by Collins, LK
I look behind him and a huge fire truck is parked in front of the ER entrance. I feel his grip on me loosen as our eyes reconnect.
“This isn’t finished,” he says.
But it is. It has to be. I promised myself not to get involved with someone like him. Call me a bitch, or whatever you want, but I’ve had my heart smashed way too many times by guys just like this. I’ve never been in an honest and trusting relationship and I want that. I know with Abel, it’s not possible. Not with what I’ve heard about his womanizing track record from Lex. I’ve lasted eight months fighting this, and I’m not about to give in now.
“Yes. It is,” I whisper.
I turn and walk away from what feels so right, but I know deep down is wrong. For the remainder of the day, I dive into my work and keep busy concentrating on my patients. There’s a reason I’m a nurse — it’s internally healing and therapeutic to have an impact on other people’s lives. I keep that as my focus until I turn around and see that sitting on my desk at the nurses’ station is a yellow rose. There’s a note beneath it with my name written in cursive.
Meet me on the roof at 6:00pm for our lunch-dinner. ☺ Ben
Ahh, what a sweet guy. I check my watch and it’s a quarter till six. I find Elaina, my boss, and clear my lunchtime with her. I have butterflies in my stomach because of the excitement. I know that it’s only fifteen minutes, but I just might keel over in anticipation. Trying to keep busy, I pace the floor and make sure all of my patients are okay, the minutes feeling like hours, and finally I look at the clock and see it’s 5:59. I bolt, waving bye to Elaina as I pass her office. On the elevator ride up, each floor ticks by and I know time is dragging only because I love surprises. I mean, I really, really love them.
Once the doors finally open, I exit and walk down the white hallway that leads to the roof. My palms are sweaty as I reach for the door handle. I open it and Ben is up here, sitting with his back to me at the edge of the roof. When the door clicks shut, he turns towards me. Getting up with a huge smile on his face he walks to me. “You made it,” he says giving me a hug.
“Of course I did. Were you having doubts?”
He rubs the back of his head, “Nah.”
Bullshit.
But I’m not about to call him out on it. I don’t know him well enough. “Come on. The sun’s about to set,” he says walking to the edge where he has a blanket laid out and two boxed lunches.
“This is really sweet of you. Thank you,” I say.
“No problem. I did what I could considering we are both working. So take your pick, tuna or turkey.”
“You know I love seafood. I’ll take the tuna.”
“That’s why I got it.”
As we sit, I wonder why I’ve never come up here myself. Sitting down, my feet dangle over the edge and my stomach tightens with excitement as I stare at the ground. I love heights and anything that sparks an adrenaline rush. Taking my eyes off of the ground, I pull them up to the sky and I’m stunned by the sight in front of me. The sky is a mixture of pinks and blues.
“Damn, it’s gorgeous.”
“It is. Do you ever come up here?” he asks.
“No, I don’t.”
“Really? Why not?”
I can’t help but giggle. “I was just wondering the same thing. I guess I’ve never thought of it. In the ER, I’m so busy, when I take a break I grab some food and head back.”
“Cara, you have to step away from work and enjoy things like this or else you’re going to get burned out. I can see the passion you have for your work and your patients. I’ve noticed it for quite some time. Don’t let that fizzle away because you aren’t taking time for yourself.”
“I’ll do my best to remember that.”
“Let’s eat and then you can tell me why on earth you’re single.”
I laugh again at his boldness. He really just speaks his mind. Like earlier at the smoothie shop when we sat down and he blurted out “Tell me about yourself.” At that point, I didn’t even know a thing about him, minus that we worked together.
I unwrap my tuna sandwich and take a bite, looking again at the sky. It’s now a mixture of pinks and purples.
“Are you going to tell me?” he asks.
I swallow and look at his blue eyes and messy hair. “Why don’t you tell me first?”
“You do that a lot, don’t you?”
“What?” I ask, confused.
