by Aja Cole
“Jax?” I call, and I can hear the slight panic in my voice but I can’t do anything about it. “Jaxon!”
He pops his head over the railing on the second floor and I look up. “Sienna? What are you doing here so early?”
I go up the stairs and meet him on the landing.
“We need to talk.” I pace because I can’t stand still right now, there are too many things flying around my mind.
“Yeah, look…” I turn to him and realize he keeps glancing nervously at the doors to his room.
Then I remember there’s another car parked outside. Suddenly, everything in me calms and I drop to the ground where I’m standing.
“This isn’t my life.” I laugh. “This has got to be a big goddamned joke.”
“Jax, thanks for…” The doors to his room open and out comes Nikki Rhodes, the woman from the party who he said was just a fling. “Oh, hey, I was just borrowing some clothes.”
“That’s nice.” I nod my head, rising from the floor. “I am going to leave you to it.”
“Sienna, wait, nothing happened. She spilled something on her clothes, I let her borrow some of my sweats. That’s it.”
“Of course.” I smile. “Nikki, it was nice to see you again.” I turn on my heel and head back down the stairs, picking up my purse and phone from where I tossed them.
“You’re scaring me. Talk to me.” I hear behind me, and I pick up my heels in a finger, letting them dangle.
“What would you like me to say?” I face him, reading the anxiousness in his face.
“I want you to tell me what you’re thinking, don’t shut me out.”
I nod. “Well, I want you to answer one question for me. Maybe two.”
“Anything. Everything.” I look away because his eyes are way too earnest right now.
“Did you ignore me and confront Tyler last night?”
He hesitates, and I put a hand up. “That answers that question. Number two, in one word. What is she doing here?”
“Gatorade.” He answers immediately.
“What about it?”
“One word or can I use more?”
I stare blankly at him and he grimaces.
“She’s running point on it, for my agent.”
That blows my mind. “So you work with her? You have this whole time and you forgot to mention that, to mention that you have a type? Women involved with things you want?”
“It’s not like that at all, Sienna.” He steps towards me and I step back so quickly that I almost trip over the wood table.
“I don’t know what it’s like anymore with you. You conveniently forget to mention her, you’ve probably cost me my job by being a caveman, and you know what - this was going to end soon anyway so let’s just do that now.”
“Cost you your job how?”
“Oh, Caroline suggested to me today that I take a little time off to handle my personal drama and figure out how to be more discreet. But don’t worry, I’m still being paid while my reputation swirls down the drain.”
“Listen, I didn’t lay a hand on that asshole. Yeah, Chris and I told gave him a little advice on keeping his hands to himself and a few threats, but nothing more.”
“Why didn’t you just let it go?” I throw my hands up. “I told you that I handled it.”
“And I can’t stand men that think they’re entitled to whatever they want. It wasn’t just about you, it was about the other women he’s definitely harassed before you.”
“But it’s affecting me. You do what you want and you don’t think about me when it matters.” I choke up, holding a hand to my chest. “I can’t do this. I don’t care anymore. I’m leaving.”
“Wait, wait,” He moves to grab me but I jerk out of reach. “Look, be pissed off at me, fine. But you can’t go back there and you’re obviously dealing with a lot right now. Stay here, I’ll leave. I’ll leave and you stay while you find other options.”
I want to tell him to take his offer and shove it up his ass, but even I feel that I can’t hold it together much longer.
I lift my chin and take my things to the only bedroom on the first floor, closing the door in his face and locking it. With the little energy I have left, I undress and curl up under the covers.
The tears won’t even come and I lay there aimlessly, wondering where the hell I go from here.
Jaxon
I open the door and hold it open, picking up the small suitcase.
“She won’t talk to me, she won’t come out of the room. I don’t think she’s eaten in two days.”
“Definitely my child.” Deidre murmurs, handing me her coat. “I didn’t eat for almost a week when I found out my husband was cheating. Some women stress eat, we stress starve.”
“I didn’t cheat on her, I promise.”
“I believe you. I didn’t trust it initially, but I do trust my daughter’s judgement and she’s chosen you. Or, she did. What did happen.” We walk to the kitchen and I run a hand over my face, opening the fridge.
“Would you like something to drink?”
“White wine if you have it. Any will do.”
I move to the wine chiller and take out a bottle, uncorking it then pulling down a glass. Feels like I haven’t slept in hours. I just want Sienna to talk to me. Tell me what I can do to fix things.
I push the glass towards her and lean against the counter, shaking my head.
“From what I can gather, one of the executives forced her on leave because she didn’t give in to her sons advances. She came home, found out a former fling of mine is heading up my deal with Gatorade and I neglected to tell her. Add that to the fact that I want kids and she wants her career, and you have,” I nod in the general direction of the bedroom, “this.”
She opens her mouth and closes it, then lifts the glass to her lips.
“I encouraged her to focus mostly on what she could control, how she’s perceived, her work ethic, her goals. I have to admit that I tried not to think about what would happen if that anchor got put into jeopardy.”
“What do we do?”
