“Miss Plumtartt?...”
“Eerrnnhh!” “Eerrnnhh!”
“Ma’am’s?...”
“Eerrnnhh! Eerrnnhh!”
“Uhmm...”
“Oh! Oh, yes! Ah, hahhh, ah, ha, ha, ha!”
“Miss Plumtartts, Ma’ams?”
“I say!”
“Quite right!”
“Jolly good!”
“Ahhhh-hahahahahahahaha!”
“Miss Plumtartts? I think you need to sit down, Ma’ams.”
“One such as
you must
kneel,”
“but Ones
such as we
must rule!”
“Please, Miss Plumtartt? I care deeply for you and don’t want to see any harm come to you.”
“You care?”
“for us”
“do you?”
“How sweet.”
“More than that, Miss Plumtartt...”
“Yes?”
“I love you, Persephone Plumtartt.”
“Ahhhh-hahahahaha!”
“You love us?”
“Of course
you do,
dear boy!”
“Soon, the
whole world
will love us!”
“Ahhhh-hahahahahahaha!”
“We have
held feelings
for you,”
“Ichabod.”
“One has
shown restraint
in showing,”
“One’s
affections,”
“but,”
“now,”
“One,”
“is Two,”
“and we
think,”
“we shall
throw off,”
“those silly
inhibitions.”
“Uhm, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am?”
“Yes, there
is something
different
about you
tonight,
Ichabod.”
“You are
taller in
those spring
boots.”
“Yes,
we like it,
don’t we,
Persephone,
darling?”
“Yes,
Persephone,
we find that
stretching
up to
embrace,”
“and
hold
our
Ichabod”
“tight,”
“to be a”
“pleasing”
“thing.”
“Um, Miss Plumtartt?...”
“Kiss me!”
“Mmmmm!”
“Yes,
now kiss me!”
“Mmmmm!”
“I want to
kiss him!”
“Mmmmm!”
“Yes, and
so do I!”
“Mmmmm!”
“Now it’s
my turn!”
“Mmmmm!”
“Ha, ha, ha!
Now more
for me!”
“Mmmmm!”
“Mmm-wah!”
“Mmm-wah!”
“Mmm-wah!”
“Mmm-wah!”
“Ahhhhh-hahahahahaha!”
“There will
be time
for you,
later.”
“Ichabod.”
“We have
much to
accomplish
tonight.”
“Stop by
our new
quarters at
Westminster
in about
an hour.”
“We will
be ready
for you
by then.”
“Yes, Ma’am. Oops, I mean, no! Miss Plumtartt, wait! Come back! Oh, dang it, I reckon I missed a good opportunity to give Miss Plumtartt the remedy. Oh, golly, I better hustle over to Westminster Palace in a hurry before Miss Plumtartts get into trouble!”
~ * * * ~
“Hello,
Big Ben,”
“how lovely
to see you.”
“T’is a pity
that I have
but two
beautiful
faces,”
“to your
handsome
four.”
“Ahhhh, ha, ha, ha!”
“Tell us,
sir,”
“what is
the hour?”
“We wish
to know
the time”
“of our
ascension.”
“Midnight.”
“A fitting
hour.”
“Many
members and
sycophants of
Parliament
will still
be here,”
“to witness
the
coronation.”
“You
Guardsmen!”
“Open those
doors!”
“Your new
Queen
approaches!”
“Cor’ bloimey, do you see wot Oye’m seeing?”
“I sees it, but I ain’t believing it.”
“Me eyes don’t know whether to looks her up, or looks her down.”
“We said,”
“to open
those doors!”
“Halt! You girls do not appear to be in a safe or proper state of mind. You may not enter.”
“Ahhhh, hahahahahaha!”
“Did you
hear that,
Persephone?”
“I did,
Persephone,
darling.”
“Shall we?”
“Oh yes,
dear,
let us
indulge
ourselves.”
“Hey, lady, what are you-auauauauauaugh!”
“You two-headed vixen, you pitched me chum twenty feet! I’ll fix you-ouououououououph!”
“Oh, pooh,”
“it appears,”
“we must let
ourselves
in.”
“Opening
our own
door,”
“will
not be
tolerated,”
“in the
Plumtartt
Regime.”
“If we
must open
the door
ourselves,”
“then let
us do so
with gusto.”