“Switch the conversation off of yourself.”
“No, I don’t,” I argue back.
“Well, you’ve done it twice with me.”
I take a long sigh and realize maybe I have been avoiding certain questions. “I’ve never had luck in the dating department. I always fall for the wrong guys and end up getting my heart hurt. I’m tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results, so I’m taking a new approach and letting love take a back seat so I can change my ways.”
He swallows a bite of his sandwich and asks, “So why are you on a date with me?”
“Because you’re different than the guys I typically fall for. Plus, my lunch date today cancelled,” I joke and nudge his shoulder with mine in hopes he will drop this topic. We’re both silent as we eat. Ben doesn’t bring up my reasons for not dating or why I’m single again and for that I’m grateful.
“Thank you for this,” I say.
“It was my pleasure,” he says and looks deep into my eyes. Searching his, I look for an attraction. I want to be drawn to him. However, there’s something missing I just can’t pinpoint.
Damn it, I’m doomed.
I pull up to the hospital for my last shift of the week and it looks like all hell is breaking loose. There are five ambulances and a few cop cars. I park and sprint to the first ambulance. Fuck, it’s a kid. I hop in the back and take over squeezing the controlled ventilation bag from the EMT.
“What are his vitals?” I ask.
“BP is one-ten over sixty, and his pulse is strong. He was pulled out of a burning apartment building. He has no physical signs of injury. I believe at this point it’s just smoke inhalation, but I don’t know how long he’s been unconscious for.”
“Alright, let’s get him inside and consult with an attending. We’ll need to page the pediatric on-call doctor as well.”
While we push the gurney inside, he suddenly goes into cardiac arrest. The EMT yells “code blue” and every available staff member comes over to help us. I watch in horror as this little guy quickly loses color, and I know we don’t have much time.
“We need a crash cart,” I yell.
Ron, the attending on duty, takes over while I cut open the boy’s shirt and hook up the heart monitors. Jaime, another nurse, charges the paddles as I smear goo on his chest.
“CLEAR!” Ron shouts before sending a volt of electricity coursing through his body. We all put our hands in the air and step away from the patient. “Charging 200 joules,” he says and shocks him, causing the boy to bow off of the bed. But we get nothing. The line on the monitor stays flat.
Ron shocks the boy again. The pediatric doctor arrives and assists. We all continue to work as a team on him for the next forty minutes, but never restart his heart. The time of death is called and that horrible sinking feeling comes over me. As much as I love my job, during times like this I absolutely loathe it. Losing a patient is never easy, but when it’s a child, it’s just heartbreaking.
I excuse myself and head outside. There’s nothing else I can do. It was on my watch that someone’s little boy died. Walking towards my car, I take a minute to myself on the way to grab my bag. Then I hear someone call my name. I turn to see Ben jogging towards me.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks.
I shake my head not wanting to talk about what just happened. “Cara, talk to me. What’s the matter?”
“I just lost a patient. A kid.”
His expression changes to sorrow as he steps closer, wrapping me in his arms. I take comfort in his firm hold and tightly grip his t-
shirt. The way he holds me is exactly what I need right now, and he doesn’t push me to talk any further or ask more questions. We stand like this for a few minutes and when he pulls away from me, he rests his forehead on mine, and stares at me.
Looking into his eyes again like I did the other day, I don’t feel anything and I pull away. “I have to get my bag out of my car.”
He releases me. “Yeah, of course. Listen, I’m really sorry. Let me know if you need anything?”
I nod my head and when Ben turns to walk away from me, I see Abel standing at the entrance of the ER. Immediately I’m on pins and needles with anticipation as to why he is here. Abel turns away from me and walks inside. I continue to my car to grab my purse. I know I shouldn’t be excited that Abel is here, but I can’t help what I’m feeling. That spark that I’d hoped to feel with Ben ignites within me the moment I see Abel, even from a hundred feet away.
