by Anna Samuels
‘Chemistry is important, yes.’
‘And then she moved on…she left the area and didn’t stay in touch. To be fair, she had never said anything about being in a relationship with me. She was a carefree spirit and was not destined to settle with me.’
‘What a shame.’
‘Not really…I had other fulfilling relationships after that one.’
‘You did?’
I nodded. ‘Yes…after her, I went off to University and fell in love for the first time.’
‘How lovely…what was her name?’
‘Cassie,’ I told her.
She smiled. ‘And what was she like?’
‘She was lovely…really clever, fun and good to be around.’
‘If it was so great, how come it ended?
I frowned at the memory. ‘She left me for someone else,’ I told her flatly.
‘No way! You haven’t had the best of luck, have you?’
‘No, I haven’t really.’
‘What were the circumstances? I mean-why did she go off with someone else?’
‘She said it was because we had no chemistry and although she loved me, she loved me as a friend,’ I said sadly.
‘Was there chemistry?’ Nikki asked.
I shrugged. ‘Not really…’
‘But you loved her?’
‘I did, yes. She was my best friend for a time…’
‘That’s the fantasy, isn’t it? Finding someone who can be both your best friend and your lover…tricky, isn’t it?’
I looked up and met her eyes. ‘It sure is.’
Chapter 10
The past
After a few moments of silence, I spoke again.
‘What about you, Nikki?’
‘What?’
‘Well, you’ve heard my girlfriend history now…tell me about yours!’
‘You really want all the gory details?’ she asked.
I laughed. ‘Maybe not the gory details but definitely your history.’
‘Okay,’ she smiled. ‘Well, unlike you, I had girlfriends from quite early on. I knew I was gay from the word go, pretty much! I was different and I knew it-at about twelve I understood why.’
‘How did you discover it properly?’ I wondered.
‘It was a friend…I remember one summer that we spend together. We used to go out on our bikes every day and play…I remember thinking she was pretty and while she was talking about boys and having boyfriends, I was imagining her being my girlfriend.’
‘Did it happen?’ I wondered.
‘No, not at all! She started going out with her first boyfriend that September and she forgot all about me!’
‘Oh dear…I bet that was difficult.’
‘Not really,’ she smiled. ‘I had discovered girls and I was beginning to experiment.’
I shook my head in disbelief. ‘So, I went to secondary school…how on earth did you find other likeminded girls at the age of thirteen?’
‘Ah, well, I went for the older year groups…I was pretty confident about myself back then and I think certain alternative types liked that. I pretty much went out with every girl who was a bit ‘different’ and girls who wanted to make a statement. It was fun. I had a fun secondary school experience if I’m honest.’
‘Did you become intimate with any of them?’
‘In the early days, it was all about making out and pretty much just kissing…when I was fifteen, I took the plunge so to speak,’ she laughed.
‘No way! That’s young!’
‘I guess it is,’ she nodded. ‘It felt right at the time though and the opportunity presented itself so I went for it!’
‘Was it any good?’ I asked.
‘It was…well, it wasn’t awful but I clearly had a lot to learn…’
‘Did she teach you?’
‘No. That girl was as innocent as I was back then. I didn’t really learn it all until sixteen and I met a girl at the beach. She was twenty and we hit it off. That was my first major breakthrough in my mind.’
‘How come?’
‘Because she was experienced and she taught me what to do and what was good. I owe her a lot because she was a good teacher and once I had been with her a while, I felt confident that I knew what I was doing.’
‘Always good,’ I smiled. ‘So, was that your first big relationship?’
‘No, just a fling. I didn’t stay with anyone until I was twenty-five. That was my first long-term relationship.’
‘Wow! So before then how long were the relationships?’
‘Oh…all less than three months.’
‘Wow…and the first long-term one? How long was that?’
‘A year. We broke it off amicably because it had just fizzled out between us. Neither of us were interested in continuing it so we had a mutual understanding.’
‘That’s good. I should have been that sensible in at least one of my relationships!’
‘Yeah…sometimes you just need to know when to call it quits.’
‘You certainly do,’ I nodded.
‘So, then I met the girlfriend who lasted years…and who I’ve recently split with…’
‘And she was your longest girlfriend to date?’
‘Yep. There’s only been two long-term. The rest were dating or flings.’
‘I see…well, it’s interesting to hear about! I mean, we have some things in common but we’re clearly very different too!’
‘Yes, I was thinking that,’ she commented.
‘You’re confident and I’m shy…you had lots of women, I had few…’ I trailed off.
‘I think we’re more similar than you realise, Sarah.’
‘You think?’
‘Yes, I do,’ she nodded. ‘In fact, I can’t remember ever getting on with anyone as well as I do with you in such a short space of time.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. Isn’t that the case for you-or do you normally get on with everyone this well?’
‘No, I don’t…not at all-I was just pleasantly surprised to hear you say that,’ I told her warmly.
She beamed at me. ‘I think you’re lovely, Sarah-and it’s been a pleasure to be here with you. I’ve only been here a day and I already don’t want it to end.’
I smiled at her. ‘What a lovely thing to say!’
