by Sky Corgan
“You're going to be a good girl for me this time, won't you?” his voice is full of lust, and it only makes my engines rev again.
“Yes, Sir.”
“When I put it in you this time, I'm not going to stop. Even if you cry and scream and beg, I'm going to fuck you until I get my fill.”
Holy mother of sexy. My pussy clenches from his words. I want this. I want him to be rough, to do things to me that no man ever has.
I brace myself for the intrusion, but no amount of mental pep talks can prepare me for that intense spreading feeling. He bucks into me with one quick thrust, making me cry out. Good God, he's big. It hurts even worse than it did yesterday, because I'm still sore. He hisses in pleasure, pushing himself as far into me as he can fit.
“Mmm your pussy feels so good. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought you were a virgin yesterday. But you didn't bleed.”
I can't believe he's actually talking about this. It makes my face heat up. I'm not sure if he expects me to respond, but I don't.
He wraps his hands around my hips, pulling me against him, repositioning our bodies. Then he slides all the way out of me slowly before ramming himself in again. My breath hitches from the roughness of it. He seems to like the gasping sounds that I make, because he does it a few more times before he leans over me and begins thrusting.
I close my eyes and grit my teeth until the pain passes, until the lubrication of my body makes him slide in and out of me with ease, and the discomfort melts into pleasure. It's euphoric being with him like this, though it would be far better if I could see him. Again, the blindfold becomes my enemy. I want to look into his amazing blue eyes, want to watch his muscles flex as his body moves on top of mine, want to see his monster cock pumping in and out of me. I like being fucked by him. It makes me so stupidly happy, even if he isn't romantic. He's definitely not romantic. He's something else. Something I've never experienced before. Something entirely different.
After a while, he turns me onto my side, straddling one of my legs and holding the other up against his chest before he enters me again. I feel like a doll, positioned for his pleasure. I don't care though. All that matters is that he keeps fucking me, keeps making me feel like this. Fulfilled in a way I haven't felt in a while, though I can't really explain it.
He lets my leg fall back down, then he hooks both of my legs over his hips and goes to pound town. He picks up the pace, hammering into me, causing delicious pulses at my core that signal another climax is on its way. More than anything, I wish I could wrap my arms around his neck and hold him to me, but I know he wouldn't want that. He wants me to lay beneath him obediently. I have to be good, or he might stop completely. And I definitely don't want him to stop.
His breathing is ragged now. His cock feels amazingly hot. I whimper between clenched teeth as the stretching sensation reverts back to pleasure-pain. He's fucking me raw. Being brutal and selfish and amazing. For as much as I loved having sex with David, the soft way that we made love, there's a part of me that likes this a lot more. It always took me so long to orgasm with David. Sometimes, it didn't even happen. With Lucian, I feel like I'm always on the brink. And I'm about to fall over right...
He stills against me, and the overwhelming pleasure I feel from his cock twitching inside of me makes me come all over his dick. The orgasm is intense. Everything around me goes dark, darker than even being blind, and the world seems to stop moving completely. Lucian curses as he bucks into me a few more times, his cock feeling impossibly big as it spurts its load into me. I can't believe he's coming inside of me, but to be honest, it only turns me on that much more. No man has ever come inside of me before. I've never allowed it to happen. But here, where I feel like I have no control, it seems okay. And oddly enough, it just makes me feel more intimately connected to Lucian. It makes my own orgasm that much better, to know that he's filling me up, that what's happening between us could cause an unbreakable connection.
Baby fever in the middle of sex. What in the hell is wrong with me? I don't know this guy. I definitely don't want to be having his kid. I need to snap out of it.
The second my orgasm subsides, my mind goes into overdrive. The pleasure of our simultaneous climax wanes, and I begin to linger on that baby subject. The birth control I'm on has a ninety-seven percent pregnancy prevention rate, but it would be my luck that I'd be in the three percent.
