“I like it like that,” Dad says. “It keeps you from getting a real boyfriend.”
“Oh, Dad, it’s too late for that,” I say, unable to stop the smile from spreading. “I have a boyfriend. His name is Estaine. Remember?”
“The democrat’s kid?”
“Yeah...”
I can literally feel my dad’s disappointment through the phone, which is kind of funny, really.
“Don’t worry, Dad,” I say. “He said he would vote for you when he’s old enough.”
I hear Nora laugh, but my dad doesn’t.
Yikes.
“So, we have some good news,” Nora says.
“I could use some good news,” I say.
“Earlier this week I got a kidney infection. It was horrible and I had to be in the hospital for a few days,” Nora says.
“I thought you had good news,” I say. “That’s horrible. Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” she says. “That was horrible, but it brought some good news. While I was in the hospital, they did an ultrasound and I found out the gender of the baby. Do you want to know?”
“YES!”
“You tell her,” Nora says.
“We’re having a girl,” Dad says. I can hear the smile in his voice, which makes me happy.
“I’m having a sister?” I say, and then I start crying. “I wanted it to be a girl.”
“Oh, honey, don’t cry,” Nora says.
“I’m okay,” I say, still crying. “It’s a happy cry.”
Sort of.
I’m so, so happy it’s a girl.
But I’m also equally sad that I’m not there. Who knows if I’ll get to be there for the baby shower. Or the birth. And I want to be. I want to be there to hold my little sister in the hospital. I want to hold her and kiss her and just... be there with my dad and Nora.
“I’ve got to go,” I tell them. “I love you guys.”
“We love you too,” Dad says.
I hit the end button on my phone and I curl up into a ball at the top of the stairs and I cry.
I’m not okay.
I hope you’re right.
Sometime around midnight, Sander comes and gets me from the stairwell. I have no idea how he knew I was there, but he doesn’t ask questions. He simply picks me up, like I’m a child, and carries me to my dorm room. Teagan isn’t in there, because she’s staying with Penny, and for that I am thankful. I don’t want her to see this and get the wrong idea.
And I know why all my friends think I’m dating Sander. If I were in their positions, knowing what they know, I’d probably think it, too. It just sucks that almost everybody at my school, including my best friends, think I’m cheating on Estaine. I’m just glad that Estaine knows the truth.
“They’re having a girl,” I say to Sander, as he’s about to walk out of my dorm.
I wanted to tell somebody. Anybody. But all of the kids here think my parents are dead. I’m going to tell Estaine when I hang out with him tomorrow, but I needed to tell somebody tonight.
“Your dad?” Sander asks, turning towards me.
I nod. “I’m gonna have a little sister.”
“That’s awesome.”
It is.
Very awesome.
“All my friends think I’m secretly dating you,” I say.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t want this for you. I know telling that Rachel girl what I did made it worse.”
“It’s not your fault. You can’t have these girls obsess over you, because it would stop you from doing your job. I don’t blame you,” I say. “It just really sucks for me.”
“Sorry,” he says again.
“It’s okay,” I say. “It’s not your fault that you’re so good looking, and that every girl in our school is obsessed with you.”
Sander laughs. “That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it pretty much is,” I say. “And I think you know it is, you just don’t want to admit it out loud because you don’t want to sound conceited. But the truth is, denying it just makes females like you even more. Nobody likes an arrogant guy.”
“You probably shouldn’t admit that you think I’m hot to any of your friends, or else it’ll only make things worse.”
“I never said you were hot,” I say. “I said you were good looking. Like... I’m just saying, I definitely could’ve done worse in the bodyguard department. You’re fun to look at.”
Yikes.
Thank God this room is dark; I’m pretty sure my face is bright red right now.
Sander laughs. “You know, the girl in New Zealand I was helping out told me that you were going to fall in love with me.”
“I can see why she said that.”
“Why?”
“Because, if you were leaving me to go be a bodyguard to some other sixteen-year-old girl, I’d tell you the same thing,” I say. “But I’m with Estaine. And I’m happy. So, obviously, I’m not in love with you.”
“I’m glad you’re not, because that makes my job easier,” he says. “Actually, maybe it makes my job harder. I honestly worry you’re going to try to sneak off to spend time with your boyfriend, and it’s going to end with you getting kidnapped, or worse.”
“Let me assure you, I’m not going to run off,” I say. “I want to live. I have so much to live for. And you are currently keeping me safe. So, I want to keep you around.”
“Good,” Sander says. “What you’re going through now sucks. But I promise I will keep you safe and you will make it out of this safe and alive. You are going to live a normal life again. You’ll get to tell all of your friends the truth about who you are before you know it, and they will be apologizing to you.”
I smile at that. “Thanks. I hope you’re right.”
“Get some sleep, Phoenix.”
“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night,” he says.
