by Lynn Galli
My dad joined their conversation as soon as Caleb and his cousin moved back to the mountain of shoveled snow where kids were sliding from the top and taking out anyone else trying to climb up. I knew the smile I wore had the potency of moonshine, but I couldn’t help it. The men in my family had become very protective of M. One or the other had kept her in their sights at all times. Caleb knew her fairly well, but I’d only told my parents that she was shy and easily overwhelmed.
When she excused herself to head over to me, her smile looked just as wide as mine. She’d been so fearless with this trip.
Especially when I thought about how terrified I’d been while meeting Megan’s family the first time, and I didn’t have all the social anxieties that M did. In a few seconds she’d touch me again.
My skin tingled in anticipation.
“She’s a tiny little number, isn’t she?” Sadie said from right beside me.
I jumped at the sound, breaking eye contact with M. “Jeez, Sadie, give me a heart attack, why don’t ya?” I glared up at her five foot ten inch frame, an inch taller than her younger sisters.
“You’re so out of it, lil’ sis.” A hand dragged me over to the chairs on the front porch. “She’s distracting, I’ll give you that.” I glanced back at M, who’d stopped walking toward me as soon as Sadie appeared at my side. She’d been especially cautious around Megan’s sisters. I couldn’t blame her. They were intimidating without the added issue of being the sisters of my late spouse. Caleb rushed up to her and tugged on her hand toward the hill. I cringed for her. I knew she was getting used to Caleb’s touches, but she wasn’t at the point where she could freely accept contact from anyone but me.
“Is she a pied piper? Hypnotist perhaps?” Danica plopped onto the armrest of my chair. Her eyes were trained on the hill where M had taken charge of the seven kids with but a few words and now had them building snowmen peacefully. “Although with my kids, it’s probably more like a snake charmer.”
“You should see her with her students,” I bragged.
“I’ve never seen my boys do anything without fighting.” Danica shook her head in wonder.
“You guys like her, right?” My stomach twisted with nerves as I awaited their verdict. I hoped that my choice would be acceptable to Megan’s sisters. I knew that Meg would approve, actually felt it in my heart, but her sisters were harsher critics.
“Like her?” Danica frowned.
Sadie turned with a serious look and my stomach coiled more painfully. Their usual open expressions and warmth had cooled considerably. “Assure me that she’s a lesbian, lil’ sis. If not, I’m gonna have to kick her ass for the crush I’m now convinced my husband has on her.”
Danica burst out laughing, but I could only manage an audible sigh of relief. I caught Sadie’s husband striding toward M again, starting up yet another enthusiastic conversation. He’d always been a great guy, but I’d never been able to get him to talk very much. He preferred to lie low at the family affairs, let his wife do the socializing while he controlled the kids. I figured it was the opposite whenever they visited his family.
“He’s finally got someone to talk to about architecture.” I knew that his profession was his greatest passion outside his family.
“You’ll notice she didn’t answer my question,” Sadie spoke to Danica like I wasn’t there.
I let out a chuckle. “You don’t need to worry, Sadie.”
“That’s not really what I was asking and you know it.”
“Yep, details, please.” Danica winked.
“Not a chance.” I stood firm despite knowing the sisters openly talked about their sex lives to each other. I’d never joined in and cringed any time I saw the three of them huddled together on this porch. I’d told Megan that I never wanted to know how much she shared with her sisters about us specifically. Way too embarrassing.
“You might as well. I’m guessing you don’t want us asking M.” Danica raised her brow, the sinister intent obvious.
“You will not!” I practically barked at them.
“Ooh, feisty thing, isn’t she,” Sadie teased.
“Always was, or so Meg used to say,” Danica agreed. “The way she spoke, I was ready to leave my husband for you.”
“You guys!” The heat that consumed my face fought off the chill of the winter night.
“She’s blushing. A modest sex goddess.” Sadie was relentless.
“Cut it out!”
“All right, take it easy. Meg gave us an instructional manual anyway. Almost all of it she learned from you. Some really creative stuff.”
“My sex life hasn’t been the same since.” Danica nodded her head sagely.
I felt like crawling into a small space. “You guys suck.” I hoped the finality in my tone would end this topic.
“Apparently, you used to suck on—”
“Stop it, now, Sadie.” It usually took two warnings with them before they backed off.
“Fine, fine,” she relented.
“My kids want to go back with her.” Danica watched as her boys, Caleb, and three of Sadie’s kids stood around M in rapture while she showed them how to juggle snowballs. She could juggle, too? Every day I found out something new about her. I had a feeling that I’d still be learning things about her even after ten years together. For a professor who loved to learn, that quality made her the perfect match for me.
“Mine want to keep her locked in their bedrooms. My husband talks more to her than he does to me. Mom and Dad are ready to build an addition to their house to keep her nearby as ready child care. The only way I’m not spending my life insanely jealous of her is if you tell me she’s lousy in bed,” one-track-mind Sadie persisted.
I bit down on the immediate denial, knowing they were just trying to get a rise out of me. I hoped the blush from just thinking about what M and I had done in bed over the past week didn’t tip my hand. Yes indeed, the perfect match.