Lucian pulls out of me, and I feel a sticky stream of wetness trail behind which makes me want to clamp my legs together, though that's probably the wrong reaction. I need to take a shower, pronto.
I try to wiggle free from the pantyhose, but it's no use, so instead, I pull off the blindfold. Lucian already has his dick back in his pants and is crawling off of the bed. Once his feet hit the ground, he helps me sit up and starts working on untying my wrists.
“That was...something else,” I say breathlessly.
“It was good.” He doesn't even look at me as he tugs at the hose until it finally loosens around my wrists, and I'm able to pull free. No doubt, this pair is completely ruined. If it doesn't have runs in it, it's stretched beyond wearability.
I smooth the hose out, looking at Lucian shyly while he picks my clothes up off of the floor and sets them on the bed next to me. It doesn't take a genius to realize that he doesn't want to cuddle.
“So,” I drag the word out, wanting to talk, but not knowing what to say.
He avoids my gaze, rubbing the back of his neck. “I appreciate you coming here today, and I'm looking forward to working with you on the project. If you don't mind, I need to start getting dressed. I have somewhere to be in an hour.”
My mouth falls agape at his dismissal, but I quickly recover, shaking my head as if coming out of a dream. “Oh, sure. That's fine. I guess I'll get dressed, then.”
Getting dressed is the last thing I want to do, putting my underwear back on when I'm still so full of his seed. It seems incredibly rude that he's kicking me out now.
“Your bathroom is...” I grab my clothes and point to the door that obviously leads to the master bathroom.
“Yes.” He nods, then turns away from me to rummage through his chest of drawers.
My eyes fixate on his back for a second before I push myself off of the bed and head into the bathroom. His bathroom is absolutely massive with a jacuzzi tub and a walk-in shower that could easily fit about half a dozen people. If I wasn't in such a hurry to get dressed and leave, I probably would have stood and marveled at it for a while. Everything is expensive and done in marble.
Instead of lingering though, I grab some toilet paper to clean myself off as best I can before putting my underwear back on and shimmying into my skirt and blouse. By the time I leave the bathroom, Lucian is already dressed, wearing black from head to toe, perfectly fitted slacks with a dress shirt and tie. The only sign that he was indecent moments prior is his just-fucked hair. I'm not really sure how it got that way since I wasn't able to run my fingers through it. One of the amazing mysteries of sex.
I expect him to say something, but the whole atmosphere between us is nothing but awkward as he leads me towards the front door. It's the walk of shame. The part where I realize that what we did was just sex to him, and I start breaking down emotionally. I can already feel myself beginning to crumble, the tears stalking below the surface, waiting for a crack in my exterior to come gushing through full force.
“Drive safe,” he tells me as he opens the front door to usher me out.
“Thanks,” I respond, my tone as dead as I feel inside.
Then the door closes, and it's over. I clutch my purse tightly as if it will offer some sort of comfort while I make my way to my car. Sleeping with Lucian was a mistake. Yes, I redeemed myself, but to what purpose. The sex was great, but now...I can't remember the last time I felt so horrible about myself.
I slip into the front seat of my car and simply stare out through the front window for a minute. Tears make their way to the surface and cascade down my face s
lowly. I feel too numb to break into sobs. The rational part of me says that I never should have expected anything more than this. And what in the hell does he have to do this damn late at night? Is it a date? Does he have an appointment at Flesh?
Flesh.
I start my car and blink away my tears. Why do I keep forgetting about that place? It's because I'm so attracted to him. Pathetically, I try to pretend that he's normal. He's not normal though. Not only is he not normal, but he's definitely fucking other people.
The pictures in his bedroom were turned down. Maybe they were of his girlfriend. Perhaps he didn't want me to know. Maybe he's going to fuck her right after he had sex with me.
The possibilities are maddening. Derrick was right. This was beyond a bad idea. Why did I let myself fall for Lucian?
