With great ceremony, I recently handed down this cherished secret of southern womanhood to my daughter. Her reaction? She thinks I’m nuts and says irons are much easier. To each her own, that’s what I say.
Let’s Talk About the Steel Magnolias Beauty Parlor Scene
I’m all for acting classes and camps, coaches and mentors. But if you don’t have access to any of those things and want to study acting, there is good news: you can learn all you really need to know about acting from repeated viewing of the beauty salon scene in Steel Magnolias.
Hear me out. The women in this scene are all fascinating, fully drawn characters. The dialogue is fast-paced and complex. So much happens in that eleven-minute scene (yes, I’ve timed it) that I am always in awe. You realize that scene must have taken three days to shoot—and was worth every second. Those few minutes manage to showcase the beauty of southern female friendships and how important beauty shop politics are—and the scene even advances the plot.
If you need a refresher: Dolly Parton is doing Julia Roberts’s hair at the same time that everyone’s chattering away about weddings and life and gossip. And then Julia Roberts has a medical emergency. Throughout, there’s such incredible character work. You have seven fully formed people with distinct motivations and complex relationships with one another. They stay deeply in character the entire time, sending looks at one another that convey decades of small-town dynamics. In the flash of an eye, you see love and hate and compassion and annoyance and everything in between. If each of those women is an instrument, that scene is a symphony!
Again, take acting classes if you can, but if not, just watch that one Steel Magnolias scene over and over. Study it well, and I guarantee you will improve your craft. And even if you don’t dream of being an actor, I feel your overall happiness will improve just by reflecting on lines such as Sally Field’s comeback to Julia Roberts’s declaration that her wedding colors are “blush and bashful”: “Her colors are pink and pink.”
CHAPTER 4
The Subtle Art of Dinner Parties
Dinner parties are one of my favorite ways to spend an evening. I love everything about them, including the planning, and I pay attention when I go to great parties so that I can improve my own. Once I was at a party with indoor and outdoor seating, and everywhere were these huge trays of minimeals—noodles and vegetables, salads, steak cut super thin. Everything was delicious. And it all felt informal and easy. Everyone was relaxed and happy, flitting around trying all these delicious foods and then lounging, chatting happily with their new friends. I took notes!
Dorothea’s Seven Hostess Tips
My grandmother loved throwing dinner parties, and she was amazing at it. When I throw parties, I try to emulate her style. Here are some of the things she did that I try to do, too.
1. Invite people of different ages and backgrounds to make conversation more interesting.
2. Send invites (or save-the-dates) at least two weeks in advance.
3. Do as much in advance as possible (setting the table, prepping the food).
4. Decorate with fresh flowers and unscented candles.
5. Have a fully stocked bar, as well as lots of ice and sweet tea, and both red and white wine for cocktail hour and dinner. Keep everyone’s glasses full.
6. Serve dinner about one hour after the start time on the invitation.
7. Put on Louis Prima or Ella Fitzgerald and let the party begin!
Of course, the first step to having your own party is to figure out who to invite. It’s key to get a nice, enlivening mix of folks. I always have to fight the temptation to reinvite the same gang who made for the last fun party. I’ll think, That mix worked great, and it was a Friday night . . . I know, I’ll have the same people over again on another Friday!
But you can’t have the same party twice. It’s never the same. Plus, unexpected surprises are part of the fun of hosting. You can’t rehash the same party theme or compare this year’s Christmas party to those of years past. You have to think of each new party as an opportunity to make new memories.
I tend to invite people who have something in common or know some of the same people, and I try to have a good mix of single friends and couples. Always invite at least one single friend! It makes conversation more lively. You also need a ringer or two, people who really know how to make things fun. I have a couple of friends who are my go-to guests, great people to keep the party hopping, like my friend Howell. Howell is from Houston and can talk to anybody about anything for at least three hours—and have the best time doing it. I call him my all-purpose guest. He can chat just as delightfully with a five-year-old as an eighty-five-year-old.
