“You’re still grounded,” he says.
“Okay,” I say.
Because I do deserve to be grounded. What I did was stupid and reckless.
“Also, maybe I could’ve been a little easier on you during training,” Sander says. “I’m used to training with people who have been doing this their whole life. We train hard at spy school.”
“I will train harder,” I say. “You were right. I mean, this is my life we’re talking about, so I should work harder.”
Sander holds out a hand to help me up and I accept it. He pulls me to my feet like I weigh nothing, which again just proves how strong he is.
“I’m going to walk you back to your dorm,” he says.
“Okay,” I say.
Together, we start walking back. I dread getting there because I don’t want to see Teagan. How did she go from being my best friend to not talking to me?
Everything has been so messed up since the terrorists put a million dollar bounty on my head. Things are too complicated... too scary. And I want to tell her that Sander is just here to protect me, but I can’t even do that.
“Estaine says the two of you fought,” Sander says.
“Yeah,” I say.
I wanted to forget about that. Because, as if it’s not enough that everybody here thinks the worst of me, now Sander, the one person who knows the truth, is questioning me. I can’t take it.
“What did you fight about?” he asks.
“You,” I answer.
“Me?”
“All his friends keep telling him that he’s stupid for dating me,” I say. “Everybody thinks... you know... me and you. And I guess it’s starting to get to him. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody like me either, you know?”
“I’m sure he will regret whatever he said to you,” Sander says. “Estaine likes you. It can’t be easy on him when he’s getting pressure from all his friends, but he knows the truth. Things will work out. You’ll see.”
“I guess,” I say.
But it doesn’t feel like it will work out. Everything is so messed up right now.
“And if things don’t work out, you can always date that other guy.”
I laugh.
Really, it’s not funny. I don’t want to date Brooks. But just hearing Sander say the words out loud is hysterical for some reason.
“Thank you,” I say to him.
“For what?” he asks.
“Making me feel better.”
I know that Sander is my bodyguard, but he’s also my friend. Possibly my only friend right now.
“No problem. You’re a nice girl,” he says. “I’m sorry you’re going through all this.”
Me, too.
“It’ll get better someday, right?” I say, shrugging my shoulders like it’s not a big deal. “And hopefully, I can look back at the moments I’ve had here at East Raven and think that these are the moments I learned and grew. These are the moments that made me who I am. Until then, I’m just going to have to struggle. But it’s okay.”
“That’s a good attitude to have,” Sander says.
At least he likes me.
“Hey, Sander,” I say, stopping just outside the door that leads into the girl’s dormitory.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for being my friend.”
He smiles at me. “You’re still grounded.”
“I know.”
Wednesday, September 13
Delusional.
On Wednesday afternoon, I actually eat lunch in the dining hall with all of my friends. It’s a little awkward, but it’s actually not my fault this time. Bryce and Emma are back together. I think it just happened last night, though one can’t be sure with those two. And Ian is pretty upset about it. About five minutes into lunch, he got up and stormed off.
Poor guy.
No, you know what, he’s better off without Emma. He deserves a girl who isn’t hung up over some guy who treats her like trash. And I don’t get why Emma stays with Bryce, but it’s her own fault for doing it.
Things are back to normal between Estaine and me. And by normal, I mean neither one of us are acknowledging the mini-fight we had last night, and to be honest, I’m glad we’re not. I just want to move on from it and forget it ever happened.
Yikes. I just realized that’s probably not the healthiest thing for a relationship—ignoring the problem. But then again, it’s not like I plan on ever marrying Estaine. He’s just my high school boyfriend. The boy I will inevitably tell my kids about when they get their first crush. Or the boy I will completely forget about. It’s still up in the air.
Teagan still isn’t talking to me. At all. She won’t even look at me or acknowledge my presence at all. It’s getting a little frustrating, but what am I supposed to do about it? I can’t force her to be friends with me.
After school is over, I hang out with Estaine and it’s then that I find out what being grounded means. Sander is sitting in Estaine’s dorm with us, and it’s a little awkward having him in there, but he’s mostly just staying quiet. He’s doing something on his laptop and I desperately hope he’s not listening to our conversation. Talk about three being a crowd.
“I can’t believe you and Teagan still aren’t talking,” Estaine says.
“That’s her decision,” I say.
“Yeah, but maybe you could try talking to her first,” he says. “I know how Teagan is. She’s ridiculously stubborn, but she’s loyal. If you tried talking to her, I’m sure everything would be okay.”
“I don’t think so,” I say, shaking my head.
“She’s your roommate. And your best friend. You can’t just give up on her this easily.”
I just shrug, not knowing what to say.
Estaine thinks that Teagan and I are just fighting because of what she said in the common room on Monday, but it’s about so much more. There is a lot of stuff he doesn’t know and I’m not sure I want to tell him.
“Come on, Phoenix,” he says, after he realizes I am not going to respond. “You should be the bigger person. I’m tired of all of our friends fighting.”
