‘I know.’
‘Can I ask you something?’ she said, spraying crumbs.
‘Of course.’
‘So you just… eat whatever you want?’
‘God,’ Piper said, picking up her own piece of toast. ‘Yes. Pretty much.’
‘How?’
‘How?’ Piper frowned. ‘I just… I like food. I spent a long time trying to diet or “cut down” or “be good” or whatever and it’s all just bullshit. It’s just food. It’s not good or bad. Some of it is better for you, obviously, but there shouldn’t be any morality attached to it. Like, not having a piece of cake isn’t virtuous – it doesn’t make you a better person. If you’re hungry, you eat, that’s it.’
‘I was shitty to you when we were younger,’ Holly said.
Piper didn’t mention that she was still shitty to her pretty often.
‘Yeah,’ she said instead. ‘You were.’
‘It was just… everything seemed to be so easy for you, you know?’
Piper let out a bark of laughter before she could stop herself. ‘Are you serious?’
‘You were Mum and Dad’s favourite. Both of them. You did really well at school. You had these amazing friends. And I just felt like I was trying so hard all the time but never quite getting it right. And I never knew why.’
Piper shook her head. ‘I never knew you felt like that. I never had any idea.’
Holly smiled. ‘I used to want to ask you how you did it. But I didn’t want you to know I was faking fucking everything.’
‘I always felt I was faking everything too,’ Piper said. ‘But not even well. Like everyone knew I was faking badly.’
‘No,’ Holly said. Her eyes were starting to close. ‘No way.’
‘And I always thought you were Dad’s favourite,’ Piper said. ‘He talked about you all the time. He was so proud of you.’ Her voice cracked.
‘You too,’ Holly said. One eye was open, but the other was half closed. ‘I miss them so much.’
Piper nodded, swallowing. ‘You need to go to bed.’
‘I’ll sleep here,’ Holly said. She reached up and quickly wiped her face. ‘It’s okay.’
‘Give over. You can sleep in my bed with me.’
‘Is there room?’ Holly said. ‘I don’t mean because—Oh fucking hell. I just mean, is there room?’
Piper laughed. ‘There’s room.’
* * *
‘Jesus Christ,’ Matt said, as Piper opened the door. ‘What happened to you?’
Piper shushed him. ‘Holly’s here. She’s still asleep. We went out last night and it got messy.’
He followed her into the flat. She pulled her bedroom door closed on the way past.
‘I’m assuming you were the only one who got messy?’ Matt said, as Piper filled the kettle.
She shook her head. ‘Nope.’ She leaned closer to him so she could whisper. ‘James has left her. She’s quit her job. Everything is fucked up. She told me she was pretending all the time and was jealous of how easy everything was for me.’
‘What the actual fuck?’
‘I know. And she tried to get me to ring you and invite you over. She’s warm for your form.’
‘Never say that again. And let me repeat: what the actual fuck?’
‘I know.’ She took three mugs down from the shelf and dropped in teabags.
‘And here I was thinking I was bringing primo goss along with a maple bacon pancake.’ He held out a polystyrene box.
‘Fucking hell, Matt. You lead with the maple bacon pancake, god!’ She flipped the lid and her mouth immediately watered.
‘Should I go back and get one for Holly?’
Piper put the box down while she made the tea. ‘I doubt she’ll be up for a while. She puked outside the undertaker’s.’
‘Holly? Your sister Holly? Your goody two shoes, practically-perfect-in-every-way sister Holly?’
‘Yes. That one. And shush!’
‘I’m just struggling to get my head round it. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen her looking slightly dishevelled, never mind puking—’
‘In a grid. Outside an undertaker’s.’
‘Is it wrong that I’m immediately finding her more attractive?’
‘Yes. You weirdo.’
They sat down at Piper’s small dining table with their teas, two forks, and the bacon pancakes between them. Saturday mornings with Matt were one of the very best parts of Piper’s life.
‘Did you go out last night?’ she asked him. ‘You look surprisingly bright-eyed.’
