by J. E. Cluney
“I think it’s my choice, I’m a better version of myself when I’m out there. It’s my job, my purpose,” I said.
“I know it’s your choice, I just worry about you. You could get hurt, or worse. Rogues are dangerous,” he continued.
“And I’m an Alpha now. Last night was ten times easier because of that fact. I move faster, I’m stronger, more powerful,” I said with an eye-roll.
“Okay,” he growled, his shoulders slumping. He wasn’t going to win this one.
“Here I was thinking you missed me, but instead you’re here to lecture me about my life choices,” I mused as I sat down on one of the picnic benches nearby.
I could see the playground from here, but it was deserted this early in the morning. And I could see the new lodge build through the sparse of trees, construction still going as machinery beeped and whirred.
“I do miss you,” he sighed as he sat down beside me and stroked my hair.
“Well, focus on that rather than the lecture,” I groaned, but I couldn’t help enjoying the soft strokes of my hair.
“Fine,” he managed a chuckle as he shuffled closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. I drew in his intoxicating rancher scent, the horses, the hay, the leather, all mixed with his own unique musky smell.
“How’s Scott?” I asked as I rested my head on his shoulder.
“He’s good, he’ll pop down in another day or so, he’s stuck building an extension again,” Nathan said. It seemed a few of my old Pack mates were falling pregnant now.
“Done any barrel racing?”
“Had a competition over the weekend, Dasher and I came second,” he said proudly.
“That’s awesome, congrats!” I grinned.
“Would’ve been better with my girl watching,” he murmured as he kissed my neck sweetly.
“I know,” I sighed, savoring the sensation of his lips on my skin.
“How are things in… that department, anyway? I remember you saying it was Ray’s birthday, and you wanted to try…?” he asked with a sad smile.
“I couldn’t,” I mumbled as I glared down at my hands. I hadn’t been able to have sex with Ray. I hadn’t slept with any of them since what had happened with Richard’s men.
“Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe do something for you, just to get you back into things? Only if you really want to, we could just see how it goes, you can say no or stop whenever you want.”
I looked at him, at the genuine desire to help me overcome this. My boys had been so patient with me while I fought this, understanding and accepting what had happened to me had ruined it for me.
But it had to have put some strain on them. Before all this, while I was training, I could still at least have phone sex with them, now even that was not possible.
I frowned, expecting flashes to slice through my mind like they always did when I considered trying again.
Not this time. Only the distant sense of unease, but no vivid images or laughter. No growling or grunting.
“I think, maybe we could try,” I murmured, my voice barely audible as I chewed my lip.
“Okay,” Nathan breathed as he kissed my temple.
“Sucks this barn isn’t set up like ours,” I managed a smile and he laughed.
“I’m sure we can figure something out,” he said sweetly. “Jaye’s gone out to patrol for the next few hours, and when I popped by the lodge, Ray was about to head out to get some morning photos. We could always just go back to the lodge? Unless… it’s too difficult there?” he cocked his head as his eyes searched me.
“No, it’s just a building,” I shook my head. A distant memory of the rape that had happened there in the hall tried to resurface, but I was able to stomp it down. That was new, and it surprised me that I could fight it off so easily.
Had things suddenly changed for the better? Did it have something to do with last night, or Belle? Hell if I knew.
“Okay, well, let’s head back and I’ll make you some breakfast, scrambled eggs and bacon sound good?” he offered, and the tenseness in my shoulders fell away.
“Sounds perfect.”
I lay on the bed beside Nathan after a delicious breakfast cooked by him, tracing his bare chest and trying to override my anxiousness.
“Relax, it’ll be okay,” Nathan reassured me as he kissed my forehead. “I can feel how tense you are, how nervous. You can end this at any time. I just want to help,” he murmured.
“I know, it’s just, it’s been a while,” I mumbled as I nuzzled into him, soaking up his heavenly warmth and scent.
