She raises an eyebrow at me and I get the distinct impression she thinks I am crazy for even asking. “He is crazy and everyone hates him, that Callum? Why are you asking?” She looks confused at my interest in the least favourite cousin. “My aunt Orla says he has some sort of psychotic break when he has sex, murders women or something like that.” She sits down at my desk getting comfortable to spill the gossip. That word murder has me curious.
“What do you mean psychotic Meg’s? He seems rather normal and put together, like all the men in your family.” I want to know more, I need to know everything.
“I don’t know Shan, I was like five when they sent him to South Africa. I have only heard the rumours from the older ladies, you know he is in his forties, he’s old as…” I cut her off.
“Old as, be careful Meg’s I’m as old as! Why did they send him away?” I’m thirty-six, not that old, but I don’t need to be reminded that I am past my prime.
“My dad says it was for killing some girl and my mom says it was because Connor hated him. Probably both if you ask me. He just looks like a crazy person, have you seen those eyes? He scares the shit out of me. He is hot though, for an old man.” The phone is ringing at the front desk. She has managed to get me thinking of Callum and that has me all hot and bothered, in a good way. But having sex with a psycho is not a good idea.
“You better go get that,” I say the Megan crossing my legs and trying to hide the heat in my cheeks as I imagine sex with Callum.
Megan laughs loudly as she turns to go back to her desk and answer a ringing phone.
My mind wonders back to the doctor Megan liked so much, Max and his demanding attitude and lack of finesse in the bedroom and my mouth curls into a smile that I can feel in my soul. There is nothing better than getting rid of a bad date.
Megan returns to my office quickly huffing and puffing after a jog down the passage. “There has been some kind of incident at the boxing gym and they are bringing two guys here to get stitched up, apparently this is a bit beyond the coaches stitching skills. I will set up suture kits in both the rooms for you while we wait.” I just knew someone would ruin my fucking day. If they are not killing each other on the streets or in the pubs, they are now doing it in the gym. I wonder which of the O’Reilly kids will be coming through my doors. It’s too early for the men to be at the gym so it must be some of the younger boys getting a little over excited. Even more irritating is now I will have to call parents and deal with one or more of the wife's club. I loathe the women even more than the men.
I slip on a white coat and tie up my hair, so it doesn’t get in my way. I go and wait in my small procedure room where Megan has set up a suture tray and covered the bed in linen savers. She hates when these little twerps bleed all over the linens. I wash my hands and slip on a pair of latex gloves in preparation. I hear the door chime from the front and the shuffle of footsteps and voices.
Megan brings Joel, Warrick’s oldest son into the room. “I will dump the other one next door to wait; cousin Joel here is the loser.” She is so blunt, and I can almost see his ego shrivel up and die at her words. The man has a gaping cut above his left eye; his nose is broken and swollen, his lip is split and gushes blood down his chin and those are the injuries I can see on his face. Whoever got him in the ring clearly had the upper hand. I don’t understand these idiots that feel the need to beat each other for fun, although this looks personal. He was being taught a lesson.
I stitch up his broken face and try to set his nose, but I think he may need to see a specialist to fix that. The bones feel crushed as opposed to cracked. He has several broken ribs, and I tape his chest with a pressure bandage to try making breathing less painful. This guy is a train wreck I wonder what his opponent looks like. When I am done bandaging, I sedate him and leave him to rest for a while, his concussion is quite severe, and I would rather he wait it out here where I can observe him. I might have to call in a nursing sister to help me out tonight. I throw away my gloves and go switch out my coat to one that doesn’t look like I was present at a chainsaw murder before I return to my other patient.
I pass Megan on the way down the passage again. “Megs please can you call the nursing service and see if there is a sister available to help babysit that idiot tonight?” She is blushing furiously as she slinks past me into the passage “Sure Doctor I will get on that now.” Doctor? She calls me Shan - that's weird and a little off.
