Nevertheless, we had something to eat and afterward, we all sat out in the back and talked. Holly took Aunt Sara for a walk with May along the beach. Holly and Aunt Sara got along well these days. She was actually helping Aunt Sara shed her burden of mourning. Grandma Olivia fell asleep in her chair while Cary talked about the boat with Judge Childs and Kenneth.
Finally, Cary and I went down to the dock and watched the approaching twilight with the gulls gliding gracefully over the silvery water.
"I wonder if Holly is right. I wonder if we all return to some spiritual body full of love and then start again," I said.
Cary was silent for a moment and then he turned to me and smiled.
"I started again. I started when you came here," he said. "So maybe it's true: Maybe love is what makes us alive."
I leaned against his shoulder and he put his arm around me, making me feel secure and safe. The sun continued to dip. Clouds drifted toward the horizon as if they were sinking, too. The gulls called out through the shadows.
And I said a soft good-bye to the grandmother I had hardly known, but whose soft eyes filled me with promises to keep.
17
An End to the Silence
.
As Cary had promised, Kenneth's boat was
ready for its maiden voyage the following weekend. Of course, Cary took it out on some test runs beforehand and spent the week tuning and perfecting it until he was satisfied. Weatherwise, luck was with us. When Cary came for me early on Saturday morning, it was a nearly perfect day with just a few dabs of clouds over the face of a pale blue sky, and most important, the sea was calm, but with just enough breeze to make for good sailing.
Grandma Olivia said nothing either negative or positive about it at all. She knew where I was going and why, but she ignored my preparations. There was a dramatic change in her demeanor during the week after her sister's death. She was more withdrawn, said less at dinner and spent more time alone in Grandpa Samuel's office reviewing old papers. She dozed a great deal and had fewer visitors.
Judge Childs came around about as frequently as usual, but his visits were shorter and he had dinner with us only once. Toward the end of the week, immediately after he arrived, he and Grandma Olivia went into the office and spent an hour or so behind closed doors going over documents. When he emerged, he looked flustered and tired. He barely spoke to me before he left and after he was gone, Grandma Olivia went directly up to bed, not so much as glancing my way.
She still made daily inquiries as to my progress at school, commented about my appearance, and warned me about not doing anything to ruin the success I had enjoyed and would enjoy, but her words sounded emptier. They were words of duty, automatic words, sentences without passion. Could it be that Grandma Belinda's death really had affected her? I wondered. I was beginning to feel sorry for her, something I thought I would never do.
I didn't mention any of this to Cary, especially the morning of our maiden voyage. He talked excitedly all the way to Kenneth's beach house, giving me little opportunity to get a word in anyway. I had to laugh at his exuberance, but at the same time, I was thrilled by it.
Holly had prepared our cold lobster lunch with salads and Portuguese bread, wine, coffee and carrot cake. She and Kenneth surprised us by buying new matching sailing outfits. It was the first time I had seen her dressed in something reasonably fashionable and I thought she looked fresh and attractive.
"I've got to look the part now, don't I?" Kenneth said, parading about in his captain's hat.
The aura of happiness that settled over all of us was infectious. We fed each other's laughter and joy.
Kenneth and Cary got us underway and we set out to sea, bouncing gently over the waves, the wind stroking our faces, making our hair dance over our foreheads, all of us bathing in the sunlight and the sea spray. The boat was as sleek and as fast as Cary had predicted. It sliced gracefully through the water. Kenneth said it handled with such ease, it could make a novice appear to be a seasoned sailor. He even let me steer to prove it. Cary beamed with pride, strutting over the desk, checking every joint, every mechanical part, just daring something to fail.
After we set the anchor, Cary and Kenneth did some fishing while Holly and I prepared our feast. After we ate I played the fiddle and taught them some of the mountain songs Papa George had taught me. I couldn't recall a time in my life when I felt more contented. All of us sprawled out to rest and actually dozed off a bit before springing back into action and turning the boat toward shore, this time sailing faster, Holly and I shrieking at the waves that splashed over the sides of the boat to soak us. It had been one of the happiest days of my life and I hated to see it come to an end.