Bless his heart, my younger son is like this, too, and has been since he learned to talk. Starting at the crack of dawn, it’s all “Mom, I slept all night. Mom, are we in New York? Mom, were you alive when Pluto was a planet? Mom, are you awake? Mom . . .” In twenty years, I will certainly enlist him for all my dinner parties.
When it comes to invites, I check people’s availability at least two weeks in advance, because people are really busy nowadays. When I get a time when everybody can come—and I usually go for a Saturday night, because people tend to be too tired on Friday after working all week—then I try to get everyone to confirm.
Now, this is my little public service announcement: If you get invited to something, it’s incumbent upon you to RSVP as soon as possible. A quick “no” is better than a long “maybe.” People go to a lot of trouble to plan a party, and it’s a big deal to open your home. What’s more, it’s essential to show up if you say you will. I have a busy life, but I still don’t cancel unless it’s a superduper emergency—I’m talking a hospital-visit, in-the-newspapers-the-next-day emergency. Being tired just isn’t a good enough excuse. C’mon! Make an effort!
One trick I use to determine whether or not to say yes to an invite is: Would I want to go right then and there? If the party were that second, would I get dressed and rush out of the house to go to the party? If the answer is yes, I probably do want to go, but if the answer is no, I don’t accept the invitation.
Once I know who’s coming to dinner, I start to think about food on the Wednesday before a Saturday party. I do shopping and prepping on Friday. I’ll get fresh produce, some good bread, almonds, and olives, and I’ll prep as much as I can. In my experience, it’s particularly nice to prepare a special meal in honor of someone—such as gumbo for a person from New Orleans or catfish for a friend from South Carolina.
A lot of people have moral or religious or health-based dietary restrictions, and a lot of people are just plain picky. That’s why I always include at least two dishes that are vegetarian, so no one feels left out and we don’t have to make a big deal out of it. They can just skip the meat and have the salad and vegetables, and no one even notices. In addition, I usually send out an email the night before, asking about allergies. That way, when I’m cooking, I can keep the nuts or shellfish or whatever it is separate from everything else if need be.
Early on the day of the party, I’ll set the table, with the glasses and everything, because I hate stressing at the last minute about things I can do anytime.
Cooking a big meal is all about the timing. I will look at everything I’m cooking and figure it out like a math problem, what needs to go in the oven when. If you’re cooking or roasting chickens or potatoes, you know it will take a while. Start that bird first!
I often buy dessert, because making a cake in addition to a whole dinner is pretty intense, and I feel it doesn’t usually add so much. I’ll buy a cake, or I’ll just make something really simple, with store-bought ingredients, or I’ll ask the kids to bake something. Ava makes the best chocolate chip cookies. And who doesn’t eat chocolate chip cookies? I don’t fully trust a person who will turn down a salty chocolate chip cookie. My grandma had a really good recipe for what she called “Cowboy Cookies,” and I’ll share that with you in this chapter.
When people arrive, the first
thing I do is make sure they have a drink. You have to be mindful if someone doesn’t drink alcohol and have soda or seltzer for him or her. I usually have a nonalcoholic option like club soda with fresh-squeezed juice and a fun garnish such as lavender sprigs or fresh mint. A fake cocktail can be delicious and festive, and it’s more cheerful than a glass of water or a can of Coke.
I love baking with my nieces.
For the drinkers, I always have red and white wine available, and a full bar. These days, it seems that the most popular liquors are vodka and tequila, so I make sure we’re stocked with those at the very least. I’ll add napkins with clever sayings, like “The only thing I throw back on Thursday is a cocktail” or “Wine because kids.”
I make sure there’s something for people to snack on as soon as they arrive, because I’ve found most people show up really hungry at the 7 p.m. start time. You don’t want them all twitchy waiting for dinner to be served. I always set out cheese and bread, olives, hummus and crudités, or rice crackers—I love rice crackers.
