“Jamey, don’t. We shouldn’t talk.”
She wanted me to stay, and I hated myself for agreeing to it, because we both knew that it wasn’t going to get better. Peyton and I had our chance at being together, and obviously she wasn’t the one to screw it up. “I need to say this. I may never get another chance to tell you.”
“Spit it out then.”
I looked down at the sheets on the bed, and then back up to her, knowing that if I was going to do it I had to be respectable. “I love you, Peyton. I think I’ve loved you for a long time, and just been too stubborn to admit it. I wanted -.” She didn’t let me finish. Her lips found mine and I felt her arms clenching to my shoulders.
Then she started to tremble, causing me to open my eyes and see what was happening. Peyton was crying. Tears streamed down her face and a pair of glossed over eyes stared back at me. I took my thumbs and wiped her cheeks. She turned away and then smiled. “I’ve waited so long for you to say that.”
“I know, baby. Trust me, I know.” I pulled her against my chest and held her tight as she continued to be emotional. My confession was bittersweet. Even though I knew it was important, I’d also turned a special moment into a tear-fest. She cried in my arms for the longest time, unable to say much of anything. Finally her sniffles became less, and she looked up to respond.
“I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I don’t know how to not love you, Jamey. The harder I try to get you out of my head the more I need you to stay. I’m so confused about all of this. I know I shouldn’t trust you, and that you’ll probably end up breakin’ my heart over and over again.”
“I know you feel that way, but you don’t know that for sure. What if I’m ready to be that guy you need? You won’t know unless you try, right?”
She nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t buying it. “I feel like I’m on this road that never ends. We keep drivin’ it, but we never really get anywhere. Honestly, Jamey, I don’t know whether to veer off and go a different direction, or refill my gas tank and force myself to keep goin’.”
I took a deep breath and kissed the top of her head, taking in the scent of her shampoo as I did it. “I won’t give up on us, even if you decide that’s what you want to do. I promise to not bother you, but I will find a way to change your mind, no matter how long it takes. You’re worth it.”
Peyton sniffled again with her head still buried in my chest. Neither of us had paid much attention to not being clothed. We’d come to a point of comfort, where little things such as clothing no longer mattered. “I’m glad you’re here.” It was music to my ears.
“I love you, Peyton. It’s not goin’ to change.”
We finally got back under the covers and held each other again. “Just stay the night, Jamey. We can talk in the mornin’.” I could hear it in her voice that she was falling asleep, and honestly I was just as tired. Feeling content with being so close to her I closed my eyes and finally found rest.
It wasn’t the sunshine coming in through the window that woke us up. It certainly wasn’t the sound of birds singing out in the trees. It was having someone grab my ankles and rip me out of the bed. Peyton grabbed the sheet and began screaming as Shayne yanked me off the mattress. Luckily in the middle of the night we’d been smart enough to put our underwear back on, not that it made a good bit of difference. Shayne saw me in his sister’s bed and he was out for blood. While Peyton screamed and begged her brother to stop, I tried to figure a way to flip us around so that I was the one throwing the punches on top of him.
In only a bra and panties, I watched her jump on Shayne’s back trying to defend me. Knowing that her brother would never hurt her he finally backed off. I moved away from him and held up my hand to hold him off. “Just calm down. Let’s be rational about this.”
“Rational?” He yelled back. “I just caught you in bed with my sister. We’ve been through this shit before, Jamey. I told you to stay the hell away from her.”
“She’s a big girl who can decide what she wants for herself,” I defended.
“You think she wants you? You’re nothin’ but a piece of shit. Do us all a favor and get the hell out of here. Leave my sister alone so she can move on.”
Peyton was already in a nervous wreck. I could see her crying as she fought to get Shayne’s attention. “Please stop it. I asked him to stay with me. This ain’t his fault.”
Shayne pointed at me. “Do you have any idea what you’ve put her through?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do. I’m tryin’ to fix things, man. I’m tryin’ to make it right.”
“Make it right?” He let out a obnoxious laugh. “There’s no way to make this right. You two can’t be together. It ain’t happenin’.”
“It’s her decision, not yours.” I could see the hate brewing in his eyes. If Peyton hadn’t been holding his arms he would have pounced on me again. “Shayne, I love her, dude.”
“You love her? You don’t know the first damn thing about love.”
“Stay out of this, Shayne!” Peyton came to my defense.
“Put some clothes on and leave us alone.”
Peyton shook her head. “No. I’m not leavin’ you two alone. Please don’t fight, Shayne. You’re makin’ it worse for me.”
“I’m helpin’ you, Pey. This is for your own good. I won’t let this joker drag you down anymore. How many times are you goin’ to let him treat you like shit?”
“Fuck you.” I’d had it. This was between me and Peyton.
Shayne came at me. We wrestled to the ground and I felt him getting the first blow in to my face. I aimed for his side and nailed him with my fist. We both tried to be the first recover, but Peyton had something else in mind. While screaming at both of us she jumped between our bodies. Her fear was apparent and I backed off immediately, holding my hands up as if I surrendered.
“I’ll leave,” I announced, after seeing how upset she’d become.