Kenneth and Holly had decided to have their wedding the next day at Judge Childs's. It wasn't going to be a very big affair. The Judge would marry them in front of a few friends and there was to be a small dinner party, after which Kenneth and Holly would leave for their week's honeymoon in Montreal. Cary and I had promised to look after the beach house and their puppies, Prometheus and Neptune. Cary said he would take the dogs home with him every night.
We all knew he was going to be busy. Mr. Longthorpe had decided to go ahead and contract with him to build him his yacht. Kenneth offered his home for Cary to use, which meant Cary could utilize the studio and shop. Now there would be reason for him to be at Kenneth's anyway. While he had been working there on Kenneth's boat, the house had become our little paradise, our hideaway from the prying eyes of the world around us. We had only the terns and other birds as witnesses. Now that would continue.
And so as the school year was drawing toward its end, I gradually permitted myself to believe there really was such a thing as a rainbow after the storm. Mommy didn't trouble my thoughts anymore. I accepted that she was gone. I rarely saw my father and never saw or heard from Adam. Michelle avoided me more than I avoided her. It was easy to put it all behind me, to think now of the future, a future that had a place for Cary's and my love.
It was really what I believed as I returned from our day of sailing. Tanned and very contented, I was even eager to share the experience with Grandma Olivia. However, I found the house dark and quiet and discovered Loretta alone in the kitchen. She told me Grandma Olivia had not come down for her dinner.
"It isn't like her to do so, but I brought dinner up to her and she ate in bed," Loretta told me. "That woman isn't right. Something's wrong," she declared, but not with any loving concern. She said it as a matter of fact and went on doing her chores.
All the time I had lived at the house, I always felt uncomfortable going to Grandma Olivia's bedroom while she was in bed. I hesitated to do it now. Although I had developed some level of respect for her, I still wasn't fond of her. I didn't think she was the kind of person who permitted anyone to care for her affectionately anyway. Even the Judge rarely spoke to her tenderly, at least not in front of me. It was as if he thought that if he did, she would either ridicule him or criticize him for it.
Nevertheless, I felt some concern and knocked on her door. There was no response so I knocked harder until I heard, "What is it?"
I opened the door and gazed in at her. She looked like a tiny child in the large bed, her hair loose, her body diminished even more by the oversized pillows.
"I just wondered how you were. Loretta said you didn't come down to dinner and--"
"I'm fine," she said firmly, but then added, "as fine as I can be."
"Is there anything you need?"
She stared at me and then, as if I had asked the silliest question, she uttered a ridiculing groan.
"Need? Yes, I need a new body. I need youth. I need a family with a man as strong as my father was. No," she said, "I don't need anything you can give me." She paused and nearly smiled at me. "You think you've come to where you can start to do things for me?"
"I just meant . . ."
"I'm tired, very tired. The battles wear you down. However, I don't want sympathy and I don't want anyone to feel
sorry for me. I'm just stating a fact you will learn yourself one day. You live, you work hard and you die. Don't expect anything more and you won't be disappointed. You can send Loretta up to take my tray. That's what you can do," she said, waving her hand to brush me away.
I started to close the door.
"Just a moment."
"Yes?"
"I don't believe I will be going to the wedding tomorrow. I don't feel up to festivities and parties. It's not much of a wedding anyway."
"Won't the Judge be disappointed?"
This time instead of smiling disdainfully, she laughed mockingly.
"I can't think of anything that means less to me than Nelson Childs's happiness," she said and then, as if her head had suddenly turned to stone, she dropped it quickly to the pillow.
I stared at her. Despite her money and her power, I did feel sorry for her. I had the urge to shout it at her: "I pity you, you and your concern for what's perfectly proper or what's good for the family. Look at what you've become! Look at what you have at the end of your hard, angry life."