“Good night.”
Sunday, September 10
Somebody save me.
On Sunday, I hang out with Estaine in his dorm. I want to completely avoid the dining hall, and I want to avoid my dorm because of Teagan and the rest of the girls. They were ridiculous last night and I just don’t want to deal with that today.
“Are you okay?” Estaine asks, when I show up at his dorm.
I have only slept a few hours and I’m sure I look like a mess from crying most of the night.
“I had a rough night,” I say.
“Want to talk about it?” He opens his door wider so I can come inside. And so I do. I walk over to his bed and collapse.
“No. Yes. I don’t know.”
I feel the bed sink beside me as he sits down. “What’s wrong?”
“My friends hate me,” I say. “Terrorists are trying to kill me. I have a bodyguard that is around me twenty-four seven. And my stepmom is pregnant with my little sister and I won’t even be there to see the birth.”
“They’re having a girl?” Estaine asks.
“Yeah,” I say; grinning a little as I push myself up on my elbow. “I found out last night.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah. And then I cried about it in the stairwell for three hours before Sander carried me to my room,” I say. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt more pathetic in my life.”
“You should’ve called me last night,” he says. “I would have snuck over and talked to you. Or I would’ve talked to you on the phone.”
“You were sleeping,” I say. “I know you had a busy day yesterday with your dad, and you’re probably stressed out about whatever it is that he wanted to talk about.”
“Actually, it wasn’t bad,” Estaine says. “My dad told me that he and Mom have put off the divorce for now. They’re seeing a marriage counselor who specializes in dealing with couples who have lost a child. So, they’re going to try to make things work. I guess we’ll see. Just knowing that they’re genuinely going to try makes me feel a lot better.”
“That’s awesome,” I say.
“I told my dad about you, as well,” he says.
My heart nearly stops when the words leave his mouth. “What did you say? About me?”
“My dad knows everything. After the video of us at the baseball game came out, he saw it. He called me and asked about you and also about Brooks. I mean, Brooks and I hate each other, so he was really curious about that,” Estaine says. “But I couldn’t really tell him anything about you. Then the whole thing happened with the terrorists, so the CIA got in contact with my dad and he knows everything now.”
“Does he hate me?” I ask.
“No,” he says. “I just told my dad that you are the most amazing and beautiful girl I’ve ever met. And then I told him it was a love at first sight kind of thing.”
Not love.
Definitely not love.
And it was slower for me. I thought he was cute, but I didn’t really want to date him until much, much later.
“And he doesn’t hate me because of who my dad is?” I ask.
“No,” Estaine says, smiling. “He did tease me about dating a republican, though.”
“Technically, I’m only sixteen, so I’m not old enough to vote either way,” I say.
“I’m sorry that you were so upset last night,” he says. “I don’t care if you call me in the middle of the night and wake me up. You can call me anytime, okay?”
I nod. “I know. I just feel like I’ve dragged you into so much already. And you have your own problems to deal with. Problems that seem a lot bigger than mine.”
“I don’t have anybody trying to kill me,” Estaine says. “Yes, my sister died. But I have mourned her. I miss her every single day, but I know that I’m going to be okay. Talking to you and being around you makes me feel better. I can breathe easier. So, I don’t care if it’s two in the morning, if you need somebody to talk to, call me. I promise I won’t be upset.”
“Only if you promise me the same thing,” I say. “If you want to talk at two in the morning, you have to call me, too. It can’t be one-sided.”
“Deal,” he says.
“Now, can we watch Smallville and just pretend like everything is perfect for a while?” I ask.
I mean, who doesn’t want Clark Kent to come save them?
“Sure,” he says.
And that is how we spend the majority of our morning and early afternoon.
Questioning everything.
That afternoon, I have laundry to do, so I head back to my own dorm. Teagan is there and I’m still a little bit upset with her, but she’s my friend. I can’t stay mad at her. So, when she says she has laundry to do to, I’m happy that we can hang out with each other.
I get that the situation I am in is messed up. It doesn’t look good. I mean, Sander is always around, even more than Estaine is. And I get why she thinks I’m cheating on Estaine. But I still wish she would trust me when I say that I’m not. I couldn’t do that to Estaine. I like him too much for that.
“You left the party early last night,” she says.
“I did,” I say.
“Look... I’m sorry about what I said.”
“I forgive you,” I say. “Just, please stop being so obsessed with the Sander situation. I promise I’m not into him like that and he’s not into me like that.”
“Say what you want, but I definitely think Sander is into you like that,” she says. “Why else would he be around so much? But I won’t tease you about it, because I don’t think you’re into him the same way he’s into you.”
I guess that is as good as I’m going to get, so I will take it.
“Thank you,” I say. “Whatever happens between Estaine and me is our business anyway, you know?”
“Yeah. I get it,” she says. “I guess I am just protective of Estaine.”