Walking back inside, I look for him but don’t see him in the waiting room. I press the button on the wall allowing access to the ER and I see Abel at the end of the hallway.
Sonofabitch.
He’s talking to Ben and is inches away from his face. Ben has his hands out to the sides of him and is shaking his head. I jog down the hall. “Abel, what the hell are you doing?”
He looks away from Ben and back to me. “I was just asking this little prick why he had his hands all over you in the parking lot.”
“That’s none of your business!”
Abel looks away from me and back to Ben. Clearly he is making this his business and doesn’t give a damn how I feel.
Ben starts talking, “Cara just had a patient pass away and was upset. I was just trying to comfort her, that’s all.”
Abel’s eyes are glued to mine. “I hope you’re happy, Abel. And to make things clear, you don’t have a right to care who the hell has their hands on me,” I snap at him.
Ben walks away from us and I call after him. But he waves me off and disappears around the corner.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I had no idea,” Abel says.
“Don’t you think it’s a little late for that? I mean, really. Who the hell do you think you are coming in here acting like this?”
He steps closer and I retreat a step. “Don’t. I told you yesterday this was finished.”
“I wasn’t trying to do anything. I heard you. I’m sorry for how I just acted. You’re right — it’s not my place.”
“Damn straight you have no right. You are so much to handle! What the hell are you doing here anyway?”
“One of my guys was brought in with smoke inhalation so I came to check on him.”
“Fine. What’s his name and I’ll take you to his room?”
“Troy Sorano.”
“Okay, follow me.” I turn and start walking, not waiting to see if he comes with me or not. But I can sense that he is behind me. How could you not sense someone with a presence like his? As we round the corner, I check the board and see that Troy is in room 114. Of course, I’m his nurse.
“Fuck, you stink,” I quip at Abel.
“Sorry, I just left a fire. It was an apartment building, and pretty brutal.”
I think back to the EMT telling me that the kid was pulled out of an apartment building. I wonder if Abel saved him. I turn to look at him as we approach Troy’s room. He has his huge black and yellow firefighter pants on and a blue Denver Fire t-shirt. He has soot all over his arms and forehead. I realize now that I didn’t even notice any of this when I first saw him. I open the door and we enter Troy’s room.
“Hi Troy, I’m Cara. I found someone that came to see you.” He opens his eyes to see Abel standing next to me and smiles.
“What’s up, Chief? You didn’t have to come here.”
Abel smiles and sits in the chair next to his bed. “I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to. Plus I’m supposed to be the last one out of any fire and your crazy ass didn’t listen to me when I said we needed to evacuate.”
“I’m sorry, but there was a little boy in there and I couldn’t leave him. I had to get him out.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
Troy looks over at me as I check his vitals and write them down on his chart. “Can you find out how that kid is doing?”
“Yeah,” I say lying. I know in the pit of my stomach the kid who died is the one Troy pulled out. “I’m not sure if they brought him here, but I’ll see what I can find out.”
He smiles at me, and leans his head back into the pillow.
“You look beat, dude. I’m proud of you for today. I’ll let you rest and stop by later to check on you.” Abel says and pats his shoulder. As I exit the room, Abel is right behind me.
He grabs my arm and stops me before I go behind the nurses’ station. Immediately his touch sparks my body, but this time I pull away. After seeing the way he reacted with Ben, I’m definitely not going to let myself get involved. I can see all of the characteristics in him that I’m desperate to avoid in a relationship. I need a man like Ben — sweet, thoughtful, and considerate. Not this brute who sweeps in like he has some caveman claim over me when I’ve made it clear I’m not his.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod my head and rub my forehead feeling a headache come on.
“Listen, I’m sorry again for earlier,” he says.
I put my hand up to stop him. “Walk with me?” I ask.
His eyes light up at my request and we leave the ER. We head outside, into another warm day, and I love the early summer weather. “I don’t know how to tell Troy this, but I think the kid he pulled out of the fire earlier is the patient I lost.”