At eight, once everyone’s had some drinks and snacks and settled in, I announce dinner, and we go sit at the table. I’m very proud of my dinner bell. It’s a pretty brass one I found online ages ago. I let the kids ring it when dinner is ready or whenever anyone wants to make a toast. Unfortunately, my five-year-old likes using it to let us know when he wakes up . . . at 5 a.m.
Dinner parties usually follow a predictable arc. As everyone eats and talks and drinks, they get more enthusiastic and louder. Then people start getting tired, and usually the whole thing is wrapped up by 10:30 or 11 p.m.
Ideally, that is. I’ve found that sometimes it’s hard, especially when it’s a fun party, to get people to know when to call it a night. Once I invited a couple I didn’t know very well over for a brunch party with another eight or so people. We had a lovely time. At around 2 p.m., everyone had gone except that one couple. They wanted to swim. Why not? Sure! So they stayed and swam. Then it was late afternoon, and they asked, “Do you have anything we can eat?”
Bold move, but no problem. I put out snacks.
My husband had to run to the store, and when he came back they were still there.
Snacks turned into dinner.
Dinner turned into after-dinner drinks.
Jim and I were looking at each other like, What do we do? They were very nice. But I started to think, These people are never going to leave. Maybe they just live with us now?
It had been a really fun day. But we hadn’t planned on those last several hours. I had to make dinner out of nothing. Fortunately, I found some chicken and sausages and vegetables in the fridge and roasted all that together the way a girlfriend taught me. You end up with a lot of food, and you can just serve a salad with it.
Cut to 11:30 at night. This is where being a southern lady can be a bit of a burden, because, like some sort of party-throwing robot, I am programmed to keep entertaining until everyone leaves my premises. Yet that couple had been at our house since eleven in the morning. Finally Jim cracked. He stood up and said, “Well, I’m going to bed.” Just like that. He walked upstairs and went to sleep. At last the couple left, and I collapsed into bed, too. Even the most hospitable hostess needs sleep.
Dorothea’s Seven Guest Tips
1. RSVP promptly. Everyone’s time is valuable, and it’s no joke to organize a party.
2. When in doubt about how fancy it is, dress up. Better overdressed than underdressed!
3. Bring something. You can’t go wrong with a bottle of wine.
4. Introduce yourself to everyone you meet—first and last name, please—even if you think they should know you already. And try to talk to everyone, especially anyone who seems a little lost or left out.
5. Offer to help the hosts carry trays, set out water, clear, or whatever else needs doing. Even if she says no, it’s nice to offer.
6. Leave at a reasonable hour. Never be the last person to leave a party. This is hard for southern ladies, because we’re taught to shake everyone’s hand and wish them a warm goodbye and thank them for the delicious meal and say how fun it was to see them and so on and so forth . . . It’s like the opposite of what they call an Irish goodbye or French exit. A proper southern goodbye can take hours.
7. To show you appreciate the hospitality, send a quick, genuine thank-you the next day—by phone, email, or, even better, handwritten note—and offer to reciprocate!
MAKES 1 COCKTAIL
Refresher Cocktail Two Ways
* * *
I love a good cocktail. But I also have a lot of friends who don’t drink, and I hate to see them without something festive in hand during a cocktail hour. When planning a party, I try to always make sure there’s a fun, fizzy mocktail in a pretty glass with a garnish for them. Here’s a delicious cocktail that’s festive with or without the alcohol.
* * *
4 ounces limeade (I like Santa Cruz Organic or Simply brand limeade)
2 ounces tequila blanco (leave the tequila out for the non-alcoholic version)
3 dashes Fee Brothers mint bitters
2 to 4 ounces ginger ale
Sprig of fresh mint
Lime wedges or slices
* * *
Stir the limeade, the tequila (don’t add for the mocktail), and the bitters together in a mixing glass. Pour into a highball or other pretty cocktail glass over plenty of ice. Pour the ginger ale on top for a fizzy top-off and garnish with mint and lime.