‘I try my best,’ she grinned.
I fell quiet for a moment and she gestured towards the television.
‘You want to chill out and watch some television now?’ she asked.
‘Sure,’ I smiled.
‘Good…I think I’m going to fall asleep soon anyway!’ she laughed.
‘Me too. This past twenty-four hours has been exhausting!’
‘It sure has,’ she said, using the remote control to turn on the TV.
We settled into watching a late-night program which was on and chatted a little as it played. When the closing credits played, I looked over to see that Nikki was asleep. I got up and turned off the television and shook her arm gently.
‘Come on, Nikki-time for bed…’
She groaned in protest.
‘Come on…I’ll help you get to your room.’
Nikki roused herself and got up from the sofa with my help. With the crutches to help, she made her way down the corridor towards the bedrooms.
‘Okay? Is there anything I can help you with before you go to bed?’ I asked her, looking up to meet her captivating eyes.
‘No, I’m fine…but thanks for taking such good care of me.’
‘You’re welcome,’ I smiled.
Nikki’s eyes held mine for a moment and then without warning, she dipped her head and kissed my cheek lightly.
‘Night Sarah,’ she said softly. ‘And thanks…’
I couldn’t speak so just nodded as she headed into the bedroom. The skin on my cheek was burning where her lips had touched me. I stood there, unmoving as my heart rapidly thudded in my chest. One simple kiss and I was a mess. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. I
had never felt such electricity from a simple touch from a woman. I sighed a little, expelling the air I had been holding and then turned to walk down to my bedroom. I wouldn’t be sleeping now, I mused. Suddenly I felt wide awake.
The following morning, I rose early. Just as I had suspected, it had taken me hours and hours to finally calm down and relax after Nikki had kissed my cheek goodnight.
I had lain in the dark room, thinking about her until dawn while my body grew tired and exhausted. When I was finally able to rest, I tossed and turned for hours, thinking about her more in my dreams.
I headed out to the kitchen in my pyjamas and turned on the kettle to make a cup of coffee. I felt completely worn out and the day hadn’t even started.
‘Morning!’
I turned around in surprise to see Nikki making her way towards me on her crutches. ‘Oh, morning! I didn’t expect to see you up this early.’
‘Same! I always get up early but I didn’t think you would be up,’ she commented.
‘Oh, I didn’t sleep too well,’ I told her.
‘Oh dear…how come?’ she asked.
‘Well, uh…I don’t know really…just one of those restless nights.’
‘That’s a shame. I slept like a log and was going to suggest a trip out but if you’re feeling rubbish…’
‘No! Not at all,’ I said, interrupting her, ‘I would definitely like to get out and about! I don’t like being stuck inside a lot anyway.’
‘Oh good! You were talking about visiting some lovely places yesterday and I figured it would be good to see what’s here.’
‘I know! I have so many ideas. Let me just make this and then I’ll show you the information I’ve picked up about places to go!’
‘Great!’ she smiled. ‘I’m excited now! Day trip!’
‘Do you want a cup of coffee?’ I asked her.
‘Oh yes please.’
‘Milk? Sugar?’
‘Yes, milk and one sugar please.’
‘Okay…give me a second and I’ll come and show you the stuff.’
I made two cups of coffee and then went to sit with Nikki on the sofa. Despite being clad only in jeans, t-shirt and no make-up, Nikki looked wonderful…in fact being with her first thing in the morning was lovely because it felt so cosy, so homely to be with her. I hadn’t experienced that with my ex-girlfriend. I had always been looking over my shoulder wondering when she would explode with fury next. It hadn’t been a comfortable way to live.
‘Coffee…’ I said, handing it over.
‘Thanks,’ she replied, smiling at me. ‘I could get used to this!’
I laughed. ‘It’s nice huh?’
‘I didn’t make the coffee! I was referring to being waited on by a beautiful woman!’ she laughed.
‘Oh…’
‘What were you talking about?’
‘Oh, just…well, just getting up and having a friend around…it’s homely…gives me a cosy feeling inside.’
She smiled at me. ‘Me too…it’s lovely…’
‘So,’ I said, clearing my throat with embarrassment, ‘we, uh…do you want to see what we could do today?’
‘Definitely!’ she exclaimed happily. ‘I’m in your hands! Whatever you say goes!’ she grinned.
‘I wouldn’t go that far! I might take you somewhere that you have no interest in whatsoever!’
‘If I am with you and in your company, I’m sure I’ll have a good time.’
I glanced at her and saw her smile. Butterflies skipped through my stomach merrily.
‘Besides, you seem to have done all the research into the area. I wouldn’t have a clue where to start.’
‘Okay…well, I’ll tell you what I’d like to do and then you see what you’d prefer…’
‘I’m happy to go along with whatever,’ she smiled. ‘I’m sure if you’ve chosen then it’ll be great! Plus, your company is always fun so I reckon we’re in for a good day.’
I smiled at her. ‘Well, I do have one idea…’
‘Go on?’ she said, smiling.
‘There’s this place on the coast called ‘The Mumbles.’ It interested me because of the interesting name!’