I wonder what has Megan flustered; she is usually unfazed by the things that come in and out of here. I push the door open, and my heart almost stops when I find a shirtless and slightly bloody Callum perched on the end of the bed. No fucking wonder Megan was blushing. I am blushing; the man is exactly as I had imagined, and beneath those suits is a weapon, a finely tuned and breathtakingly gorgeous weapon. No wonder the poor fool next door is half dead what sort of idiot do you have to be to go up against a body like that. Pull yourself together, you are a doctor Shannon. He cannot see you react to him. Callum has a small cut on his lip and a swollen eye, nothing that actually requires my skill to fix. I suspect that his injuries have nothing to do with why he is here, he wants to see me; the smirk on his face gives his intentions away. I don’t want to date Callum, I don’t want to sleep with Callum, I won’t be able to get rid of Callum like the rest, and this is dangerous. I coach myself as I ignore his sexy smile and slip on a fresh pair of latex gloves. I can smell his sweat and aftershave fill the small room. I cannot deny the pull between us and I know my body is defying my mind. I feel a clench between my thighs. I inhale a little more of his smell and let out a strangled breath. He’s intoxicating. He murdered your sister Shannon! You should hate him.
I pull the trolley with the suture kit on it closer; I don’t think he needs stitches, but he will get them just for that sexy fucking eat me alive grin on his face. As much as I don’t want to get close to this man I need to, and I know this is my second chance, and I don’t plan on blowing this one. I step in between his powerful thighs where they hang from the end of the bed, and I begin to clean his bloodied lip with antibacterial wash; he hisses as it stings the open cut. I smile at his reaction that earns me a scowl from him. “Hello, Doctor Shannon.” He says in a low voice that coils my insides in a dangerous way. “Hello Callum.” I don’t say more I just clean and stitch his face, without lidocaine. I think he secretly likes the pain because he hasn’t complained or whined at all. His lip is stitched and cleaned; I cannot move away though he has trapped me with those legs, and I feel his eyes reaching into my soul for answers. He doesn’t trust me, he believes that Neil owns me, no one owns me and if one of them did I think I would rather it be Callum. “I’m surprised my brother hasn’t killed you yet Doctor.” His breath is on my cheek as he talks to me, way too close to let my brain function. “I don’t care about Neil; I am just the doctor. I cannot be more.”
“That’s where you are wrong Doctor; you are already more to me.” His words turn my blood to ice, and I cannot move not just because he is holding me but because I don’t want to be more to anyone. “I just need to know if it’s worth keeping you alive, whose side will you be on if I do?”
“I don’t understand Callum; you know what Neil wants from me. There are no sides you are O’Reilly’s, and I am not.” He is confusing me with his words and his closeness and his smell and his legs that are crushing the breath out of my lungs. “It’s simple doctor; I give you what you need to stay alive and you join my side. You see there is a war waging that no one knows about yet but betray me beautiful little ghost, and I will kill you myself.” He holds my head in his big hands so that I cannot avert his gaze, those green eyes scare the shit out of me. “From this second doctor Shannon you belong to me, you follow my plan and I will keep you alive. You run to my idiot brother with anything other than what I tell you to I kill you. Simple, our whirlwind fucking romance starts this second. Are we clear?” I nod; I want to cry he is going to fucking ruin my life and kill me I just know it. I cannot stop the things I
do and belonging to someone means just that. Fuck. Before my mind can comprehend all that he is saying he kisses me again, the hum is back, and I kiss him, I allow him to take over my mouth with his tongue. The stitches I just placed in his lip scratch mine causing a sensation that I cannot explain. His legs loosen their crushing hold on me, and I can breathe again. Only now I am breathing in Callum he is like the poisons that I love so much, so good but so very bad all at once. I just became a pawn in a war I know nothing about. I don’t care because his hands are moving up my sides pulling me closer to his naked chest, and I am being sucked into his world with every swipe of his tongue over mine. He is playing a dangerous game that neither of us can win.
“Oh, good God!” The moment is ruined by Megan's voice shrieking through the open door behind me. Callum’s hands still grip my ass holding me close to him. Shit! “Sorry Shan, sorry, guess I know why doctor mac hottie is available now. I got a nurse for the night shift and tomorrow just in case.” She mutters retreating out of the door blushing bright red and shaking her head.