“You, make sure you disclose all details from now on, please. I will go and drag my daughter out of her pity party.” She finishes the glass. “And what’s this about kids?”
“Sienna doesn’t want them, or she doesn’t want any for awhile. Not until she’s met her career goals.”
“It’s like listening about a younger version of myself, dammit.” She sighs. “Do you love my daughter, Jaxon?”
“It’s um,” I hesitate. “A little early for love right? I mean, that’d be crazy and maybe a little clingy or something.”
“So you do.”
“I do.” I rub my eyes. “So much that I haven’t fucking slept because she’s shut me out.”
“And kids?”
“I’m not ready for them now, but I do know that I’m ready for her now. I don’t want to make a decision to end things based on something that might never happen anyway. I have siblings. I have friends. I can volunteer. It’s not the end of the world for Sienna to make her dreams happen, as long as I can there beside her. I don’t want to change her, I just…I want her to be happy, hopefully with me.” I confess. The minute I say the words, I feel them down to my soul.
Deirdre looks away for a second and I swear I see a tear in her eye.
“Well said. I will see what I can do.” She leaves the kitchen, heels clacking on the wood, and I sit down heavily at the table just as my front door opens.
I should really remember to lock it.
“Bro, we brought food.” Jesse comes in the door with a large bag in hand, and Alena, Chris, Chris’s sister Cami, and Jamie come in behind him.
“Alena, I told you I didn’t need company.”
“And I told you that I didn’t believe you.” She pats me on the head as she walks by, and I watch Jesse take out Mellow Mushroom boxes.
“You look rough,” Cami hugs me and I hug her back, fist bumping Chris.
“Showered. Decided to p
ull a Chris with the shaving though.”
“Don’t hate on my beard game.” Chris grabs a slice of pizza, and everyone else sits around the table while we grab beers from the fridge. “Sienna hasn’t come out yet?”
“Nope. Her mom just got here, went in to try to talk to her.”
“Well we brought barbecue chicken pizza with broccoli just for her in case, hopefully her mom has some success. I hate that she’s hurting.” Alena says so the boys don’t hear, then takes over drinks and takes a seat. Chris and I follow.
“So Jesse,” I take a chunk out of a slice of pepperoni and mushroom, “What’s this about women being here to destroy your self esteem?”
He chokes on his pizza a little, and Jamie laughs at him, drinking from his coke.
Feels good to be around family. Now I just wish I had my woman.
Sienna
“Sienna Grace Davis, I’m only going to tell you to open this door one time. You know I don’t like to repeat myself.”
I’ve been laying here staring at the windows so long that I’m starting to hallucinate.
I leave the room at odd hours when I can’t hear Jax around anywhere and smuggle snacks from the kitchen. Water bottles. Then I lay back in bed and waste crumbs and wonder how I’ve fallen so far.
On another hand, it’s been kind of nice not going into work and actually sleeping. Then I remember why I’m not going into work, then I get pissed off and sad all over again and shove more Doritos in my mouth.
Have you ever tried dipping Doritos in sour cream? It’s really good.
“Little girl, today is not the day you want to try my patience.”
I shoot up in bed, because those words sound way too close to simply be a hallucination.
“Mom?” My voice is hoarse, and I brush crumbs off my tank top.
“No, it’s satan himself.” I scramble over the bed and to the door, not even bothering to smooth anything down because my appearance is probably beyond help right now. I unlock the door and move the chest away from it, revealing my very unimpressed mother.
“Mom? What are you doing here?”
“I heard my daughter was wallowing in a room, making herself and her boyfriend miserable.” She enters, closing the door behind her and scoffing at the state of the bed. “Please go shower and do something to your hair. When you don’t look like a pale imitation of yourself, we’ll talk about the game plan.”
“There is no game plan.” I sniff. “I can’t go back there.”
“Oh, you can. And you will. Now, you might leave it after - but you’re damned sure going to be leaving on your terms and not that disgusting, underhanded cretin’s.” She turns away from the bed, face softening. “You took care of me, and now I’m taking care of you. Now, go.”
I thought I’d used up all my tears, but I feel them coming on. “I’m glad you’re here, Ma. I missed you.”
“Maybe I could use a change of scenery.” She comes closer, pulling me into a hug and I rest my face in her shoulder. “Home is where the heart is, after all. And my heart happens to be in Atlanta.”
I sob against her shoulder until I’ve gotten all the tears out, with her stroking my back and murmuring stuff I can’t decipher.
When I’m done shaking, she pulls away and pats my check. “Now, go clean that snot off your face so we can talk and you can get your career back on track and your relationship.”
“I’m skeptical about one of those more than the other.”
“It’s a good thing I’m the wiser one of the two of us.” She pushes me toward the bathroom. “Now, get.”
I exfoliate, I shave, and I wash my hair. I’m curly haired once again, only this time, I’m not worrying about whether it’s professional enough or not.
When I open the bathroom door, I feel a lot bit more like myself, but still sad and a little lost.
My mom has changed the sheets, thrown away my junk food bags and containers and lit some candles. She glances up from putting things in a hamper.
