up—it was only a three-hour time difference. Daniel always talked common sense and was never judgmental where he was concerned. He might not have the answers, but he would sort through things with his analytical mind. The thought made Reuben feel much better; he hopped down from the buckboard and headed for his car.
The house at the end of the long, curving driveway was ablaze with light. Evidently Bebe was still awake. Waiting for him, probably. His stomach churned. Maybe it was better to get it over with now.
Bebe was on the terrace, waiting for Reuben with a half-eaten tuna fish sandwich and a glass of lemonade at her elbow. She wanted a drink so badly, her hands trembled, but she’d made up her mind to wait for her husband and she didn’t want him to see her drunk.
Her life was such a shambles, and she seemed incapable of doing anything about it. This pregnancy was so unexpected, and the man…if he knew, which he didn’t, would want to do the honorable thing and marry her. Charles Lefuer was a nice man—a stable, solid banker living in Montreal. Best of all, he’d made wonderful, exciting love to her, and for a little while she’d been able to lose herself in his arms. But when she woke in the morning her thoughts always returned to Reuben…her first love, her only love.
Aside from the initial shock of discovering her pregnancy, she’d felt a certain amount of relief that she could at last return to California and Reuben. He wasn’t going to like her news, but it would necessitate a certain amount of communication, something she hungered for. He might even be compassionate.
She gagged on the lemonade she was trying to swallow, remembering how she’d felt when, minutes after her return from Canada, Eli had whisked her to his car and told her in a gentle voice about “Reuben’s woman.” Which had stunned her more, she wondered—her brother’s unexpected tone of voice or his actual words? According to Eli, everyone knew about Rosemary; Reuben practically lived with her. He’d gone on to tell her the story of the red ribbon on Rosemary’s house, and she’d wept then, her soul full of sorrow. She would have died for a gift-wrapped present from Reuben.
Now she struggled with herself to be angry with Reuben, but it wasn’t working. For God’s sake, why was she hanging on to a man who didn’t want her? “Because,” she whispered, “he’s the only man I have ever loved or will love. This little bit that I have is better than nothing.” She wept as she always did when thoughts of Reuben carried her this far in her soul-searching. Inevitably, then, she thought of John Paul, fanta-sizing about telling Reuben, about traveling to France with her husband in search of their son, about how they’d welcome him with open arms and declare their love for each other. Eli said it was a pipe dream and told her to stop torturing herself, because Reuben would not be forgiving and, if possible, would hate her even more. She always felt sick to her stomach after she talked to Eli because he spoke the truth.
Reuben didn’t love Rosemary, that much she knew. He might be enamored and infatuated, but his heart belonged to someone else. Reuben loved Mickey and would always love Mickey. The woman hadn’t been born who could make his eyes light with that special look, and his warm smile would never be directed at anyone but Mickey. She’d stopped fooling herself years before. The part of Reuben she wanted and needed was buried back in France, lost to her as John Paul was lost to her.
Bebe jerked her head upright at the sound of Reuben’s car. He was opening the front door, striding through the foyer to the kitchen and out to the terrace. Her back was to him, and she didn’t need to hear his footsteps to know he was almost upon her. “Good evening, Reuben,” she said quietly.
Reuben stared at his wife coldly, as though she were an intruder—which, to him, was just what she was. “I assume you’ve waited up to talk with me, although I can’t imagine that there’s anything more to be said.”
Bebe smiled. “I’m sure you must be having some difficulty with what I told you last night. First of all, you should know that the father—Charles—is a fine man, a banker in Geneva. He was someone…I need…Well, it doesn’t matter what I need, you were interested in my needs only if they fulfilled yours,” she said without rancor. “I consulted two doctors before I came home and both confirmed my pregnancy. I didn’t tell Charles because I don’t love him, and I could see no reason to upset his life. I plan on staying here now, in…our house. The way I see it, you have two choices. You can divorce me and marry Rosemary—Oh, yes, I know all about her. Eli told me when he picked me up. Or you can send Rosemary packing and return home. Of course, it will be the same kind of marriage we had before, but you will be home with me during this pregnancy. If you had been a proper husband, I wouldn’t have had to go looking somewhere else for what I need, just as you went somewhere else.” How tortured he looked, how woebegone. Bebe’s heart thumped in her chest.
“Of course, you realize that if you leave me, you’re out of the studio. You’ll have to look for a job somewhere else. Now, I plan on sleeping late in the morning, so why don’t we have lunch together on the terrac
e tomorrow and discuss this further?”
“Bebe, it’s not as cut and dried as you think. Rosemary…Rosemary is pregnant.”
