by Lauren Rowe
“You want to know what I’ve ‘figured out’? You’re a hypocrite and a liar. Which I knew, of course. But I thought I could overlook the red flags and learn to trust you completely. I thought you’d changed. But now I know I was deluding myself.”
My heart explodes with panic. “What are you talking about?”
“Quiet on the set!” the director yells, glaring at me. “Okay, let’s cue the mentors! And . . . roll cameras! Mentors?”
After flashing me a little snarl, Laila plasters a fake smile on her face and turns her attention toward the entrance of the stage, where two seconds later, the show’s four mentors enter.
My heart racing, I look down at the table. How does Laila not understand my ulterior motives here? Obviously, I pulled this morning’s stunt to help her. But even if I didn’t, even if there was no early-termination clause in her contract and I invited Charlie to the house this morning to find out if Laila did, in fact, screw him during the tour, then so what? Would that have been such a horrendous crime? Yes, it would have been a bit immature of me. Obsessive, maybe. But would it have been enough of a misstep to undo all the goodwill and trust I’ve built with Laila since living with her? If so, then I guess what we’ve been building is a whole lot less sturdy then I’ve been thinking.
“Okay, judges, let’s have you get up and greet your respective mentors,” the director calls out. And we four judges dutifully spring into action.
When I reach Kendrick, he grips my palm in a sideways handshake, the same greeting he usually gives me, and I can’t help sneaking a peek at Laila to find out how she’s greeting Colin. Well, that figures. She’s kissing Colin’s cheek. Probably trying to get a rise out of me. Classic Laila.
I look away, and by chance, discover Aloha greeting Fish with a kiss to his cheek. See? I say to myself. There’s no reason to panic. Laila doesn’t want to jump Colin’s bones any more than Aloha wants to jump Fish’s.
“Okay, got it,” the director says. “Now, everyone take seats at the round table, with judges and mentors next to each other, and we’ll do a few minutes of trash-talking about the teams before breaking for lunch.”
All eight of us take seats, as instructed, and proceed to banter and hype up our teams for the next fifteen minutes or so. Until, finally, the director yells cut. “Before I release you for lunch,” he says, “let’s get some pickups and close-ups with each judge-mentor duo. Laila and Colin, you’re up first!” The director points toward a mark on the other side of the soundstage, and Laila and Colin get up and head to where he’s indicated, with Laila not even bothering to look at me before she leaves.
“You’re freaking out about Colin again, huh?” Kendrick says in a whisper, the minute Laila and Colin are gone. “Dude, Laila’s only doing what the director tells her to do. The same as the photographer during that photo shoot.”
I run my palm down my face. “I messed up today, KC.” I tell him the gist of this morning’s stunt involving Charlie, and then add, “I thought I was helping Laila and now she’s pissed at me in a way that feels disproportionate. For a while, I thought she had to be playing along, but now it seems she’s genuinely pissed at me. She keeps saying she’s ‘hurt’ and that she’s trying not to burst into ‘tears.’ And I’m like, ‘What the fuck is going on?’”
Kendrick shakes his head. “I told you not to do anything with that information about Charlie. I told you to let bygones be bygones, Savage! But did you listen to me? No.”
“I was helping her, man.”
“No, you were being a vindictive dick.”
“Not this time! I swear to God.”
The director yells, “Okay, let’s have Kendrick and Savage over here next!”
With a long exhale, I get up with Kendrick and walk to the middle of the soundstage, passing Laila and Colin as they return to the table. Of course, Laila doesn’t look at me as she passes. On the contrary, she pretends to be deep in conversation with her assigned mentor who just so happens to be an underwear model, as well as a kickass, tatted drummer. And suddenly, I feel like everything I’ve ever done to show Laila who I really am doesn’t matter. I’m right back at square one with her. So why even bother to try?
When we reach our mark, the director tells Kendrick and me what to do, and we go through the motions, after which the director moves on to shooting the other two remaining judge-mentor duos while I resume my seat next to Laila. Finally, lunchtime is called. The director shouts, “After lunch, let’s start with Laila and Colin and Laila’s team, while the other judges and mentors rotate through some B-roll with their teams. Take forty-five, people!”