Callum leans so he can see past me; I haven’t looked her in the eye yet, I can feel my face glowing red at the embarrassment of being caught making out with my patient. “Doctor Shannon is taking the rest of the day off; make sure my idiot fucking nephew doesn’t die while she is gone.” He barks at Megan; I turn to meet her confused eyes, she knows who he is and just how stupid I am being. Her eyes squint at me waiting for me to tell him off, but I don’t. “Thanks, Megan, I am going to go a little early today, okay?”
Megan shakes her head and whispers something under her breath before turns to leave “Sure, you are the boss in here.” Her words are a jab at Callum. He pulls me closer again “She needs a leash.” He hisses in my ear before he licks my neck just below it. “Go get your things we are leaving.” It’s an order, not a request, and I obey because I am sure he was very serious when he said he would kill me. Keeping myself, my temper and my smart mouth in check is going to be very hard. I hang my coat behind the door and leave the room to collect my things from my office; the still half naked Callum follows close behind me, now slipping a bloody shirt on. As I close my office door, he grabs my hand kissing the knuckles before walking with me to the front desk.
I stop at Megan's counter, and she is still blushing “Megs, will you call and arrange a locum doctor to help out for a while, someone who owes the family -- you know the drill. I think I am going to need some time off.” Megan’s confusion written on her face, we only get a locum in over Christmas when I go away for a few weeks. “No problem, Shannon I will see who’s available. How long do you want them for?”
“Indefinitely.” Callum grunts at her pulling me towards the door and his waiting car. The door chimes and it’s like a bell signalling the end of my life and all that I have worked for.
MY LITTLE SHIT NEPHEW pushed my buttons at the gym; Warrick should have taught his boy some respect, now I have. Little punk won’t talk to me that way again. Fucking fool, I gave him a proper beating and now I am going to have to take his bleeding ass in my car to get fixed up by a doctor. He better not gets blood on my seats the shit.
Taking him right to the one person I have been avoiding. Green eyes and red hair fill my mind and whisper to the monsters. Only now I think I may have a use for her, after all, beating this little shit has cleared my head, and I could think for a few minutes between punches. She can feed Neil the information I want him to have and get me what I need from him. I also want to fuck her senseless. That kiss has haunted my mind like the ghost of her sister, and I cannot stop wanting more. I know it will never be enough for me, and I will use her up and move on to others. But I can keep her, this time I get to keep her until I am done. That thought excites me if she cannot leave she is trapped; she is mine I can use her as I see fit. The illusion of a queen by my side will be a good thing, a well-educated doctor wife even better. I want her, and I am here in this shitty place to get everything I ever wanted. I just added her to the list. A dangerous rush of desire is driving my madness to the surface and I she can survive me.
A woman, I recognise as a cousin or second cousin from the funeral, escorts my nephew and me inside. I am put in one of the small exam rooms, and he is taken to the procedure room because he looks like he may die. I wish he would; it’d save me time later on. I hear them next door he is whining like a little girl, I don’t hear any sympathy from the doctor. In fact, I don't hear her at all.
It seems to take her forever to patch the little prick up. I don’t need a doctor; my eye is little swollen, and I have a split lip from the only two punches he landed, most of the blood on me is his. I will wait to see the lovely doctor anyways I have a new box to check off my plan. Something is drawing me to her, the ghost of her sister or the darkness I can sense underneath that pretty facade? I think she has secrets too. I know I won’t love her, but I can keep her alive something, I never did for Cassie, I can protect her from falling prey to a monster. Any monster, myself included. I can save Shannon. I can possess Shannon, and no one can stop me.
