by Alice Quinn
I stepped away from the hair dryer and rummaged through some of my stuff. I pulled out a pair of glittery shorts with rhinestones and a satin tank top with cutouts on the shoulders and sides. I slipped it all on and there I was, a super sex kitten. I felt like me! I turned to look at her triumphantly.
“You know the stuff you bought in all the pretty wrapping? I think it would do well for Erina. She doesn’t have anything with her. And have you seen her clothes? Oh, the poor child.”
My cell started chirping somewhere in the distance. Laroche sprang into the bathroom and handed it to me. Good thing I was dressed!
I sighed and picked up. “Yes? Is that you, Tony? OK, right, wait . . . Just a sec . . . I can’t do anything right now because I have an emergency here, you see . . . Yes, I knoooow, you’ve got an emergency too . . . Hey, I sent you someone, didn’t I? . . . Listen, Tony! I can’t do anything! I’m on vacation, so you’re just going to have to deal.”
I hung up. Bintou and Laroche were openmouthed. That pair didn’t get out much. I couldn’t stop laughing. I felt tickled! Tickled pink! Sometimes it’s nice to put yourself first for a change . . .
The doorbell.
Aaaaaahhhh! My makeup-artist-hairdresser-stylist got up to answer the door, but I stopped her in her tracks.
“No. Let me go.”
I was dressed, the war paint was on, my hair was just about done . . .
I opened up. Linus stood there, blushing. I threw him my bestest, most dazzling smile. We gave each other the once-over, sniffed each other’s asses (well, not literally), and stood in mutual appreciation. At least, I think it was mutual. He broke the spell.
“We have a date?”
Without responding, I spun on my heel and scuttled toward the office. He followed. A flurry of out-of-earshot whispers and mutterings coming from the kitchen forced him to turn his head in that direction. The whole gang had come out through the living room into the hallway to stare at him. Léo, Erina, Sabrina, the twins . . .
“Hi . . . hi there,” gibbered Linus, surprise in his voice.
Everyone waved at him.
I made a sweeping movement with my arm and begged them with my eyes to do a disappearing act.
“Don’t pay them any mind. I’m running a seminar at the moment. They’re my students.”
“Oh! How interesting! And you’ve opened it up to children?”
“You can never start too young, that’s what I say,” I replied.
I stepped over the Electric Wonder and Linus did the same. He didn’t comment. Had he even noticed?
Just before we were both inside the office, the gossipmongers started. We heard every word.
The first shots came from Bintou. “Wow! Yankee Doodle Boy isn’t half bad!” she squealed.
“What’th a Yankee Doodle Boy?” asked Sabrina.
“What do you mean by ‘isn’t half bad’?” demanded Laroche.
“Pleath! What’th a Yankee Doodle Boy?” insisted Sabrina.
“Oh, he’s not my type,” continued Bintou, “but I know a good pedigree when I see one. And he has definite sex appeal.”
“But what’th a Yankee Doodle Boy?”
“Your fries are getting cold. Come on, Sabrina, finish your fries.”
“No. Why won’t you jutht anther my quethtionth? Nobody’th dealing with me! Nobody’th paying me any attention! I’m thick of it. My ideath never count for nothing. I jutht have to keep quiet. Thut my big cake hole all the time!”
A door slammed.
“Wait! Wait, Sabrina!” pleaded Emma.
I was cross, but I smiled at Linus Robinson, who gave me a perplexed grin in return. We stepped into my office!
I closed the door behind us. I don’t know how it happened, but the very first topic of conversation we hit upon, or rather stumbled upon, was lying! The one subject I would have hoped to avoid. What’s my subconscious doing? I wondered, throwing myself into the deep end.
“So, if we work with the idea of truth in a session, can the notion of lying also be tackled? Lying when lying down, so to speak. Hmm . . . lying down,” pondered Linus, deep in concentration.
“Yes, I see,” I replied, a bag of nerves.
