‘But I want to say it.’
‘And I don’t want to hear it.’
‘What if I whisper it?’ Rob said, his mouth moving round to her ear, lips grazing her earlobe.
‘No,’ she said. She rolled away from him. ‘Look, I’m going to go and stay at Connie’s.’
He reached for her. ‘Don’t do that. I’ll shut up. I can think of a few ways to keep my mouth busy.’
‘It’s not that,’ Piper lied. ‘I just think I should go. I keep coming home and seeing you and barely seeing Connie and—’
‘Pipes, it’s the middle of the night!’
Piper was standing now, pulling on her clothes from where she’d left them on the floor.
‘It’s okay, I’ve got a key. And this way I can see her in the morning. She said she’s got something she wants to show me.’
Rob sat up in bed. ‘You really don’t have to go. You shouldn’t walk up there on your own.’
‘It’s fine,’ she said. ‘It’s Friday night, it’ll still be busy.’ She knew it was – she could hear music from the pubs through Rob’s open bedroom window. ‘This was really good. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?’
‘Piper,’ Rob said. He was out of bed now too, but he hadn’t bothered getting dressed. He followed her through the flat, naked.
At the door she turned and kissed him quickly, one hand flat on his chest to hold him back.
‘It’s not because of what you said,’ she told him.
But she knew neither of them believed her.
Chapter Thirty-Two
‘I didn’t know you still had this,’ Piper said the next morning, grasping for the handle and then sliding the heavy box out from under the bed.
Connie had still been awake when she’d arrived in the night – even though it had been gone midnight – and she hadn’t even seemed surprised to see her. Piper hadn’t slept – she’d read the texts Holly and Matt had sent her (Holly’s passive aggressive, Matt’s pleading) and lain awake, staring at a water stain in the corner of the ceiling and thinking about how quickly a life could fall apart.
‘I almost chucked it when I moved,’ Connie said, her voice muffled because she was rummaging in the bottom of the wardrobe. ‘But I thought you might want it. Or your sister. But I forgot to mention it to you.’
‘You’ve got the slides too, right?’ Piper said, her voice scratchy with tiredness and tears. The thought that her aunt might have kept the projector but thrown away the slides made her feel sick.
‘They’re under there too, I think. In a tin.’
A Quality Street tin. The Quality Street tin that had been a button box when they were growing up, Piper thought. It was one of the things she’d loved about staying with Connie and Graeme. She would sit in the middle of the floor for literally hours, sorting the buttons into piles or just letting them run through her fingers.
‘Wasn’t this the button box?’ she said now.
‘Oh, I threw those away,’ Connie said. ‘No one replaces buttons any more. Do you want some toast?’
‘I can do it,’ Piper said, automatically.
‘I bought some jam,’ Connie said, frowning. ‘But I can’t remember where I put it.’
‘Okay.’ Piper followed her into the kitchen. ‘Jam. I like jam.’
She opened the fridge and shifted around the random assortment of food: a dried-up lemon in the door, a packet of ham, an open tin of soup, the surface dotted with mould.
‘This one’s a bit past its best,’ she said, taking it out and putting it on the counter, ready for the bin.
‘Oh rubbish,’ Connie said. ‘I don’t take any notice of all the sell-by and use-by dates. It’s all a trick to make you spend more money. They didn’t have them when I was young.’
‘This one’s mouldy though,’ Piper told her. ‘That’s usually a bit of a clue.’
‘You can just scrape that off,’ Connie said.
And Piper suddenly remembered an argument when she was small. She and Holly staying with Connie. Connie slicing mould off the chunk of cheese she’d been about to use to make them cheese and crackers. Holly refusing to eat it, crying, saying she’d be sick. And Connie snapping and saying, ‘Do it yourself then!’ and stalking upstairs. Uncle Graeme had made them toast with honey instead.
‘I don’t think it’s in here,’ Piper said, crossing the kitchen to the cupboard above the kettle. She moved boxes of tea and jars of spices. The shelf was sticky and crunchy with salt.