“A
‘Lotus Blossom
Pinwheel’
perhaps,
eh hem?”
“Yes,
dearest,
but let us
execute
it as a
flying
maneuver,
eh hem?”
“Of course,
darling.”
“Wah-Hai-ah-wuh, Eeeee-iyiaeaw!”
~CRASH!~
~ ~ ~
“My word, did you hear that, Sir Reginald?”
“Burbity. Indeed, Sir Geoffrey. I heard it and felt it as well. It was as if the Clock Tower had been struck, perhaps in the manner of a runaway tram, or by battering ram.”
“I had the same sensation. What do you suppose it was?”
“I haven’t the foggiest notion, old boy. Hello, do you hear? I daresay there is a commotion in the intervening hall.”
“Is there an uprising of some kind?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, sir.”
“Attention, everyone present in the House of Commons, please be quiet. There appears to be some sort of security issue concerning Westminster’s safety.”
“Shh, shh, shh!”
“Shh!”
“Shh!”
&nb
sp; “Everyone stop shushing!”
“I hear the confident tread of a single person approaching.”
“I hear the sentry on the other side of the door give challenge.”
“Aye, and I hear the lad being flung away like so much Tory tripe.”
“Booo!” “Yay!”
“Gentlemen, put aside your partisanship for just a moment, and...”
~CRASH!~
“Bow
your heads,
gentlemen,”
“your new
Queens
are arrived!”
“Great Scott, that woman is inappropriately attired!”
“See here, young lady, your knickers are showing!”
“There is a time and place to display your feminine charms, dear girl, but at midnight in Parliament’s House of Commons is not the place.”
“Hear, hear, though, your silken undergarments go a great distance in filling the Ship of State’s, ‘sails’, I must say, bup, bup, bup.”
“Aye, she stiffens more than me upper lip!”
“Don’t let the outrageous display of her incredible beauty sway you, gentlemen. This suffragette is obviously just making a cry for attention and publici... Eek! I just noticed, as my eyes had not gotten that far yet, she has two heads!”
“Two heads? Why that’s preposterous. I’ll have to pry my vision just a little higher to verify this intelligen...Eek! She is a two-headed beauty! She wants double the vote!”
“Burbity! Look there, those Whiggies are right! That social bedbug is a monster!”
“Ahhh-hahahahaha!”
“Good
evening,
gentlemen,”
“do we
really,”
“need to
introduce”
“ourselves,”
“eh hem?”
“It’s Persephone Plumtartt!”
“Yes, and she’s Persephone Plumtartt, also!”
“Yes, we are!”
“We
are now,”
“Queens
of the
Empire!”
“You are
our new
Parliament,”
“and we
expect you,”
“to do
as you are
instructed.”
“Begin
work
immediately,”
“on our
coronation
ceremony.”
“Further,”
“on
that same
line of
thought,”
“of
Victoria,
we should
like,”
“a care
be taken.”
“That is,”
“so to speak,”
“Dispensed.”
“Disposed.”
“Dissolved.”
“Great Tinned Biscuits, she’s mad! Stop that girl!”
“We say,
it is you,”
“who are
mad,”
“if you
think us
mad,”
“or that
we can
be stopped.”
“Ahhhh-hahahahahahaha!”
“England’s
Crown
Jewels”
“fail
to do
Her new
Queen
justice!”
“There
is not
enough
glory,”
“throughout
the Empire,”
“to outshine
your new
Empress!”
“You outrageous woman! This has gone far enough! This is the heart of the British Empire and you will show the House of Commons more respect!”
“We say,
this
Parliament
belongs
to us now.”
“Do not
be so
impudent
as to think
this body
of men
could oppose
the
inescapable
conclusion
that we,”
“and we
alone,”
“are
destined
to rule.”
“Westminster
had better
become
accustomed
to doing
things
our way
in short
order,”
“eh hem?”
“Bup, bup, bup. I’ll take this deranged woman in hand myself.”
“Ha!”
~Slappe!~
“Ooph!”
“She just slapped down M. of P. Snotwroucks. This infernal woman means to intimidate our illustrious body into treasonable compliance; and by force, no less! Inconceivable! Bup, bup, bup.”
“Burbity. Come now, gentlemen, we must put thoughts of party loyalty aside and move against this fearful creature en masse.”