In fact, I was lying right there, but not lying down (like I wished!). I wasn’t even following what was being said. I kept saying to myself, OMG! He’s hot, he’s intelligent, and he smells really good! I was drooling a little bit.
I remembered some of what Amar had droned on about at the end of her film with Laroche. I repeated it like a little parrot.
“When you speak of lying, we must remember that the subject sees it as an essential form of protection. A barrier. It’s very difficult to separate himself from this.” Christ, my memory was on point!
Linus stared at me with admiration. His eyes were shining and bright. When I took a closer look, I even saw a hint of flirtiness. But at the same time, a voice inside me was screaming, Impostor! You’re such a poser! Rosie Maldonne! You know everything there is to know about lying! This is identity theft! You’re a scammer! You’ll pay for this!
I think it’s safe to say that Linus Robinson had no clue about the state I was in. He was under my charms. He liked what he already knew about me, or what he knew about Rachel Amar, and he liked what I’d just said . . . whatever it was.
“However, in your latest published work, you . . .”
He reached for a book on the shelf at the same time I did. I knew Rachel’s latest book—that’s about all I knew! Our hands touched. I felt an electrical charge pass between us, and I closed my eyes in ecstasy. Linus must not have felt it. He only noticed that I (Rachel Amar) had his book on my (her) shelf. This seemed to excite him more than the hand thing.
“Oh! You have Resilience . . .” he said, a little confused, maybe even intimidated.
“Of course!”
“And . . . have you read it?”
“I know it by heart,” I lied.
He seemed delighted by this!
“And . . . what . . . what did you think of it?”
“OK! I’m starved! Should we go eat now?” I replied, opening the office door briskly. I might have come across as a little harsh.
The entire group of family / friends / patients / smuggled children fell inside the office. They’d been stuck to the door, eavesdropping to the max.
“What are you all doing? Have you finished your homework?”
They looked around guiltily. Bintou’s punching bag (kicking bag?) was still on the floor, but stirring.
“Hey, are you still here? You should have finished by now, shouldn’t you?” I shouted. How long was fixing this heater thing supposed to take? Pandemonium.
He opened one eye, sat up, and nodded, trying to pull himself together. He stared at me, pointed to the office, and fell back down face-first onto the floor.
“No. No way. Not you too. If it’s a session with Rachel Amar you’re after, you’ll have to come back. I am not—”
“Rachel Amar, I am her maid . . .” everyone said in unison.
Linus stared at the whole scene in disbelief. He couldn’t figure it out.
I smiled at him.
“They’re all messed up. They love these wacko practical jokes. I never really understand them!”
Sabrina and the twinniebobs were standing just behind Laroche. I noticed Erina next to my girls. Her hair was tied back and she was wearing the Max Mara number. She was so pretty. Lisa made her way through the crowd and jumped up into my arms.
“Ith he a Yankee Doodle Boy?” asked Sabrina.
“Sort of! But, really, he’s a Canadian. It’s not the same.”
“You can go out. Sabrina is watching the pirate,” Emma said.
Sabrina was sitting on the electrical man’s back, pinning him to the ground. He looked too exhausted to do anything about it. She had a flask or a bottle in her hand. God knows where she’d found it.
“He preferth a flathk, not a glath. It containth more and it’th more practical.”
&
nbsp; “OK, Sabrina. I think this is all a little over the top, isn’t it? We shouldn’t sit on folks like that, OK? It serves no purpose.”
“Just leave it, leave it,” muttered Floor Man.
What a loser.
I turned to Linus. “It was very kind of you to invite me out to dinner, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tonight. Something unexpected has come up. I’m sure you understand.” I pointed to Erina. “This young girl is under my protection now and I don’t want to leave her on her own.”
“No, no!” Laroche, Léo, and Bintou cried out. “We’ll take care of her. We’ll do it! Don’t worry!”
Linus’s eyes pleaded with mine, brimming with hope.
I couldn’t resist those peepers.
I caved pretty easily.