Bebe thought her heart stopped for a second as she attempted to digest Reuben’s words. “All that and a house wrapped in a big red bow,” she muttered. She laughed, a harsh, bitter sound, then rose and walked upstairs to her room. Only then, with the door closed, did she let the tears flow. Reuben, Reuben, what fools we are! she cried silently.
The following day Bebe dressed carefully in a rainbow-colored dress with a wide sash belt. She wanted to have something to play with to calm her trembling hands. It wouldn’t do for Reuben to see her in anything but a position of control. When she walked onto the terrace, Reuben was already at the glass-topped table. She took her seat opposite her husband, fixed him with a steady gaze, and waited.
For the first time in his life Reuben felt like a trapped animal, unsure of which way he should move to escape the snare. Clearly Bebe was waiting for him to say something, to make a suggestion. He was just as sure that she already had his decision mapped out for him; he would stay with her because of the studio.
His stomach churning, he shoved his lunch plate away from him. “I need more time to come…to decide what I want to do. You can’t flounce back here and expect me to bail you out again. I’ve made a life for myself, Bebe. In a million years I never would have believed that both of us…” He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “You’re pregnant, and I’m in the same…It’s a problem. Are there any other conditions you haven’t mentioned?” he asked dryly.
“Only one,” Bebe said just as dryly.
Reuben clenched his teeth. “What is it?”
“As of tomorrow Rosemary is just a memory in your life. I expect you’ll want to use the remainder of the day to…to make provisions for the child. For Rosemary, too. A woman can’t work and raise a child at the same time. I want you to be generous. I also want your word the affair is over and that you’ll make no attempt to see Rosemary after today. I’ll know if you do. Now, you had all night and all morning to think about this. I want you to know that I was serious about the divorce. If you want one, I won’t contest it, but you’re out of the studio.”
Reuben stood up, his eyes narrowed, his jaw jutting forward. “Very well, you win.”
“Sit down, Reuben,” Bebe commanded in a steely voice. “I’m not winning anything. In case you haven’t noticed, we are both losers. Your days of heaping guilt on my shoulders are over. We both made a mistake. I can and will live with mine, and you will have to live with yours. No dirty games, Reuben. If you so much as blink in that woman’s direction, you will be history as far as the studio goes. Just think, you’ll be able to say you gave up the love of a fine woman for power and wealth. Mickey would be so proud of you!”
Reuben’s hand lashed out before he could stop to think. The welt on his wife’s cheek stunned him. He hadn’t held back, either.
“Is this going to be a repeat of our rape scenes?” Bebe said coldly. “If so, tell me now and I’ll take off my clothes to make it easy for you.”
“You never know when to leave well enough alone, do you? I said I agreed, and I’m a man of my word. I’m sorry I slapped you. There’s no excuse in the world for a man to strike a woman.”
“Go to hell, Reuben!” Bebe snarled as she marched from the terrace. “Go straight to hell!”
Reuben was in a frenzy as he waited for Daniel to come to the phone. He’d been trying to reach his friend all morning. His foot tapped, his fingers drummed, and his head buzzed with Bebe’s demands. Daniel would know what to do.
“Reuben! It’s good to hear from you! How are things in California?”
How wonderful Daniel sounded. Reuben calmed immediately. “I need to talk, Daniel, do you have the time?”
“I’ll make the time. What’s wrong?” Daniel asked worriedly. He listened, his mouth dropping as Reuben’s story progressed.
“I‘m not in a very good position, Daniel. I gave Bebe my word. I care for Rosemary. I didn’t know until yesterday that she…She probably always expected marriage. I can’t get it out of my head that she trapped me somehow. I have to make…Daniel…”
“I can’t tell you what to do, Reuben. Sounds to me like you made up your own mind and that you made it up before Bebe made her demands. You feel like you’ve been taken, is that it?”
“Pretty much so. Jesus, Bebe waltzes back into the house pregnant and not a remorseful bone in her body, and tells me what to do. I’m doing it, too!” Reuben cried angrily.
“Hey, pal, don’t take it out on me. The first thing you have to do is be honest with yourself. You’re doing this for the studio. You don’t want to lose it. Bebe will make good on her threat, that much I know. It’s not the end of the world, buddy. You had something few of us get; you had your cake and you got to eat it, too. When it’s time to pay you have to pay, no one else is going to pick up the tab. I may be wrong, and it’s only because we’ve been friends for so long that I’m going to say this. I don’t think you were in love with Rosemary. I think you were in love with the idea of love. You were searching and have been searching for that same feeling you had for Mickey. But you get that only once. Now, tell me what you want me to do.”