‘It’s definitely different!’ she chuckled.
‘Yeah…well, it’s picturesque and by the sea…there’s also a little town there to investigate, a castle and a shop with traditional Welsh love spoons. Grandma used to talk about it…’
‘What are love spoon?’ Nikki asked.
‘They’re wooden spoons-a tradition in Wales. You can get loads of different designs and they all have different meanings.’
‘How lovely!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’d love to see them!’
‘Yeah? So, does the plan for the day sound okay to you?’
‘It sounds perfect!’
‘Oh, and one more thing…can we do a stop on the way?’
‘What kind of stop?’
‘I wanted to find the home my Grandma grew up in when she was a girl. It’s on the way to The Mumbles.’
‘Of course! That sounds lovely!’
I smiled at her. ‘Great! Well, how about I get us some breakfast and then we could head out early?’
She nodded happily. ‘Perfect. Is there anything I can do?’
‘No, you relax! I’ll sort it out.’
‘Thanks Sarah,’ she smiled.
Chapter 11
A day trip
After breakfast, Nikki and I headed out in the car. We had to move the front seat back in order for Nikki to stretch her leg out comfortably enough for a longer trip in the car.
‘Right…I’m going to set the SatNav for my Grandma’s old home…’
‘What will you do there? Are you going to see if you can go in?’
‘No, I wasn’t going to knock or anything…I was just going to have a look. Just soaking up the atmosphere is going to be enough for me; have the chance to imagine what life was like for my Grandma back then.’
‘You’ve never come here before?’
‘No. She always talked of the place but was quite immobile as the years went on. She wouldn’t have been able to visit, sadly.’
‘Did she want to?’
I nodded. ‘Yes…she missed her original home. She never quite got over leaving and always wanted to return…’
‘So, you’re going for her?’
‘In a way, yes,’ I smiled.
‘How lovely,’ she commented.
I smiled over at her and then started the car. ‘You ready?’
‘Let’s go!’ she grinned.
I drove out of the holiday retreat and out onto the road.
‘So, Sarah,’ she asked as I drove, ‘you planned to do all of this yourself?’
‘Yeah,’ I told her, ‘I was just going to spend some time alone going to these places and having chance to reflect on what happened with Laura.’
‘Laura?’
‘Oh…the ex,’ I frowned.
‘You didn’t mention her name before…’
‘No…better not to,’ I said, chuckling without humour.
‘I hope you still have the time this holiday to reflect and think everything through, Sarah. If I’m intruding on you, I can always stay at the cabin so you can have time alone.’
‘No, not at all,’ I told her, ‘I’m very glad we met now and that I’m not spending my whole holiday stewing about this! I don’t think it would have been very healthy!’
She smiled over at me. ‘Sometimes I think it’s better to talk these things through more than just in your own head.’
‘It’s definitely helped me, Nikki, yes…’
‘And when you get back home? What’s the plan then?’ she asked.
‘How do you mean?’ I wondered.
‘Well, will she be gone? What will you do? What’s next in your life?’
I frowned to myself. ‘So many questions…’
‘Sorry! I can’t help myself! Just ignore me….’
‘No, it’s not that I mind the questions, it’s just�
�well, I don’t know, Nikki! I don’t know the answers to any of what you just said. I really don’t know! I don’t know if she’ll be gone-she better be but you never can tell. As for what comes next, who knows? I feel like I need to hurry up and meet someone new but it’s just not that easy! I may move from where I am now but aside from that, I don’t know…’
She sighed. ‘Everything changes after a break-up, doesn’t it?’
‘It sure does,’ I replied solemnly. ‘But like you, I don’t want to give up on the chance for happiness and to achieve all the things I wanted to find in life.’
‘Exactly.’
‘So, what about you, Nikki? What are your plans after the holiday?’
‘I don’t know either,’ she told me. ‘I mean, that’s why I was asking you in many ways-I need some direction and purpose but I don’t know which direction to go in…’
‘Why do you think that is?’
‘Because I’m waiting…’ she said mysteriously.
‘For what?’
‘For a partner so I can go ahead and do all the things I’m desperate to.’
‘Why wait?’ I asked simply.
‘What?’ she replied, turning to me in confusion.
‘Well, it just strikes me that you’re waiting and waiting and maybe the thing to do is just get on with it. Maybe you should do all the things that you’ve been waiting to do and then if you meet a partner in the meantime, well, that would be the icing on the cake.’
She looked at me with a stunned expression on her face. ‘Sarah, I’m talking about big life changes…having a baby! Buying a house!’
‘Yes, I know,’ I told her. ‘And you don’t want to miss the chance to do those things.’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘So, why not just do it?’
Her eyebrows rose as I glanced across the car towards her. ‘Would you do that in my situation?’
‘I think I would…’
‘Without a partner?’ she questioned.
I sighed, ‘Well obviously it would be better with a partner but I don’t want to miss out on life while I wait for Miss Right to come along. I would, Nikki, yes…especially the children side of things.’
She nodded thoughtfully. ‘You make a lot of sense.’
