by Lynn Galli
Chapter 28
While making my way up the marble staircase in M’s apartment building, it did occur to me that I should have called first. That I should have at least buzzed her apartment rather than stepping inside behind another visitor. But I was a hopeless idiot who wasn’t thinking clearly. Hadn’t been for the past two weeks.
Being around her was getting so difficult and yet so wonderful at the same time.
Shaking out my limbs, I steeled myself to knock on her door.
I could do this. I had to. Three raps on the solid oak and my heartbeat went from normal rhythm to rapid fire. When the door opened and M stood before me in comfortable exercise pants and a clingy workout shirt, I lost all thought.
“Briony?” She stared at me with wide eyes. Thankfully, she could remember my name because I was having a hard time piecing together who I was. “What are you doing here?” It was her smile that kept me from forming an answer. Those dusky red lips pulled wide, accentuating her cheekbones and enlivening her already stunning face. Wet strands of hair darkened its usually sun lightened shade. And she had on glasses.
Thin, elegant, plastic frames in a maroon color that brought out the red shading of her eyes and hair. I’d known her for months, and I never realized she wore glasses.
“Are you okay? Here, come inside.” She stepped back to let me in.
“Sorry I didn’t call first,” I managed with a scratchy throat.
“That’s okay. You’re always welcome here.”
Her easy response made me want to jump for joy. “Thanks.”
“What brings you by?” She pulled a duffle off a chair in the living room and gestured for me to sit. She must have just returned from Jessie’s gym and taken a shower. Wow, she looked good all freshly scrubbed, but then again, she looked good in anything she wore, especially when the clothes hugged her figure.
I flicked my glance away from her to stare at the chair, knowing I couldn’t sit. I had to be standing when I said this.
Much easier to turn and run if need be. “I wanted to tell you something.”
“Okay?” She frowned, obviously concerned that I’d lost my mind. Most people didn’t make a trip halfway across town to tell a friend something. There were such things as phones for that.
Deep breath in, let it out slowly. I faced her squarely and locked eyes. “I’m falling for you. I’ve tried to stop, but apparently I can’t help myself.” Generally, when you tell the right person you love her, there’s giddiness and immediate reciprocation. This time, I saw fear and amazement.
“But…” Her dropped jaw managed to form one word.
“I know what I said before about being friends, and I love being your friend. I always want to be your friend.”
“Me, too,” she agreed immediately.
“I also heard what you said and understand what it means.” She shook her head, confused. “Then how do you think we could ever…be together?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll take whatever you can give me. If it means we have to work up to touching after a year, kissing after a couple of years, then apparently I’m in because my heart and mind can’t stop the fall.” I hoped it wouldn’t take that long, but I’d been celibate for nearly four years. What was one or two more? It was more important to let her know that I would wait for her. If that meant I was pathetic, I was willing to live with the label because I knew how rare these feelings were.
Once in a lifetime was lucky; twice was as close to a miracle as one could get.
She turned away, a huge breath expanding her slim frame.
“What if I can’t ever have you touch me or touch you back?”
“Let me make this clear first. I want to touch you, I want to kiss you, I want to make love with you, and I want you to do all that back to me. I want that very much.” I walked around to face her. “But if you can’t, well, then you can’t.”
“That wouldn’t be right.”
“M?” I waited until her chin lifted and she reestablished eye contact. “You said you were attracted to me. You said you wished you could act on it.” Her unwavering gaze told me it was still true.
“Could you…would you try? No rush and no pressure. I’m willing to wait as long as you’re still interested.” I held my breath, hoping that she’d be open to this.
“I can try,” she whispered. “For you.”
“For us,” I corrected firmly because she had to know this would be for both of us. My pulse thundered at her willingness to trust what we already had together. “If you try and you still can’t, then we’ll know, and we’ll deal with it then.” She shook her head, worry flickering in her eyes. “But that’s not a relationship.”
“No one can tell us what’s right in a relationship. Sure, it might be a little different, but I don’t care about that.”
“You deserve—”
“I deserve the person I want,” I cut her off before she set her mind differently. “And so do you.”
“You really think this could work?” She looked so unsure of herself. The radiant smile she sometimes graced me with had disappeared behind the fear of what I imagined to be a jumble of unfamiliar feelings.
“Maybe you didn’t hear me before. I’m falling for you, M. Of that, I’m certain.” I gave her my own version of a radiant smile, trying to quell any uncertainty on her part.
“You’re amazing.” She matched my smile and let her gaze slide over me. The movement felt as good as a caress.
“And I’m patient, beautiful. So, at your pace. No rush.”
“You’re the one who’s beautiful.” This time the shy smile had a glint of slyness to it. “And brave.”
“You’re my inspiration.”
Her hand lifted slowly, crossing into the space between us. My heart stopped and nerves wrung my stomach into a tight twist.
