He reluctantly sat up. "I guess this is where I ask you the big question," he said, changing the subject.
"What big question?"
He took her hand and stared at it for a long moment. "Will you have me for your husband?"
She sat up and laid her head on his shoulder. She knew he felt obligated to offer her marriage, and she could not accept until he admitted he loved her. "I don't think so, Gabe."
He frowned. "I thought you would..." He looked stunned. "I'm prepared to give you my name."
That was not what she had hoped for. She wanted more than anything to be his wife, but not this way, not until he could bring trust to a marriage.
"But, Gabe," she said, watching him closely. "You have no last name to give me."
He dropped her hand. "You do understand that I changed you tonight, that you can never be the same?"
"Yes," she said, trying to understand the sudden coldness in his voice. "And I hope I changed you a little as well."
He shook his head. "Casey, that's not what I mean, and you know it. When men make love they stay the same, but when it's the woman's first time, she is... different afterward."
"I know about that. I am no longer a virgin." She stood up, feeling the cool night air on her skin. She moved away from him and waded into the river, shivering as she splashed water over herself. When she glanced back at Gabe, he still stood where she'd left him, staring at her.
"You didn't really give me an answer to my question."
She waded out of the water and up the bank to him. "I know what we did changed me, Gabe. But that doesn't matter to me. And you don't have to marry me."
He pulled on his trousers as she walked dripping wet toward him. "You will be ruined for any other man."
He just didn't understand how she felt about him. No matter how many ways she said it, he didn't know how to take the love she offered him. "I was ruined for any other man the day you came into my life."
He couldn't bear to think that she might one day belong to another man. Then he could never have her again. "I see."
"I don't think you do." She pulled on her petticoats and struggled with her gown until Gabe turned her around and laced it for her.
"I have never understood women, and I understand you less than any of them."
"I hope the day will come when you will know what I want from you, Gabe. Telling you about it will not help-you have to find it out for yourself."
Casey was confusing him. What did she want from him? He had offered her marriage, and she said she didn't want to be his wife. He could understand that. She thought he was just a drifter. Reluctantly he said, "We should go home now." He brushed his hand through her hair, needing to touch her again. "Everyone will be wondering what's happened to us."
What had happened? Casey felt that she had almost grasped happiness in her hand, and yet it was just out of her reach. The man she loved wanted to marry her out of obligation, not because he wanted to build a life with her, to father her children, to live with her until they grew old.
Yet he loved her; she couldn't be wrong about that.
"Yes, let's go home."
He watched her walk toward her horse and felt a coldness in his heart. He had never asked any other woman to be his wife.
Even now, the sight of her softly swaying hips sent blood surging to the lower part of his body. Now that he'd had her, how could he ever let her go? He could not imagine being around her and not wanting to make love to her.
He wanted to right now.
Gabe walked over to Casey and lifted her onto her horse, his hands lingering at her waistline. "I had to have you, Casey. You know it would have happened sooner or later."
He was still struggling with what he was trying to convey to her, and she couldn't help him.
"I do love you so, Gabe." She nudged her mount forward and rode away.
She was halfway up the hill before he mounted his horse and rode after her. They rode in silence until they reached the house.
Fletcher came ambling out of the barn and shook his head. "So you found her. Omous said you had, but when you didn't come back right away, I feared Cyrus might've come upon both of you. I was 'bout to go looking for you."
Gabe dismounted and helped Casey to the ground. "What makes you think Cyrus would find us, Fletcher?"
"Why, he came riding up here big as you please, asking after you. I can tell you he wasn't too happy to find me here."
Gabe wasn't aware his hand still rested on Casey's shoulder. "Did he say what he wanted?"
"Nope. You know him-he said he didn't squander his time talking to grunts like me."
"If the two of you will excuse me," Casey said, moving away, "I'm very tired."
Gabe watched her walk to the house, wondering what else she wanted from him. He led both horses to the barn to unsaddle them. He would talk to her tomorrow and maybe even tell her that Cyrus was his father.
Fletcher had trailed along behind Gabe. "It seemed to me your pa wanted to see you real bad."
"He has nothing to say to me that I want to hear."
"I 'spect he'll come back here if you won't go to him." Fletcher watched Casey enter the house. "There's something more. Ted Varnor came by tonight. Said he was heading out, but he wanted to warn me that Cyrus is planning something big and bad against the Spanish Spur."
"Hell." Gabe knew he had to get help, and he wouldn't find anyone willing to stand up to Cyrus near Mariposa Springs. "I'll be leaving for Fort Worth tomorrow."
Fletcher nodded. "That's the way I figured it."
The night that had started out so promisingly had turned cold and bitter. Casey turned her face into her pillow, refusing to cry. She had thrown herself at Gabe, and he had accommodated her; what man wouldn't have under the circumstances? And because he was the kind of man he was, he had thought he should marry her. He'd been confused when she refused. He was an honest and honorable man, two traits she admired in anyone, but especially in him, because she had a feeling no one had ever believed in him the way she did.
Their lovemaking had touched him as deeply as it had her; she couldn't be wrong about that. She had the feel of him on her body, and the taste of him in her mouth.