‘I sometimes put things on the top shelf,’ Connie said, ‘if I buy them before I need them.’
The top shelf was full of bags of flour, icing sugar, those little silver candy balls for cakes.
‘Do you still bake?’ Piper asked.
‘I haven’t. Not for a while. Can’t work this oven.’
‘Oh, there’s honey!’ Piper said. On the second shelf. ‘How about honey?’
But when she unscrewed the lid, the honey was mixed with something brown. Marmite? Nutella? Gravy? There was no way of knowing.
‘Biscuits!’ Connie said so suddenly that Buster let out a small yap. ‘Beryl brought me more of those blasted biscuits.’
* * *
When Piper first switched the projector on, the square of light was small, low on the wall behind Connie’s sofa. She turned the dial on the front to make it bigger, but they had to find a pile of books to rest it on before they could get it centred on the wall.
Even the humming sound took Piper back to childhood. Her stomach twisted with a combination of nerves and excitement. She knew what was on the slides. And she wanted to see them. But she also didn’t.
‘Ready?’ she asked Connie, lifting a slide out of the tin. Connie was ready. Piper wasn’t sure she was.
* * *
She slotted the slide into the projector and clicked the button. The slide appeared on the wall, but out of focus and upside down.
Connie snorted. ‘That always used to happen. I’d forgotten about that.’
Piper felt like she was holding her breath, like she was waiting for some great mystery to be revealed, as if the photo on the wall could change everything. Instead, when she got it in focus and the right way up, she saw herself and Holly, sitting on donkeys on the prom.
‘I can’t remember that at all,’ she said, frowning. ‘I’ve always said I’ve never been on a donkey. I went horse riding once with—’
With Rob. She didn’t want to think about Rob.
Connie was holding slides up to the light, turning them the right way round and slotting them into the projector. She glanced up at the photo.
‘That’s just in front of the new flats. Where your fella lives.’
Piper hadn’t realised, but she was right. The fort in the background. But the apartment block hadn’t even been built back then.
‘Remember Graeme’s darkroom?’ Connie said, still slotting slides.
Piper hadn’t thought about the darkroom for years, but as soon as Connie mentioned it, she could smell the chemicals, feel the excitement of watching the photographs appear in the trays.
‘He always had to be first with anything new,’ Connie said. ‘He hired a video camera once, for a party. This would be in the eighties. It was like a TV camera. Had to balance it on his shoulder and it had a separate thing… you know. The sound thing.’
‘Microphone?’ Piper guessed.
‘That’s it,’ Connie said. ‘On a stick. It picked up every sound in the room. Like in Singing in the Rain.’
She clicked onto the next slide. Christmas in Whitby. Piper was eight and Holly ten. They were sitting at the dining table in the cottage they’d hired, both wearing paper hats from crackers. Holly looked perfect, her hair in a neat bob, smiling at the camera. Piper’s hat had fallen down over one eye and she was trying to look up from under it, her mouth half open, tongue poking out.
‘She was a proper little madam even then,’ Connie said.
She was, Piper thought. But she’d been Piper’s best friend too. They’d go to bed in separa
te rooms and wake up in the same bed because one or both of them had had a nightmare. At primary school they’d obviously been in different classes, but they had the same friends and played together at playtime and lunch. It had been high school when things had changed and Piper still didn’t know why.
The next slide showed Piper on her own, sitting on the sea wall, just near where she and Rob had sat and watched the sun come up after their aborted run. She wondered if he’d slept after she’d left or if he’d got up and run down the prom in the dark. She wondered if he’d seen the rabbits. She wondered if he was asleep now or if he was thinking about her too.
The slide after that showed Holly and Piper with their parents, sitting what looked like halfway up a mountain. Piper had no idea where it could have been taken. She certainly didn’t remember it, and they’d never been that much of an outdoorsy family.
‘Where was this?’ Piper asked Connie, still staring at the screen. Holly looked poised, smiling into the camera while also managing to look slightly conniving. Piper looked flushed, squinting and frowning into the sun. She could barely look at her parents.
