by Rhian Cahill
West could hear the whine in her voice and imagined her lying on her bed with one arm thrown up over her face. “Take some more aspirin.”
“Did.”
“When?”
“Now.”
He laughed. “Give them a chance to work.”
“I feel like my head is going to explode.”
“I promise you it’s not.”
“Cross your heart?”
“Yes. Why don’t you go back to bed for a few more hours?”
“Can’t. Gotta work.”
“Kelsey, you work for yourself, you can take a few hours off and catch up later.”
“I’ll be dead then.”
He smiled at her melodramatic performance. It wasn’t like her to complain. Then again, it wasn’t like her to tie one on either. “You better not be dead. You have to be in the office at nine a.m. sharp Monday morning.”
“About that…”
West could hear the words before she said them. “Don’t you dare go back on our deal. You promised me a year.”
“That was before.”
“Before what?” He knew what she was thinking. They’d wound up in bed together, and while the night had been innocent, the temptation had been there. If he wasn’t such a stand-up guy, he’d have made a move on her. They both knew it.
“West.” His name came down the line on a sigh.
He wasn’t about to let her back out. “Here’s the thing. There’s something between us. There always has been, and we need to work that out. But right now, I need you in my office more, so you stick to your end of the deal and I promise I won’t push you on a personal front.” Jesus. What the hell was he saying?
“God. My head hurts too much to think straight,” she murmured.
“Then don’t think about any of it for now. Go back to bed and I’ll be over later to check on you and bring some food.” Maybe she’d forget his stupid words by then and he could continue with his original plan of slowly seducing her into his bed. His life.
“You can’t keep feeding me.”
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t, that’s why.” Her voice rose slightly. “Oh, God,” she moaned, and he could picture her holding her head.
“Go back to bed. We’ll talk about it later.”
She was silent for so long, West thought she’d hung up. He even pulled the phone away from his ear to check.
Bringing it back to his head, he said, “Kels? You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” Her heavy sigh filled his ear. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
He wanted to reassure her, but she wasn’t the only one worried about what would happen, and he couldn’t find the words to appease either of them right now. All he knew was he couldn’t walk away. Not again. “Get some more sleep. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay,” she whispered, a second before the line went dead.
West dropped his arm by his side and hung his head until his chin hit his chest. He had no idea what they were doing. He’d had a plan, but in light of last night he didn’t think it would work as it stood, and he certainly hadn’t factored in Kelsey’s drunken ramblings. After those revelations, there was no way he was giving up. If anything, he wanted to race towards the finish line. Suppressing the urge to rush was going to be hard, but for the sake of all that was at risk, he’d do it.
He slipped his phone back onto his belt and pushed off the counter. It wouldn’t matter how much he stressed over the situation. They’d just have to find their way one step at a time.
Kelsey sat on the edge of her seat. Literally and figuratively. She’d been waiting hours for West to show up. During the endless afternoon, she’d gone over her speech a million times. She’d prepared it as well as she had any of the debates she’d participated in back in high school. There wasn’t a box of trophies in her parents’ attic for nothing. All she had to do was stick to the argument. Except she had a sneaky suspicion that with West right in front of her, every solid, reasonable justification of why they shouldn’t get together would be swept aside as nothing more than flimsy excuses.
A rush of air left her lungs as she slumped back on the couch. She closed her eyes and hoped for strength. But she had the horrible feeling that nothing short of a miracle could save her from her own heart. That traitorous organ had been firmly on West’s side for as long as she could remember. Add in the one night she’d spent in his arms and Kelsey didn’t think she stood a chance of stopping this thing between them developing further.
The sound of a car pulling up outside had her eyes springing open and her body bolting upright. On her feet, she twisted her fingers together and toyed with the idea of pretending she wasn’t home. Only her car was in the driveway where she’d left it and West knew she’d never risk getting behind the wheel if there was even a slight chance she still had alcohol in her system. Taking a deep breath, Kelsey screwed up her courage and headed for the front door.
After waiting what felt like an eternity for West to ring the bell, Kelsey moved to the side of the door to peek through the front window. Cracking the blind a tiny bit, she peered out into the fading light of day and discovered no car on the street or in her driveway other than her own. Laughter bubbled up her throat, the slight hysterical edge only making her laugh more. She was such an idiot.
Light flooded the road right before West’s familiar four-wheel drive appeared and turned into her driveway to park beside her small hatchback. The laughter of moments ago turned into a choked sob and Kelsey whipped her hand away from the blind and took several steps back, only stopping when she collided with the wall behind her.
“Oh God.”
She brought her hand up to cover her mouth, her fingers trembling. Fear? Anticipation? Kelsey couldn’t decide what set her nerves to shaking, but she couldn’t deny that West did one thing that had been missing for years. He made her feel deeply, made her yearn for something she thought she’d found only to discover it was a poor substitute for the real thing.
“Oh my God.”
Was that it? Was what she felt for West the real thing?
