by Carol Lynne
Ryan reared back. His normally easy-going partner was beyond pissed, evidently at Rio. “What’s happened between this morning and now?”
“Do you think Rio did anything with Ghost or Jack or whatever the hell his name is?”
“No.” The answer slipped easily from Ryan’s mouth. Rio wasn’t the kind of man who cheated. “But you obviously do, so tell me why?”
“I took a long lunch today and went home to surprise him.”
“And did you?” In the early days of their relationship, Rio and Nate had often enjoyed long lunches together. As far as Ryan knew, though, they hadn’t had one in a while.
Nate shrugged. “I guess, although he didn’t seem overly thrilled to have me there. We started to mess around, but then he began to get rough.”
Ryan wasn’t following. “I thought you liked it rough.”
“I do when it’s right, but this wasn’t. It felt like I could’ve been anyone. Like all he cared about was getting off.”
Ryan knew how Nate felt. The first time he’d made love to Rio it had been the same way. “So, he’s turned off his emotions again.” Ryan shook his head. “Not good.”
“You’ve seen him like this before?”
“Yeah. After I got Rio back to the States when Ghost died, well, after we thought he’d died. Rio completely shut everyone out for a couple of months. I hung around, praying every day that Rio would get through it.”
“Well he must’ve, otherwise the two of you wouldn’t have got together.”
“Right, but I think for Rio, it was about needing someone more than needing me. I just happened to be there, and he knew I was already in love with him, so I guess you could say I was a convenient choice.”
Nate slid out of the seat and moved around to sit next to Ryan. “That man loves you more than anything. You have to know that by now.”
Ryan slung his arm around the back of the booth and drew Nate against him. “I know, but I think it was more like I eventually wore him down than anything else. It was a good year before I felt Rio was making love to me instead of a ghost. But from what you’ve said, I’m afraid he’s cutting himself off again.”
Deb started to come over to take their order but a quick shake of Ryan’s head stopped her. “Just give me a holler when you’re ready.”
“Maybe I just came on too strong,” Nate said.
“When has that ever stopped Rio from fucking you?” Ryan asked.
“What should we do? I won’t let him drift away from us just because that asshole decided to pop back into his life.”
Ryan absently rubbed his chest as the tightening he’d felt for the last two days grew even tighter. “Honestly? I don’t know. Pushing him isn’t the answer, though. That’ll only drive him deeper into his shell.”
Ryan had tried for years to figure out what kind of hold Ghost had on Rio. Sure the man was handsome enough, but there was more to it than that. Rio had honestly worshipped Ghost.
“Why don’t we order something to go for all of us? Pushing Rio isn’t the answer, but ignoring the problem won’t work either.” Ryan just hoped Rio gave them the chance to prove how much they needed him in their lives.
* * * *
Nate let Ryan carry the food into the house while he concentrated on not falling on his ass. Designer shoes might look good, but they were hell to walk in on ice. Freezing rain was the bane of his existence. Snow was bad enough, but at least it wasn’t as slippery as ice.
“You got it?” Ryan asked from the top of the steps.
“Why didn’t you tell me it was going to start this shit? I would’ve taken my boots with me today.”
“It’s the end of December in Wyoming. I figured you’d been here long enough to know better than to assume anything about the weather.” Ryan unlocked the front door and waited with his hand on the knob.
Nate skated his way up the steps by holding on to the rail. Thankfully the porch was covered and he eventually found solid footing. He took one of the white paper sacks from Ryan. “You sure about this?”
Ryan leant down and gave Nate a quick kiss. “Just do us both a favour and don’t snipe at Rio about what happened earlier.”
After the talk he and Ryan had shared in the diner, Nate wasn’t about to cause waves. “I won’t.” It was the fear in Ryan’s eyes that told Nate more than words ever could. Nate couldn’t remember a time in their years together that he’d seen Ryan as scared as he seemed now.
Once inside, Nate set the sack on the entry table and took off his coat, gloves, scarf and shoes. “Rio?”
