by Anna Santos
Aria stared at me as she rubbed at her eyes. I forced myself not to move and take her into my arms. It was excruciating, and I wished I could do more to ease her pain.
I ran my fingers through my hair and massaged the back of my neck as I breathed out. “I don’t know. Did you tell him any of this?”
“Do you think he would listen? He said he knew who was behind my kidnapping and that he was going to take care of it. That he was going to punish them.”
“Did he explain to you why he was going to do that?”
“Because it was an offense to him and that they were trying to undermine his power.”
“Not just because of that. Aria, we need to talk. You need to explain to me why your angel is so important.”
“Well, I’m supposed to be stronger than the normal ones. I told you what they said to me when they kidnapped me.”
“Yes, I remember. Is your power connected to Cedric’s?”
“If I die, he dies. He said so.”
“And if you lose your angel?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then we need to find out,” I said sternly. I didn’t want her to die if she rejected her angel or if Cedric rejected her and took the angel out of her. Kayden said that if his associate had taken all of Aria’s angelic essence from her, it would have killed her. That woman was taking a sample to examine, but I didn’t know what to believe. “We need to talk to Cedric. And you need to calm down and stop fighting your angel.”
“I’m just trying to be myself. I’m trying to be in control of my emotions. She doesn’t like that,” she explained.
“Is it because of me?” I asked, feeling my heartbeat increase with the possibility.
She remained quiet.
“I will leave if that makes you stop fighting your angel.”
“I don’t want her to take control. I feel better when you are here,” she mumbled with a quivering voice and reddened cheeks. “You can stay.”
“Then I need to tell you something about your kidnapping, the attack on the graveyard, and the fact that your life is still in danger. Even if Cedric can be a jerk, you need to promise me that you will help me talk to him and make him change his mind. It’s imperative for everybody in this city that he doesn’t attack the graveyard.”
Aria nodded.
“I know you are brave, Aria.”
“How can you know that?”
“You didn’t fall for my talk in the boat, you fought the vampires who tried to assault you, and you would rather drown than be sexually molested. That says brave to me.” I was aware that I was bringing up bad memories to the surface, but what I said was the truth.
“I’m afraid of flying,” she said in a low voice after staring into my eyes for a moment.
“That doesn’t make you a coward.”
“It makes me a terrible angel.”
I smirked, finding her adorable. She had a point there, though she would vanquish that fear in time. Aria was such a beautiful angel. I wish I could be an angel if that meant she would go to heaven and be happy. I wish there was a way for her to keep being an angel, even if she didn’t want to kill people. I was conflicted. I didn’t want her dead, and I didn’t want her suffering because of me or Cedric.
“Does wanting to be a human again makes me a terrible person?” she asked.
Leaning forward, I reached for her hand and held it tight. “You have the right to be whatever you choose.”
“I don’t want to be a vampire.”
“No one will turn you into a vampire.”
She pursed her lips as she looked at our hands. “Are you really sorry?”
“For rejecting you?”
She nodded.
“I was and then I wasn’t. It’s complicated.”
“Try explaining it to me.”
“I was an idiot for rejecting you. I did that because I’m afraid of rejection myself. And by proximity, I was terrified of love. I rejected you because I didn’t think I could love again. Maybe lust but not true love. Not that I’ve felt true love before. I realize now that I didn’t. It was…just my imagination. Sophie didn’t exist. She was the image of someone I wanted her to be, my perfect love.”
“You rejected me because I was ugly,” she said, cutting me off.
“But you aren’t ugly, are you?”
She shook her head, and I smiled. I liked that she had self-esteem. Even if she was ugly, which isn’t the case, who am I to critique her looks?
“All this time I had loved a person who was never simple, innocent, or an altruist like I wanted to believe she was and then I failed to see all those qualities in you because you weren’t wearing the right dress and the right make-up. People are idiots. Men are jerks, and girls keep saying that they don’t want to be loved for their appearance, but they look at a guy and see first if he is handsome or rich enough to please their whims. People are selfish, and they aren’t coherent in their choices and beliefs.”
She giggled at my rant.
“I wasn’t always rich, and I don’t have blue blood in my veins. I was the son of a whore, a bastard, and…”
“You don’t need to talk about it,” she whispered and touched my face with her hand. “You said that you didn’t need my pity, but I wasn’t feeling sorry for you. I was sad because I felt your pain. I wanted to be able to protect you from it and couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, and you sounded so lost… I didn’t know what to do or what to say to make you feel better. I was feeling sorry, not pity. There’s a difference.”
Her words touched me deep inside. “You were compelled. You couldn’t say anything. I was a monster to you. You deserved someone better than me. The gods should have given you a better soul-mate.”
“They gave me Cedric.”
“Yes, they did, didn’t they?” I evaded her hand, wounded by her words when I shouldn’t feel hurt. “You should stop fighting your angel and forgive Cedric,” I said, feeling miserable. “That’s why I think that rejecting you was the right decision. You found someone better than me. Cedric can save your soul. I would destroy you. I would… I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t rejected you. I was blind and hurt. How can I feel less guilty when I see you fighting against the thing I thought would make you happy—against your angel?”