“Oh shit, Cara, it was a kid?”
“Yeah. Why do you think I was so upset? I worked on him for forty fucking minutes, Abel.”
He grabs me tightly and pulls me into his large body. I melt into him, unable to push him away. I can’t fight what I know is wrong. Under the soot smell, I can still smell his scent that I love; it’s so fresh that as I breathe in it tickles my nose. His chest is hard as a rock as he holds me. Tears gloss over my eyes and I don’t know why — I never cry.
“Don’t worry about Troy. I’ll tell him, okay?”
I nod my head and I feel his lips press against my hair. Another ambulance pulls up and Jamie runs out of the ER. She looks over at us and yells to me, “Cara, I need you on this. I paged Ron, but it’s just us for now.”
Abel releases me and gently pushes me in the direction of the ambulance. I run towards the patient who is being pulled out of the back, although my body is screaming at me to stay put in his arms, where I feel safe and secure.
I finally fall asleep after tossing and turning for hours. Just as I’m drifting off, my phone rings. “Noooooo,” I say into my pillow and reach for my phone off of my nightstand.
“Hello,” I croak without taking my face out of the pillow or looking at the screen.
“Cara?” a male voice asks.
“Yeah,” I say and roll over.
“It’s Vincent, are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just woke up. What’s up?”
“So you remember how you and I went ring shopping a few weeks ago. The jeweler called and the ring’s ready. I want to ask Alexa to marry me today.”
“Today as in this day?”
“Yeah. I’m not waiting any longer; I’ve waited long enough. Listen, I called because I need your help. I wanted to take her somewhere special and then she got this harebrained idea to have a BBQ since the weather is so nice. So I’m going to do it here. Do you think if I e-mailed you a list of what I need you could pick it all up and the ring too?”
“Of course.”
“Thank God. I owe you. I don’t have an excuse for sneaking away today, and I kind of already told the jeweler you would pick the ring up.”
“You’re really going to owe me,” I joke.
“I know, thank you. I’ll buy you anything you want.”
“It’s no problem. I’m glad y
ou asked me and trust me to take care of it all.”
We hang up and I stare at my screen. I scroll through my contacts and stumble upon Abel’s name. I remember the night he programmed it in here. So many times I’ve been tempted to call him, just like I am now, but I haven’t. Maybe I should change that. As my thumb hovers over the screen, an incoming call comes in from Alexa.
I answer it and drag my ass out of bed, “Hey, Lex.”
“Morning, girl. I was thinking about having an impromptu BBQ today. Are you down?”
“Actually, I have plans,” I say, completely joking.
“No. You have to come. Cancel your plans.”
“I’m just messing with you. I’ll be there. What time?”
“Four o’clock?”
“Sounds good. Text me if you need me to bring anything.”
“You got it. I’ll see you later.”
I hang up and turn on the shower. I can’t even imagine how excited Alexa is going to be tonight. I know she has dreamt of this happening, but always thought it was impossible. Finally today Vincent is going to make her dreams come true.
I get in the shower and wash myself, as well as my mane of hair. I’m thinking it’s about time I get it cut. It’s seriously down to my ass. I love to let it grow and then cut off twelve or so inches and donate it to Locks of Love for kids with alopecia.
I get out and dry off. As I do, I check my e-mail on my iPad and see Vincent has already sent over the list. God, that man is prepared. He needs white rose petals, preferably twenty dozen. Holy hell. White candles of different sizes and dimensions. And the ring.
I’m sure I’ll have to go to at least ten different flower shops to get that many roses. I dress in a comfy, floor-length, cotton dress, grab my short jean jacket and put on a little makeup before I leave.
The errands weren’t as bad as I thought they would be. I only had to go to six flower shops and two stores for the candles. I waited to grab the ring until last, since it costs more than a small house, and I didn’t want it sitting in my car all day.