‘That’s what I was going to tell you. I went out for one. With Rebecca. And finished with her.’
‘Oh. Oh wow.’
‘Yeah.’ He folded a piece of bacon into his mouth.
‘How did she take it?’
‘She was… not best pleased.’
‘Oh no.’
‘Apparently she thought I was going to ask her to move in with me.’
‘What? Why?’
Matt shrugged. ‘I don’t actually know. She kept saying it was the next step and I was like… we’re really not there yet. I mean, even if I was happy with her I think it’d be too soon to move in, right?’
‘I think so? But I don’t know that there are actual timescales.’
‘Oh apparently there are. She said there are. And we were at the very least approaching moving in time. So.’
‘Did she cry?’
‘She cried. She yelled. She threw a drink at me.’
‘Oh god.’
‘And some crisps.’
Piper covered her mouth as she laughed. ‘Where was this?’
‘The Queens.’
‘Oh no.’
‘People stared.’
‘I bet they did.’ Piper dragged some pancake through the syrup. ‘How do you feel about it? Are you okay?’
‘I feel fine, actually. I mean, I feel shitty for upsetting her. But I felt less shitty as soon as she threw the drink at me.’
‘And the crisps.’
‘And the crisps. I’d been enjoying them too.’
Piper’s bedroom door creaked as it opened and Holly appeared. Her hair was matted to her face, and her eyes were still mostly closed. She was wearing a T-shirt Piper had given her and it hung off her thin frame. She saw Matt, squeaked with horror and disappeared back into the bedroom, slamming the door.
* * *
The next time Holly appeared, she was wearing her own clothes – a drapey black top with sheer sleeves over tight dark jeans. She’d brushed her hair and removed last night’s make-up – presumably with the wipes Piper kept on her bedside table. She looked younger and softer than she usually did. Matt looked at Holly then turned back to Piper and widened his eyes.
Piper got up, pushing her chair back. ‘Sit down, I’ll make you a tea. How do you feel?’
‘Not great,’ Holly said. She sat down on the sofa and stepped into her boots.
‘Sit at the table,’ Piper said. ‘I’ll make you some toast. Sorry, we’ve eaten all the pancakes.’
‘I can go and get more,’ Matt said. ‘They were really good.’
‘What were they?’
‘Bacon and maple syrup.’
Holly stared down at the floor and then said, ‘That would be great. Please. If you really don’t mind.’
‘I really don’t,’ Matt said, standing up. ‘I’ll be ten minutes.’
‘Wow,’ Holly said, once Matt had gone. ‘You two aren’t…?’ She waved her hand.
‘God,’ Piper said. ‘No.’
‘But you are seeing someone? Is it Robbie?’
‘Rob. And yeah. I guess. I mean, I’ve had dinner with him and… stuff. But we’re not, like, together or anything.’
Her sister stared at her for so long that Piper started to freak out.
‘You’ve always been totally yourself,’ Holly said. ‘I think I’ve always resented that. And now you’re actually going out with the boy you were crazy about as a teen.’ She shook her head
. ‘I need some of whatever you’re on.’
‘You’re fine, Hol. You’ve always been fine.’
‘But I’ve never really been happy,’ Holly said.
Piper was shocked to realise her sister was crying. She hadn’t seen her cry since, well, since the funeral.
Holly scrubbed at her face with flat hands. ‘I’ve been thinking I should try to be less… me.’ She laughed. ‘I should try to be more like you.’
‘I don’t think—’
‘No, I don’t mean… I mean, you don’t have to worry about me. I just think… all this time I’ve been trying to be this perfect person and that wasn’t me. And I don’t even really know who “me” is. And so maybe I should try something different.’
‘You could try coming home,’ Piper suggested. ‘I’m going again next weekend.’
Holly winced. ‘I don’t think so.’
So maybe she hadn’t changed after all.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
‘This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,’ Piper said, rolling onto her side and curling down further under the duvet. Rob’s bed was comfy. And warm. She did not want to get out of it.
‘You asked me to wake you up,’ Rob said. Piper could hear the amusement in his voice. ‘In fact, you begged me.’
