by B. J. Harvey
Without realizing it, my soapy hands had wandered, becoming acutely aware of my throbbing lady garden …
Yes, I said lady garden. Isn't it sexy?
Have you ever wondered what you’d call your vagina if you had a choice? Would you call it a name like Gretel or Elizabeth? Or would you give it a term of endearment like petal or sweetheart? Do you think like a man and call it a c*nt or a pussy? Or are you like me who had a somewhat conservative upbringing with a controlling Army mom who wouldn’t hear of anything other than ‘lady parts’ and ‘man parts’. Yes, you read that right. ‘Never let a stranger tend to your garden, Samantha’ she’d say to me. Looking back, it’s a wonder that I ever got laid.
Subconsciously, my fingers stroke over my sensitized skin as I remember all that was good about my Sean of a decade ago. The way he’d let his stubble grow a day too long and how he knew how much I loved the rasp of the coarse hair against my skin as he worked his way down my body, drawing out shudders of pleasure as I relished in the friction, the way he demanded my attention the whole time he would go down on me, how we’d lock eyes as he dove his tongue-deep inside me, how he’d make me so crazy with desire I’d scream down the walls as I rode out my climax, usually multiple times. It’s when I remember those bright blue eyes boring into me, willing me to come. The flashback is too much and my body pulses with the waves of my orgasm as it crashes over me. God damn. Even in my mind Sean is just as good as he always was. I think my fortified willpower when it comes to strong, domineering men might be under attack.
I make a mental note to ring Tanner and arrange to meet up with him one night this week.
Once I’m dressed and ready to leave, I google Sean’s offices on my phone and pull up his number before pushing send and walking out my door to my parking garage.
“Sean Miller’s office. How may I assist you?” an uppity voice answers.
“Hi. I need to speak to Sean,” I say quickly, sounding slightly more irritated that I want to be, but me and uppity don’t work well together. Miss Bouncy Bones (new name) replies, “Sorry, but Mr. Miller is working from home today. Can I take a message to give him tomorrow?”
“No, that’s okay. It’s Sam Richards from CPD. Just wanted to check in after the break in the other day. No doubt one of the detectives on the case will contact Mr. Miller once they’ve concluded their investigation. Thanks though.” I hang up the phone so damn fast that her ear might have gotten whiplash.
Fuck! I check my watch and see that I’m running late after the extended shower session. I put my car into gear and head toward the hospital, still not sure whether getting involved in the life of the Miller men is a smart move or not.
Once bitten, twice shy.
At least one good thing came from this morning.
Now I know where I can take Ryan.
Chapter 7
“Loneliest Soul”
Sean
Sitting in my home office, I should be working on my complex takeover case. Instead, I’m staring out the window overlooking Lake Shore East Park spread out before me. It’s Thursday lunch time and the park is bustling with office workers escaping the confines of their tall towers for fresh air and sunshine. The thought that people feel like getting outside into the fresh air gives them a sense of freedom makes me smile. I used to be like that, an intern, then an associate, and years before my time, a partner. Now I can charge high, hit low, and generally determine whether a case sees the inside of a courtroom or not. It’s been hard going, but all of my work has paid off, despite the loss of my parents, the loss of my grandparents, the loss of …
Anyway, now the only thing, the only person I have to deal with is Ryan.
I look at the clock hanging on my office wall, Ryan must be released by now. I don’t know this because Ryan called me and asked me to pick him up, but from the billing clerk who called a few hours ago wanting details for payment. Of course, I paid it, I always pay where Ryan is concerned. Whether with money or with pride, someone always pays.
I lean back in my leather chair, lifting my legs up and resting them on the top of my desk, my ankles crossed as I grab my cup of coffee and reflect on where my life is going. I’m thirty-four years old in a month. Thirty-four with a million dollar view, a successful career and a nightclub that keeps rising in popularity but what else do I have?
What would my grandfather think of my life? He was a fair man, a good man who believed in reaping the rewards of hard work and who tried to instil the same philosophy in both of us, but Ryan was never the type of person who wanted to work hard to get what he wanted. Even as a young boy he sought instant gratification.
Maybe that is why gambling has become his addiction of choice. I know, he could have chosen much worse, but his addiction and his need to be saved encroached on my time and my business, then I had to cut my losses. Brother or not, he needs to save himself, stand on his own two feet and not have me and everything my hard work has earned propping him up.
But old habits never die and I’m wondering where Ryan is going to go. I put in a call to his landlord on Tuesday morning and paid for this month’s rent and the month he was in arrears. That’s not to say I won’t make him work his ass off to pay me back for it, but I’m not heartless enough to leave him homeless either. I’ve contacted his old therapist as well and she’s sending me details regarding local Gamblers Anonymous meetings for him to go to. I can’t force him to get help, but if he wants any help from me he’ll need to take action. Doing something about paying back his debts would be a good start, but once he’s recuperated and back home, I’ll swing by and have a talk.
My outburst at the hospital still stands true though. I’m sick of being stuck in a parent role instead of a brother role which means that something has to change. I’m just hoping that Ryan will take the initiative this time, with a little encouragement from me.