When he didn’t get an immediate response, he glanced up at Ryan. “You think he’s here?”
Ryan nodded. “His truck’s outside.” Ryan handed Nate the food. “Why don’t you go fix our plates while I find him?”
Nate shook his head and pushed the sacks back into Ryan’s arms. “I’ll do it. I just…I need to make sure I haven’t ruined everything.”
Ryan looked like he wanted to argue but he eventually nodded his agreement and disappeared into the kitchen.
Wandering from room to room, Nate eventually found Rio in the large bedroom closet with his back to the doorway. He tried to break the earlier tension by making a joke. “I thought you came out of the closet a long time ago?”
Rio glanced up at Nate before returning his attention to the black lockbox in his lap. “Just looking through some stuff.”
“We brought dinner home.” Nate waited for a response but didn’t get one. He sat down beside Rio and tried to look over his shoulder at the photographs Rio was flipping through. “Is that him?”
Rio lifted a picture over his shoulder. “Yeah. This one was taken just before we left for the jungle.”
Nate took the picture and studied the man who now called himself Jack. “Did you take this?”
“Yeah, I took all of them in here.”
“I’ve never really known you to take pictures.” He studied the face of the man who had the power to tear his family apart. Nate’s hands shook with the need to rip the picture into pieces.
“I don’t take pictures anymore,” Rio finally answered, handing another one back.
“Why?” The second picture was one of Ryan in drab green cargo pants and no shirt. “Ryan doesn’t have as many tattoos here.”
“And that’s exactly the reason I don’t take pictures. Things change. Sometimes it’s easier to move on than try to hold on to the past.”
Nate continued to stare at the picture of Ryan. “I bet when you took this one, Ryan had no idea he was broadcasting his love for you through his eyes.”
Rio turned around enough to take the photograph out of Nate’s hand. He studied the picture up-close for several moments before putting it back into the box. “Guess I never noticed that before,” he mumbled.
“Are you hungry?” Nate asked, handing the picture of Jack back.
“Not really, but I’d better eat anyway.”
“Did you throw up today?” Nate stood and waited for Rio to join him.
“What day is it?”
“Monday,” Nate answered.
“Then no, I haven’t thrown up today.” Rio got to his feet and locked the box before putting it back on the upper shelf. “So what’d you get to eat?”
Leading the way out of the closet, Nate waited for Rio to catch up. Before they joined Ryan, Nate needed to make sure things were okay between him and Rio. “About earlier…,” he began.
Rio cut him off with a quick kiss. “Let’s not talk about it.”
Nate was pulled into a hug, which surprised him. He wrapped his arms around Rio and pressed his face against his partner’s upper chest. “I know you’re going through a lot of stuff right now, but please don’t push us away.”
“I’m trying,” Rio whispered, kissing the top of Nate’s head.
“Dinner’s getting cold,” Ryan announced from the doorway.
Rio released Nate and took a step back. “Then I guess we’d better eat it.”
* * * *
Rio was throwing yet another load of laundry in the washing machine when his phone rang. He stumbled over a pile of jeans while going for his phone and landed on his ass. “Goddammit!” He kicked at the pile of denim before retrieving the phone from the countertop. “Yeah,” he grumbled.
“Nice to see some things haven’t changed,” Chet said. “Still the same grouchy bastard you always were.”
Rio’s stomach started to churn. “Did something happen with Jack?”
“So you have spoken to him.”
“Yeah. Isn’t that why you called me in the first place?” Rio asked.
“I called because Jack asked me to. I guess I was hoping you’d be so pissed off when you found out the truth that you’d tell him to fuck off.”
Rio leant back against the cabinet. “Why?”
“Because despite what Jack thinks, he’ll never be able to have you without putting you in the line of fire. I’ve told him that more than once, but he’s too damn stubborn for his own good.” Chet cleared his throat. “Anyway, the reason I called is to see if you’ve heard from him in the last few days. I went by the farm and he’s not there.”
Rio rubbed his stomach as he rose to his feet. He had a strong feeling he was about to lose his lunch. He made his way towards the bathroom. “I haven’t spoken to him since I left three days ago. Do you think…?”