“Maybe I don’t want someone better.”
I raised my eyes to look at her.
“Maybe you were perfect. I don’t know why it took so long for me to be born. Maybe I was born sooner, and you didn’t find me. But the Gods have eternity and for them a day is just a second or even less. Perhaps, it was destiny or there’s no such a thing as destiny. Our lives are made of choices. I’ve been wanting to come to Paris since I was young. I didn’t know why I was so mesmerized by the city. It could be that I’m just an idiot. I must be an idiot. I would rather…” She silenced herself.
I got caught up in her words. I love her so much. Aria was so sweet, clever, and insightful. I feel like crap when I lie to myself that I would do anything to get her back.
“You’d rather what?”
“I would rather be mortal than an angel. I’d rather be alone than feel trapped,” she complained. “I’m not sure about anything now. I was so sure before my mind went silent and I started doubting my feelings. Maybe I’m a fool.”
“You aren’t. You are just confused. People have the right to feel conflicted. I was the same for a long time.” I wanted her to understand that it was okay to have doubts. I was not in a better shape than she was. I wanted her but knew that I couldn’t have her. I couldn’t leave her, even though I knew I had to. I kept listening to her, caught in her eyes.
“I always knew what I wanted before. My parents raised me to be good. Now, I’m not sure what is good and what is bad anymore. I’m just sure that I don’t want to kill anyone and that I don’t want to be controlled. I want to make my own decisions.”
“Then make them.”
“I did, but everybody is always questioning my choices as if I am
not in a perfect state of mind. They aren’t me, and I don’t appreciate that everybody thinks that they know what is best for me. They don’t. If I want to go back to my old life, why do people keep trying to change my mind? Why does Cedric keep insisting that I’m making a mistake? That I’m going to regret it when it’s too late?”
“Because he doesn’t want to lose you.”
“Then he should be here. He should listen to what I have to say and respect my decisions!” She raised her voice. Something was clear, she was mad at him. “Everything is spinning. I feel so dizzy!”
It was probably the sedative they had given her earlier. She was speaking so freely like when she was drunk, maybe it had something to do with that. I wanted her to keep talking to know what was on her mind and for her to express her feelings, so she could feel better. I was interested in what she had to say. If Cedric wasn’t, then he was a fool.
“I’m an idiot. I’m such an idiot,” she mumbled to herself like a broken record. She was tightening her hand on mine. Her heartbeat was racing inside her chest. The sedative wasn’t helping to calm her down. It was just making her talk without stopping.
“Why do you think you are an idiot?” I asked.
“I’m not going to tell you why.” She avoided my gaze.
“If it makes you feel better, I don’t think you are an idiot. I think you are exceptional.”
“You didn’t think that before.”
“I was the one who was being an idiot.”
She giggled, and I smiled at her. I felt the need to take her out of here to somewhere where she would be distracted, and we could talk for days on end until she was healthy and no longer depressed.
“Am I interrupting something?”
It was Cedric at the door.
“Cedric! I’m glad you are here. Philippe has something important to tell you. You should stop being a jerk and listen to him,” Aria said.
Frowning, Cedric asked me, “What is wrong with her?”
“They gave her a sedative,” I explained.
“What’s wrong with you?” Aria retorted.
Walking to her bed, he muttered, “I had a crappy day, and I’ve been drinking, but it didn’t have any effect on me whatsoever.”
“Bummer,” she blurted out and laughed.
I almost laughed with her, but I had to maintain my composure and talk to Cedric about the important issues. Though, she was fun when she was not trying to be serious.
“She’s having mood swings,” I explained, frowning at Aria who stopped laughing and had a temporarily serious face.
“Yes, I’m having those,” she agreed, smirking at me.
“Let’s talk outside. Let her rest,” Cedric suggested.
“She needs to hear this. It concerns her, too.”
Cedric sighed deeply, probably out of patience. Aria sat on the bed and watched Cedric sit on another chair next to the bed, opposite me.
Even if I didn’t like the way Cedric was acting—as if he had a broom up his ass—I told him everything I knew about Kayden and what he had told me downstairs. Cedric was skeptic, I could guess by his expression. I knew he wouldn’t believe me so easily. On the other hand, Aria asked a lot of questions.
I only had one. “Why is her angel so important to them that they are willing to kill her to stop you from making her your queen?”
“It’s angels’ business. You wouldn’t understand,” Cedric said with his hands resting on his knees. “I appreciate your concern, but we can’t trust the word of a specter. He’s playing with you. He probably wants us to stop the invasion, so he wins more power and tells his associates that we are weak.”
I rubbed my forehead as I heaved a sigh. “Have you heard a single word I said? You can’t attack the graveyard. You will hurt innocent people and turn them against you.”
“They are already against me. Also, you should have told him that he doesn’t need to worry about Aria. She doesn’t want to be an angel anymore.”