“A check once a month. An adequate amount. A letter explaining that I will fund the child’s education, all medical bills, and a certain amount, whatever you think is right, into a fund for his future. Don’t stint, Daniel. I’ll tell her all of this myself, but I also want her to have something legal. I paid off the mortgage on her house, so she’s all set in that respect. She should have a car once the baby comes. Make a provision for that. And anything else you can think of.”
“I’ll take care of it. Should I send the papers on to you or to…Rosemary?”
“To me and then I’ll mail them to her. Don’t forget the doctor and midwife. I want her well taken care of.”
“Are you all right, Reuben?” Daniel asked. “Do you want me to come out there?”
“I can hold my own hand, but thanks for the offer. I feel like a fool.”
“At least you don’t feel like a fool in love. There’s a big difference, pal. Look, if you need me, give a call. I’ll take care of this tonight and get it in the mail tomorrow first thing.”
“How’s the family, Daniel?”
“Fine. Rajean is just fine, and, of course, my daughter is just wonderful. I don’t know how I managed to get along before.”
Reuben grunted something unintelligible. There was a strain in Daniel’s voice he’d never heard before. Living with someone like Rajean would not be easy. Poor Daniel. Tomorrow, after he got his affairs straightened out, he’d give his friend another call. Right now he had to talk to Rosemary.
On the ride down the winding canyon road Reuben had time to muster his chaotic thoughts. If he truly loved Rosemary, he’d be devastated by Bebe’s demands. If he truly loved Rosemary, he’d give up the studio and walk away from everything: his wife, his children, and the ostentatious house in the canyon. When had his feelings changed? When she’d made her announcement about the baby? Before?
Obviously the picket-fenced cottage, home-cooked-meal life had been strangling him for some months now. Looking back, he realized that it had been five months since he’d stopped going to the house seven days a week, pleading business or whatever excuse he could come up with. Rosemary hadn’t seemed to mind his absences. Until four months ago he would have sworn that she didn’t have a devious, manipulative bone in her body. Now, with the birth announcement, he wasn’t so sure. He allowed his mind to wander over the past four months, to other times when Rosemary wanted something or alluded to wanting something. Christ, he’d jumped through hoops to get her something even bigger and better than whatever thing she’d mentioned.
Not that he minded—he loved giving her gifts. He loved her smile and the way she threw her arms about him; and then later in bed she was the Madonna wanton. As generous as he’d been, Rosemary had been
just as generous with her body, sharing her home and her two gentlemen live-ins. Maybe he wasn’t being fair to her. Her shocking news now made everything suspect. Was he overreacting, or was he a first-class chump? After today, it wasn’t going to matter. Rosemary had given him back his life when he’d needed it most. She’d been kind and gentle, that he would always remember. And now he was going to walk away and pay for his fling.
When he turned off the engine of his car, he wondered if Rosemary was watching behind the curtained windows. At his insistence she’d given up her job at Fox and Reuben now supplemented her on a weekly basis. Before her “retirement” she’d been edgy and cranky sometimes, and he resented her tiredness. He wanted her fresh and alert, full of smiles whenever he arrived.
She smiled now when she opened the door. It was the same wonderful warm, gentle smile she always favored him with. How could she smile at him like this when she’d been so angry with him? “Come in, Reuben,” she said quietly. “Would you like some tea or coffee?”
“No. Rosemary, I need to talk to you. Please, let’s sit in the kitchen, or the garden if you prefer.”
“Actually, I prefer sitting in here so I can put my feet up. I hope you don’t mind.” She turned and walked over to the chair he always favored.
“No, I don’t mind.” His brow furrowed. Was he mistaken, or was there an edge to her voice?
“Reuben…”
Reuben held up his hand. “No, Rosemary, I have something to say and I’d like to go first, if you don’t mind. Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. You were bursting with your news, and I acted like a callous adolescent. I have to be honest with you. At this stage of my life a baby is simply not a good idea. I thought you understood how I felt about that and were seeing to it that you were…protected. At least that’s what you led me to believe. Now, I’m not trying to blame you, but it was your responsibility since you didn’t want me to use a…condom. That was the reason for my shock.” He paused to clear his throat, then continued. “I’m more than willing to provide for you and the child. I’ve spoken to Daniel and he’s arranging everything. You’ll never have to worry about a thing. If there’s anything you want or need, you have only to ask. I don’t like having to tell you this, but Bebe is home and she’s pregnant with another man’s child. That, too, was a shock to me. She’s given me an ultimatum, and if I don’t do what she wants, I could lose the studio. I want you to know I will always cherish our time together, and I will never forget it. But you understand why we can’t continue to see each other, don’t you?”
Sins of Omission Page 59