“I don’t know what to think. It isn’t like him not to call at least once a day.”
“So if it’s only been two days since you spoke to him, why did you ask me if I’d seen him? Didn’t he tell you?” Rio asked.
“It’s Jack. You know he never gives straight answers. I did ask, but he told me it wasn’t any of my business.”
Rio heard the hurt and anger in Chet’s voice. He didn’t know what had gone on between Jack and Chet in the last ten years, but it sounded like they were even closer than they’d been before. “Well I haven’t seen him.”
“I’ll keep trying his cell, but make sure you give me a call if you hear from him.”
Rio couldn’t keep from asking the all important question. “Is there something going on between the two of you?”
Chet laughed. “We fuck, but Jack’s made it clear that’s all it is. He’s still living in a dream world. He’s been working towards retirement believing he’ll get you back. How could I ever compete with that?”
Rio sat beside the toilet and put up the seat. For some reason the thought of Jack fucking Chet didn’t bother him as much as the idea that Jack honestly thought Rio would go running back to him. He thought of what Jack had told him a few days earlier. Maybe Jack had told the truth about not being able to love anyone else.
Then it hit him between the eyes. “Wait a minute. You’re gay? Jack told me you were married.”
“I was. Things change.”
“Evidently they change a lot,” Rio remarked. “Listen, if I hear from Jack I’ll tell him to call you.”
“If you hear from Jack, you call me,” Chet argued.
Rio couldn’t believe the nerve of the guy. “In case you’ve forgotten, I don’t work for you or your gang of well-dressed thugs.” Rio hung up the phone without giving Chet a chance to reply. “Fucker.”
* * * *
On the morning of New Year’s Eve, Rio woke to find he was alone in bed with Ryan. Nate was no doubt already at City Hall. Rolling over to his side, Rio watched Ryan as he slept. Ryan had pulled a double shift at the station in order to get New Year’s Eve off. The dark circles still visible under Ryan’s eyes told Rio his partner needed to sleep.
Rio pulled the covers up and tucked them around Ryan’s neck. “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered.
“No I’m not,” Ryan mumbled without opening his eyes. “I’m a hard hearted bastard who has screwed up, and I don’t know how to get back what I’ve lost.”
It was the first time Ryan had spoken about the tense state of their relationship since Rio had returned from Spain.
Ryan eventually opened his eyes and stared at Rio. “I let myself get too comfortable with you, didn’t I?”
“What do you mean?” Rio asked, playing with the ends of Ryan’s long, black hair.
“I’ve been taking stock lately, and I know where I’ve screwed up. Give me a chance to make it up to you. If being Sheriff means losing you, I’ll quit today. I’m sure Nate feels the same way about being Mayor.”
“I wish you would’ve taken stock before Christmas.”
“Why, because now it’s too late?”
“No, I didn’t say that. It’s just that now I don’t know what your real motives are. I mean, it was obvious before Christmas that I wasn’t happy but neither of you bothered to do anything about it. You took for granted that I’d be here no matter what. Now things are different.” Rio shrugged. “Just makes me wonder whether you really still want me or if you’re just afraid of losing me to Jack.”
“Honestly? I didn’t know you were so unhappy. But that has nothing to do with the fact that I didn’t care, it was simply me having my head shoved up my ass. And sure I’m afraid of losing you to Jack, but can you blame me? You’ve always loved him more than me. Did you think I didn’t know? I’ve always played the part of the substitute lover.”
“How can you say something like that to me?”
Ryan shrugged. “Nate.”
“What?”
“You would’ve never considered taking a third man into your bed when you were with Jack because he was all you ever needed. One assignment away from me and you fell in love with Nate.”
“Do you really think I brought Nate into our bed because you weren’t enough?” From the beginning of their relationship with Nate, Rio had assumed Ryan felt the same way he did.
“Would you have fallen in love with Nate if I was giving you everything you needed?”