Kelsey had known all along she didn’t love Bry the way she loved West, but she’d never thought too much about the differences in the two sentiments, figuring her mind had blown her youthful love out of proportion, and what she had with Bry was the grownup version. Yes, Bry was her friend, one of her best friends still, and she loved him. But with hindsight, she knew she hadn’t been in love with him. She hadn’t wanted him with the same need she’d always wanted West. A bone-deep ache that had never gone away.
Guilt filled her chest, making it hard to draw a breath. She’d let her wounded heart be soothed by the easy love Bry had offered in those first few years after West’s rejection. She’d accepted Bry’s proposal of marriage because she’d wanted a home, a family, but not with the enthusiasm of a blushing bride. It had just seemed like the logical next step in their relationship.
God. She’d cheated both herself and Bry of so much. She should never have agreed to get married. Should never have waited—hoped—so long for their love to grow—deepen. Kelsey leaned against the wall and closed her eyes as a lump of regret lodged in her throat and tears stung her eyes.
“Kels? You okay?”
Her eyes snapped open as a scream ripped from her chest.
“Hey, hey, it’s just me.” West stepped forward, letting the front door close behind him.
“H-how’d you get in?” she asked to the accompaniment of her pounding heart.
West held up a key. “You gave it to me for emergencies, remember?”
“Oh, right.” She’d forgotten all about giving him a spare.
“Are you still feeling sick? You don’t look too good.” He cupped her shoulders and bent so they were eye to eye. “Why aren’t you lying down?”
She couldn’t te
ll him what had put the sick look on her face. Not without revealing she’d carried—still held—a torch for him all these years. “Just a little lightheaded. Must have got up too quickly or something.” Kelsey forced a smile and moved out of his grip.
He eyed her warily for a moment longer before bending to grab the bag at his feet she hadn’t noticed until now. “Hungry?”
“Um, sure.” Kelsey turned and led the way to her kitchen. She could feel West’s eyes on her with each step she took, and she tried to keep her steps smooth and even but feared he could tell she was ready to shoot through the roof at the slightest provocation.
When they reached the kitchen, Kelsey had no idea what to do or say, but obviously West didn’t have that problem. He went straight to the island counter where he proceeded to remove food from the bag he’d brought in.
“Thought I’d put together a stir-fry,” he said.
He appeared at home in her house. Without pause, he knew where the pans were kept, where to find the utensils necessary to put their meal together, and Kelsey wondered when it was that he’d become so familiar with her home. “Do you need help?”
“No. I’ve got it.” He glanced up but continued to dice an onion at a thousand miles an hour without missing a beat. “Why don’t you go sit down? Watch some TV?”
She’d love nothing more than to leave the room. To hide somewhere in the house away from all the conflicting emotions West stirred just by being West, but she knew she wouldn’t. As much as she wanted to avoid him—to stick her head in the sand and pretend there wasn’t a big fat white elephant in the room—she wanted to be near him more.
With a sigh, Kelsey pulled out a stool at her small corner table and sat. “I’m good here. Are you sure you don’t want a hand?”
“Nah, almost done.” West grinned at her with that knee-wobbling smile that never failed to send her into a restless, flustered state. Oblivious to her reactions to him, he skillfully prepared their dinner.
Tense beyond tolerable, Kelsey tried to think of something to talk about that would relieve the strain. Something that wouldn’t lead to awkward questions. “How was work?”
He looked up with a frown and shrugged. “The usual.”
“Oh. Right. Good.” She couldn’t keep eye contact. Not with all those questions she didn’t want to answer, or even hear, lurking in his piercing gray gaze.
“Kels.”
She reluctantly met his gaze once more, but there must have been something in hers—some desperate plea in her expression—because he shook his head and turned to the stove where he lit the burner under the pan.
Kelsey leaned one elbow on the table and propped her chin in her hand while she watched West move around. For as long as she’d known him, he’d loved to cook. One of the few boys in their year to take cooking in high school, it had been a part of him from the beginning. And now, having a front row seat to a grownup West using his culinary skills, she had to admit it was totally hot. And she wasn’t referring to the stove.
He moved with fluid grace and a confidence that spoke volumes. She’d never felt that confident about anything. Not even her job gave her that level of self-belief and she was a damn good accountant. It just wasn’t enough. What would it be like to feel complete satisfaction in anything? Kelsey had never known that feeling. No, that was a lie. Once. Once she’d felt the glow of contentment so enormous she’d floated on a cloud for weeks. Until it had all come crashing down in the face of West’s lack of interest.
“Hey.” West clicked his fingers in front of her. “You still with me?”
“Sorry. What?” She blinked and brought her focus back to the man before her.
“I asked if you wanted to eat in here or out in the living room.”
Kelsey stood up. “The living room will be more comfortable.” It would also offer a distraction in the form of her TV.
“Here.” He held out two plates filled with a yummy-smelling noodle stir-fry. “You take these and I’ll grab drinks and cutlery.”