The words were teasing my lips, but I swallowed them back and instead I closed the door and went to tell Loretta to pick up her tray. Then I went to bed thinking about Kenneth and Holly's wedding and dreaming of my own, grateful I wouldn't end up like this sad old woman.
Grandma Olivia remained in bed the following morning. She didn't ask for me and I didn't stop by to say good-bye before going to the wedding. Cary, May and Aunt Sara picked me up and were all surprised to learn that Grandma Olivia wasn't coming.
"Isn't she feeling well?" Aunt Sara asked.
"I don't think so, although I can't imagine the disease or the germ that would have enough nerve to invade her body," I said. Cary laughed, but Aunt Sara looked as if I had blasphemed and had to hide her shock.
The wedding was simple, but very sweet. Judge Childs didn't seem all that surprised at Grandma Olivia's failure to attend. He was too happy about Kenneth's permitting him to perform the ceremony to allow anything to interfere with the joy of the moment. A long table had been set up on the patio. There was champagne and caviar and other assorted hors d'oeuvres first. Then we had a sit-down dinner, catered by the same people who had catered Kenneth's party for Neptune's Daughter. That was followed with a beautiful wedding cake.
I met Kenneth's brother and sister and their families, but they were the first to leave. Kenneth and Holly left before any of the other guests because they had to get to Boston to catch an airplane to Montreal.
"Watch Neptune," Holly warned me as I walked with her toward the jeep. "He likes to bury Kenneth's socks in the sand and might just do the same to you and Cary."
We hugged.
"I guess your chart was correct after all," I whispered.
"Yes, yes it was, and if it wasn't, I would have made it right," she declared with a gleeful smile. Then she got into the jeep beside Kenneth. She reached back for me and we joined hands.
"Be careful," she said. "Mercury is not in a harmonious position this month."
"I will," I said and let go of her hand just as Cary stepped beside me. We turned to each other and smiled and thought about the days ahead when we could share the beach house, alone, on a sort of honeymoon of our own.
However, it turned out to be a busy week for both of us. Cary actually began Mr. Longthorpe's boat and I had to start preparing for final exams. Nevertheless, he was there at the end of every school day to pick me up and then to go get May. May had become more friendly with some of her friends and fortunately for Cary and me, wanted to do things with them after school. Aunt Sara let her bring a girlfriend over after school most of the time or allowed her to go to her girlfriend's home so she was occupied.
Usually, I sat on a blanket and studied while Cary worked on the new project. Just before he stopped to take me home, we would go for a walk on the beach or just sit and look at the ocean. Toward the end of the week, it grew unusually hot and on Thursday afternoon, he put down his tools, turned to me and asked if I wanted to go swimming.
"Swimming?"
"Skinny-dipping," he challenged.
Even though we were far from the nearest neighbor and the beach was almost always deserted, the very idea of swimming nude in the daytime frightened me.
"What if someone comes?"
"No one will."
"They might."
"Well, I'm not afraid," he said with that devilish grin and started to take off his shirt. He sat on the sand and pulled off his shoes and socks, looked back at me and then slipped off his pants and underpants. For a moment he just sat there looking at the water. Then he turned back toward me, his eyes so deep, so inviting. "Well?"
My fingers went to my blouse. He rose and walked out to the water to wait. Seconds later, naked, I joined him and he took my hand.
"Ready?"
"No," I said. "It's going to be cold."
"Freezing, but delightful," he promised and we ran into the water, screaming at the tops of our voices, and laughing until the water actually covered us in what felt like icicles. I turned and ran out as fast as I had run in. Cary followed, laughing hysterically at my shrieks. We both collapsed on the warm sand and quickly wrapped our arms around each other.
I was shivering when his lips brushed mine. He rubbed my back vigorously and we kissed again. The sun was warm enough to dry us quickly, but it was the heat of our own passion that drove the chill from our bones. Making love under a daylight sky, out in the open for all the world to see, heightened every tingle, every sensation. The wind was in my hair; there was sand on my face, and my lips were salty from the sea and from his lips. Yet nothing mattered but our great hunger for each other. Before it was over, Neptune came to us and began licking both of us, making us laugh.