“Aria is confused,” I told him darkly, feeling my eye color changing. It wasn’t set in stone. They needed to talk, and he needed to stop being an ass.
“I told Cedric that I wanted him to take the angel out,” Aria said to me.
“Not unless he explains to you how it works. They were taking your angel out, and it almost killed you. Therefore, I’m not going to let him do anything to you without him explaining it first,” I declared with a serious face, making sure I was looking at Cedric.
“She won’t die. She will just become human again.”
“And are you willing to give up that easily?” I asked. So much for his undying love and wanting to be with her. First sign of trouble, and he runs for the hills.
“She doesn’t love me anymore,” he said.
Aria sighed. “It doesn’t help when you are a liar and keep ignoring me.”
“You said you weren’t sure that we would survive the trial,” he accused her.
“What trial?” I questioned.
“Angels’ business,” Cedric said.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care about your secret angel rituals. The only thing that I want to know is why don’t they want Aria to live if she’s an angel?”
“Can’t you figure that out for yourself?” he asked sarcastically. “You are so damn smart! How come you can’t come to the right conclusion?”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you then,” I answered. “I’m aware that she’s powerful. Nevertheless, they want to kill her to get to you.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” Cedric said, narrowing his eyes and sighing deeply. “But there isn’t anything I can do since Aria doesn’t want to be an angel anymore. Thus, I need to work with the rest of the time that I have to stop the ones who are trying to harm me and my people.”
“Did you even bother to ask Aria why she is rejecting her angel?” I questioned him since he was so keen on accusing others of his own mistakes. Apparently, it was Aria’s fault that their bond was weak.
“She loves you,” he said coldly, eyes becoming white for a brief second. “You should have understood that already. Don’t play dumb.”
“She doesn’t want to kill. She doesn’t want to be a Red Angel, whatever that is,” I yelled at him with closed fists. He wasn’t doing a good job in understanding Aria’s reasons. It wasn’t that simple as he wanted to believe. It wasn’t my fault. And I had no idea if Aria wanted me or not. She wasn’t telling me that she did. “They are afraid of her because she’s some sort of powerful angel that can destroy everything. They told her that.”
“Well, they should be afraid of her since Archangels are the only ones that can send specters back to Hell. Like I’m going to send that Kayden guy when I get my hands on him and every single specter in that damn graveyard!”
He was losing his temper and wasn’t going to listen to reason. It was pointless to talk to him, as I expected. I guess he was too stubborn to believe me, or he wanted to prove a point to the others. Either way, things were going to get dangerous in the next few days. Aria was in the middle of that mess, and Kayden was going to win his twisted game.
“Blah, blah, blah,” Aria said, moving her hand to imitate him speaking.
Cedric frowned at Aria.
“Me, me, me,” she continued.
“Aria,” he whispered, leaning back in his chair. “Stop treating me like this.”
“Stop being a jerk!”
“I’m trying to keep you safe.”
“I’m safe. I’m here. But you aren’t here, are you? You are somewhere else, making plans to get revenge on the people who were worried about me killing their families.”
“It’s not as black and white, Aria! And you told me to leave, remember?”
“And why was that?”
“You were being unfair.”
“I was unfair? Is that a bad joke?” she asked, leveling her voice. “Was the lie you told me fair?”
I had no idea of what she was talking about, but she seemed furious with h
im. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.
The prince said, “I’ve explained my reasons to you.”
“And I don’t have to accept them since you don’t accept my reasons, either. You blame everything on Philippe. He isn’t the one to blame for your mistakes. He’s not the one who’s failing to listen to what I want.”
“He shouldn’t be here in the first place! You should have sent him away. You almost died because of him. He rejected you. What the hell is he doing here?”
Cedric was shining menacingly. Last time he shone like that, he tried to freeze me to death.
“Keeping me company,” she said nonchalantly, completely immune to his bad temper.
“You are really selfish, aren’t you?” He sneered at her. “I did nothing to you. I saved you from dying, twice. Yet you still picked him!”
She glared at him with cold eyes and annoyance marring her face. He had pushed his luck. “I’m being selfish? Why? Because I don’t want to do what you want, and I don’t accept what you want to do? Do I need to agree with your every decision? Should I act nice, nod in compliance, and wag my tail?”
“What are you talking about?” he questioned.
I couldn’t help smiling to myself.
“You can’t trick me to shut up now or to change my mind. My angel is quiet at the moment. She won’t change my mind or trick me to obey you. I don’t have a clue how you made me not want to let you go. Maybe it was because you lied to me, and I didn’t want to feel guilty for your death. Perhaps, you acted nice in the beginning, so I would fall for you and lower my guard. But I’m not one of your obedient, brainwashed angels. I’m a person. My mom and dad taught me to be independent, to have dreams, to do what I want with my life without having to be undermined by a man. And I’m sorry about your condition, I truly am. But guess what, it’s not my fault!” she yelled the last words with red cheeks and shining eyes as her fingers gripped the bedding.