‘I didn’t beg,’ Piper said. ‘And I must’ve been drunk. Why would I want to get up and go running in the middle of the fucking night?’
‘It’s not the middle of the fucking night. It’s almost morning. I slept really well. Can’t imagine why.’
Piper opened one eye and peered up at him. It was definitely still dark – she could only see the shape of him looming over her. But she could tell he was smiling. She pushed herself up on one arm and kissed him. He tasted of toothpaste.
‘Forget about running,’ Piper said. ‘Come back to bed. I can give you a good workout. Really put you through your paces.’
Rob laughed and straightened up. ‘I’ve already got my trainers on. Are you coming or not?’
‘I could be,’ Piper said. ‘If you weren’t making me go out for a run.’ But she was already swinging her legs out of bed.
* * *
Their footsteps echoed on the empty pavement. Piper was only aware of the cold air, her breath, Rob next to her, the still water of the river over the wall. She knew why he liked it. It was like being the first people in the world. The only people in the world. She’d never known the prom so quiet and empty.
‘You do this every night?’ Piper asked, her breath coming fast. She was running at the same speed as Rob, but his strides were longer so he kept getting slightly ahead and having to jog on the spot until she caught up.
‘Not every night,’ Rob said. ‘Most nights. I don’t sleep when I don’t.’
‘And you’ve tried running in the day like a normal person?’
Rob laughed. ‘Yeah. That’s good too. But this is better. Honestly, I’ve tried everything else, but this is what works.’
‘Wow,’ Piper said, slowing to a walk. ‘I can feel my pulse in my face.’
Rob slowed too, walking alongside her. ‘I wouldn’t expect you to come with me. I just wanted you to know—’
‘Race you to the clown statue,’ Piper said, running again.
Rob overtook her easily before turning and running backwards, goading her.
‘You’re a shit,’ she said. ‘I don’t know why I like you.’
He stopped immediately. ‘You like me?’
‘You know I like you,’ Piper said. ‘God.’
Once she was past him, she started to jog again.
‘I hoped you liked me,’ he said. ‘I kind of assumed you did since you keep coming back. But you never said.’
‘I mean, do I have to spell out everything?’ Piper said. ‘Couldn’t you just, you know, infer?’
‘Hey,’ Rob said, grabbing her wrist and stilling her with his other hand on her shoulder. ‘Look.’
She turned and gasped at the sight of dozens of rabbits running down over the rocks and the grass that separated the prom from the road behind. Their white tails flashed in the darkness and there were so many of them she couldn’t quite catch them all in her mind.
‘Is this why you like running at night?’ Piper whispered.
Rob hooked his chin over her shoulder, his arms sliding around her waist from behind. ‘Part of it, yeah. First time I saw them I shit myself. One darted out in front of me. It was like something from a Stephen King novel or something. I thought I was going to be swarmed.’
‘Local night runner savaged by rabbits,’ Piper said.
She felt Rob’s laughter against her back. ‘What a way to go.’
‘What are they doing?’ Piper said. They seemed to be running every which way, without intent.
‘Dunno,’ Rob said. ‘Maybe they’re just out for a night run too?’
‘Couldn’t sleep,’ Piper said.
‘Rabbity anxiety dreams.’
Rob unhooked his arms from her waist, but grabbed her hand. They started walking again.
‘National carrot shortage,’ Piper suggested.
They walked as far as the Pierrot and then Rob said. ‘Do you want to go back?’
‘Not really,’ Piper said. ‘This is nice.’
They crossed the road and carried on to the beach. The tide was out and they sat down on a cement bench, looking out at the water.
‘I wish we’d done this back then,’ Rob said.
Piper smiled. ‘I don’t know. We probably would’ve fucked it up if we had. This is better.’
‘So you don’t think we’re going to fuck this up then?’
Piper looked at him. He was leaning back against the bench, long legs stretched out in front, crossed at the ankles. Piper was cold, but Rob didn’t seem to be bothered at all – totally relaxed. She shuffled along the bench and leaned against him, and he immediately wrapped one arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.