She closed her eyes and prayed for sleep. Her hand went to her lips, which had known his passionate kisses. Even now she wanted to be in his arms.
One day this battle with Mr. Slaughter would be settled one way or another. On that day, Gabe might well ride out of her life forever.
Gabe stood in the dark, trying to remember at what point he had lost his ability to control his feelings. Ever since Casey had come along, she had turned him inside out. He couldn't think clearly when she was near him. Tonight there had been a while when she belonged to him alone. But tomorrow would rip her away from him.
He had no hope for their future together. He had only those few hours when he had forgotten his past.
"Casey," he whispered. "Dammit, Casey."
"Wake up, Casey." Jenny was shaking her sister's arm. "I made you some breakfast And guess what?" She didn't wait for Casey to answer. "Sam got Kate's glasses yesterday."
Casey blinked her eyes, a little confused by Jenny's chatter. It was already sunup, and she had overslept. She hoped Sam hadn't gone off without any breakfast. She blinked again and looked at Jenny holding a glass of milk and a cookie out to her.
"What have you there?" Casey asked, sitting up and pushing her hair out of her face.
"Since you didn't get up, I thought you might be sick, so I wanted to make you feel better."
Casey took the glass of milk and the cookie. "This is just what I need to make me feel better. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness."
Casey and Kate had finished the mattress, so she and jenny no longer had to sleep on the floor. The child jumped on the bed, then plopped down on her stomach with her chin propped on her hand. "You weren't here when I went to sleep last night. Where were you?"
"I rode down to the river."
"And
Gabe found you. That's what Mr. Fletcher said."
Casey felt a slight ache in her lower extremities, a reminder that Gabe had, indeed, found her. She felt warm all over just thinking about his lovemaking. "That's right. He found me."
"Gabe came to the door this morning and asked for you. I told him you were sleeping, and he looked real worried."
Casey.took a bite of the cookie, trying not to frown. She had never liked the taste of anything sweet for breakfast, but jenny would be crushed if she didn't eat it.
"After I've finished breakfast," Casey said, pausing to swallow, "we'll get Sam and take Kate her spectacles." She had to take a quick drink of milk to wash the cookie down. "Do you think she will like that?"
"Miss Kate needs to see real bad. She told me the best thing she likes to do is read, but she can't. I didn't tell her about our surprise. Hurry and eat, Casey, so we can take them to her."
She took another bite of the cookie and forced a smile for Jenny's sake. "Umm. Good cookie."
"You won't ever let me eat good stuff for breakfast like cookies or pies. If I was older than you, I'd give you good things to eat every day."
Casey raised her brow. "I'm sure you would. But I have to give you nourishing food that will help you grow up strong and healthy."
Jenny frowned and said, "I'm going to go find Sam now, so he can go with us."
With boundless energy she slid off the bed and ran out of the room.
Casey looked at the cookie and took another bite.
The three Hamiltons watched Kate withdraw her new glasses out of a decorative box jenny had made for them.
"I do declare," Kate said, looking pleased. "As I live and breathe, spectacles."
"Try them on," Jenny said, grinning. "Casey says when you wear those, you can read all by yourself."
Casey hoped that would be the case. She knew that people had different sight problems. "Go ahead, Kate, try them."
The little woman slipped them on and blinked. "Everything's fuzzy."
Sam picked up the book that was lying on the end table. "Mr. Finnegan said they were just for reading. See if you can see the words on the page."
Kate took the book, and her head snapped back. "Lord o' mercy! Those words just jumped right off the page at me." She sat down and ran her hand over the page, then glanced up at the three of them. "I can't thank you enough. You've given me back my sight. I never thought I'd read another word."
Jenny scooted onto the chair beside Kate. "Read to me from your book."
Casey motioned for Sam to follow her outside. When, they stood on Kate's porch, she said, "I heard Mr. Slaughter paid us a visit yesterday afternoon."
"He rode up just like he owned the place, demanding to see Gabe."
"I think it's time I put a stop to this." She stepped off the porch and walked toward the house. "It's time I paid a visit to Mr. Slaughter."
Sam walked along beside her. "You don't mean you're going to the Casa Mesa ranch?"
"That's exactly what I'm doing."
"I don't like the sound of that. And Gabe won't like you going over there either."
She turned to stare at her brother. "It's time we took matters into our own hands and stopped relying on Gabe."
Sam looked puzzled; he had never heard Casey speak that way about Gabe since he had come to work for them. "I'm going with you," he insisted.
She nodded. "This afternoon when everyone is busy elsewhere, hook up the buckboard." When they reached the house, her hand rested on the screen door. "Don't tell anyone, not even Will Fletcher, where we're going."
"Because you know they would try to stop you, and you know they'd be right."
"Ask Kate if she'll watch jenny for us."
She went into the house, leaving Sam puzzled by her strange behavior.
Casey had just slid an apple pie into the oven when she heard a rap on the screen door. She knew it was Gabe before she looked up and saw him standing there.
"May I come in?"