There’s a commotion around us, as people begin scattering, and Aloha and Fish head over to Colin and Laila sitting to my right. There’s a brief conversation I can’t make out because that Penelope fucker—Jon’s mentor—has waltzed over to Kendrick on my left and is talking way too loudly to him in my ear.
“Yeah, sounds good,” I hear Laila saying, just before she and Colin rise from the table.
“Oh, is everyone headed to lunch together?” I ask, thinking I’ll invite myself and Kendrick to join Laila and her group, whether Laila likes it or not.
“No, Colin and I are going to grab box lunches and eat in my dressing room, instead of joining Fish and Aloha in the cafeteria. Colin wants me to give him the 4-1-1 about each of my contestants before he meets them after lunch. Hi, Kendrick.”
“Hi, Laila.”
“I’m so happy to see you. Let’s catch up later.”
“Sounds good.”
Without a word to me, Laila heads off with Colin, leaving me watching her departing frame like a dog pressing his nose against a window as his owner heads off to work.
“Ooph, she’s definitely pissed at you,” Kendrick whispers once Laila is out of earshot.
“I told you. I thought she’d understand what I was trying to do for her. I actually thought she’d be grateful for what I did, but she’s gone off the deep end.”
“Well, it’s not like you came into today with a clean slate.”
I turn my head sharply to scowl at Kendrick. “What the hell does that mean?”
Kendrick looks unfazed by my death glare. “It means the stunt you pulled this morning was the same kind of shit you pulled throughout the tour. Maybe she’s thinking the past weeks were a blip—an act—and now you’ve reverted back to true form.”
I roll my eyes. “That can’t be it. Laila’s been living with me, night and day, Kendrick. She’s seen me sing Mimi to sleep. We’ve had deep conversations and watched movies and eaten meals together. She knows who I am. She knows what I’m really about. Or, at least, I thought she did.”
Kendrick shrugs. “That was my best guess. I mean, Laila’s not crazy. Passionate, yes. Does she have a bit of a temper? Yes. But she’s not legit nuts. So there’s got to be something logical behind her reaction.”
I look toward the exit again and exhale, feeling every cell in my body vibrating with the need to understand what’s going on. To fix it, whatever it is. “I’ll go to her dressing room now, and ask her—"
“No, no, not now.” Kendrick sighs from the depths of his soul. “I wish I had a recording of me saying that to you, so I could press a button and save my vocal cords.”
“I can’t sit here and play it cool, KC. Laila is in her dressing room with Colin, feeling far more pissed off at me for what I did than is logical. God only knows what that crazy woman is thinking—what she’d do to torture me, if she thinks I’ve got it coming. For all I know, she’s blowing Colin in there, as we speak!”
Kendrick rolls his eyes. “Would you stop being a jealous lunatic for a minute and listen to me? I swear, when it comes to Laila, you’re a madman.”
“Yes, I am,” I admit. “That goddamned woman turns me into a madman. But even so, I’m not crazy this time. I can feel in my bones Colin wants her. He didn’t suggest they eat lunch in Laila’s dressing room, alone, to talk about Laila’s contestants. He asked her in there so he could final
ly make his move.”
“Oh, for the love of fuck. Even if you’re right about that, don’t you trust Laila? She wants you, man. Not him. You.”
I run my hand through my hair. “But does she, though? Right now, I feel the same way I did when Laila didn’t come to my room during the tour! I thought she wanted me then, too, Kendrick. I would have bet any amount of money. But she never came to me and ignored me and blocked my number, and to this day, I can’t understand why! And now, here I am wondering why she’s spinning out of control, simply because I invited Charlie to our house—”
“To prove she’s a liar.”
“To help her get into character!”
“Okay, calm down.” Kendrick sighs. “I’m sure she’ll explain herself tonight. But for now, let’s get some lunch and let the girl do her job, okay? She and Colin are up first after lunch, so they really do have work to do before then. Let’s let them do it.”