‘Connie?’ Piper said again. ‘Do you know where this was taken?’
She turned to look at her aunt. She was slumped in her seat, her head back against the cushions.
Piper’s stomach clenched with fear. There was something about her aunt’s face that just didn’t look right. She grabbed her hand. ‘Connie? Aunty Connie? Wake up? Please? Please.’
Chapter Thirty-Three
‘She looks so much older,’ Holly said. ‘And smaller.’
She and Piper were sitting next to Connie’s hospital bed, one on each side. Piper had been stroking Connie’s hand, but her fingers were so thin, her skin so dry and papery, that she had to keep stopping. She fiddled with the ring Connie had given her instead, turning it round and round on her finger.
The previous night, Piper had first called an ambulance and then called Holly. Connie hadn’t regained consciousness on the journey, or during the barrage of tests she’d been subjected to on arrival, or since.
Piper had stayed at Connie’s flat, but had barely slept. Instead she’d curled up with Buster, listened to his heart beating and cried into his fur as he slept.
Holly had got the first train up in the morning, arriving at Connie’s bedside looking tired and pale, her hair unwashed and face free of make-up. She’d held her arms out as if to hug Piper, before apparently remembering they didn’t really do that any more and dropping down to kiss Connie’s cheek instead.
‘It’s worse the longer she doesn’t wake up,’ Holly said. Even though Piper knew that; of course it was. ‘What did the doctor say?’
‘Nothing, really. Just that she’s comfortable.’ Piper picked Connie’s hand up again. ‘They’ve done a load of tests. I think they think it’s a stroke.’
‘That’s what I thought,’ Holly said. ‘The way her mouth is...’
Connie’s mouth was twisted. Only a little, but enough.
Piper nodded. She found herself blinking back tears again. She felt like she’d been either crying or trying not to cry for days now.
‘Are you okay?’ Holly asked Piper. ‘Being here?’
Piper bit the inside of her cheek. She’d drawn blood doing the same last night, as soon as the ambulance had pulled up and she’d seen the light shining through the open doors. The antiseptic smell, the squeak of her shoes on the vinyl floor, the exhaustion on the faces of almost everyone she passed. She’d thought for a second she was going to faint. A nurse had brought her a plastic cup of strong sweet tea while she waited for Connie to be seen and she’d felt like it was the only thing tethering her to reality.
‘No,’ Piper said. ‘But it’s not like we have a choice.’
‘No,’ Holly said. ‘I was thinking on the train… thank god you were there.’
Piper’s throat burned. She nodded.
‘Her neighbours would have found her,’ Piper said. ‘That’s what I’ve been telling myself. Buster would’ve barked.’
Holly nodded. ‘I feel horrible. I feel awful for not coming home.’
Piper shook her head. ‘You’re here now.’
Holly reached for her aunt’s hand, but didn’t pick it up, just rubbed her thumb over the loose skin on the back.
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘I suppose.’
Piper looked up at the clock. Visiting time was almost over. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave and go back to Connie’s and then get a phone call...
‘Are you going to stay at Connie’s?’ she asked her sister.
‘I thought I would, yeah. Do you think that’s okay?’
Piper nodded. ‘I’m staying there too.’
‘Are you not staying at Robbie’s?’
Piper shook her head. ‘We’re not that serious.’
Ignoring the look of confusion on her sister’s face, she stood and rearranged the water jug and plastic cups on Connie’s bedside table before opening the cupboard to make sure her things were still there. Not that she had much. Piper had brought her a couple of magazines for when she woke up. Because she had to wake up.
‘Why not?’ Holly asked. She was holding Connie’s hand now, Piper noticed, and staring down at it, watching her thumb brush back and forth over the liver-spotted skin.
‘Why not what?’
‘You and Robbie. I thought—’
‘Do we have to talk about this now?’ Piper said.
‘No. I didn’t know it was a big thing. We can talk about it later, if you like.’
‘There’s nothing to talk about,’ Piper said.