The sound of his voice sent tremors through her, and she remembered the sensations she had felt when he'd made love to her the night before. Fearing he could read her thoughts, she blushed. She was determined to avoid those silver eyes that were so intently focused on her. She glanced up just high enough to concentrate on the top button of his green shirt. "Yes. Of course," she told him.
When he moved toward her, she backed up against a chair. "Jenny said you came by earlier."
Then she made the mistake of looking into his eyes. She couldn't speak, because she was remembering how he had held her in his arms so passionately. She wanted badly to rekindle the fire that had burned inside them both when they had made love.
"I just wanted to see if you were all right." His manner was terse, and there was no warmth in his eyes, no acknowledgment at all that they had been so close. He wouldn't even meet her gaze.
She lifted her chin, crushed by disappointment. "There is nothing wrong with me."
"I have to go away for a few days. I just wanted to tell you that what happened between us last night was a mistake-my mistake."
She wanted to cry; she wanted to beat against his chest until he admitted last night had meant something to him. "You don't have to worry, Gabe." She gripped the back of a chair, and her fingernails bit into the soft wood. "It won't happen again."
"Casey..." He took a step toward her. "It's not like that. I meant it was a mistake for you, not for me. What I did to you... I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about us."
"If there is nothing else you need, Gabe, I have housework to do."
He stood there, devastated because he had hurt her. He never knew what to say to her because he felt so much. His problem was expressing how deeply he felt. And he was afraid if he let down his defenses, he'd be swamped by his need for her.
He reached out and took her hand, rubbing his thumb across it. "I want to kiss you."
Casey's head went up, and her lips parted in invitation. He dragged her into his arms, clasping her close. Gabe's mouth hungrily covered hers, and he felt her soften all over. He guided her against the wall and pressed his hard body against her.
Even though she knew she should move away from him, Casey whimpered and ground her body against his. She could not deny her need for him.
He pulled back long enough to unbutton the front of her gown, shoving her petticoat aside so one of her breasts was exposed. His lips touched the nipple reverently, and then he took it into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and feeling it swell.
She bit her lower lip and threw her head back, grabbing a handful of ebony hair to keep her earthbound.
Gabe raised his head, his heated gaze locked on her face. "I want you."
She nodded. "I know."
He shoved her gown up, his hand sliding up her leg and then moving to her thigh, his finger sliding into her warmth.
Casey couldn't breathe. Her head fell against his shoulder, and she started sobbing.
With a concerned frown, he withdrew his hand and straightened her gown. "Don't, sweetheart- don't. I can't stand to see you cry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry."
"I want to be with you, but not like this."
"I know. It's just... when I'm near you, I have to touch you."
She wiped her tears on the back of her hand.
"When you decide where you want me in your life, I'll be waiting."
He stared at her for a long moment, as if he were memorizing her every feature. "I have to go now.
"Then go!"
"If this wasn't so important, I wouldn't leave you. We'll talk when I get back."
He had opened the door and started to leave when she said, "How long will you be gone?"
He stopped, turned, and stared at her as if he had wanted her to say something more. "At least two days, maybe three. But you needn't worry. Omous and Flint will be watching out for you while I'm gone."
"Have a safe journey."
"Casey, don't let your personal feelings for me get
in the way of your family's safety. Let the men protect you."
She stared up at him. "Was there anything else you wanted to say to me-any other mistakes you made with me?"
He stepped back inside, allowing the door to slam behind him. "I have so much to say to you, it would take hours." He reached toward her, and when she pulled away he let his - hand drop to his side.
She pulled the chair away from the table and sat down. "Last night I thought something special happened between us. Was I wrong?"
He started to speak and then shook his head as if he were struggling for the right words. "Now is not the time to talk about that. I need to leave as soon as possible."
He knew the sheriff wouldn't do anything to stop Cyrus, so he was going to ride to Fort Worth and hope the state marshal would get involved. Someone had to stop,his father before it was too late. "We'll talk when I return, Casey."
She watched him walk away with an ache in her heart. No matter what he said, last night had not been a mistake. She pressed her knuckles against her closed eyelids. She would not cry. She would not. She had cried too much since she had met Gabe.
What she was going to do was settle things with Mr. Slaughter once and for all. She was weary of living in fear of the man.
Casey stood on the front doorstep with Sam at her side and an apple pie in her hands. "This is really a grand house," Sam said. "It's much bigger than I thought. If he's this wealthy, why would he want the Spanish Spur?"
"I don't know," Casey admitted, wishing she hadn't decided to face Mr. Slaughter. Her hands were shaking, and she was afraid.
She nodded, and Sam knocked on the door. Moments later a woman, most probably the housekeeper, answered.
"My name is Cassandra Hamilton, and this is my brother, Sam. We have come to see Mr. Slaughter."
The woman nodded and opened the door wider. "He is in his office. I will take you there."
Casey and Sam exchanged worried glances. "Into the lion's den," Sam whispered.
The housekeeper announced them, and Casey walked right over to Mr. Slaughter's desk before he could even stand or acknowledge them. "This is my brother, Sam, and we have come to see if we can talk out our problem with you. I would much rather get along with my neighbors than battle with them."
Heart Of Texas (Historical Romance) Page 14