I place my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. “I swear, that woman has taken years off my life.”
Kendrick pats my back. “At some point, you’ve got to decide to trust her, Savage. That’s what this all boils down to—you finally deciding to trust a woman, completely. To let your guard down with Laila, once and for all, and trust.”
Emotion surges inside of me. “How can I trust Laila when she didn’t come to my room, when I was so sure she would? How can I trust a woman who wanted to be with Malik fucking Wallace after he so clearly showed her and everyone at that restaurant what a flaming asshole he is? How, how, how, Kendrick?”
“And how can Laila trust you when she thinks you’re the guy who fucked that waitress and all those groupies? You weren’t her boyfriend at the time, true, but she thinks she knows how you roll, man.”
“She has to know I was full of shit about all that stuff by now!”
“But does she, though? Have you come clean to her about everything yet?”
I rub my forehead. “No. Once I get started talking, it’s gonna be a lot. I want to be sure I’m all-in before I head down that road.”
“Well, then, if you ask me, you can’t be too surprised when she doesn’t trust you any more than you trust her. My advice? You two need to sit down and talk this out, from top to bottom. Just talk to her and tell her everything.”
I throw up my hands. “You specifically told me not to tell her a goddamned thing until I was positive of my feelings for her, or else you’d beat me up.”
“That’s still true.” He smiles sympathetically. “But it seems to me you’re pretty fucking sure about your feelings at this point, man.”
I process that for a beat, and then lean back in my seat, feeling overwhelmed. “Kendrick, I’d crawl over a hundred miles of broken glass for that woman. I’d do anything for her. Literally anything. And yet, clearly, no matter what I do, she doesn’t trust me as far as she can throw me. And I don’t understand why.”
Twenty
Laila
I take a seat next to Colin on the couch in my dressing room and begin opening my box lunch. “Thanks so much for meeting with me about my team,” I say excitedly. “I can’t wait to hear your thoughts about—”
“I didn’t ask you here to talk about your team,” Colin interrupts. “Sorry. I only said that to get you away from Savage.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Oh?”
“There’s something I need to talk to you about, Laila. Something confidential.” Colin places his box lunch on the coffee table in front of us. “I’m breaching my NDA with the show to tell you about this, but, as your friend, I can’t keep it from you. Please, don’t tell the producers I told you. Also, don’t tell Savage. That guy’s a loose cannon.”
I nod and wait, my stomach tight with dread. I’m not sure I won’t tell Savage whatever Colin is about to tell me, but I’m too nervous to speak, one way or the other.
Colin runs an anxious hand through his dark hair. “I found out yesterday the producers want me here to create the potential for a love triangle with you and Savage. They want me to create the impression that I’m your ex during our scenes together. I guess there’s some chatter about that, online, and they don’t want me to dispel it.”
“Well, it’s not true, obviously, so we’ll just be ourselves, and—”
“That’s not the part that made me feel like I needed to talk to you. I’m just giving you background.” He sighs. “The big thing is the bonus they’ve offered me. During a break this afternoon, they want me to lure you to that patio in the back of the studio and make a move on you. They said they’ll pay me a hundred grand if I do it today. Fifty grand if you’re seen leaving my place in the early morning hours over the next two weeks. They didn’t say it, but the implication was they’d arrange a photographer, who’d then ‘leak’ the photo to a click-bait farm. Or maybe they have faith someone out there in the world would organically take a photo of us. I guess that’s pretty realistic, considering how much press you and Savage get. Basically, they want it to look like it’s at least possible you’re cheating on Savage with me. Or that you’re tempted. Or maybe I’m your ex and you’re not totally over me. They hit me with a lot of weird shit, Laila. I don’t even know if they know what they want. All I know is they’re looking to screw you over, and I’m not going to be a party to that or let it happen on my watch.”
I touch his arm, trembling with adrenaline. “I can’t thank you enough for telling me about this, Colin.”