“There’s the daughter I recognize. I’ve always wondered why you didn’t wear your hair curly more often.”
“You always wear yours straight and people listen to you. I thought it would work the same if I did.”
She laughs a little, sitting on the bed and motioning me to come over.
“You never needed to be me for people to listen to you. Even when you were a child, you were very good at holding an audience.”
“I’m a little more confident in that now, but you were pretty much the mold I was aiming for.”
“I have to apologize to you, Sienna.” She starts, taking my hand.
“Why?”
“I drilled it into you that all you’d have is your career, because aside from you, that’s all I had when your father left. But the truth is, I think you have a lot more than I did, and it’s time for you to stop clinging to only that.”
“But I love what I do. It’s not a burden or anything.”
“I know that, but it’s okay to love other things too. Like that man out there…and time off…and maybe even a child one day.”
“Kids are a lot. I mean, I never felt like you thought I was hindering you, but there are so many factors and I’m not ready now.”
“That’s fine. I just…don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Or in this case, there are plenty of women out there who are perfectly content in their careers and want for nothing more and no relationships and they’re set. I don’t think you’re one of those women, not really. I think your mother just rubbed off on you a little too well with her heartbreak and slight bitterness, and you’ve kept your distance ever since.”
“I was scared you would never leave your bed again.” I say quietly, “I didn’t want to go through that.”
“When you love, you risk,” She shrugs. “And you just have to make sure you get back up. But I don’t think you’ll have that problem with that young man in there. And if you do, well…I’ll be there for you then, too.”
“I think I love him.” My voice is full of resignation.
“That’s a good place to start.” She nudges me playfully. “If it’s any consolation, he loves you too.”
“He told you that?”
“He called me, didn’t he? And unlike your father, I don’t think he’ll make you feel like a lesser woman for doing what makes you happy if that list is longer than catering to his needs.”
“I’m really glad you kept full custody.”
“Ha, like I was going to let that spoiled little shit get his grubby hands on my daughter. No thank you, I was going to be the only one to fuck you up.”
“You didn’t fuck me up, mom. Gave me a little bit of a shell, but apparently the damage isn’t permanent.” I lean on her shoulder.
“Now that we’ve established that, here’s what we’re going to do about that that treacherous bitch.”
Sienna
When I leave the room, I hear laughter and talking and I stop for a second before my mom nudges me forward.
“There are more people than me who want to be there for you. Let them.” She says low in my ear, and I start walking again, sighing.
When I round the corner, Jax sees me first and he nearly tips over his chair, he stands up so fast.
Both of his brothers are here, and Alena and Chris, and another young woman I don’t recognize.
“You did it.” He looks over my head to my mom, voice incredulous, and she squeezes my shoulder.
“You called the right cavalry, young man. Introduce me to everyone.”
Jax makes the introductions, and I find out the other woman is Camilla or Cami, Chris’s little sister.
“We brought you your weird ass pizza combination.” Alena pipes up. “It’s in the oven.”
“Okay, barbecue chicken pizza is not weird.”
“It is when you add broccoli.” She rises, and we hug, moving closer to the table. I ruffle Jesse and Jamie’s hair, both of them ducking.
But my eyes are drawn to Jax agai
n because I haven’t really seen him in two days and it’s like my body feels better now just being around him.
He looks as rough as I did before I got it together and I know it’s because he’s been worried.
“Can I talk to you?” I ask, and he nods. I follow him upstairs to his room and he closes the door. I cross my arms, wondering how to start.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
We look at each other, and I give up trying to make sure I have the right words.
I kiss him with all the emotions that I don’t know how to voice. Opening my mouth wider with his, he deepens the kiss and I melt under him, tongues tangling lazily as he strokes into me again and again. It fills a place in my soul that he’s been adding to since he laid next to me on the field and told me about the things that made him who he is.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” I stroke his face, pressing my forehead to his. “Well, not really. But next time, maybe let Nikki change downstairs and not in your bedroom and you know, disclose those things.”
“I will. Maybe we can work on you giving yourself a break sometimes. Your career isn’t all you have, even without it, you’re an amazing woman.”
“I know.” I swallow. “Kind of, more now.”
“I don’t want to break up over the kids thing, Sienna. I don’t know if your mom told you what I—,”
I put a finger to his lips, shaking my head.
“I appreciate that you’d respect my decision not to have kids if I chose that, but I’m not ruling it out completely. I…want to talk to someone. A therapist, make sure I start developing healthier patterns and talk about how my parents divorce really affected me. But, I can compromise. I’ll consider kids, just not immediately, okay? Don’t go poking holes in the condoms or anything just yet.”
“Deal. I want you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of, Sienna. I mean that. I’m right here, I want to be right here cheering you on.”
“You’re too good for me.” My lips tremble, and he shakes his head.
“I think we’re good for each other.” He lifts my chin, those blue eyes filled with more love than I’ve ever seen.
“I love you.”
His eyes widen. “I definitely thought I’d be the one to say it first.”