The doorbell snaps me out of my thoughts. I take a sip from my coffee and switch screens on my monitor, almost spitting out the contents when I see Samantha and Ryan standing at the front door to my condo. I stare at the screen in shock but not because of Ryan. It’s the fact that he’s with Sammy, my Sammy, that is the kicker.
I thought it was strange that she’d turned up at the hospital the other night to check on him, but pleased as hell that she had and I got the chance to see her again. I meant every word when I said I’d see her soon, but two days later with my brother on my doorstep wasn’t on the cards.
Making my way down into the living area, then down the wooden stairs to the entranceway, I hesitate for a moment, sucking back the anger I still feel for Ryan while trying to work out what the hell he’s playing at by bringing Sam to my doorstep. Not for my sake, of course, but for hers.
I open the door and her radiant eyes captivate me once again. “Samantha, nice to see you again. Twice in a week is a pleasant surprise.” I look past her to see a sheepish Ryan holding a bag to his chest. His eyes are glued to the ground, refusing to meet mine. “Ryan,” I say in a low, strained voice.
Samantha clears her throat and looks me square in the eye. “Look. I know you weren’t expecting us, but when I called your office they said-”
My head jerks back. “You rang my office?”
“Yeah, they said you were working from home, so when Ryan told me that he couldn’t go back to his place right now, I thought it would be okay to come here.”
I shoot Ryan a menacing look before ushering them both inside. Ryan goes first, followed by Sam. I don’t miss the opportunity that presents itself to check out her perfect, peach shaped ass. Images of rubbing my hands over the soft orbs flash in my mind and I have to think of cold showers and wrinkly old ladies to calm the blood that’s rushing south of my belt. Amazing that she still affects me like that.
When we reach the living area, I walk behind the kitchen counter, buying myself some time to will my body back into a more relaxed state. Ryan stops by the counter and drops his bag on the floor before taking a stool. To be honest, he looks
worn out. He couldn’t have gotten out of hospital more than an hour ago.
“Would you two like a drink? Coffee, juice, wine maybe?”
Ryan looks up at me suspiciously, his brow raised in silent question.
“Beer, Ry?” I watch him lift his chin before I cut across to Sam who politely shakes her head and takes a seat on my black leather sofa. I grab a beer out of the fridge and pop the cap with an opener from the drawer before handing it to Ryan. I brace myself on the counter and take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for whatever I’m about to be told.
“How are you feeling?” I ask when he finally meets my eyes.
“Better. Still sore, but the doc says I should be fine for work next week.” I nod in agreement before turning to Sam.
“Ryan, do you want to go first?” Sam asks. He shakes his head and takes a long swig of beer. I study him recognizing all the signs of a man who is yet to accept the consequences of his actions. Seems my ultimatum at the hospital had no effect. My mood starts to darken when I hear Sam’s soft voice filter through the silence again.
“All right. Well, Ryan called me this morning because he couldn’t call you. His stuff was at the bar, and he asked me to pick him up. I made the decision to call your office and when I was told you were working from home, I asked Ryan for your address and here we are.” She’s got her cop hat on. As much as her professionalism is honorable, it pisses me off when it’s directed at me of all people.
“How can I help then?” I bite out, gritting my teeth. The room is full of tension. I can see Ryan in my peripheral vision, his hand gripping his bottle like his life depends on it.
“Well …” She fidgets in the seat. “In the car, Ryan explained how he doesn’t feel safe at his apartment due to whatever is going on with him. He has explained that he has an addiction problem and that he’d like to get some help.” The more she talks, the stronger her demeanor becomes. She’s found her stride now and I couldn’t be prouder. “I think Ryan should stay with you.” I open my mouth to argue, but she doesn’t stop talking. “And when he’s feeling physically stronger, you can both sit down and discuss what his options are regarding therapy, Gamblers Anonymous or similar, and whether he still has a job.”
I stare at her. Everything I was going to talk to Ryan about so that he can get help for his addiction, has already been covered by Sam in the short trip from the hospital. The woman in front of me has miraculously achieved what I couldn’t in the past, which is to get Ryan to agree.
Turning toward Ryan, I notice he has visibly relaxed since Sam finished her spiel. I can’t help softening my stance when I realize that he was genuinely worried that I wouldn’t help him. Maybe he did take my words seriously the other night.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” he pipes up, his voice croaky and full of unspoken emotion.
“Yes, Ry. You can stay here for a few days. Your rent is up to date and paid for the next month, and your landlord has recently upgraded the security system, so I’m sure you will be safe there, but you have just been released from the hospital with a few cracked ribs and a head wound. You can stay in the guest room beside my office until you’re back on your feet, but there will be no visitors, no computer, no cell. No access to betting of any sort. This is me giving my little brother one last chance since today you’ve given me a ray of hope that you can see this through this time.”
He nods. “Thanks, brother. I’m beat. I’m going to go lie down if that’s okay.”
“Good idea. I’ll wake you before I leave for the club. Maybe we’ll have dinner?”