“No comment?” Danica persisted. “If you didn’t look sickeningly happy and embarrassed right now, we might be able to give Sadie a little peace. Too bad, sis. Bri’s new love is good at everything, I guess.”
“You like her, right?” I asked again.
“We like her,” Sadie confirmed, throwing an arm around me.
“We’re happy for you.” Danica squeezed my other shoulder.
“You guys are the best.”
“Second only to you,” Danica said.
“In bed,” Sadie piped up like she was completing the fortune she’d pulled from a fortune cookie.
“I’m leaving now.” I got up to their cackles of laughter. As intimidating as their chat sessions had been when Meg was involved, I much preferred my role as the one who was talked about rather than having to feed their voracious appetite for gossip.
“Hiya, Mom.” Caleb appeared at my side once I’d stepped off the porch.
“Having fun, handsome?”
He nodded, his wind burned cheeks bobbing up and down in the dusk. “I love M.” The admission slipped out easily and wasn’t entirely a surprise even though it was the first time he’d told me.
My heart couldn’t help but swell at how sweet my son was.
“I’m glad, big guy. I do, too.”
“I know. It’s okay, right? That I love her?” His eyes flicked away for a moment. “Mommy wouldn’t be sad, would she?” My hand flew to my heart at his guilty tone. I bent to look him in the eyes. “Not even a little, Caleb. She’d want us to be happy. We can love someone else, and it won’t ever take away from how much we loved Mommy.”
“That’s good. I like loving M.” He turned and searched her out in the crowd. “It’s okay that she doesn’t say it back. I know she loves me, too. Hank says she doesn’t say it.” Surprise rocked my head back. “You told her you loved her?” I wished I’d been there to hear it and help M manage her reaction.
“After dinner. She was so quiet, like maybe she wasn’t having any fun.” He nodded with a grin. “She hugged me, and I know she
doesn’t hug people very much either.” His grin turned sly. “I think we should ask her to marry us.”
“Do you now?” I managed through my shock. It was quite a lot to go from realizing he loved her to wanting her permanently in our lives.
“Yep. Then she could live with us, and we could love her all the time. I don’t think she’s had much.”
“Who made you so smart?” I ruffled my hand through his hair and pulled him against me. “I’m glad you love her, kiddo. I want her to live with us, too. But we’re not going to rush her, okay? Forever can be scary to some people. It takes them a little longer to get there. So, let’s give her some time.”
“Mm’guess,” he agreed. “You’ll tell me when we can ask her, though, right?”
“I’ll tell you when I’m going to ask her. Deal?”
“Maybe she’ll ask you.” His hopeful little face was heartbreaking. I almost wanted to agree, but I knew it was unlikely that she’d be proposing any time soon, if ever. As uninhibited as she’d become around me, I wasn’t certain that asking for someone to share a life together would even occur to her. First, I’d have to convince her that sharing a life was possible.
“We’re going to let her take whatever time she wants. No pressure, no guilt, no expressing wishes that she lived with us, no asking for her to stay with us just because you want it. Am I clear, bucko?” I had to make sure he understood that even a hint of permanence before she was ready might prompt her to pull back or away completely.
“Yeah,” he offered with a sigh. “I’m still going to tell her I love her, though.”
“Good plan. I love you, Caleb. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He hugged me quickly and ran back to his cousins.
I headed around the corner of the house toward my rental. If I was going to stay outside, I’d need a parka. When I resurfaced from the car, a hand caressed my back. That was the touch I’d been missing for an hour. “Hey, M.”
“Hey, sweet.” She pressed up against me as soon as I turned to face her.
The feel of her body against mine ignited a memory flash of last night’s lovemaking session. She hadn’t been kidding about trying all possible positions. She was more imaginative than I was.
Last night had been up against the hotel room door, and I was certain it wasn’t solid enough to muffle our sounds of ecstasy. My heart started pounding as the heat of desire surged through my body, rendering the need for the parka useless.
“How you holding up, beautiful?”
She smiled softly, resting her head against mine. “Everyone’s so nice to me.” That amazed tone returned. “I really like Megan’s family.”
“And they really like you. So do Mom and Dad, but I told you that last night.”
“This is all so…”
“Overwhelming, intimidating, frightening?” I offered, gripping the back of her neck to get her to look at me. “No one’s crowding you, are they?”
“No, it’s okay.” The immediate denial spoke volumes, as did her arms coming around to hug me tightly. She hadn’t wanted me to tell anyone not to touch her, probably because she thought I’d have to tell them why. All day, I’d watched her suffer through a few hugs and other affectionate touches, hoping she wasn’t in agony. I figured the constant return to touch me helped calm some of the burn she might feel from the unwelcome ones.
“One more hour. I promise.” I planted my lips on her cheek.
She turned into my kiss and cranked up my heartbeat with her soft lips and tongue. When she pulled back, she was breathing as heavily as I was. “I’ve missed kissing you today.”
“So have I. It’s been way too long since we left the hotel this morning.” Where we’d barely managed to leave the room without ripping off the clothes that we’d just put on. But we knew that Caleb was waiting on us before he could open the rest of his presents at my parents’ house, so we managed to behave ourselves.