“He was your friend before he was my boyfriend,” I say. “I get it. I’m not mad about that. I’m glad he has somebody looking out for him.”
“Yeah,” she says.
I pull out my phone, wishing that I had social media. I kind of miss being able to scroll mindlessly through the feeds when I’m bored. While my phone is out, it vibrates in my hand. It’s a text from Estaine.
ESTAINE: I miss you already.
ME: I miss you, too. Doing laundry sucks. But at least Teagan apologized.
ESTAINE: Apologized? What did she do?
“Do you think I made a mistake by dating Jason?” Teagan asks.
I lock my phone and look up at her. “Why would it be a mistake? I thought you really liked him. Like, since freshman year.”
“No,” she says. “I mean, we’ve been making out and stuff. But there is somebody else... somebody I really like.”
“Wow,” I say, trying to comprehend what she’s saying. “I don’t know what to say. I thought you really liked Jason.”
“I do like him. Just... not as much as I should.”
Her words slowly start to sink in. “So, Jason isn’t the guy you’ve had a crush on since freshman year?”
“No,” she says. “Let’s just... talk about it later.”
She pulls out her own phone, signifying the end of the conversation, so I unlock my phone to text Estaine back.
ME: Teagan just keeps insinuating that I’m cheating on you with Sander. I mean, it’s getting a little ridiculous. I see why people think that. But it still hurts that she is so willing to believe it, you know?
ESTAINE: I’ll talk to her. Teagan and I have always been close friends until this year.
ME: Thank you. I don’t exactly know how to handle situations like this.
ESTAINE: Me, neither. All the guys on the football team keep trying to convince me that you’re cheating. It’s so stupid.
ME: It’d be so much easier if I could just tell everybody the truth.
ESTAINE: But you can’t.
ME: Yeah. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to break up with me. It’d be easier.
ESTAINE: Not gonna happen. I know the truth. And that’s enough.
ME: Thank you.
“You texting Sander?” Teagan asks.
“Nope. Estaine,” I answer.
“That’s cool, I guess,” she says.
The buzzer goes off on my colored clothes, so I move them to the dryer. As I’m moving them, my whites go off. Teagan is doing the same thing because we both started our wash at the same time.
I’m just ready to be done. Because I’m not sure what’s going on with Teagan, but things feel different between us. Like, maybe she doesn’t believe me when I say I’m being faithful to Estaine. Or maybe she doesn’t trust me.
“You still want to be my friend, right?” I ask.
“What? Of course,” she says. “Why would you ask that?”
“You’ve just been acting weird,” I say.
She sighs as she turns on the dryer. “It’s just... I thought I was okay with everything. And I was. But then Sander showed up and I’m questioning everything now.”
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“You know when I told you that I’ve had a crush on the same guy since freshman year?”
I nod, not liking where this conversation is going.
“I lied when I told you that I didn’t have a crush on Estaine,” she says. “But I’ve also known since freshman year that he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about him. I guess I’ve been holding out, hoping that he would change his mind. But then you came. And I knew immediately that he liked you and that you liked him. I wanted him to be happy, so I didn’t try to stop it. I mean, he doesn’t like me, you know?”
“But, I thought you really did like Jason,” I say.
“I do. It’s just... he’s not Estaine,” Teagan says. “I started dating Jason because you were with Estaine, and I thought the two of you were going to be together.”
“Okay,” I say. “Well, that’s really messed up. You shouldn’t treat Jason like that. If you don’t like him, you shouldn’t lead him on.”
“And you shouldn’t treat E
staine like that,” Teagan says. “When Sander showed up, I realized that Estaine is your Jason. You’re just dating Estaine because you, for whatever reason, you think you can’t have what you want. Except, Sander actually likes you. And I can’t let you keep treating Estaine the way you are.”
“Teagan, you’re delusional,” I say. “I have no feelings for Sander. None at all.”
She ignores me. “Just break up with Estaine. Don’t lead him on, because he’s a really good guy and I don’t want him to get hurt by you.”
I stand up from the bench. “I don’t know how many ways I can tell you this. I like Estaine. I am dating Estaine. Whatever you think is going on between Sander and me isn’t. He’s just my friend. And at this point, I don’t care if you believe me. But I am done having this conversation. If you decide you want to be civilized about this, then I’ll talk to you. Until then, I think we should just take a break from being friends.”
I don’t wait for her to respond. I just run up the stairs, out of the basement.
Could this be anymore messed up?
Never truly safe.
After leaving Teagan in the basement, I realize that I need to run. When I first came here, I hated when Uncle Matty and Jake made me run, but I’ve now grown to like it. I’m by no means ready to run a marathon, but running a couple of miles would definitely make me feel better right now. So, I call Sander, because I know I’m not allowed to go out without him.
Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Page 5