Chapter Thirty-Four
They got the taxi home from the hospital in silence. The driver had Classic FM on loudly, so they probably couldn’t have talked even if they’d wanted to. And Piper hadn’t wanted to.
Outside Connie’s flat, Holly said, ‘Is there food? Or should I go and get something? Will Morrisons still be open?’
‘There’s food,’ Piper said, heading up the path. ‘But I’m not hungry.’
When Piper opened the door, Buster jumped up at her, before turning a few circles, his head thrown back with joy.
‘Shit,’ Piper said. ‘Can you open the balcony door?’
She picked Buster up and rushed across the lounge, as Holly fiddled with the lock on the balcony door, but they didn’t make it. Piper felt warm liquid dribbling down the front of her jeans. She put Buster outside anyway and looked down at herself, pulling her top away from her stomach.
‘He always does that,’ she told Holly. ‘He’s a ridiculous dog.’
Holly held out a packet of tissues and Piper pulled one out, dabbing at her jeans.
‘Not for your jeans,’ her sister said. ‘For your face.’
Piper touched her cheek with the back of her hand and was surprised when it came back wet. She hadn’t even realised she was crying.
‘I’m going to make tea and toast,’ Holly said. ‘Take your clothes off and put them in the wash.’ She stopped and squeezed Piper’s arm quickly. ‘She’s going to be okay.’
Piper nodded and headed for the bedroom.
* * *
It turned out that in packing so quickly, Piper had brought an almost useless selection of clothes, but thankfully she had managed to include a long-sleeved T-shirt. She peeled off her wet jeans and top, showered quickly in Connie’s feeble shower and took her washing through to the kitchen.
Holly was on the sofa in the living room, Buster next to her and two mugs of tea and a plate of toast with jam on the coffee table in front of her.
‘Thank you,’ Piper said, sitting on the other side of Buster and reaching for a tea. Her hands were still shaking. They’d been shaking all day. She pulled her legs up on the sofa and put a cushion in her lap.
‘Do we need to talk about—’ Holly said.
‘Rob told me he’s falling in love with me,’ Piper interrupted.
‘Fuck me.’ Holly turned to face her sister on the sofa. ‘Wh
at did you say?’
Piper shook her head. ‘I freaked. I left. I came back here.’
‘Wow. You don’t feel the same way?’
Piper frowned. ‘It’s too soon! He’s being ridiculous.’
‘You’ve been seeing each other for a while though, haven’t you? I thought you liked him.’
‘I do.’ Piper reached for a slice of toast. ‘I really like him. He’s great. He’s funny and kind and hot as hell. But—’
‘But? How’s the sex?’
Piper shook her head. ‘Unbelievable.’
‘I have to say, you’re rapidly losing my sympathy.’ Holly reached for a slice of toast too and moaned as she bit into it. ‘I can’t believe I denied myself this for so long.’
‘But,’ Piper continued. ‘He lives here. I live in London. He’s not going to move to London and I’m sure as shit not moving back here, so—’
‘Have you asked him?’ Holly said.
‘Asked him what?’
‘If he’d move to London.’
‘Of course not.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because.’
Holly raised one eyebrow.
‘Because why would he?’
‘Because he’s in love with you.’
Piper shook her head.
‘I saw his post on Facebook,’ Holly said.
Piper was actually surprised. As far as she knew, Holly rarely, if ever, went on Facebook. She said it was politically and morally reprehensible. And crammed with photos of the cats and babies of people she didn’t care about.
‘Oh yeah?’ Piper said.
‘A friend sent it to me.’
‘Sent you what?’
‘A screenshot. Of the photo he posted.’
‘Ah,’ Piper said. ‘Yeah. That was a bit shit.’
‘It was horrendous. But I didn’t mean that. The photo he posted. And his comment. I could tell even then that he was into you. And you looked so happy in the photo. And so completely yourself. It took my breath away a bit.’
Piper didn’t even know what to say. She didn’t think Holly had ever said anything like that to her before.
The Invitation_The perfect laugh-out-loud romantic comedy Page 17