"I feel like we're in our own private Eden," Cary said. "Nothing can touch us here. We're blessed, Melody. I'm the luckiest guy in the world."
We pledged our love, wrote our promises in the sand, lay beside each other and gazed up at the blue sky, not thinking about our nakedness.
"I don't know how I will get through each day without you when you go to that snobby prep school," Cary said.
I sat up and braced myself on my elbow, gazing out at the water.
"I'm probably going to hate it," I said. "Maybe I won't go."
"What do you mean? I thought that was settled."
"Grandma Olivia thinks it is, but I'm not sure." "Really? Well, what will you do?"
I gazed into his face and he smiled.
"Would you just stay here with me?"
"I might," I said and his eyes brightened as if there were tiny candles behind them. Then, they darkened and he shook his head.
"You're the class valedictorian. Everyone will say you've wasted your life."
"I don't live to please everyone, just myself," I said, but he sat up and began to dress. "Cary?"
"Let's not make plans and promises we can't keep, Melody. I'd better get you back to Grandma Olivia's."
I dressed quickly and we left.
"I had a wonderful afternoon with you, Cary," I said after we pulled into Grandma Olivia's driveway. "I've been working on our weekend, too. She thinks I'm sleeping over at Theresa's."
"I know how much you hate to lie," he said.
"If it means being with you, it's not a lie. It's a necessity," I said and he smiled.
"See you tomorrow," he promised and drove away. I watched him go and then I turned and went into the big house, a house that had somehow grown more empty and darker every passing day. Almost as soon as I closed the door behind me, Loretta came hurrying down the hallway to greet me.
"I think you better go up and see about your grandmother," she said.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"She don't answer when I talk to her. I was about to call the doctor."
"Doesn't answer?"
I started up the stairs slowly. Loretta watched me a moment and then walked away as if she had washed her hands of the problem. I knocked gently on
the bedroom door, waited and then entered. Grandma Olivia was lying there, her head sunk into her large pillow. She didn't turn to see who it was who had entered. I approached the bed.
"Grandma Olivia?"
I gazed down at her. Her eyes moved toward me, but her mouth was twisted grotesquely in the right corner. Suddenly, her tongue jetted out like a small snake and she made a horrible guttural sound that made me step back.
"What's wrong?"
I lifted the corner of the blanket and looked at her small body. Her right arm was bent against her bosom, the fingers of her hand frozen into a claw. I saw where she had scratched her chest and neck.
"I'll call the doctor!" I cried and hurried to the telephone. Afterward, I called Judge Childs, too.
Later, I waited downstairs in the living room while the doctor examined her. He and Judge Childs finally appeared.
"Your grandmother has had a stroke," the doctor declared. "I wanted to send for an ambulance and put her in the hospital, but she insists on remaining here under nurse's care. Nearly shook her head off 'No!' I've sent for someone, a Mrs. Grafton, who will be here shortly. She's a fine special duty nurse, but I think it's only a matter of days before we will just have to get your grandmother to the hospital. Her vitals are stable at the moment," he added and turned to the Judge to see if he wanted to add anything.
"I'll see to everything," he said.
"Will she get better?" I asked.
"At her age a complete recovery is unlikely. She might improve with therapy, but for all that, she is just going to have to be in the hospital. For now, I'd rather she be comfortable and happy."
"Happy?" How could anyone be happy like that? I wondered, and besides, I didn't think she was happy before this had happened.
"Well, comfortable, anyway," the doctor said. "For now, she is asleep. The nurse should be here momentarily," he added and then the Judge escorted him, but returned to me.
"It's no fun being old," he said with a small smile. "However, she's an incredibly strong woman. She might make more of a recovery than the doctor thinks. Anyway, after a few days of this, I'm sure she will be taken to the hospital. At that time I'd like it if you came to stay with me. At least until you're off to school," he concluded.
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