“Look, you don’t know the whole story. She doesn’t want to be my friend,” I say. “So please don’t ask me to be nice to her.”
“What happened?” Estaine asks.
I sigh, getting up from the futon.
“It’s so nice today. Maybe we should be chilling outside,” I say. “It’s probably going to start getting cold soon and I want to enjoy the nice weather while I can. I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle the cold. It doesn’t exactly get cold in Malibu.”
“Don’t change the subject,” he says.
Knowing that Estaine isn’t going to let it go, I finally turn around and look at him. I decide to tell him the story from the beginning. At least the important parts.
“When I first came here, Teagan told me that she’d had a crush on a guy since freshman year. And since you and I were hanging out a lot, I made sure that it wasn’t you,” I say. “At the time, I assumed it must have been Jason. I mean, she’s kind of been seeing him since freshman year.”
“Yeah, those two are perfect together,” Estaine says.
“Well, on Sunday I found out that it definitely wasn’t Jason she has been crushing on,” I say. “She admitted to me that it was... you. And she only did that because she thought I was cheating on you and that you deserve so much better than me.”
“What?” he asks.
I nod. “That is why we aren’t talking. I just can’t bring myself to, after all the awful things she’s said.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes,” I answer.
He doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“And I didn’t want to tell you, because how can I compete with her?” I say. “You know, she has the whole runway model thing going on, and the sweetest southern accent. And I’m... just me. I was worried you’d break up with me if you knew. And maybe you still will. But you deserve to know the tr
uth.”
“I knew she had a crush on me freshman year,” Estaine says. “I told her I wasn’t interested in being anything more than a friend to her. After that, she and Jason started hanging out a lot and I thought she had moved on.”
“She clearly hasn’t,” I say.
“You are so delusional, Phoenix,” Estaine says. “I don’t know what you think Teagan is to me, but I assure you that she is nothing more than a friend. I have never wanted to be any more than that with her.”
“You’re sure?” I ask. “I mean... she’s really pretty.”
“I’ve never thought about it. I mean, I don’t pay attention to the way she looks,” he says. “Besides, since you showed up at school, all I’ve seen is you. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was love at first sight. The second you stepped foot into the auditorium at orientation, I knew that I had to get to know you. You’re beautiful. And then I got to know you and I realized that you’re just as beautiful on the inside. And I know it’s so cliché, but it’s true.”
Me?
Beautiful?
“When I first knew that you had been lying, I had never been so disappointed in my life,” Estaine says. “I mean, at first I thought you must be some kind of pathological liar. Of course, the one girl I liked would be. But then I knew that there had to be more to the story. You were too... kind to be a liar.”
“Well, I kind of am a liar,” I say. “I lie every single day. And I hate every moment of it.”
“You aren’t a liar. You just happen to be in a really sucky situation that requires you to hide who you are. That isn’t your fault,” Estaine says.
Yeah.
Maybe.
“And trust me, I am not going to break up with you for Teagan,” he says. “Or any other girl. I promise.”
Which makes me feel better.
Until I remember that Sander is still in the room.
I think Estaine and I remember at the exact same moment, because we both look over to where he’s sitting. He’s looking at his computer screen, but as if he senses us staring, he looks up.
“You two aren’t going to start making out, are you?” Sander asks.
“If we did, would you leave the room?” I ask.
“Nope,” he answers. “You’re grounded until next Tuesday.”
“Darn,” I say.
I am not going to kiss my boyfriend with Sander in the same room. That would just be weird.
So instead, we watch an episode of Smallville and I feel slightly better.
I’m always serious.
Teagan has an away soccer game, so she will be gone until later. I use the time to get ahead on some of my school work, because despite what Mr. Anderson thinks, I want to do well in school. Sander is in my dorm, too, mostly because I don’t think he trusts me not to sneak out. I guess I don’t blame him. I did something stupid yesterday. I acted completely on emotions instead of thinking logically, but after him scaring the crap out of me, I won’t be making that mistake again.
“Did you really think your boyfriend was going to dump you for Teagan?” Sander asks.
“I thought you weren’t listening,” I say, looking over at him. He’s sitting on my futon and I’m at my desk.
“I can’t help it,” he says. “I was in the same room and it’s kind of hard not to hear.”
I shrug. “It’s fine. I understand. And yes, I did think he was going to do that.”
“Why did you think that?”
“I told him why,” I say, shutting the book in front of me. “Teagan is gorgeous—long blonde hair, big brown eyes, not to mention the fact that she literally looks like a runway model. Have you seen how long her legs are?”
“I haven’t paid attention, actually,” Sander says.
“Well, she’s very pretty,” I say.
“And you don’t think you’re pretty?”
“No,” I answer. “I mean, have you seen my hair? It’s always... messy. And it’s brown. How boring is that?”
“I like brown hair,” Sander says.
I roll my eyes, because he’s just saying that because he likes to argue. That is one thing I’ve learned about Sander—he is the most sarcastic guy I have ever met. He loves to poke fun and argue. I think he’s amused by the chaos he creates.