“Of course. I couldn’t believe my ears.”
“Who talked to you about this?”
“Nadine. She’s the mastermind here. And she’s ruthless.”
I exhale. “I should have known this job was too good to be true. They never wanted me here. They wanted their usual three judges for the live shows—the same format they’ve always had. In fact, when that Instagrammer’s video first hit, they only wanted me as Savage’s mentor and fake girlfriend for three episodes. They never wanted me as a judge, but my agent strong-armed them. I guess they’ve figured out a way to make lemonade out of the Laila lemons they never wanted in the first place.”
“They’re idiots,” Colin says. “You’re incredible, Laila. So talented and beautiful. Funny and witty. I watched you guys shooting Draft Day on the monitors while I was waiting in the greenroom, and I was so impressed with how natural and charismatic you’re able to be on-camera. You’re totally yourself, other than pretending you give a shit about Savage.”
My heart pangs sharply. “I’m not pretending anything when it comes to Savage,” I confess. “Our relationship was fake when I first told you about it at Reed’s. But it’s not anymore. It’s as real as it gets.” Colin looks skeptical, so I add, “At least, it’s real for me.”
Colin looks sympathetic. Like he thinks I’m a fool. And that’s all it takes for the image of Savage walking down that hallway in Las Vegas with that groupie, one arm around her shoulders and the other holding a bottle of booze, to pop into my head and make me realize Colin is right: I’m a fool.
Colin assesses me for a long moment. “You’re in love with him?”
My breathing hitches. Savage and I have never labeled what we feel, and I don’t think I’ve admitted the full depths of my feelings for Savage, even to myself. I blink and a tear leaks out of my eye and streaks down my cheek. “Before today, I would have answered that question, yes, without a doubt. But today, he did something that made me realize it’s probably not going to work out between us.” I sniffle and wipe my cheek. “It’s too bad, honestly. I’ve had the time of my life with him. I was feeling pretty swept away.”
“Aw, Laila. Come here. Cry on my shoulder.”
“Thank you.”
Colin opens his muscled arms and I scootch over to him on the couch and let him wrap me in a warm hug, just as soggy tears begin falling down my cheeks.
“What’d he do?”
“It’s too much to explain. Bottom line, Savage can’t handle being happy. If he’s feeling too happy, he has this weird compulsion to mess it
up, one way or another, even against his own interests.”
There’s a knock at the door and I lurch away from Colin, worried someone is going to burst in with a camera and snap a photo that makes me look like I’m doing something I’m not. But thank God, it’s only one of the PA’s calling to me from behind the closed door. “Fifteen minutes, guys!”
“Thank you!” I call toward the door. And when I hear receding footsteps, I smile with relief at Colin. “For a split-second, I thought someone was going to barge in here and snap a photo of me crying on your shoulder.”
“Aw, Laila, you poor thing,” he says. And there’s no doubt in my mind he’s being sincere . . . but also, semi-hitting on me. Thankfully, however, Colin has the emotional intelligence not to do anything too overt in this moment.
“It’s interesting they offered you a hundred grand to ‘lead me astray’ today,” I say. “That’s the same amount they’d have to pay to buy me out of my contract. Sounds like they want me gone, one way or another, for a hundred grand. I’m sure if they’re not successful convincing you to do their bidding, they’ll move on to Plan B and get rid of me in a much less exciting way. Either way, I’m guessing I’ll be gone during the break.”
“That sucks.”
I shrug. “It was fun while it lasted.”
“So . . . are you planning to stay with Savage when the show is over for you, or is this more like a tour fling—the show ends, and the relationship ends?”
“I don’t know what the future holds for Savage and me,” I admit. “But I feel like I should tell you . . . either way, you and I probably aren’t destined to be more than friends, Colin.”
He grins. “I’m that transparent, huh?”
“I had a hunch.”
“Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate that.”
“I appreciate you thinking I’m worthy of you. You’re an amazing guy.”
He pauses. “Are you turning me down because of your feelings for Savage, or because you’re not attracted to me, regardless?”