“When you fall, you get back up again, you get back on that horse and you take control. That’s how I was raised,” he chuckled.
“I know,” I groaned.
“How about this, close your eyes, and focus on your senses. Focus on the feelings, the emotions, the sensations,” he purred as he leaned over me.
I caught my breath at those genuine green eyes. He’d never hurt me, I knew that. But I couldn’t shake my unease.
No one had been down there since, and I was worried about the damage I’d endured too down there. When that blade drove inside me.
“Don’t think, just feel,” Nathan growled as he caught my chin in his fingers, as if he could see my worries surfacing.
I managed a weak nod and closed my eyes.
I’d stripped down to my bra and panties to begin this, and Nathan was in his tight black briefs.
“You are so beautiful, Tay,” he murmured as he dipped down and kissed my neck.
“Right back at you,” I retorted, and he chuckled at my sarcastic defense. I couldn’t help it, I was nervous, and sarcasm came easy.
I tried to force my body to relax, for the muscles to uncoil and settle as Nathan began littering my body in kisses.
The soft pecks made me quiver, and I focused on the tingles and warmth it filled me with.
I needed to move past this, to finally fix what had been broken.
I needed to be me again, and sex was as vital a part to me as breathing.
I gulped as Nathan’s lips trailed down my abdomen, kissing along the top of my panties then down my thighs.
Warmth was slowly building up inside me, flooding to that delicious spot downstairs as he worked his mouth all over my bare flesh.
Then he was back up, claiming my mouth, kissing me passionately and deeply. The fire ignited inside me, and all the tension eased from me.
I cherished his body pressed against mine, my hands running down the firm muscles of his back.
I gasped as he broke our kiss and ducked down to my breasts.
“Can I?” he asked, his eyes flicking up to watch me for a response.
I nodded, and he lifted me up to unclasp my bra and tossed it aside.
I quivered in delight as his mouth circled my left nipple while he fondled my right, stroking the bud with his thumb.
I moaned as he suckled on my perk pebble, and the scent of our arousals mingled in the air, filling my nostrils with desire and drive.
Shadows danced at the corners of my mind, begging to ruin it and race to the forefront. But I kept them back, holding them at bay.
I wanted to enjoy this. God, I needed this. I hadn’t even touched myself since that horrid night.
I arched as Nathan gave my nipple a gentle nip, and the deep chuckle that resounded through him made me smile in delight.
“You like that?” he murmured huskily as he shimmied up to my face.
“You know I do,” I breathed as I leaned up to kiss him.
I drank him up, exploring his mouth as his barely clothed body moved against mine.
The hunger and need flushed through me, and I growled into his mouth as I slid a hand down to the bulge in his briefs.
He moaned as I teased him, stroking him through the thin fabric.
“Damn, you’re a difficult temptation,” he groaned as he broke the kiss with raspy breaths.
I chuckled as I kissed his neck, falling back onto the pillow
as he dove down to explore my body once more with his mouth.
This time he delicately made his way down to my panties, nuzzling into them and drawing in my scent.
My cheeks flushed as he hooked a finger under the edge of my panties and gave me a questioning look.
I managed a nod with a weak gasp as he tugged them down.
And then his lips honed in on my clit, nuzzling it and suckling, the desperate desire flooding through my nether region as I moaned and trembled in anticipation.
I lolled my head back, closing my eyes as he worked his magic, sliding a finger into my wet folds to test me.
“Does it… feel different?” I gasped as he removed his mouth from my clit to focus on me. I opened my eyes to gaze down at him, biting my lip uncertainly.
“What do you mean?” he frowned, his shadowed green eyes dilated and needy.
“Inside,” I breathed, barely wanting to say it. But I needed to know.
“Not really, tighter, I guess,” he cocked his head at me. “It’s scarred, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I’m not sure if that’ll make it… different,” I murmured as I turned my head to the side. I’d been embarrassed about what it could be like down there too. Could he feel the difference?
“It doesn’t feel different now, does it feel different for you?” he asked.