Rio groaned and rolled to his back. “That’s not fair. Nate’s…Nate. Believe me, I wasn’t looking for someone to fill some kind of fucked up void you think I had. Nate got under my skin before I even knew what had happened.”
“I never said I blamed you for falling in love with him. He’s irresistible, I knew that the first time I laid eyes on him, and I can’t imagine our lives without him.”
“So why’d you even bring it up?” Rio asked.
Ryan sighed. “Just forget I did, okay?”
Resting his arm over his eyes, Rio thought about the conversation they’d just had. Two things had become clear. Rio wanted to feel loved, and Ryan wanted to make Rio feel loved.
With a groan, Rio moved over until he was lying on top of Ryan. Bracing his forearms on the bed, he gazed down into those big brown eyes he’d fallen in love with so long ago. It was time to lay his cards on the table. “I need to reconnect with you and Nate before Jack shows up.”
Ryan’s eyes rounded. “He’s coming here?”
“Yeah. I don’t know when, but I do know he wants me back.”
“Well he can go to hell,” Ryan grumbled, wrapping his arms around Rio. “Because you’re mine, and I’m not giving that asshole a chance to hurt you again.”
“You’re wrong, you know.”
“About what?” Ryan’s hands ran down under the covers to draw circles on Rio’s ass. “I didn’t love him more. Our relationship was different only because I was his entire world and he let me know it every day.”
“I’m sorry that you feel like I don’t do that, because it’s not true. My life has revolved around loving you since the first day I met you. Do you really think I wanted to go to some godforsaken jungle in March? The only reason I even signed up with Ghost was because of you.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me that?” Rio asked. He spread his legs apart to rest on either side of Ryan’s, giving Ryan room to explore.
“Because before the explosion I didn’t have the right, and afterwards, you wouldn’t have been willing to hear it.”
“I’m willing to hear it now.”
“You know I’m better at conveying my love throug
h actions rather than words, right?”
“What do you have in mind?” Rio wiggled his ass until Ryan’s fingertip brushed against his hole.
“Why don’t you get me the lube, and I’ll show you.” Ryan thrust up against Rio.
Rio scrambled to get the bottle of lube. It dawned on him that they hadn’t made love since he’d seen Jack. Handing the bottle to Ryan, Rio suddenly felt guilty. It wasn’t that his men hadn’t tried to hold and kiss him in the last couple of days, Rio just hadn’t been receptive. “I’m sorry that I’ve been distant.”
Ryan poured lube down the crack of Rio’s ass before closing the bottle and tossing it onto the bed. “You’ve had a lot dumped on you lately.”
Rio’s thoughts went to Nate. “I guess I’ve really screwed up with Nate, huh?”
“No. He’s worried, of course, but I think his biggest problem is not knowing how to fix the situation.” Ryan nudged Rio off his chest to lie on his side facing away from him. “Remember this position?” he whispered in Rio’s ear as he spooned against Rio’s back.
Rio swallowed around the lump in his throat. It was the position they’d been in the first time they’d had sex. Rio was still ashamed of himself for being unable to look Ryan in the eyes those first several times. “I remember.”
Ryan’s finger began to loosen Rio’s hole. “I know why you wanted it that way.”
“You do?” Rio hooked his leg over his forearm and brought it upward, opening himself for Ryan’s attention.
With a soft kiss to Rio’s neck, Rio nodded his head. “You missed him, and you needed to feel like he was still with you. I won’t go as far as to say it didn’t hurt, but I understood it.”
Rio shook his head as much as the pillow would allow. “That’s wrong. I mean, you’re right about not being able to look at you, but I wasn’t imagining you were someone else. I was ashamed of wanting you when I should’ve still been mourning.”
Ryan removed his fingers and wrapped his arm around Rio in an almost brutal hug. “I never knew that,” he whispered.
Pulling away enough to roll over and face Ryan, Rio smoothed the hair back from his partner’s face. “I love you. I admit that in the beginning, I was conflicted about my feelings for you, but I’ve never made love to you wishing you were someone else. Never.”