NOTE: Fee Brothers bitters has about as much alcohol in it as vanilla flavoring (40%) has. I looked at some AA forums, and some people think it’s okay to put bitters in drinks, but others don’t. So I think it’s more responsible to say don’t add bitters for the nonalcoholic version.
Tip: To save time, mix up a large batch of this drink in a pitcher minus the tequila, then have the bottle of booze on hand to add to the glasses of only those who would like to imbibe.
MAKES ABOUT 2 CUPS
Crudités with Garden Green Goddess Dip
* * *
Combine whatever vegetables you love on a platter. I use broccoli (just the florets, blanched), radishes, baby carrots, French green beans, and endive leaves. Blanching certain vegetables for a few minutes in boiling salted water followed by plunging them into ice water will help lock in their bright color to make them prettier on the platter, too.
* * *
GREEN GODDESS DIP
3/4 cup Greek yogurt
3/4 cup mayonnaise
1 medium garlic clove, peeled
2 teaspoons anchovy paste (or 2 to 3 minced anchovies)
1 cup loosely packed flat-leaf parsley leaves
1/4 cup loosely packed fresh tarragon leaves
3 tablespoons minced chives
Finely grated zest and juice of 1 medium lemon
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, or more to taste
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* * *
TO MAKE THE DIP
Process all the dip ingredients in a blender until smooth. Keep chilled until ready to serve. Store up to 1 week in the refrigerator.
MENU
southern dinner party
* * *
For dinner parties, I like to have a main dish with fish or meat and then hearty vegetarian sides so everyone can find something they like. And biscuits—always biscuits!
* * *
Cheddar Biscuits
Shrimp and Grits
Sautéed Baby Kale
Mud Pie Trifle
Cowboy Cookies
MAKES ABOUT 10 LARGE OR 15 SMALL BISCUITS
Cheddar Biscuits
* * *
Flecks of sharp cheddar cheese add flavor and color to these biscuits. I like to make them smaller, using a 11/2-inch biscuit cutter or small juice glass to cut them out. For a party, these are fantastic filled with ham, fig jam, or my favorite, tomato jam. (For biscuit-making advice, see “Biscuit-Making Tips” on page 259.)
* * *
2 cups all-
purpose flour plus more for rolling
21/4 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) butter, chilled and cut into small cubes
3/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup butter, melted
* * *
1. Preheat the oven to 425°F.
2. In a large mixing bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Cut the cold butter into the flour using a pastry cutter until the texture resembles coarse oats or small peas. Fold in the cheddar cheese and pour in the buttermilk, mixing with your hands until just incorporated. The dough will begin to come together, but do not knead so much that it becomes a ball. Turn the loose dough out onto a floured surface and, with floured hands and rolling pin, bring the dough together and begin to roll it out. You may have to add some sprinkles of flour to the dough, your hands, and the pin if it sticks. The key to tender biscuits is not to work the dough too much.
3. Roll the dough out to 1/2 inch thick, fold the dough over onto itself once, and roll out again to 1/2 inch thick. Turn the dough over again in half and then again into fourths—this creates flaky layers. Roll out one last time to 1/2 inch thick.
4. With a biscuit cutter dipped in flour, cut out biscuits by pressing straight down and back up—don’t twist the cutter—cutting them out as close to each other as possible. Place the biscuits on an ungreased baking sheet right up against the edges of the sheet and line them up with the edges of the dough touching each other. Gently gather the dough scraps from the first rolling into a mass, working the dough as little as possible, and roll out and cut out more biscuits. Use the scraps from the second batch to roll into a “snake” shape. Press the shape against any biscuits that may have a bare edge where the biscuits have not filled the tray.
Whiskey in a Teacup Page 3