I gave the babas lots of snuggles, cuddlewuddles, kisses, and smoocherinos and told them they had to listen very carefully to the grown-ups. I said their special job was to be nice to Erina and to give her cuddlewuddles too if she wanted them. I told them they were to get to bed early and promised I’d be home by eleven p.m.
I pulled Linus by the sleeve. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty to be looking after number one. How come I was taking time for me all of a sudden?
Because I needed it. We left the apartment.
37
When we stepped outside, I discreetly looked up to the balcony. They were all there, watching us leave. Everyone except Sabrina and the electricity repairman.
We sauntered at a leisurely pace toward the beach. I wasn’t very at ease in the neighborhood. It was too snooty for me. It reminded me of the time I took the kids to a five-star hotel for dinner. Very funny. But I had an idea.
There were so many great little joints on the beach that had delicious salads. There was no need to go to some high-class restaurant. And it could be super romantic too! Some of the beach huts had tables outside. We sat down in a little booth for two with an incredible view over the ocean. There were a ton of tourists milling around us, but we were in our own little world. It was the sort of thing I never did. It was crazy that people considered the beach huts low rent. They were the best places with the best views!
It was like we were the only people on the planet.
We sat in silence for a while. Linus studied me, and I sensed he was surprised at how easy the silence was.
I put my hand on the table. Linus timidly moved his forward. Our fingers lightly brushed. You’d have hardly noticed if you’d been watching. We smiled.
“This is one of the best days of my life,” declared Linus, as straight and simple as lines come.
“Why?”
“Because I finally get to meet a woman who I have so admired through her books, admired for such a long time . . .”
My whole face burned.
“Not only are you one of the sharpest women I know, but you’re so full of life and sensuality. You have a certain softness. You’re also very beautiful. Be careful, Rachel. There’s a strong possibility I may be falling in love with you. And it’s the first time in my life this has happened to me.”
“Stop, Linus. I can’t take this. Don’t throw that love stuff at me! And don’t call me Rachel!”
He didn’t even look shocked. “No?” He smiled. “And what would you have me call you, you delicious creature?”
“Cricri.”
“Cricri . . . Cricri . . . Cricri . . .” he repeated like a lovesick schoolboy.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Oh, yes. You can ask me all the questions you like, even the indiscreet ones. There are no secrets. I won’t hide a thing from you. Understand? Not a single thing . . .”
“What if I hadn’t written all those books? If I wasn’t a shrink?”
“You are so anxious. You are asking me if I would like you just as much if you were someone else, but how can I answer such a question? You are you, Rachel. You know that your books are as much a part of you as these five beautiful fingers on this beautiful hand . . .”
He kissed my palm and a shiver ran all the way down my back. I let out a sigh of resignation and closed my eyes. I was going to run with this. It was all fake, but it made me feel deliriously happy.
After our meal, where we enjoyed French fries and pans bagnats, we walked to a high-class wine-cellar place and Linus bought a bottle of chilled prosecco and two very pretty glasses. Real glasses, not the plastic kind. We stepped over to the jetty and sat in front of the yachts. That part of town is famous for the monstrous yachts moored there. Some of them are bigger than houses and I don’t know how they stay afloat. But tonight, they looked pretty, their strings of blue lights illuminating the sea.
We clinked our drinks together, our eyes shining with infatuation. Linus grew tipsy pretty quickly. He became dopey and charming. He started dancing on the quayside singing songs from An American in Paris. I giggled, sipping my drink. To tell the truth, I was acting like a total brainless bimbo.
I gazed up at the stars and full moon in the sky. Could it have been more romantic? We danced cheek to cheek even though there was no music, and that’s when Linus Robinson leaned in for the kiss. Before allowing his lips to brush against mine, I whispered, “Linus.”
“Yes, Rachel? I mean, Cricri . . .” he added with a silly tee-hee. “Hmm! I love how you say Linus.”
“There’s something I need to tell you. Um, well, to admit to you . . .”
“Already? Darn!”
He stopped me from speaking with our first kiss. The big long kind.