Because you wanted it. You wanted him to make you feel how you've never felt before.
That thought is almost laughable. While we were having sex, I did feel how I've never felt before, aroused to a level that I didn't even think existed. But now, I also feel like I've never felt before—like a complete slut. Selfish. My body was too greedy, and now my heart is paying the price. Hours from now, maybe even minutes from now, he'll be with another woman. I tried to pretend like it didn't bother me so that I could get what I wanted from him. Now, though, it makes me feel like a horrible person, like a worthless human being.
I can't do this anymore. I can't see him again. Not like this. It sucks that I still have to work with him, but that's all it can be from this point on. If I lose him as a client, there will always be other clients. And if I get fired because I lose him, I'm sure I can find another job.
Trying to force myself to believe that he's something he's not isn't working. It's pointless and damaging. I have to stand my ground from now on. Damn the job. I have to put myself first. No more Lucian Reddick.
CHAPTER TEN
“So, sugar lips, were you able to keep the kitten in the cattery?” Derrick's words are full of mockery, as if he expects me to have slipped up, which I did.
I push my keyboard aside and rest my head in my arms, groaning. I can't even look at him, I'm so guilty.
“Well?” He nudges my back.
“Can we not talk about this?” I lift my head up and rub my face with my hands, not caring that I'm smearing my makeup.
All morning, I've been a blubbering mess. You'd think that sleeping with an incredibly hot guy would bolster my self-confidence. Not me though. I'm a weirdo. Everything going through my mind is negative.
Was I so desperate that I couldn't resist Lucian? How could I not see that all he wanted was sex? I knew this would screw me up emotionally, and yet I did it anyway. I deserve to feel like this. Like a worthless slut.
“It looks like you had a late night.” He frowns at me.
“Don't you have a job to do?” I snap, not wanting to deal with him.
I expect Derrick to recoil and go back to his desk, but instead, he kneels beside me, his expression sympathetic. “Hey, Amy.” He waits until I turn to look at him before he continues, “I'm sorry. It's honestly none of my business. I just want to make sure you're okay. Because you don't look okay.”
All of my emotions surge to the surface in a flood, and I allow him to see the tears running down my face. My voice is a hushed whisper as I break down in front of him. “Oh, Derrick. I'm not okay.”
He stands and pulls me into his arms before I have a chance to fall into a fit of sobbing. Then he helps me to my feet and walks me to the front of the building. It's a kindness. Already, my other co-workers are looking at us. When you work in such a small space, everyone knows everyone's business, and this isn't something I want everyone knowing about.
Once we get outside, the tears really begin to flow. Derrick holds me until the heaving subsides, rubbing my back gently. His cologne smells expensive, and I instantly begin to worry about crying on the designer suit he's wearing today. As soon as I've sucked up my emotions, I pull away from him, quickly wiping my eyes.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” he asks.
“I guess going over to Lucian's house by myself and not jumping on his dick was more of a feat than I thought,” I laugh awkwardly, thinking back to the time when I thought it was a load of crap that Derrick didn't trust me to be alone with Lucian.
“It was the eyes, wasn't it?” He wrinkles his nose at me, trying to be funny. Somehow, it works.
“Definitely the eyes.” I nod, thinking of Lucian's ghostly pale eyes.
“Well.” He takes a step away from me. “You obviously wanted to sleep with him, or else you wouldn't have. So tell me what's really wrong?”
“You already know what's wrong.” I give him a sarcastic look. “It's everything you said. Guys like him...” I hesitate, feeling a rush of negative thoughts rake over me, causing my heart to ache with pain. I don't want to say what I'm about to, but I know it's true. “Guys like him aren't interested in girls like me. Not in the way I want them to be.” My gaze falls to Derrick's white slip-on loafers.
“Oh, that's nonsense.” He rolls his eyes. “Just because Johnny Vampire is a hoebag doesn't mean you're not worthy of a man his equal. Not all men are pricks, I promise you. And you're perfectly beautiful and amazing. That asshat would be lucky to have someone like you. He just can't see past his dick to realize it.”