I was going to say I wasn’t sure, but then he gently stroked against my g-spot as I arched in pleasure.
“I think it’s fine,” he chuckled.
I squeaked as the bedroom door opened, and I stared dumbly at Ray, who just stood hesitantly in the doorway.
Nathan looked over at him, then flicked his eyes back to me with an arched eyebrow.
Ray didn’t say anything as he just stared at my naked form, his eyes trailing over me before settling on my face with his nostrils flared.
I reached out, offering him my hand, not sure what to say exactly. But I wasn’t going to leave him out. I owed him for his birthday. And he was someone who I trusted to be gentle with me the first time back into things.
Ray glanced at Nathan, who just shrugged and smirked at him, before awkwardly making his way over after closing the door behind him.
“We’re…um…” I pursed my lips as he sat on the bed beside me, and I could see his excitement evident in his jeans already.
“Tay wants to try to fix her issues, wants to get back on the horse, so to speak,” Nathan said, still perched between my legs with a finger inside me.
Not weird at all.
“Maybe, you can help,” I murmured as I reached for the front of his shirt.
Ray’s eyes widened as I tugged him down gently, and he allowed me to pull him down to meet my lips.
Nathan took the opportunity to dive back between my legs, and I moaned into Ray’s eager mouth.
I struggled to tug his shirt over his head, distracted by Nathan’s mouth working wonders on my clit and drawing mews and moans from me.
Ray couldn’t stand it. In just a moment he’d stripped down to his good boy white briefs and ducked down to suck my breasts. He sat on the side of the bed, and I slid my hand over to touch his arousal. Damn, he was still as big as I remembered. Not that Nathan wasn’t, but I hadn’t expected it from him. From the young, timid ‘wolf I’d met months ago.
Ray nipped my nipple, and I arched into him as Nathan dove to taste my arousal, sliding his warm tongue inside me to savor my juices.
Ray continued suckling as he tugged his briefs down, and I quivered in delight as I wrapped my fingers around his throbbing length.
He moaned against my left breast, his other hand gripping the right one gently as I began pumping his cock.
I moaned and rocked against Nathan, the bliss and pleasure building up inside me as his tongue flicked over my clit and he suckled away while his fingers caressed my g-spot inside.
Ray continued ravishing my breasts, switching between them to equally appreciate each one, nipping and suckling and driving me mad with lust.
I cried out as the orgasm hit me, washing over me in a mind-numbing bliss as I spasmed and arched.
So goddamn good. How I missed it, the pleasure and satisfaction.
Nathan moaned as he lapped up my climax, and Ray grunted as my hand slowed on his length, too caught up in my own finish.
“Ray, go inside her while she’s still fresh,” Nathan instructed.
I was surprised he didn’t want to penetrate me instead, but he’d accepted Ray as one of them now, he’d taken his time to get to know him over the past few months. He’d even trained him in combat, but I was skeptical that that was more for my benefit. He wanted me to have a capable partner with me. He’d even sat me down one time and admitted that he was a good man to be with us, to join our frisky little group.
This act of real acceptance was heart-warming, and I would’ve appreciated it more if I wasn’t still coming down from a breath-taking climax.
God, how I’d needed that, craved such a finish.
Nathan moved around, and I allowed him to move me to the edge of the bed.
Ray positioned himself between my legs, and I smiled lovingly as he froze and looked to me first.
“Is this okay?” he asked softly, his nostrils flaring as he glanced down at my wet folds, spread open and waiting for him.
“Yes,” I moaned, already imagining him sliding inside.
Ray managed a relieved, boyish smile before slipping inside me with ease. I shuddered and moaned as he filled me up, my wet walls hugging him tight as he moaned and cursed at my readiness.
It felt so good to finally have someone inside me again. Someone I loved and cherished, someone who belonged with me.
I turned my head to where Nathan stood beside the bed, and I bit my lip with a blissful smile as I realized why he’d positioned me on the edge of the bed.