“Let me try.” Her voice displayed the same effort that her hesitant reach was showing. “Could you just…stand…” Her unfinished request formed in my mind. It would make sense for someone who had trouble with touch. “I won’t move.” Another grateful glance kicked my pulse into high gear. Her pace, I’d said that. I might have to repeatedly remind myself, but I meant it. Those fingertips, the ones I imagined were soft and insistent, darted forward toward my cheek. She wanted to touch me the same way I’d touched her in our classroom when I’d called her beautiful. An inch from their target, they stopped as an ocean of emotions swayed through her eyes. She let her hand drop back to her side with a frustrated sigh.
Just as I was about to whisper acceptance, I felt a pressure on my forearm through my shirt. I looked down and found those fingertips sliding across the length of my arm. Never had an innocent touch set me off before. I started trembling, unable to believe how good this felt. How much I’d wanted her hand on me, like I’d been missing her touch for years.
Her eyes were trained on the slow progress of her fingers. She seemed as mesmerized as I was by this chaste exploration. When the fingers tracked up past my elbow, she added her thumb, and I felt the whole of her hand circle my bicep and trail upward. She glanced up at me with wide eyes.
“Okay?” I asked her surprised expression.
She nodded once as her mouth stretched into a smile.
Trepidation entered her gaze as she again focused on my cheek.
She released my arm and brought those fingers back up. This time, she let them press against my cheek before her hand snapped back. I sucked in a breath, forcing myself not to follow the hand. With a determined stare, she reached forward again to graze across my cheekbone. When she started over, those soft fingertips were more insistent, trailing all the way over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear before turning and brushing her knuckles against my cheek again.
“Does it hurt?” I managed with a raw throat.
Slowly, she brought her hand away, eyes popped wide. “No, I can’t believe it.” She turned away to hide her tears.
I reacted to the tears, stepping toward her. She
retreated like someone had yanked her back. Her body went rigid. The look of fear returned before sorrow replaced it. “I’m sorry. Please believe me, Briony. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction.”
“It’s okay. I told you I wouldn’t move, but I did. It’s my fault.” As much as I believed everything I was saying, I couldn’t help but feel a lash of rejection. “We both need to trust what we say. It may take some effort, but we’ll both try, right?”
“Right,” she agreed readily, relief helping to ease the tension in her frame.
“This was the best surprise visit I’ve ever paid anyone.” It had gone even better than I’d hoped. “Thank you for being open to this.”
“Thank you for being brave and patient.” Her gentle way of telling me that was enough for today. “I want,” she started in a soft but sure voice, stopping me before I pulled open the door,
“all the same things you do.”
“Your pace, M. Like I said, I’m happy to wait as long as you need.” I gave her my most dazzling smile and opened the door before I found myself unable to leave. Who said different wasn’t better?
Chapter 29
Finished with classes for the day, I hoped to persuade M away from office hours for an early afternoon together before I had to pick up Caleb from school. My smile appeared on its own as I approached her classroom, happy that I didn’t need to make up an excuse to stop by her classroom anymore. The bell rang just as I was opening the door. M glanced over and stumbled on her parting words. I bit down on a wide smile as I edged against the wall next to the door. It was so satisfying to see that I got to her as much as she affected me.
“Professor,” she greeted professionally. We hadn’t made our three-week relationship public knowledge yet. I was ready to shout out from the center of north campus, but M’s normally withdrawn nature kept me from sharing the news.
After receiving a nod from me, she turned back to her students. “Remember, we’ve got the Jucundus tour lined up for next week. One warning, the place is a little zany, lots of humor and practical jokes. So if the CEO, Willa Lacey, tells you she only lets the computer programmers out of the office once a week for fresh air before locking them in their dungeon, don’t report her to the Department of Labor. She’s kidding. I happen to know it’s twice a week.” The class erupted in laughter as she finished with,
“See you next time.”
The students shuffled their laptops and books together and headed toward the exit. Three of them cornered me about a class assignment for tomorrow’s lecture, so I missed out on one of my favorite sights: watching M enthusiastically participate in discussions with her students. When my cluster finally finished with me, I looked over and caught M staring, a wicked smile on those provocative lips. She walked over with a confident strut. I loved watching her move like this. The only time my heart still ached was when I’d catch her pulling into herself, becoming invisible when she was among people she didn’t know. I liked this M much better.
“Hey,” she greeted in a low tone that finished in a whisper.
“Hey, yourself,” I came back in the same tone. “You look beautiful.”
She blushed at my compliment as was her charming nature. A new charcoal suit hugged her perfectly, but it was the lavender blouse I liked the most. She didn’t wear much color, but I’d been noticing more colorful wardrobe pieces of late. I liked to think it was my influence on her comfort level.
When she was only a step away, she stopped, completely at ease in my personal space now. One of her hands came up and pressed against the wall next to my head. She locked eyes with me and said, “You are beautiful, and you look stunning.” My chest expanded. She could make me giddy with words alone. Months ago I wouldn’t have imagined that my heart could feel so full in a relationship built on words and trust only. “I’m done with my classes. I was hoping you wanted to come out and play.”
She laughed, her breath touching my face. I closed my eyes at the sensation. “Only if your invitation includes food first. I forgot to eat today.”