After grabbing my clothes, and making sure Shayne didn’t follow me, I walked out onto the porch to get dressed. It wasn’t like he was willing to let Peyton and I talk things out. Her family wasn’t ever going to accept me, we both knew it.
Once I had my shorts back on I started walking away from the house. It wasn’t until I was about a block away that I heard her screaming my name. “Jamey, wait up.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to see her running towards me. She jumped up into my arms wrapping her arms and legs around the back of me.
“What are you doin’?”
“I’m gettin’ away from Shayne.” That wasn’t the answer that I wanted to hear from her.
She dropped down to stand in front of me and all I could do was smile. Peyton wasn’t smacking me in the face or calling me names. She wanted to be around me, and last night we’d made love and held each other. It had to mean progress.
I felt happy when we walked into my brother’s condo holding hands. It also felt nice to see people smiling at us envying our connection. I’d always considered it annoying, so it was all a new learning experience for me.
Joey, Lacey, Sky and Ford all looked at us like we had three heads. “Hey guys, do you mind if Peyton hangs out with us on the beach today?”
Ford took a bite of an apple and just shook his head, while my brother whispered something in Lacey’s ear. Sky was the only person who had anything to say at all. “Sure. The more the merrier. How have you been, Pey?”
I left the girls to talk while I went to take a piss. After brushing my teeth I stepped out to find my brother and Ford standing there ready to hound me. “Where were you last night?” Ford has his arms crossed as he demanded an answer.
“I stayed with Peyton.”
“Don’t tell me Shayne was there. Is that what his call was about?”
“He called?” I wanted to know what he told them.
“I didn’t answer. We knew you didn’t come home, and we ran into them last night. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who you were with. I
just don’t get why you keep diggin’ your grave deeper.”
“Screw you both. It’s different now. I told you, I want to be with Peyton. I’m done playin’ games.”
Joey laughed. “So you keep sayin’. I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“Yeah,” Ford agreed.
“I don’t care what either of you assholes say about me. I’ll prove you wrong. Just wait and see.”
My brother chimed in again. “I just want to know how you convinced her to hang out with your ass.”
“It’s a long story, that’s none of your damn business. She’s here, and neither of you are goin’ to say anything to piss her off. You got that?”
They both threw up their arms as if they were innocent.
“I’m serious. Peyton’s here because she’s fightin’ with Shayne. She doesn’t trust me right now. Hell, I don’t know if she ever will again, but I at least have to try. A little support would be nice. I’m really tryin’ to not fuck up this time.”
Ford nudged my brother. “It would be good if you kept that little dick in your pants.” They both laughed at my brother’s comment.
“You can suck my little dick, both of you.”
They kept laughing, so I walked out on the porch. They could joke all they wanted, and the girls could fill Peyton’s head with nonsense. At the end of the day this was all between her and I. There was no way for me to know what was going through her head, or if she was just using me to get away from her brother. All I knew was that I was going to do my damndest to change her mind.
Chapter 21
Peyton
“So what happened?” Lacey asked as soon as the guys walked out of the room.
I played with the bracelet that was still on my wrist. “Where do I even begin?”
“We want details,” Sky added.
“Jamey asked me to go to dinner, as a last date kind of thing. I was reluctant about agreein’, but we all know that I find it hard to tell him no to anything. So I agreed, and at first it was perfect. He was a gentleman, and he gave me this bracelet, which you already knew about. Thanks for that by the way. It’s beautiful.”
“So then what happened?” Sky interrupted.
I shrugged. “I asked him about things I really didn’t want to know. The date went downhill pretty fast after that.” Just talking about it got me choked up again. “I’m sorry. I can’t help but get emotional.”
Lacey walked over and hugged me. “I know it hurts. You have to realize that it was a long time ago. Jamey’s talked to us about all of this. I really don’t see a reason for him to lie.”
I shook my head. “I wish I could get past it, I do. Jamey means everything to me. No matter how hard I try I can’t let him go.”
“That’s what love is. You’re both so young. It takes a long time to learn how to forgive and move forward. You two are both going through your own kind of hell.”
“I suppose.”
“I’ve been cheated on, Peyton. It sucks big time. What you need to keep in mind is that it was never about you. Guys cheat because they need to feel empowered. Don’t get me wrong, they are assholes for doing it. I just think that Jamey saw Joey’s old lifestyle and thought it was cool. He did it because in his eyes he didn’t need to ever be serious with someone. I don’t think he ever anticipated falling in love with you, but that’s exactly what happened. Now he’s a crazy mess. The problem is that this all falls on you. Whether or not you two work things out is all in your hands.”
“I don’t know what to do. Jamey’s the only person I’ve ever loved. Even when I hate him, I still want to be close to him. It makes no sense.”
Lacey and Sky looked at each other and shook their heads. After taking a sip of her coffee, it was Lacey who chimed in next. “Pey, how long have we been friends?”
I’ve known her for years. She’d dated my brother before she got with Joey. “A long time.”
“Have I ever given you bad advice?”