A full day of festivities later, I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself around her and never let go, preferably in private.
She glanced away to check if we were still alone. Her eyes came back to mine with a hesitant look. “Caleb and I spoke earlier.”
“He loves you,” I supplied for her.
Her eyes widened. “He told you?”
“I knew it before he said anything, but I’m glad he told you. Are you okay with it?”
She nodded with a soft smile. “I adore him. He’s a wonderful little boy.”
“Yes, he is, but you seem amazed that he loves you.” I tightened my arms around her when she shrugged and broke eye contact. “Before we got on a plane, I did a little search on the Internet and found out what Mabel means. Do you know?” Her eyes snapped back to mine with the change of topic. A blush crept onto her face, letting me know her answer.
“Tell me, M, tell me what your name means.” It was a whisper, but she finally admitted, “Lovable.”
“Yes, it does, Mabel. And it’s about time you knew how appropriate it is for you.”
“For the first time since Kathryn died, you’ve made me believe it.” The blush remained, but I knew that Kathryn had told her, probably often, why she’d picked her name. I wished she was still alive so I could hug that terrific woman for protecting and loving M the way every child deserved.
“You’re definitely lovable, M.”
“You’re the one who’s lovable, Briony.” My chest expanded with so many emotions I couldn’t pinpoint one more than any other. “That works out well for us, then, doesn’t it? We’re in love. I’ve got a son who loves us both.
My family wants you to stay in Vermont permanently, which means they love you. I couldn’t ask for a better Christmas gift.”
“It’s been my best ever, but I only want to be in one place permanently.” She closed her eyes, expelling a long breath before bringing a hand up to pat my chest, right over my heart.
“Only if I can be in your heart permanently,” I responded when I found my voice.
Making sure to lock eyes with me, she spoke in that husky smooth voice, “You already are.”
I was pretty sure I’d never lose the smile she just put on my face. Maybe it wouldn’t take as long as I thought to convince her of forever.
M’s Epilogue
Ten months later
"Have you decided on anything, ma’am?” the tentative salesperson asked.
I probably should have been friendlier when I came in or when she asked me what I was looking for or if I wanted to try them on. Briony always warned me that I could come across as intimidating. Deceptively intimidating, she’d told me once. The deceptive part, she said, was due to my short stature.
“No one expects a shrimp to be intimidating,” she’d said as I’d pinned her onto her back on my bed. I’d made her pay for that comment. She’d called me other names that night, too. Two hours of not letting her use her hands while I could do anything to her gave her plenty of time to come up with other names. But I knew she liked being taller than me. I never gave it much thought, but I was glad it made her so happy.
“Perhaps I could tell you a little about each?” the saleswoman persisted.
“No,” I replied then thought of Briony and added, “Thank you.”
“Nothing catches your eye then?”
“I,” I started, but the words tumbling around in my brain couldn’t seem to make it out. Why did I always get like this?
Talking in front of my classes, that was a breeze, but having a conversation with a stranger made it so I couldn’t form enough words to make a sentence. “If I could…” What? What was I trying to say to this poor woman who just wanted to do her job? Well, and make a commission. She didn’t wake up this morning and think, Gee I hope I get to the store and have to help the most socially inept person I’ve ever met in my life.
And what the hell was I thinking? Driving two hours into Washington so I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone I know seeing me make an ass out of myself. Not to mention the asinine id
ea floating in my head that made me drive this far from my home on a rare day off from work. I had papers to grade, a mid-term to write, and two businesses to look in on.
But I was here, looking at these beautiful creations, thinking…I don’t know what. That somehow, my life, which had been such a mess until a year ago, could be normal or as close to normal as someone like me could ever get. And these things, if I could just pick one, would make that possible.
As much as I’d noticed little differences in myself around Briony when I first met her, it wasn’t until she’d called me beautiful that it hit me. She might actually like me; she might actually think of me as something other than a freak of nature.
Until I recognized how hard my heart beat in her presence, I’d only ever felt the warmth of usefulness to Lucille and the respect of my students. That had always been enough. I’d never cared that my colleagues thought I was odd because I wouldn’t socialize with them. I didn’t care that many of them, my boss included, were afraid of me. Nor did I care that I only had one real friend. None of that mattered. I worked hard. I loved my work. I helped Lucille whenever she needed. I listened to Hank and let him know that he was important. Life was the best I’d ever known, even if I was only a shell of a human. Until I met Briony and she teased me about my name. Until she treated me like I was normal. Until she thought of me as beautiful and I felt my heart beat for the first time in my life.
That was why I was here. Why I’d driven 126 miles on a Saturday morning. Why I’d stopped pacing along the sidewalk and pushed through the door. Why I’d accepted the help of the salesperson.
“Just browsing or are you getting close to making a commitment with your boyfriend and wanted to get a head start on ring shopping?”
My eyes flipped up from the array of engagement rings to the salesperson’s face. Terrific. Should I explain that the ring wasn’t for me? Should I share that I wanted to propose to my girlfriend?