“Johnny Vampire?” I let out a snigger. That whole mini-speech was filled with adorable ridiculousness. This is why I love Derrick so much. He knows exactly how to cheer me up.
“He looks like that one guy. You know, from that show?”
“Yeah.” I shake my head. “That one guy. Right. But anyway, I feel better now. I think we can go back inside.”
Derrick grabs my arm before I have a chance to head through the door. I turn to him, a bit startled.
“What are you going to do now, Amy?” His voice is all seriousness.
I sigh, knowing what he's talking about. Lucian expects that I'll give in to him from now on. I'm pretty much at his mercy, and I don't doubt that he'll advance on me again. As Derrick said before, my new relationship with Lucian puts both me and the company in a bad position. At this point, if I refuse him, he could very easily pull out of the contract. Things aren't just about the job anymore.
“Let's just say, I hope we can stay friends if I get fired over this.”
***
The day is long, partially because I spend most of it stuck inside of my head and partially because I keep obsessively checking my email for something from Lucian. After I send him a few different furniture selections that I picked out for his bedroom, I wait and wait and wait. There's nothing. No response.
When I don't hear from him by noon, I start finding myself staring at Tyra's office door, waiting for her to come out and tell me that Lucian requested another private meeting with me. She doesn't though. In fact, I barely see her all day. If she has any news about Lucian, she doesn't seem interested in sharing it with me or Derrick.
My thoughts culminate into a horrendous headache since my brain just won't take a rest. Lucian. Lucian. Lucian. He's all I can think about.
Does he like the furniture I picked out? Has he had time to look at it yet? Where did he go last night? Why was he hiding those pictures from me? Is he bored of me already? Will I really be able to resist him if he advances on me again? What will I say to him when we see each other next?
By the time my shift is over, I'm every bit as depressed as I was when I came in to work this morning. Lucian didn't contact me at all, and that just feels weird, like something is wrong.
It's strange driving home, knowing that I have the rest of the afternoon to myself. For the past two nights, I've been with Lucian. Been with him in a very physical way. Not seeing him today makes me feel things between us might actually be over. It's an unrealistic thing to hope for though. He has a career and a life outside of working on redecorating his home. More than likely, he just got too busy to interact with me today. I should think nothi
ng of it, but it stays at the forefront of my mind.
Luckily, Janice has the night off from work, so I have something to distract me. She's sitting on the sofa in our living room when I get home, watching some sappy love story that I've seen at least a dozen times before but can't remember the name of. Just seeing the happy couple on the screen makes my heart ache. I'll never have that. Love like that doesn't really exist anymore.
“Hey, Amy.” Janice glances at me from over the sofa as I set my purse down on the bar. “How was work today?”
“It was work,” I sigh, retreating to my room to change into something more comfortable.
Dread spears at me with the realization that Janice will probably want to talk about my new love interest at some point tonight. If I'm lucky, the movie will keep her entertained, and she'll forget all about it. Maybe I should just stay in my room. That wouldn't work though. Then she'd really know that something was wrong with me.
I put on a footed pair of fleece pajamas with cupcakes printed on them. It's the pair I always wear when I want to feel secure. My mom bought them for me a few years ago, and they quickly became one of my favorite things to wear to bed at night. If Lucian could only see me now, I think with a sneer. Maybe I'm not even mature enough to handle a man like him. Obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn't be taking this so hard.
I peek around the corner before waddling out into the living room, knowing full and well that Janice is going to make fun of me for my childish appearance.
“Oh Lord.” She tosses her head back in amusement when she sees the pajamas. “It must have been a tough day for you to be wearing those.”
“Hey, now, you know these are my favorite pajamas.” I drop myself heavily onto the sofa next to her and cross my arms over my chest defensively.