“And your hair isn’t just brown. It’s so dark that it almost looks black,” he says. “And brown eyes are boring. Yours are blue and sometimes I swear they look purple. So, they’re unique and cool.”
“Wow, you’re actually being nice to me today,” I say, feigning shock.
“I’m always nice,” he says.
“Yeah, right,” I say. “All I’m saying is that Teagan is pretty. And me, well... since you’ve been here, how many times have I worn something that isn’t an oversized t-shirt or a hoodie? I’m awkward and I suck at talking to people, but Teagan is the most charismatic person I’ve ever met.”
“Whatever,” Sander says. “I’m just saying that I would choose you over Teagan any day. And it sounds like Estaine feels the same way.”
“Huh,” I say.
“I honestly don’t like your roommate,” Sander says. “She’s not very nice to you. I can’t believe you two were ever friends.”
“She wasn’t always this way,” I say. “It’s only been this bad since you got here. And I get where she’s coming from. I don’t know what I can do to make it better, aside from telling her the truth; but to be honest; I don’t want to tell her. I’m not sure that I trust her not to tell Emma or somebody else.”
“You don’t need to tell anybody else,” he says. “Having Estaine and Brooks know is risky enough. Honestly, I think we should leave East Raven or put those two through torture training to make sure they won’t cave under pressure.”
Hold up.
Did he just say...
“Torture training?” I ask.
He nods.
“You’re telling me that you’ve had torture training?” I ask.
“Of course,” he answers. “It’s part of training. I was fifteen when I went through the program.”
“That’s... awful,” I say.
“Eh, it wasn’t so bad,” Sander says.
“Did Uncle Matty and Jake have torture training?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I don’t know, but probably not. The CIA and Secret Service are more mainstream. They’re run by the US government, you know? They’re bound by laws.”
“And the guys you work for aren’t bound by laws?” I ask.
“You know I’m not allowed to answer that question,” Sander says, then grins at me. “Unless you want to marry me.”
“Ha. Ha,” I say, with no humor in my voice. “You keep saying that, one of these days I might think you’re serious and say yes.”
“I’m always serious, Darling,” he says.
But he’s not.
I don’t think Sander is ever serious about anything other than his job.
“So, what do you think I should do about Teagan?” I ask.
“Ask for a new roommate,” Sander answers. “Or break up with Estaine.”
“I don’t want to do either of those things,” I say.
“Then I guess you just have to put up with her bullying you for now.”
That’s just great.
“I wish Charlie was here,” I say. “He’d know what to do. Or at the very least, he could distract her from her feelings for Estaine.”
“You miss your brother?”
“So much that I can barely stand it,” I say. “I wish he could’ve come here with me, but everybody thought it’d be best to keep him separated from me. Maybe it’s for the best. If he’s here and the terrorists find me then he could be in danger, too.”
“I’m sorry you have to be away from him. Maybe I can find a way for you to sneak a phone call to him,” Sander says.
“You could do that?”
“Possibly,” he says.
“If you did, I would love you forever.”
“See... you do wan
t to marry me,” Sander says, grinning entirely too big.
“And just when I think we are making progress at becoming friends, you go and ruin it by saying something like that,” I say, joking with him.
“Progress at becoming friends?” he asks, putting a hand to his heart. “You wound me. I thought we were already friends.”
I smile, until I remember what Estaine said to me yesterday.
“Estaine told me that this is why everybody thinks I’m cheating on him,” I say. “Because everybody thinks we’re flirting. Even he insinuated that we were.”
“Seriously?” Sander asks. “Estaine is jealous of me?”
I nod.
“I’ll talk to him,” he says. “You have a lot of things to worry about right now and a jealous boyfriend shouldn’t be one of them.”
“What are you going to say?” I ask.
“I’ll remind him exactly why I’m here—to protect you,” he says. “He doesn’t have any reason to be jealous.”
“Thanks,” I say.
Even though his words sting a little.
The problem is I’m not sure why what he said hurt my feelings.
Feelings are too complicated.
Thursday, September 14
Homecoming?
Things are slightly better today. At least now Estaine knows what Teagan said to me and he has no intention of breaking up with me. He also seems to be feeling better about the whole everybody-thinks-I’m-cheating-on-him thing. I guess I can’t blame him for letting it get him down. It gets me down, too.
Teagan still hasn’t said a word to me. Maybe that’s a good thing, though. Because all we’ve done lately is fight whenever we talk anyway. The silence is better than the yelling and accusing.
As we are all eating lunch, the lights in the dining hall are suddenly dimmed, which causes me to panic slightly. But maybe I’ve just been through so much lately that everything frightens me. When music starts playing, I calm down immediately.
Okay, whatever this is, it’s some kind of joke. Everything is okay. There aren’t terrorists here to get me. Not unless terrorists are using an American pop song to make their entrance.
Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Page 8