“Hear, hear. So too, must we put aside socially prudent ideals as we appropriate the girl, manually, so to speak. Harumph. It behooves one to actually put one’s un-gloved hands upon her bare, female flesh. Yes, an unpleasant chore to be sure, but one must endure for the good of the Empire. Harumph.”
“Charge!”
“Ha, ha!”
“Good luck
with that boys!”
“We say,”
“bring it forth,
eh hem?”
“Burbity!” “Harumph!” “Bup, bup, bup!”
“Oof!” “Oof!” “Oof!”
“Hear, hear!”
“Smashing!”
“This is
jolly fun,
eh, what?”
“Rather!”
“Oh,
Persephone?”
“Yes,
Persephone?”
“Are
you thinking,
what I’m
thinking?”
“Why,
I believe
I am,
my dear.”
Mon-archy for the U. K.!
We’re your Empress,
the name’s Persephone!
Our figure is enough
to stop a traffic line,
Our new subjects,
will like it just fine!
Send out the word,
across the Nation.
From Edinburgh,
to Waterloo Station.
Feel free to feast your eyes,
with fascination.
My ascendancy,
is a time of celebration,
because:
I-I-I-I-I-I-I....
want to li-i-i-i-i-ive,
in my monarchy!
~~~~~~
Persph-archy for the U. K.!
Your new Empress
is Persephone!
Each one of you,
is a stale old fart,
the people will adore,
Empress Plumtartt!
Everyone knows,
two heads are better than one.
The world will grovel,
before we’re done.
Disrupting Parliament just for fun,
and the pleasure,
of seeing you run!
One head might be good,
and one head might be mean,
but for better or worse,
We’re your Queen!
Because youuuu...,
want to li-i-ive....,
under Persephone!
“Now then,
let us
see to the
gentlemen
on the
other end
of the
hall.”
“Oh, pooh,”
“another
door,”
>
“and
no-one
left standing
to open it
for us.”
“Another
spin kick,
dearest?”
“One
feels impelled
to hit
something.”
“Would
you like
to punch it,
dear?”
“One
thinks
we should
like that
very much.”
~Punch!~
~SMASH!~
“Let every face
look upon us in
worshipful joy!”
“We go now
to greet our
newly
appropriated
subjects.”
“Stop, Miss! This is Westminster Palace; you can’t come in here dressed like...”
~Bip!~
“Westminster Guard down! Eek! I am being assaulted by a beautiful monst...Augh!”
~Bop!~
“Guards, guards! Westminster is under attack! All guards to the central lobby!”
“Ahhhh-hahahahaha!”
“You men,”
“come to
attention!”
“Queens Persephone are arrived!”
“Help, the Palace is under attack! All Westminster Palace Guards, defend the central lobbies!”
“Eek! She’s a monster!”
~Clip!~
“Aiee! The scantily clad lass moves too fast!”
~Clop!~
“Augh! Oye’ve been mis-used!”
“Ha, ha!”
“We say,”
“we are not
above,”
“instilling
discipline”
“among the
troops.”
“Yoikes! She’s coming at me! Oof! That double she-demon has relieved me of me pole arm. She uses it to vault over the heads of a phalanx of Guardsmen.”
~thwuuuhhph!~
“Augh!”
~thumpity, tumble-tumble, thump!~
“That single duo of deadly cuties just used me pole to sweep all me mates off their feets! Our lads are strewn about like so much harvested wheat.”
“Take cover; she is going to throw that spear at somebody!”
“No, she harpooned the hanging bolt of the central chandelier. Look out! It’s going to fall!”
~Crash!~
“That horrible girl dropped the chandelier upon the Guard reinforcements that were coming to our rescue! We need reinforcements for the reinforcements, on the double!”
“Eek! That freakish woman is employing acrobatic springboards and cartwheeled momentum builders, occasioned with elbows, kicks, and leg-entwined neck throws to our fellow guards, to cross the hall, faster than we can pursue! The lethal lovely has crossed the lobbies to the House of Lords! There’s nothing to stop this terror-crat!”
“We say,
“something
must be
done about,”
“the
deplorable,”
“chivalric,”
“door
opening,”
“shortcomings,”
“of this
Palace.”
“Do not,”
“make
us open
this door
ourselves.”
“sigh.”
“Very well.”
“Hmm,”
“this door
opens
outward.”
“It
might
prove,”
The Two Faces of Temperance Page 19