“Here,” Nathan helped prop me up on some pillows so I’d be the right height, and I quivered and gasped as Ray began slowly thrusting into me.
Nathan’s erect length was ready, and he held it, pumping it softly as his eyes wandered over me.
“Why don’t you put it somewhere useful?” I suggested with a chuckle, which was overcome with a deep moan as Ray began to speed up.
Nathan stepped forward, and I drew his length into my mouth, loving the small drop of pre-cum on his tip. Goddamn, I wanted to taste him now. I wanted that seed to flood my mouth so I could drink it up. And I wanted Ray to fuck me hard and fast.
I was too pre-occupied to even notice that the shadows at the edges of my mind had faded away, completely.
I used one hand to cup and massage Nathan’s balls as he thrust gently into my mouth. I moaned around his engorged length as Ray hefted my hips up to drive deeper into me.
Nathan’s hand fisted in my hair as he moaned and lolled his head back as he face-fucked me. But I loved it.
I wanted to make Ray speed up, to fuck me as hard as he could now that the pleasure was coiling inside me once more, but I was trapped with Nathan’s length in my mouth, thrusting faster and deeper. I was lucky I’d learned to take it on this angle otherwise I’d probably be gagging with how deep he was going.
“Fuck,” Ray grunted as he began driving into me faster, our hips grinding together as he buried himself deep inside me over and over again.
“Come for us, Tay,” Nathan rasped, his breaths coming in short bursts as he held back from finishing.
I moaned and gasped against his length as Ray pounded into me, and the sheer orgasmic bliss exploded through me as I arched and shook.
“God yes,” Nathan moaned as his release flooded my mouth. I somehow managed to gulp it down despite the waves of pure pleasure rocking through my body as Ray still ground into me.
He cursed and thrust into me once more, driving as deep as he could as he came inside me, finishing along with us.
My chest heaved as I caught my breath, and Nathan slid out of my mouth and chuckled before climbing over me to lie beside me.
I sighed as I cl
osed my eyes, and Ray slipped out of me, his semen dripping from my swollen slit.
I moved over with Nathan to make room, and Ray climbed in on my other side, pulling the now bundled blanket up over us.
“It’s like, what, 10am?” Nathan chuckled.
“Your point?” I breathed lazily, still savoring the blissful orgasm.
“Nothing, I guess we can spend a while in bed,” he gave me a satisfied grin.
“Damn, I missed this,” I sighed as I closed my eyes. “And Ray, happy birthday.”
Ray snorted and Nathan just chuckled as we all settled under the covers.
This moment was everything I’d wanted.
The perfect reintroduction I needed.
And despite the time, I ended up drifting into a light sleep, with a dream of hot and heavy sex with my four men.
I couldn’t wait to have them all together.
12
2 and a half years later…
“C’mon, we have to be quick!” Ray grinned back at me as he dragged me along by my hand.
I laughed as he led me up the stairs, leaping up the steps after him excitedly. The new lodge was our home now, and I adored the welcoming feel of the communal areas here.
But right now, I had something else on my mind.
“Close your eyes,” Ray insisted, and I chuckled as I did as asked.
He led me into one of the rooms, and judging by the soft smokey smell, there were candles lit.
“Happy birthday!” a chorus of voices said.
I opened my eyes and burst into laughter at the three men in nothing but their underwear.
Our king sized bed was littered with rose petals, and only candles lit the room, giving it a sensual quality.
But my three grinning man were what made my night, all standing tall in their briefs and boxers.
“Tonight is your night,” Ray said huskily from behind me, and I turned to see he’d stripped to his white briefs too.
Well, now I was certainly giddy.
Scott had given up his position as my father’s beta two years ago to come live with us, and Nathan acted as the consult between the two joined Packs. He was still my father’s beta, but he spent most of his time here now. Thankfully, my father had taken on two new beta’s, including Carlos, whom I thought was a perfect fit.