I can’t really remember what we did after that. I just remember that we were on a cloud . . . a sweet-smelling, pink, lovey-dovey cloud.
We took a taxi back to Rachel Amar’s place. Linus got out of the cab to wish me a good night. He gave me a deliciously sensual kiss in front of the door. The taxi driver beeped his impatience and I gave in. I melted. I looked Linus straight in the eye. He didn’t have to be a mind reader. Linus paid the taxi and we got into the elevator.
We stuck to each other like glue all the way up and continued our kissing session for several minutes in the hallway before opening the door to Rachel Amar’s place.
Lisa came to greet us.
Lisa? It was almost midnight!
“Lisa! What are you doing up? Didn’t anyone put you to bed?”
“Yes, but I got up again to watch Sabrina lock Pirate Anorak of the Full Moon in the closet. Because it’s the full moon tonight and he wants to burn everything again. I’m scared.”
And that’s when I got it!
“Pirate Anorak? Full moon? What are you saying, baby girl?” It suddenly clicked. They were trying to say pyromaniac! Sabrina had first started this whole Pirate Anorak business after reading the newspaper at the market. “Do you mean the Full Moon Pyromaniac? Is that what you’ve all been blabbering about all this time? I understand now! Yes, it’s a scary story, all right! And you’re seeing him everywhere! He’s been in the papers and on TV a whole lot, that’s why. Everyone’s talking about him too much. It’s all too much. It’s not right. This kind of news is what traumatizes little kidlets. He’s in jail now, sweetness! So you see? There’s no need to be so shaken up, is there?”
“No he isn’t! He’s in your boss’s closet! He wanted to set fire to everything and he wanted you in the middle of it. Luckily, I saw him, and Sabrina locked him in the closet with the key.”
“Good job, my lovely one. Your sister has excellent reflexes, doesn’t she? OK, off to bed with you now.”
She went into the big room and I noticed Sabrina sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the walk-in closet. She was holding a glass of water. The glass was much too big for her little hands. Who’d given her that?
“What are you doing with that glass, Sabrina? Come on! Off to bed! It’s way past your sleepy time!
“Don’t worry. It’th nothing. I wath jutht really really thuper thirthty.”
Erina was already tucked up in the big bed with little Emma.
I pu
t Sabrina back down onto her mattress on the floor and took a blanket out of the cupboard. I was going to need it.
When I’d finished up and switched out the lights, I went to find Linus in the living room. I took him by the hand and walked him toward the office. I made sure the door was firmly locked behind us.
And boy, oh boy, we got ourselves all wrapped up in that blanket and had ourselves a little unprofessional time on the couch. I finally got to do some of that lying down he’d been talking about.
Friday: Hurricane, Tornado, Deluge
38
I woke up at around six the next morning in Rachel Amar’s master bedroom.
The song running through my mind as I awoke didn’t exactly predict good things ahead. It was that song about raindrops falling on your head. A golden oldie by some American crooner, I think. I can’t remember the name of the singer, but everyone knows the tune.
Life was complicated enough without this being added to it.
But at least I could consider myself forewarned now. If my mother sent me this as a message, it meant there was trouble ahead. A storm was brewing. Maybe literally. There was no need to guess the hows and whens. I’d know soon enough.
A memory suddenly came back to me. In the middle of the night, Linus had left. I was cold, so I’d crept back to the big bed and got in alongside the twins. I remembered I’d been half-asleep.
I shivered as I dragged my butt into the kitchen and poured myself a large glass of water. I smiled thinking of my mommy’s song. Erina had woken up at the same time and followed me. She sat down at the table. I grabbed the chair opposite her and she started chatting.
I sighed deeply. Whatever she had to say was certainly going to eradicate the lovely images I had in my head . . . Dreamy pictures of my night of excess . . . Things that were making me blush. Oh my!
But it all came pouring out of Erina in one long monologue. She spoke with some difficulty. But, even without my Sabrina, I managed to understand. Off and on. She told me all about her journey to France. It had been long. Exhausting. A nightmare.