She took their meal and headed towards the front of the house. She’d bought an older place when her divorce was final with the hope of doing it up. But so far, in the not quite two years she’d lived here, she’d done nothing more than line the cupboards with paper.
Putting their plates on her garage-sale coffee table, she sat on her worn secondhand couch and questioned why she was living with hand-me-down furniture when she could afford to purchase new. The only new things in the house were the TV and her bed. Everything else had been picked up cheap or given to her.
“Water good?” West asked as he put two glasses on the table in front of her. He held out a fork. “Dig in before it gets cold.”
Kelsey stared at the scratched and scarred fork. Oh my God. Even the cutlery was secondhand. She raised her gaze to find West watching her with one eyebrow arched in question.
“Everything is old,” she murmured.
Wrinkles creased his forehead as he sat beside her still holding the fork out to her. “Huh?”
“All my stuff. It’s old and used and I have no idea why.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t you see?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
And then it dawned on her. She’d walked away from Bry with nothing. She let him keep their house, their furnishings, even her car. Sure, he’d paid her half the value of everything they owned in the divorce settlement, but before that she’d left with her clothes and half the money in their savings account. Why would she do that? It didn’t make any sense. She’d always had secondhand belongings growing up, and she’d vowed never to settle for second best again once she moved out of her childhood home.
Her gaze travelled around the room. Jesus. Even the blinds were used. She’d picked them up at the same garage sale as the coffee table, thinking they’d do for a few weeks until she bought new ones, only she still hadn’t replaced them.
“Kels?” West put his hand on her knee, drawing her attention back to him.
Knowledge slammed into her like a punch to the stomach. She’d not only settled for second best when it came to her possessions. She’d settled for the love she felt for Bry instead of putting her heart on the line and going after the man she’d really wanted all those years ago.
Chapter Six
West leaned back and extended his legs out in front of him. He laced his fingers together and rested them on his stomach as he settled his gaze on the TV. He’d wanted to talk to Kelsey. Wanted to get things out in the open, but he knew that would probably cause distress. For the moment, he was enjoying sitting together, relaxing while some sitcom played out on the screen before them.
The meal he’d cooked was gone, and he was pretty sure Kels was dozing off beside him. Another reason not to bring up the topic neither of them seemed to want to deal with. He hoped she drifted off to sleep so he could sit beside her for a few hours without the usual turmoil. No pressure. Lately, every time they saw each other the tension between them was so thick you could cut the air with a knife. But if she were asleep, those barriers she always erected when he was around would be down and he could drop his guard too. Not worry about every little move he made or word he said.
He yawned and did something he hadn’t done since he was a teenager. Stretching his arms over his head, he rolled his shoulders before he brought his arms down to lie along the back of the couch. West grinned when Kelsey didn’t flinch. If he was in luck, she was already on her way to the land of nods and wouldn’t even notice his juvenile move.
A few minutes later, a soft snoring came from beside him and he leaned forward to get a look at her face. Sure enough, she’d fallen asleep. She was probably still feeling the draining effects of last night’s binge. He always slept like the dead for the next few days after getting rolling drunk, and Kelsey’s body wasn’t used to consuming large am
ounts of alcohol so she was liable to feel it for a long time yet.
West thought about moving her to bed where she’d be more comfortable, but he figured she’d wake up and send him home, and he wasn’t ready to leave yet. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he nudged her closer against his side and was pleased when not only didn’t she protest the move, but she snuggled in. She turned towards him and nestled her head into the crook of his neck, splayed her hand over his chest.
You couldn’t have removed the grin from his face with a crowbar. He continued to watch TV, but if someone asked him what was on he couldn’t tell them. The woman beside him held his complete attention and he gave in to the urge to look at her. Her features were so delicate—high sculpted cheekbones, long, feathery lashes, her slender nose drawing down to an up-turned tip. And her lips… They were plump, but not that bee-stung look some women were into these days. No, Kelsey’s were just right as far as West was concerned. He’d love to lean over and lay his mouth on hers, but he wasn’t stupid and really didn’t want her to send him packing just yet.
He ignored the TV and continued to stare at Kels. He’d been shocked when she’d cut off her long hair a few years back, but he understood it was a cleansing of sorts for her. She’d left her husband and was starting a new life, so it had seemed only fitting she should have a new look. And West had to admit he loved the shorter length. There was still plenty of hair to get his fingers tangled in, and the way it floated around her face giving her a just-out-of-bed look always managed to get his engine revving.
Not that he was ever idle when Kelsey was around. He’d spent years living with the low buzz of arousal where she was concerned. Amazing how she could get him worked up without trying, and it took concentrated effort by other women to even pique his interest, never mind get him off. He hadn’t been a monk or anything like that. He was a healthy guy after all, but he hadn’t been one to indulge in one-night stands.
His longest relationship had lasted a year. But he usually found himself losing interest long before that, and if he were honest, he’d have to admit the woman currently lying in his arms was the reason. Even when she’d been off-limits he’d held out a tiny bit of hope that he’d have her one day in the future. And didn’t that make him a prick of a friend.