“Ah, so that’s your diet plan. I was wondering how you stayed so tiny.” I let my eyes wander down her slender frame with just enough curves to keep her from being twiggy thin. I imagined how it might feel pressed up against me and could almost sense it. For now, that was enough. Actually, if she continued to make me feel as elated as I now constantly felt, I’d be fine for years just imagining how she might feel.
“You’ve no room to talk, slim,” she scoffed. “I was on my way over to the cafeteria this morning, but you distracted me. So don’t give me any guff about not eating.”
“I did?” My eyes snapped back from their leisurely stroll down her body.
“I saw you talking to Quinn over by the arena and completely forgot why I was standing in the middle the pathway.”
“Oh, really?” I teased flirtatiously.
“Yeah, really,” she said seriously. Her other hand came up and cupped my face. I sucked in another breath, my skin tingling in the wake of her fingers. When it moved down to stroke fingertips lightly along my neck, I thought I might scream from the simple joy. I clenched my hands against my thighs to fight my natural urge to touch her back. She must have felt the twitch because her eyes came back up from watching her fingers. “Okay?”
“Yes,” I confirmed immediately. “You just make me feel so good.”
A pleased smile erupted on her face. “Good.” She didn’t need to say anything else. Her smile told me enough, but the soft response said that making me feel good made her feel good.
Her hand moved onto my shoulder, squeezing through my cashmere sweater as it slid slowly down my arm. When she reached the sweater’s cuff, she hesitated only a second before her hand drifted over my fist. She looked up at me as she rubbed back and forth over my knuckles. The determined glint in her eyes prompted me to unclench my fist. Her fingers immediately rewarded me by threading through mine. My breathing grew ragged when her hand slid across my palm. She gripped it gently and slowly brought our linked hands up. I was getting good at reading her expressions, but this one I hadn’t seen before.
“Will you touch me? Please, help me try?”
“Oh, M,” I whispered. “I’ll do whatever you want.” She released my hand just as it hovered next to her face. I looked at her questioningly, thinking she would have brought my hand to her face. “I don’t want to control this,” she said.
I nodded, and like I’d done on that day in our classroom, I reached out slowly until my fingers grazed her cheek. She jerked back for an instant before pushing into my fingers with a determined move. “Does it burn?” I asked, remembering how she’d described it before.
“No,” she responded instantly and, guessing from her tone, falsely.
“I think it does, so I’m going to pull away now.” We’d been successful thus far in our unconventional relationship because of communication. If I’d simply taken my hand away, she might feel rejected.
“Please, Briony, it’ll get better.” Her eyes glistened with the start of tears.
“Honey, there’s no hurry. You make me happy with a glance.
Knowing I can distract you just by standing somewhere or slipping into your class thrills me.” I slowly pulled my hand back and hers came up to squeeze my wrist urgently, two of her fingers reaching to curl around the bare skin there.
“You’re too good to me.”
“Not possible,” I replied honestly, still feeling her pliant cheek on my fingertips. “So, lunch then a bike ride? I’ve got to pick up Caleb after his music lesson at school. We’re constructing a volcano or something equally fifth grade science class later tonight.”
“Lunch and a bike ride sounds great.” She released my wrist and pushed off the wall to step back. “Were you just saying hello to Quinn earlier?”
“Actually,” I started, watching her hustle back up to her desk and grab her bag. The sleek line of her back, rear, and legs sidetracked me for a moment. “She was inviting us to dinner.” M twirled back t
oward me. “Us?”
“Us,” I confirmed. “They know about us.” Her eyes blinked three times. “When did you tell them?”
“Apparently, you told Willa.” I delighted in her shocked look.
“She mentioned to Quinn that you seemed a little different at the gym last week, and Quinn pieced it together. Of course, it might’ve helped that I asked Quinn about you back in July.”
“Did you now?” A flirtatious smile took over her expression.
Months ago it probably would have been fear that met my declaration.
“Well, you and Willa looked kind of close when I spotted you at the gym once, so I asked Quinn about it. She saw right through my not so subtle question.” We shared a laugh. “Dinner? It would just be Willa and Quinn. You don’t have to, but you have dinner with Willa, right?”
She looked away and took a deep breath. “You want this?”
“Only if you do.”
“Okay, dinner, but maybe not tomorrow. Or next week. Let me work up to it.” Her teeth scraped the corner of her lower lip before a kidding smile appeared. She moved toward me again with that panther gait, and my heartbeat matched the rhythm of her steps. When she reached me, she didn’t hesitate with her hand this time. It came up to press against my back and lead me out the door. I didn’t miss the intended message. She was trying, faster and with more effort than I could have hoped for.
Chapter 30
Looking around the restaurant, I thought about the last time I’d been here. Really bad date, probably the worst of the bad setups. The only other time I’d been to this restaurant had been with Jessie, a good date, but not quite right. I glanced across the table at my date this evening. Absolutely perfect.
“How’s the pasta?” M asked.
“Very good. Want some?” I nudged my almost empty plate toward her, knowing her answer before the grin appeared.
“No thanks.” M hardly ate anything, no way she’d eat part of a dinner that she hadn’t ordered. “You were going to tell me about your dissertation presentation.”