Light was just starting to show on the horizon: a thin line of pink.
‘Can we stay for the sunrise?’ Piper asked. ‘Or will it take too long?’
‘We can stay,’ Rob said. ‘We’ll probably need to huddle together for warmth though.’
By the time they’d stopped kissing – Rob’s warm hands roaming under Piper’s hoodie – the sky was almost entirely pink streaked with orange. Piper looked over Rob’s shoulders: the rabbits had all gone.
‘I think they only come out in the dark,’ he said, even though she hadn’t mentioned what she was looking for.
‘You and the rabbits,’ Piper said.
‘And now you too,’ Rob said, dipping his head to kiss the side of her neck.
‘Only this time,’ Piper said. ‘Never again.’
‘Never?’
‘Next time you can wake me up when you get back. And I’ll warm you up.’
‘Deal,’ Rob said.
They walked back along the prom, holding hands, and stopped at Starbucks, even though, as Rob said, he had a perfectly good coffee machine at home. But Piper was cold and tired and, if she was honest, kind of wanted to show Rob off. Even if it was only to a barista she didn’t even know.
* * *
In Starbucks, a woman had come rushing up to Piper, saying ‘Oh my god!’ She’d clutched both of Piper’s hands and said, ‘It is you, isn’t it? Piper?’
It was only then that Piper had realised who it was: Dee, one of her mum’s friends.
‘Gosh, it’s so good to see you,’ she’d said. ‘You look so much like your mum.’
And Piper had burst into tears.
Dee had been full of apologies and Piper had apologised too, and hugged her, and then she and Rob had left without their coffees. On the way back to his flat, he’d been quiet, squeezing her hand, but not asking her anything or encouraging her to talk and she’d really appreciated it.
Now, on his balcony, she stared out at the water. ‘It was always easier to pretend they weren’t really gone if I didn’t come home,�
� she said.
Rob nodded, his hand on her knee. She curled her hands around the coffee he’d made for her as soon as they’d got back.
‘I don’t want to forget them.’ Piper swallowed a sob. ‘It’s just easier when everything doesn’t remind me of them, you know? Like I can picture them here in so many places – my mum looking up at the blossoms in the park. My dad waiting in the queue in the chippy. But then there’s all this new stuff too. Like the cinema and Wetherspoons and these flats. And I don’t have memories of them here. But it seems wrong that they never knew them too. Do you know what I mean?’
‘I can understand that it must be bittersweet,’ Rob said.
‘That’s exactly the word.’
* * *
‘When will you be back next?’ Rob asked later as she packed her bag, looking around his room for anything she might’ve missed.
‘First weekend of next month, maybe?’ Piper said, heading into the bathroom for her toothbrush.
‘You know,’ Rob said. ‘You could leave that here. So you don’t need to worry about forgetting it next time.’
‘But then how would I clean my teeth in London?’ Piper joked, leaning down to kiss him as she dropped her toothbrush into her toiletries bag.
Rob grabbed her hips and steered her between his thighs. ‘Leave it all. I’ll take care of it until you come back.’
‘But what if I don’t come back?’ Piper said. ‘Then I’d be out a shitload of make-up. Do you know what that stuff costs?’
Rob’s hands dropped down to his sides. ‘I dread to think. I’m just saying. If you wanted to leave anything here, you could.’
‘Maybe a toothbrush,’ Piper said. ‘Next time. I’ll buy another when I get home.’
She zipped her bag up. ‘Done.’
‘I’ll take you to the station,’ Rob said.
‘You don’t need to do that,’ Piper said, as she always did. Even though she loved it. She loved him walking her to her train, kissing her on the platform, smiling through the window as the train pulled away. He’d got on board once to put her bag on for her and she’d half hoped the train would leave and he’d have to go back to London with her. Even though that wouldn’t work. Her life in London was something else entirely. She couldn’t imagine how Rob would even fit in there.
The Invitation_The perfect laugh-out-loud romantic comedy Page 15