“Of course not!” If anyone made me feel better it was Lacey. She was always just a phone call away. Her kind heart had gotten me through a bunch of dark times.
“It’s none of my business, and you can certainly tell me to go to hell, but if I were you I’d try to figure things out with Jamey. You can’t live your life in the past. If you’re that distraught over losing him, then why put yourself through it?”
“What if he cheats again?” I was petrified of it.
“Peyton, you can’t dwell on the past. You either have to forgive him, or let him go. It’s as simple as that. Do you love him enough to let go?” Sky asked.
My hands were shaking so badly while I considered those options. It was so hard for me to make that kind of choice. I knew that no matter what I wanted, I’d always worry about Jamey straying again. While I fought with myself, two concerned friends awaited my reply. “I just don’t know.”
“Do yourself a favor then. Don’t lead Jamey on while you’re deciding. We all know he is the reason that everything is a mess. Perhaps he needs to be taught a lesson. If you ask me, he’s punished himself for a long time already. Both of you need to be on the same page, and it sounds like right now you aren’t at all.”
She was being honest with me on purpose. I appreciated that Sky would tell it to me straight. Still I felt offended. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me, but I certainly didn’t want them to feel sorry for the person I was still angry with. “Maybe I should go home.”
“Sky didn’t mean to upset you,” Lacey reassured.
“It’s not that. She’s right, though. I need to stop this back and forth. It’s been goin’ on for too long. I can’t keep at it. Somethin’s got to give.”
“Peyton, don’t you dare leave without telling Jamey. He’ll freak out and chase you down.” Lacey was right. Jamey was determined to be with me, as if his presence was going to be the deciding factor in my choice.
“I’ll talk to him.”
When I left the kitchen I was more distraught than before. My mind was in a million places. I had so many people trying to tell me what I should do. The bottom line was that it was my choice.
I found Jamey standing outside. Ford and Joey saw me approaching and went back inside of the house. Jamey smiled as soon as he saw me. “Hey.”
“We should probably talk,” I addressed.
He looked out onto the beach. “I’m ready.”
“You know I love you, Jamey, that’s never been a secret.”
“Yeah.”
“This back and forth is killin’ me. It’s torture.”
He finally turned to face me, leaning on the porch rails. “What are you gettin’ at?”
“I need time. I need to be away from you to be able to wrap my head around all of this.”
“Let me ask you this, Peyton. If Angie hadn’t have said those things where would we be right now? Would you have started over with me like you wanted to?”
I shrugged. “I suppose. It’s what I wanted the whole time.”
He reached in his pocket and handed me his phone. “I get why you have to leave, but I want you to take this. If I have to earn back your trust I want you to be in control of findin’ the truth. I didn’t sleep with her when she said I did. I don’t care what you have to do to find the truth.”
“How do I know you haven’t set this all up?” I wasn’t born yesterday. People snuck around to save their asses all of the time.
“I’m tryin’ here. It’s the best I can do. I haven’t seen that bitch or talked to her. I’ll give you a copy of my phone calls from the past six months. How’s that?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, realizing how far he was willing to go to prove his cause. “I would like that.”
“I get that I could have called her from another phone, but I’m tellin’ you that I haven’t. She cost me you. I want nothin’ to do with that common whore. That’s the truth, baby.”
I wrapped my arms around him. It took him a second to respond. His arms held me tight. “No matter
what happens between us, I will always love you, Jamey. Nothin’ can change that.” I pulled away and looked into his glossy brown eyes. “I have to go, because if I stay it solves nothin’. I don’t trust you, and gettin’ past that is what I’m strugglin’ with. To be honest with you, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.”
“I get it.” He looked down at the ground. “I think you already know your answer, and you’re just tryin’ to get away from me without a struggle.”
I couldn’t answer him, because I truthfully didn’t know. This was the easiest way.
“Call me when you are on your way home. I’ll bring your phone back to you then, if that’s okay?” I was beginning to feel dizzy with anxiety. It was important to make a quick exit.
“Sure. Keep it as long as you need to.”
“Jamey, this doesn’t mean that we’re goin’ to be together.” I held up his phone. “I just need to get away from you so I can decide things on my own. I can’t be around you and think,” I reiterated.
He grabbed me when I started to pull out of his hold. “Wait. Don’t go without kissin’ me goodbye. I may never get another one.” He didn’t know how true his statement was.
I smiled, even though it was probably inappropriate. “What happens every single time we do goodbyes?” It was difficult not to tear up. Inside I was falling apart.
He laughed and shook his head. “It won’t this time. I promise. One kiss is all I want.”
I leaned forward, hoping for a chaste kiss. Instead I got a lot more than I wished for. His tongue was like poison to my soul, able to change my mind so quickly. Before I could reciprocate and get lost again, I pulled away and wiped off my lips.
“This is why I need to get away from you.”
“You just kissed me like you wanted to stay.”
“I kissed you goodbye.”
I gave him a smile as I walked away trying to calm my breathing. He was too addictive to be around and think clearly. I needed distance.
My brother was displeased to see me. I saw him checking out behind me as I walked inside of the door. “I’m not here to fight with you.”
Reject Me Page 14