She walks into the room, all business her eyes desperately trying to avoid my naked chest; I saw her jaw drop a little when she walked into the room. She quickly closed it and recovered her professionalism. The doctor likes what she sees, so do I. She is all sexy in her little white coat and fuck me heels. She certainly knows how to cause a heart attack. She is going to stitch me up, literally and with no Lidocaine to numb my lip either, wicked bitch. No wonder my nephew was crying like a girl next door, she’s ruthless. The disinfectant she cleans my lip with burns like a motherfucker and I let a hiss escape. The smile twitching on her lips tells me she enjoys inflicting pain almost as much as I do. Just because I don’t like killing people does not mean I don’t get my kicks out of hurting them. I enjoyed every minute of beating that boy today. I am more about the mental torture of those who I dislike; hurt isn’t always physical. Some wounds cut deeper when there is no blood let, a broken heart and shattered soul leave me just as satisfied as a broken jaw or nose does. You see when I told you I feel, I meant it I feel even when I try not to all of it affects me, the hurt, agony and disappointment of who I am. I let things cut me deeply but not good things. I am feeling something for Shannon, I want to own her, possess her, crush her destroy her yet I want to keep her alive and safe. I am feeling and should be numb. To feel is madness. I need to block them out, grey just grey, I need to be void while I am here. When I go home, I can have them back now I need simple, monochrome, no colour, no black and white just the grey in between. I am here to wipe out my family I cannot have emotions, not even for the ghost of the woman I loved once. I am here so that I can be free again, but not now. Only once they are all gone, once I have what was always mine. But I want her too. I want to hurt her.
She smells so sweet, and I can’t focus on anything but those pink pouty lips, not even the stinging of my mouth. I trap her small frame between my thighs; she fits perfectly, and I could easily crush her small body. I would love to crush her body underneath mine. To feel those soft breasts, I can see glimpses of through her open white coat. My heart is thundering in my chest, thank God she hasn’t checked my blood pressure I am sure it would break the monitor. Her eyelashes hide those green eyes from me, I want to look into those eyes as I do horrible things to her perfect body. I feel the insanity of the way I would be with her taking over like a toxin spreading through me. I am losing control of everything. I feel it slip away with every little touch of her hands on me. I briefly discuss our new romance and my plan for her. I have no idea what I am saying because my mind cannot focus on anything but her smell. I cannot control this insane need any longer and I kiss those soft lips that tease me from my sleep at night. She doesn’t let me control her, she kisses back fiercely, and I need to be able to control her if this is going to work. I don’t stop. I kiss her harder, my hands gripping her body hard enough to bruise the soft flesh of her backside. A loud girly shriek robs me of the moment when my ditzy cousin from the f
ront desk walks in rambling about a nurse.
“She needs a leash.” I hiss at Shannon. She does need a leash mouthy little bitch. “Go get your things – we’re leaving.” I need to get away from her, but I want so badly to get closer. I want to climb inside her and possess her from the inside out.
I am desperate to get her out of here, where I can have my way with her and set the rules in stone. I need to break her, own her. HURT her.
I am surprised by her idea to bring in another doctor, it is a good idea like she already anticipates that my need for her will be more than she can handle. I don't share my toys with anyone. No one shared with me when it mattered.
I drag her out the door; the silly bell chiming as we leave and get into my car. The sky has turned dismal again, and the light is fading and I have no doubt that soon the rain will pour down around us again. I cut off a car as I pull into traffic and floor it towards my hotel. The madness has taken over.
I should have left her behind. Should have.
CALLUM HOLDS OPEN THE DOOR of a black Mercedes parked outside my surgery; I slip inside as ladylike as I can manage in my heels and tight skirt. It smells of new leather and his cologne inside; the car screams power and matches Callum’s persona perfectly. The few minutes it takes for him to walk around to his side of the car feel like an eternity to me. The seconds tick by at a snail’s pace giving me a chance to realise the reality of this all. He will not let me get out of this agreement alive; I am going to have to play my cards very carefully with this man. His brother may keep my secrets, but Callum owns me now, and he seems like the possessive type. He will not play well with others. I can’t stop thinking about Meg’s words psycho and murder. I am anxious all of a sudden and I wring my hands together on my lap, they begin to sweat as my nervousness gets worse. What have I done? I glance at the car door that is locked, I don’t have an escape, I have put myself right in the path of a mad man with no way out. Stupid girl. My mother called me stupid all my life, maybe she was right.
Monochrome My Madness Page 6