“Great.” His voice is decidedly more upbeat when he answers. He stands and picks up his bag, turning toward Sam. “Thanks, Sammy, I really appreciate you picking me up.”
“You’re welcome, Ryan. I’ll call in a few days to check in on you.” The smile she gives him blinds me. I’m hit with memories of all the times she’d look at me like that. It’s like a sucker punch to my very being. I want that smile directed at me again, and fuck if I’m not going to use every weapon in my arsenal to make that happen.
Once Ryan has left, she stands up and I have to choose whether to let her go again or press my case.
I walk around the counter and casually lean back against it, never taking my eyes off her. She noticeably shudders under my gaze and drops her eyes before her body stills, realizing what she just did. She turns away from me and walks over to my floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the street and park.
“Surely this isn’t another coincidence, Samantha. The hospital was chance, this time you knew you’d be seeing me again …”
“I’m helping Ryan,” she replies a bit too quickly.
As always, she’s wearing her heart on her sleeve. She was never able to hide her emotions very well, something I know has been used to her disadvantage in the past. The demise of our relationship case in point. “And I appreciate that, but Ryan is a big boy who needs to stand on his own two feet. Something I told him the other night before I saw you in the corridor.”
“Sean, he needs help. He’s your brother, your only family—”
“I’m perfectly aware of that fact but it goes both ways. What I’m wondering is when do I say enough is enough?”
“When there are no other options.”
“Is that what you did, Sammy?”
“What?” she splutters defensively, turning around to face me.
I stand up straight, pulling my shoulders back, preparing for one of two scenarios to play out.
She bolts.
or
She stands up to me.
Either one will not deter me or turn me off if I’m to be honest.
“When you ended things between us?”
“That was ten years ago …”
“It was, yet seeing you again after all this time has made me remember what happened between us …” I leave the statement unfinished as I step closer.
Her eyes go wide, then dart toward the stairwell leading down to the entranceway.
I shake my head at her as I recognize her flight reflex threatening to kick in. “Uh-oh, Samantha. There’s no escape this time. I let you walk once, and I’m not too keen on seeing the woman who is still buried deep under my skin disappear for another ten years without some answers.”
“Sean, I-”
I stop a foot away from her, putting my hands in my pockets as I trail my eyes from her feet up her long, tanned legs, to her sexy as hell cut-off black denim shorts, her jade fitted tee, to an all too familiar emerald pendant hanging from a silver chain around her neck. I quickly try to hide my shock. She still has the necklace I gave to her on our one year anniversary. The same one I was given by my grandmother to give to her. A piece of my heart that she kept close to her own despite walking away from me, from us, all those years ago. Surely this can’t be a coincidence.
My perusal stops when my eyes meet hers and I can’t help but smirk when her eyes drop to the floor moments later, but not before I see that spark that I caught a glimpse of the other night, a flash of recognition that I see right through her defenses.
Realizing she’s cornered, she changes tactics. “Look, I just wanted to get Ryan settled and it looks like he is so I better get going. I’ve got a lot to do before I start work again tomorrow.” She looks up at me, donning a fake smile that doesn’t reach her eyes before making a step to the side to pass by me.
I shoot my arm out and gently grab her bicep. “Sammy,” I murmur in a low, controlled voice. We both look down at my hand touching her bare skin, the electricity sparking between us like an arcing current buzzing between two power sources—the strength of the connection thrilling yet shocking. I watch her chest rise and fall, her breaths coming short and fast.
“You can continue to deny this, but I’m not going away this time. I’m not going to let you walk away without at least having dinner with me.”
“What?”
“Dinner. Two people meeting in a public restaurant where they enjoy a meal an
d maybe a glass or two of wine. They converse, they laugh, they share what’s been going on in their lives for the past decade. It’s a common pastime I’m led to believe.” I don’t try to hide the veiled humor in my voice. Her reaction tells me that she’s very much attuned to me and my nature, and that she’s fully aware of what she is, yet still trying to deny that fact. But she’s failed to hide her still existing attraction to me. That much is obvious.
“I’m very aware of what dinner is,” she snaps.
I grin at the sudden rediscovery of her backbone. “Then you’ll meet me this week for a meal? For old times’ sake. A toast to old friends.”
“We were never just friends, Sean.”
“No, we weren’t.” My reply is direct and forceful, my voice strong and unwavering. “But I’m hoping to find out where we stand now because Sammy …” I release her arm and step in front of her, our bodies so close that I can feel the heat radiating off her, but she just stares at my chest, her brows furrowed as she visibly tries to process our close proximity. “I fully intend to find out what you’ve learned in the years we’ve been apart. Whether your eyes still turn dark when I use words to caress your soul. Whether you’re as breathtaking as you always were when I turn you on and finally …” I stop and lift my hand between us, using my index finger to lift her chin until she meets my gaze. The desire I'm feeling reflects back at me from her eyes, and I bite back a groan when her tongue darts out, licking her parted lips. Our eyes lock together, neither one of us willing or wanting to pull away. It hits me that the pull this woman has over me is as strong as it ever was.
